How do i stop being nice?
Options
Replies
-
Rob1976, that was disrespectful on all counts. OP never said he wanted to get laid; he said he wanted to go on dates. OP remains a man regardless of his beliefs on sex and marriage. And that last line? Real classy...I reported you.0
-
Thank you so much. Glad to see my personality shines through as always. :devil:You take being an a-hole to a whole new level.0 -
Also, have you tried Match.com? (Or, that might be a Christian dating site equivalent.)
I know two people who have married men who they dated after being introduced on that site.
I've been married for a long time (and happily, too), but sometimes it is simply a numbers game...you have to meet a lot of different people to find that 1% who are going to be your match.
Dating sites are an approach you might consider. People always think that dating sites are for losers, but each of my friends is attractive, well-educated and "nice".0 -
Also, have you tried Match.com?
I know two people who have married men who they dated after being introduced on that site.
I've been married for a long time (and happily, too), but sometimes it is simply a numbers game...you have to meet a lot of different people to find that 1% who are going to be your match.
Dating sites are an approach you might consider. People always think that dating sites are for losers, but each of my friends is attractive, well-educated and "nice".
Never tried it. Might be something to consider. I think I have always felt that people were so fake on those sites. But I guess you don't really know anyone until you have dated them for awhile anyway, so it is in a sense the same thing.0 -
No, I just didn't understand why you think that I'd tell a woman that I just met who I slept with last.
My "just" wasn't in reference to placement in time, but rather in motive.
"A man who just slept with a woman to feel good about himself"0 -
But I believe in only having sex after marriage as it is a sacred thing. Which could be part of my problem in this day and age too. but I love the post.
Ah, that's part of your problem. I grew up Christian too.
Listen, most Christians don't make into marriage without having sex first. It's a nice idea if it happens, but do NOT hold that up as the gold standard... unless you are so smooth, you are rejecting women. Which you're not. You're going to have to be like the rest of us and go out and make mistakes and maybe get your heart shredded a few times.
Also, don't listen to advice from anyone who wasn't in your situation and got out of it. There's a ton of well-meaning, but bad advice here from people who are not, or never were, *anything* like you.
Thanks. Your last sentence is true. Your statement of being a christian is my problem falls under that same sentence. Which you very well could be right. But, I do hold that to a high esteem and feel like if I let go of that, what is life even living for. Granted I came here for advice, so I am trying to take everyones advice with a grain of salt.
Thank you for your advice. I do think I need to experience and make mistakes, but definitely not on purpose.
I am non-religious, so I personally see nothing wrong with having sex before marriage. In fact, I think marriage is outdated and worthless except possibly to make things easier legally if you split up. THAT SAID....you should NOT give up YOUR beliefs to find someone else. You WILL find someone who shares the same values. However, as you've noticed, it may take a little longer. That doesn't mean you should change who you are. I know patience is a pain, but surround yourself with good friends to help relieve some of that loneliness. Follow the sensible advice on here (like becoming more comfortable in your own skin and trying to be more social), and things will turn out...0 -
Also, have you tried Match.com?
I know two people who have married men who they dated after being introduced on that site.
I've been married for a long time (and happily, too), but sometimes it is simply a numbers game...you have to meet a lot of different people to find that 1% who are going to be your match.
Dating sites are an approach you might consider. People always think that dating sites are for losers, but each of my friends is attractive, well-educated and "nice".
Never tried it. Might be something to consider. I think I have always felt that people were so fake on those sites. But I guess you don't really know anyone until you have dated them for awhile anyway, so it is in a sense the same thing.
Just observing from my friends: The number of fakes on sites is no more than the number of fakes in real life!0 -
And my comment was to tell you that, if I met you, you wouldn't have any idea who I slept with or what the motive was. So, you couldn't pass over me because I "just slept with a woman to feel good about himself" because you would not be privy to that knowledge.
My "just" wasn't in reference to placement in time, but rather in motive.No, I just didn't understand why you think that I'd tell a woman that I just met who I slept with last.
"A man who just slept with a woman to feel good about himself"0 -
But I believe in only having sex after marriage as it is a sacred thing. Which could be part of my problem in this day and age too. but I love the post.
Ah, that's part of your problem. I grew up Christian too.
Listen, most Christians don't make into marriage without having sex first. It's a nice idea if it happens, but do NOT hold that up as the gold standard... unless you are so smooth, you are rejecting women. Which you're not. You're going to have to be like the rest of us and go out and make mistakes and maybe get your heart shredded a few times.
Also, don't listen to advice from anyone who wasn't in your situation and got out of it. There's a ton of well-meaning, but bad advice here from people who are not, or never were, *anything* like you.
Thanks. Your last sentence is true. Your statement of being a christian is my problem falls under that same sentence. Which you very well could be right. But, I do hold that to a high esteem and feel like if I let go of that, what is life even living for. Granted I came here for advice, so I am trying to take everyones advice with a grain of salt.
Thank you for your advice. I do think I need to experience and make mistakes, but definitely not on purpose.
I am non-religious, so I personally see nothing wrong with having sex before marriage. In fact, I think marriage is outdated and worthless except possibly to make things easier legally if you split up. THAT SAID....you should NOT give up YOUR beliefs to find someone else. You WILL find someone who shares the same values. However, as you've noticed, it may take a little longer. That doesn't mean you should change who you are. I know patience is a pain, but surround yourself with good friends to help relieve some of that loneliness. Follow the sensible advice on here (like becoming more comfortable in your own skin and trying to be more social), and things will turn out...
Thank you thank you thank you! That is exactly my thoughts after reading everything through and through.
I am very grateful for the friends and the family I do have!
I also thank you, and everyone else with your kind words. Even the people with not so kind words. I don't think they were being mean to me personally, but expression their feelings on the matter i brought up.
If anyone wants to help with motivating me in getting fit, you can add me as a friend! I will help and motivate you too! That is one thing I do find joy in, trying to help other people, and so glad to find a community that has been so nice and helpful to me. 0 -
And my comment was to tell you that, if I met you, you wouldn't have any idea who I slept with or what the motive was. So, you couldn't pass over me because I "just slept with a woman to feel good about himself" because you would not be privy to that knowledge.
My "just" wasn't in reference to placement in time, but rather in motive.No, I just didn't understand why you think that I'd tell a woman that I just met who I slept with last.
"A man who just slept with a woman to feel good about himself"
but your character would be evident. And I would pass over you. Don't be so defensive. I'm sure many girls would be ok with the situation. I'm just saying that you were wrong to suggest that would be beneficial in landing "a woman" because I am "a woman" and it would be the kind of thing that once I found out about (because eventually these things do come up), I would consider you the kind of man I would not want to share my life with.0 -
Stop asking and start telling them what they're going to do.
:drinker:
:flowerforyou:
WINNING!!0 -
See, that's where your logic fails on me. Once you start talking about "sharing your life" is about the time I change my number. There will be no more relationships here.
but your character would be evident. And I would pass over you. Don't be so defensive. I'm sure many girls would be ok with the situation. I'm just saying that you were wrong to suggest that would be beneficial in landing "a woman" because I am "a woman" and it would be the kind of thing that once I found out about (because eventually these things do come up), I would consider you the kind of man I would not want to share my life with.
And my comment was to tell you that, if I met you, you wouldn't have any idea who I slept with or what the motive was. So, you couldn't pass over me because I "just slept with a woman to feel good about himself" because you would not be privy to that knowledge.
My "just" wasn't in reference to placement in time, but rather in motive.No, I just didn't understand why you think that I'd tell a woman that I just met who I slept with last.
"A man who just slept with a woman to feel good about himself"0 -
Also, have you tried Match.com?
I know two people who have married men who they dated after being introduced on that site.
I've been married for a long time (and happily, too), but sometimes it is simply a numbers game...you have to meet a lot of different people to find that 1% who are going to be your match.
Dating sites are an approach you might consider. People always think that dating sites are for losers, but each of my friends is attractive, well-educated and "nice".
Never tried it. Might be something to consider. I think I have always felt that people were so fake on those sites. But I guess you don't really know anyone until you have dated them for awhile anyway, so it is in a sense the same thing.
Just observing from my friends: The number of fakes on sites is no more than the number of fakes in real life!
You came here asking about how to change yourself, but you're not into dating websites because you think those people are fake... :noway: When you go on a date, you're both faking anyway; the makeup, the nice outfits, the politeness...it's all an act - which is why I prefer to know someone as a friend before dating them, as opposed to going out with an acquaintance or stranger (which is why the friend zone thing is ridiculous) - but in spite of that, there are real people out there, just like yourself, who are genuinely interested in finding a life mate. Maybe try Christian Mingle instead. You might have an easier time finding a gal with similar values on a site that is specifically for Christians.
Edit: And, again, if you're just not interested in dating sites or don't have the money to spare, try meeting people in your community - through your church or one like it - or through friends who share your values. The first step to finding someone is meeting them... ya gotta get out there! :-)0 -
I met my boyfriend on plentyoffish.com. i joined that site on a friend's recommendation and within a few hours got over a dozen pervy messages from guys. I was not interested in that sort of "relationship" and was ready to quit the site. I happened to look at their banner of "Men near you!" that they had near the top and my boyfriend's display picture was of him with his cat on his shoulder. I shyly sent him a message already in full crush mode and logged off the site. A few days later i got an email saying that he had responded to me. I responded back and asked for his facebook information since I was done with the site and all the pervs that were flocking towards me. We talked on facebook for a few hours then he gave me his phone number. I was smitten from the first second and have been smitten every since. I am so glad that I saw that banner on that site and had the courage to actually send him a message first.
I tried other dating sites and meet a few good guys on them but didn't get serious with any of them. You just have to be patient and willing to put yourself out there. It's a lot easier to do online than in person IMO.
Being nice is not the problem. I would never date a guy that wasn't nice and I know many people that feel the same. You just need to be confident (or fake it) and take a few risks.0 -
See, that's where your logic fails on me. Once you start talking about "sharing your life" is about the time I change my number. There will be no more relationships here.
but your character would be evident. And I would pass over you. Don't be so defensive. I'm sure many girls would be ok with the situation. I'm just saying that you were wrong to suggest that would be beneficial in landing "a woman" because I am "a woman" and it would be the kind of thing that once I found out about (because eventually these things do come up), I would consider you the kind of man I would not want to share my life with.
And my comment was to tell you that, if I met you, you wouldn't have any idea who I slept with or what the motive was. So, you couldn't pass over me because I "just slept with a woman to feel good about himself" because you would not be privy to that knowledge.
My "just" wasn't in reference to placement in time, but rather in motive.No, I just didn't understand why you think that I'd tell a woman that I just met who I slept with last.
"A man who just slept with a woman to feel good about himself"
Tell that to your wife.0 -
Also, have you tried Match.com?
I know two people who have married men who they dated after being introduced on that site.
I've been married for a long time (and happily, too), but sometimes it is simply a numbers game...you have to meet a lot of different people to find that 1% who are going to be your match.
Dating sites are an approach you might consider. People always think that dating sites are for losers, but each of my friends is attractive, well-educated and "nice".
Never tried it. Might be something to consider. I think I have always felt that people were so fake on those sites. But I guess you don't really know anyone until you have dated them for awhile anyway, so it is in a sense the same thing.
Just observing from my friends: The number of fakes on sites is no more than the number of fakes in real life!
You came here asking about how to change yourself, but you're not into dating websites because you think those people are fake... :noway: When you go on a date, you're both faking anyway; the makeup, the nice outfits, the politeness...it's all an act - which is why I prefer to know someone as a friend before dating them, as opposed to going out with an acquaintance or stranger (which is why the friend zone thing is ridiculous) - but in spite of that, there are real people out there, just like yourself, who are genuinely interested in finding a life mate. Maybe try Christian Mingle instead. You might have an easier time finding a gal with similar values on a site that is specifically for Christians.
Edit: And, again, if you're just not interested in dating sites or don't have the money to spare, try meeting people in your community - through your church or one like it - or through friends who share your values. The first step to finding someone is meeting them... ya gotta get out there! :-)
Bold part wasn't my response. but any way, i never said i wasn't into it. I said i never tried it because I thought of it being fake. that's all.0 -
Women can sniff out desperation in a second. Don't make it about you wanting/needing/deserving a date. It's about finding someone you are interested in spending time with and spending time with them. Go out and do things that interest you, don't think about trying to meet someone, because the second you stop caring you become more attractive.0
-
Start doing things YOU love... and focus on you and your confidence. The rest will come (or maybe not, but you told me to be nice, so I'm all... glass half full and stuff).
This is how I found the love of my life. Wasn't even looking, really, but I was happy and confident and it fell into place. It's the best thing you can do--focus on yourself, your interests, your passions. Happiness and fulfillment are attractive.0 -
Be yourself, like yourself, respect yourself, and occasionally, make fun of yourself.
Then, pay attention. Women aren't always going to throw themselves at you, you have to pay attention to what they aren't saying just as much as to what they are saying.
As previously stated, do the things you like to do and you will find someone with similar interests.
IF all else fails, I hear mail order brides are all the rage.
I think that is part of my problem too, I do not have enough experience to know the "signs". I do not know what to pay attention to.
pay attention to her, as a person, as a human being, to the words that she's saying, to what she's interested in. You would know if you were having a conversation with a man, whether or not you click and get on really well right from the start, or if you don't get along so well so just remain as acquaintances.... it's no different with women
if you're good at making friends with women, as in the kinds of friends who could stay up all night chatting... then make a move, ask her out on a date. "friendzoned" generally happens when men think that if they become friends with a woman she'll throw herself at him.... and so he never makes a move never shows he's interested.
Well, currently, all my friends who are girls are married, so I wouldn't want to do that, but I see what you are saying. good advice
take up a hobby or something... something that you'll enjoy... but that gets you out of the house and meeting different people. You meet in the context of sharing a hobby, you have something in common right from the start, so that is a good way to meet people that you are more likely to click with. BTW this only works if you take up the hobby/activity for its own sake, you're not using it as a pick-up joint. And if you don't meet someone you still have a new hobby, which is a good thing to have when you're trying to beat depression (this is from personal experience of mental health issues btw, anything that gets you out of the house and doing stuff you enjoy is good for you.... if you happen to meet someone in the process, then that's two great things from it)
Yea, I need to find a hobby.... other then programming.
I totally agree with the hobby advice.
You know, you could try to get involved in a programming club/montly meeting. There are plenty around my area that work on mini-projects outside of work or give presentations on new languages/techniques. However, I don't know how many female programmers there are in general lol.0 -
Alright dude.
Here is my advise:
STOP DATING!!!
True story, I didn't go out on a "date" with my wife until we had already been married for a few months.
We would grab a bite to eat or we would catch a movie. We might even hang out together but, a "date" is just so darn formal.
Instead of asking a girl out (set time, place, ect), simply mention that you are grabbing a bite for lunch and would she like to come with.
See, it is super casual, no pressure and, if nothing happens, no big deal.
Talking about the weekend? Well, I have no doubt you are going to see the new (insert movie).
Hey, wanna come along?
Cool. I was gonna grab a burger or something first. Wanna meet up for some food first? Cool.
Just like that.
Take the "date" out of it. It means commitment and nobody wants that right out of the gate.
This is a GREAT tip. I, for one, can vouch that I am much more likely to go and do something if it is a casual invite as opposed to "official." Bonus, there is less pressure for everyone involved (likely resulting in decreased nerves, increased overall fun, and ability to be yourself)!0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392K Introduce Yourself
- 43.6K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 402 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 998 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions