Spa owner yells at Mom of Autistic child-Facebook Firestorm
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So the world should accomidate every one with special needs? I am not saying the treatment was not horrible, it was but be realistice here. The truth is the world CANT acoomidate every autistic/hyper active/add/adhd child. Sometimes their behaviour is unnacceptable and out of place. Cold hard truth. Any good parent of a special needs kid knows exactly when and where they can bring their kids AND they know the triggers that can cause an issue with their kids and can seperate their kids from the anxiety/stimulation. Truth be told my son has one friend with adhd and hyper activity he came to my house once, never again. He broke everything on purpose, got into stuff, harrassed my cat, ran around like a banshee and did not respect my most basic rules. No matter how nicely I asked him. When I did ask him he got with in inches of my face and screamed at me. When I told his mother she acted all huffy and like I just needed to deal with it becuase he has all these needs. Truth be told she never should have brought him over and left him there, I felt had she stayed it would have been much better becuase she would know the tatics to control him. Instead she dumped him off with me, did not even come in to say hello, and expected me t be accomidating to her special needs kid, whom I did not know was special needs. Needless to say he is not welcome back in my house, not because of his issues but because of his mother. To many parents expect people to accomidate their childeren whan that is not a reality. Sad but true. One thing i do know is that GOOD parents accomidate their childeren and account for the needs and behaviours.
You really should stop using the words "good parents" when you know nothing about parenting a special needs child yourself. "Good" people are kind and don't expect children with special needs to be kept home all the time. "Good" people will even tolerate children having temper tantrums in public. "Good" people don't judge other parents.
I consider myself the best parent I can be. I know my son's limitations and triggers. I realize the world doesn't have to accomodate him, but I don't keep him locked up at home, either.0 -
It's awful that the owner treated the Mommy and child that way. And yeah, if a kid has autism, then a more stimulating "kid friendly" place could cause a serious meltdown. Even as a Mom of a toddler withOUT autism, sometimes tantrums happen and you can't really "control" it. I just take my child from the place she is throwing a tantrum at and try to talk to her in the car or secluded area when she's through with her screaming. It's embarrassing enough to have your child throw a freak out in public. It doesn't make a person a bad parent because the kid is being a normal kid.
On the other side I would still find another place to get my kid's hair cut than an upscale salon. Most upscale places and the people who go there on a regular basis don't know how to deal with kid behavior, let alone autistic behavior, and it's their prerogative to deal or not deal, but to be disrespectful and rude should NOT be permitted at all. Especially not if they're trying to come off as professional .0 -
Yes, you can...you can see it in how they are acting and how they handle their selves. I would know because I was raised around them my whole life!
Exactly. You have experience and would recognize it. Not everyone has been or does have experience. You can't expect everyone to know and recognize every disability, especially something like autism that has such a wide spectrum.
Why did I picture a pouty child when you said "Yes, you can..." Hahaha
Because you're immature0 -
This made me cry. My son is autistic. He's six and still reacts to getting a hair cut like this. People are way too quick to judge. I feel for the mom and hope the owner of the shop isn't so quick to react like that next time.0
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this thread has almost everything!
over reaction, misunderstanding, fake outrage, actual outrage, indifference, and sanctimony...
it's missing bewbs and bacon.
I have a 2 year old, and am pretty conscious about his behavior and where i take him. Those are my "qualifications."
I just don't think there is enough here to consider it the whole story. It's the observation of one person, and while something obviously happened, some people consider different things "yelling," and "tongue lashing," etc. It's very subjective, and as someone thinks about an incident like that, the more distorted their memory becomes, and they internally exaggerate.
so, again - something happened. there was probably some sort of confrontation. but the context and degree of it are in question, in my mind.0 -
I have two kids. Who the hell brings a two year old to a SPA for a haircut? You go to one of those strip mall places where every other kid is yelling too. I enjoy spa days a lot. I would be PISSED if I was spending a ton of money to hear a kid scream. I don't want to hear my own kids scream.
This has nothing to do with autism, and everything to do with time and place. And a spa with a little kid, no matter if he's on the spectrum, is an inappropriate place. What it is was a very fancy restaurant, or the theatre, would be still be so accommodating?
This is not about autism for me one iota.0 -
The worst part is that everyone sat there and said nothing while it happened and then griped about it from the safety of Facebook. Typical0
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Yes, you can...you can see it in how they are acting and how they handle their selves. I would know because I was raised around them my whole life!
Exactly. You have experience and would recognize it. Not everyone has been or does have experience. You can't expect everyone to know and recognize every disability, especially something like autism that has such a wide spectrum.
Why did I picture a pouty child when you said "Yes, you can..." Hahaha
Because you're immature
Oh Burn! I tried to point out to you that you would recognize something that others don't. Take is for what you will. No need to attack me.0 -
upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
This was the first thing that came to your mind after reading the story?
yes. the owner said nothing to the mother about autism. it was all about behavior. just like she would have done if a normal kid acted up in her spa.
a spa is for relaxation.. not for screaming kids.
Everyone must admit that you are correct in some ways here. Its easy to point fingers, share the passion, elevate blood pressure all for the sanctity to protect the less fortunate. No, it does not make it correct, and I feel bad for the mother and child...heartfelt sincerity goes out to her. It really must have been a difficult situation.
If the owner has a track record, than shame on all of the other customers for putting up with it this long before this issue. Sometimes when the straw that breaks the camel's back occurs, it is too late. Was it in this case? Reading the other posts, maybe it was.
Before anyone points fingers, yes, I too have had similar situations in life with my child and his condition. I can personally relate to the mother and choose to fight to understand the owner. Doing it this way helps to make life easier...a lot.0 -
This has nothing to do with autism, and everything to do with time and place. And a spa with a little kid, no matter if he's on the spectrum, is an inappropriate place. What it is was a very fancy restaurant, or the theatre, would be still be so accommodating?
The spa took the appointment knowing who the kid was!0 -
The worst part is that everyone sat there and said nothing while it happened and then griped about it from the safety of Facebook. Typical
Bingo!0 -
Although I have a special needs son and understand where this mom is coming from, I could understand why the owner would be upset if his tantrum was upsetting other guests. I personally don't think a kid belongs in a spa. However, instead of yelling at the mother, which probably made the boy cry more, the owner should have found a room or something where the child could go to get his haircut without disturbing anyone else. Regardless of age, the boy was still a customer and his needs should have been met. Sometimes it is extremely difficult to control a special needs child and many people don't understand that and blame it on the parent. In this case, I don't think the mother could have stopped her son from crying. There are more professional ways to deal with a situation like that.0
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I have sat here and read this story and it makes me sad that someone would treat a mother and child like this REGARDLESS of whether the child has a disability or not! But what is really making me angry now is all of the negative replies that this lady is getting for voicing her opinion here. I have been on this site for a few weeks now and the out right hatefulness I see is disgusting! If you have an opinion on something someone posts and you do not agree with everything that is in the post, then state it and move on!!!!! This site is suppose to be about motivating people and helping each other meet our goals NOT computer bulling (and yes being down right disrespectful is bulling!)
:grumble:
:explode: :grumble: :explode: :grumble: :explode: 0 -
The worst part is that everyone sat there and said nothing while it happened and then griped about it from the safety of Facebook. Typical
Exactly. Where was the outrage while it was happening? Why didn't customers who were offended by the owner stand up right then and there and say something to her? I would have.0 -
The worst part is that everyone sat there and said nothing while it happened and then griped about it from the safety of Facebook. Typical
Everyone is brave and full of righteous indignation behind a keyboard. Actually taking action is a completely different matter.0 -
upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
This was the first thing that came to your mind after reading the story?
yes. the owner said nothing to the mother about autism. it was all about behavior. just like she would have done if a normal kid acted up in her spa.
a spa is for relaxation.. not for screaming kids.
And what is relaxing about an owner screaming at a customer?
Regardless of the autism, the owner's behavior as it was reported was horrible. You definitely could have made your point about the PC uproar without coming off like an insensitive jerk.0 -
I agree that this is not about autism. I think the fact that the child has autism adds to the distress that the mother felt. But this is typical behavior for a child that age. My grandson is 3 and he hates getting his haircut. I read in another post that the mother has brought her child in prevuiously for haircuts. If that is the case than obviously children are welcome there. If not, it should be explicitly posted somewhere at the salon. I really think that is irrelevant fact as well. What really matters here is the way the owner handled the situation. Especially in a supposedly "upscale" environment, you don't diffuse a scene by creating a bigger scene.0
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Yep. Someone's gotta save the day.The worst part is that everyone sat there and said nothing while it happened and then griped about it from the safety of Facebook. Typical
No if only we could get this type of response against Congress...........................................................
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
You know that people are going to lash out at you for your comment, but I totally agree with you. If I had an autistic child, there is no way I would take him/her to a barber/hairdresser that young to cut their hair. The child is already autistic, why put him in a situation like this. Was the owner wrong to scream at the mother of course, but the mother has to ensure some of the blame for putting her child in that situation. I have seen children who are not autistic have a hard time having their hair cut, never mind an autistic child.
Mothers need to understand the world is a cruel place, not everyone is going to love your child or be sympathetic to whether they have autistic, ADHD etc, but you as the adult have to assess the situation before putting your child into it.
If this repulses you as a consumer, take your business else where, that the power of the mighty dollar.0 -
Oh no. I would have said something, though I am a man so I may be more quick to anger. Wait I say short people are quick to anger since the anger has less room to travel.
It is so sad that people would be so cold, and not understand that the mother didnt wish to have a child born with autism, the child didnt wish to be born that way. There are things in this world that are completely out of your control. To bash a child let alone one with autism is sickening. If there is a cause to be upset at, this is one of them. Where is the group Autism Speak on this issue?
out of all this, I would think there might be a niche market for a hair and nail salon that openly and is geared towards people with autism and their families.
Spoken like a true man.0 -
Oh no. I would have said something, though I am a man so I may be more quick to anger. Wait I say short people are quick to anger since the anger has less room to travel.
It is so sad that people would be so cold, and not understand that the mother didnt wish to have a child born with autism, the child didnt wish to be born that way. There are things in this world that are completely out of your control. To bash a child let alone one with autism is sickening. If there is a cause to be upset at, this is one of them. Where is the group Autism Speak on this issue?
out of all this, I would think there might be a niche market for a hair and nail salon that openly and is geared towards people with autism and their families.
Spoken like a true man.
Anything to contribute besides insults? Two posted here so far.0 -
upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
I am wondering what kind of spa it was... at the spas I go to where I spend over $100 it's supposed to be a relaxing atmosphere and I don't know why anyone would bring kids. I would be mad if I spent $100 to have someone bring their kid, autistic or not, just so I can hear crying during my manicure.
Although if it is a place that offers kids haircuts, then crying kids could be expected.
Also don't see what being autistic has to do with it. Sounds like she didn't know he was autistic before she yelled, so she wasn't yelling at him for being autistic, and children without autism cry all the time during haircuts anyway.
All of the above. I don't see what the kid being autistic had to do with any of this since it wasn't revealed until after the confrontation.
My feelings depend on if it was a nice upscale spa or your average local spa that offers all services for all people/children.0 -
upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
I am wondering what kind of spa it was... at the spas I go to where I spend over $100 it's supposed to be a relaxing atmosphere and I don't know why anyone would bring kids. I would be mad if I spent $100 to have someone bring their kid, autistic or not, just so I can hear crying during my manicure.
Although if it is a place that offers kids haircuts, then crying kids could be expected.
Exactly. People are not looking at the big picture. Like you I am not spending $100 to hear some kid screaming, i go to the spa to relax, not to return home worse than when I entered. The mother need to shoulder some of the blame, obviously she must me one of those parents who feels that her child should be acceptable to everyone.
Also don't see what being autistic has to do with it. Sounds like she didn't know he was autistic before she yelled, so she wasn't yelling at him for being autistic, and children without autism cry all the time during haircuts anyway.0 -
Meanwhile, hundreds of kids are dying of starvation and AIDS - but who cares - they're not on Facebook.0
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The comparison was not the location of the incident, but the behavior of the adult owner of a service industry.
So what that it was a spa? I have seen alot of places called a spa because someone does manicures there.
The mom did not go into the business with the intention of her child yelling and disturbing others. However, the owner did make a choice to deal with it in a negative manner.
I remember when I was younger and saw a child crying or misbehaving it was easy to blame the parents. My view changed after raising my children and knowing each one is very different.
Some would do perfectly fine taking to restaurants, movies etc.. and others it is best to maybe rent a movie.
I don't think we are talking about the Mother's judgement about taking him to a place he has been before routinely and done well but the service industry owner, who even if having a bad hair day made a bad choice by yelling at a customer.
You are correct about us not knowing all the details but even without all the details or "what if's" it is NOT OK to treat people like that.
I think most parents would agree that a child acting up because of bad parenting is a big difference than one who is anxious or scared at the moment.
I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Mine is based on experience.
Next time you hear a child cry try to figure out why and offer your heart, not your judgement.0 -
Good point!0
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It's kind of sad that the person mentioned how nice and understanding the stylist was... but ultimately the bad reviews and outrage will effect the stylists and other people working there (probably more so than the owner). Unless it truly rises to a level where she has to close her business she'll cut hours, pay, and jobs before she loses too much money :0/...0
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But what is really making me angry now is all of the negative replies that this lady is getting for voicing her opinion here.
"The lady" didn't voice her opinion OR her first hand account of what happened here...this is the point many people on here are trying to make.0 -
upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
I am wondering what kind of spa it was... at the spas I go to where I spend over $100 it's supposed to be a relaxing atmosphere and I don't know why anyone would bring kids. I would be mad if I spent $100 to have someone bring their kid, autistic or not, just so I can hear crying during my manicure.
Although if it is a place that offers kids haircuts, then crying kids could be expected.
Also don't see what being autistic has to do with it. Sounds like she didn't know he was autistic before she yelled, so she wasn't yelling at him for being autistic, and children without autism cry all the time during haircuts anyway.
very good points.. and everyone here is being way too anally PC about a point that didnt matter. The owner didnt say get that special kid outta here. the owner was mad the kid was being too loud and the parent failed to control it.
plain and simple. yet you "sick" people wanna make a mountain out of a mole hill.
parent should take the kid to super cuts, not a upscale spa.
Is she choses to take her child there and pay the money then she has every right to! :mad: :explode: It's not like he was going to be there for three hours!
And the owner of the business can refuse to serve and the loud crying child. It is not a government business where one can be fined to refusing to serve someone. Its called PRIVATE.0 -
This has nothing to do with autism, and everything to do with time and place. And a spa with a little kid, no matter if he's on the spectrum, is an inappropriate place. What it is was a very fancy restaurant, or the theatre, would be still be so accommodating?
The spa took the appointment knowing who the kid was!
One would presume (apparently erroneously) that a competent spa owner would be familiar with all the clientele.0
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