A man says "need time" ... question for the men

The worst thing you can do now is to try and have more contact than he wants. That would push him away. So your best chance is to appear (and I say appear because underneath you may be having emotional turmoil) to be supportive and understanding and let him know that you are there if he needs you.

^^ This. Just leave him alone until he comes to you. It's all you can do.

No, it's not. She can set a limit on how long she is willing to wait and once that time is up and he's still all 'I need time' she can say 'Peace out, I'm gone' and leave.

And it's not just her, it's not just him, there are kids involved. Which makes it even stranger. What is he planning to tell his children?? When they ask, where she is at and what's going on? Oh, I know you all love raige123 and have bonded with her, but I need my space and some time to think about some things, so I guess you'll see her some time in the future. I haven't decided when though. She and I haven't broken up but you can't see her or talk to her until I figure things out. No, I don't know when that will be.

Who does that to children?? It takes a lot for the children of single parents to bond with new people so this is likely to hit them hard and confuse them. It's best to do a clean break if that is his intention. If a break is not his intention then he needs to give a time frame.

I'm sorry... I didn't read anywhere that kids were involved. But they have only been dating 7 months, it takes a little more time than that to cement a bond with a child.

Also, like I previously said in another post, he probably just realized how serious things were getting and freaked out a little. Sure, she shouldn't wait for him forever, but I don't see anything wrong with letting him figure **** out. He could be getting up the nerve to propose.

You are all bent out of shape because of how it will affect the kids if he stops seeing her for a little while, but what if he breaks up with her entirely, which is what will happen if she can't respect his wishes.

Actually I'm not 'all bent out of shape' because of the kids, I just think that it's a sh*itty thing for him to do to his kids as well as to her.

And, no, it does not take more time than 7 months to cement a relationship with a child. 7 months is a LONG time to a kid. That's practically a school year. Their frame of reference in regards to time is different than adults.

If he's 'working up the nerve to propose' good heavens what kind of marriage will that be? Every time he 'needs space' he's going to withdraw? Eh, she can do better. Lots of other fish in the sea. I just hate to see young women allowing themselves to be trifled over, when they can take the reins of their own lives. She doesn't have to sit around waiting on him to decide what he's going to do with her life. Nope! he can certainly decide for his life, and she can do the same for hers.

My boyfriend blindsided me on Sunday and told me he needed some time to figure his life out. He doesn't want to talk to anybody ... myself included until he gets things straight in his head. He says he doesn't want to break up and he doesn't see it going that way and he still loves me. We've been together 7 months and he just started a new job a couple months ago, plus has his kids most of the time. We don't fight ... this literally came out of nowhere. We're best friends. How do I take this? Could this be he just needs time or is this something men say as a lead up to goodbye? I know nobody is him and can tell me whats in his head ... just trying to make some sense to this. Why would you want to abandon your girlfriend. It's not fair.

People need their space from time to time. It could be about you, it may not be.

He's not "abandoning" you. He told you he needs his space. Quit being so needy...

Give it to him, it's not that hard...

I promise you that if you try the tough love approach or play games, it will end in disaster for both of you. If you're best friends and you want to keep it that way, regardless of the outcome of this situation - you should give him what he's asking for.

We're all human and we all go through times of uncertainty. Don't listen to the posts who say dump him or create jealousy by going out and partying - that's not love and you wouldn't want him doing that to you if the tables were turned.

Show understanding, show support and treat him how you would like to be treated. And if it doesn't work out at least your conscious will be clean and you can say you gave it your best effort.