Spa owner yells at Mom of Autistic child-Facebook Firestorm
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It's kind of sad that the person mentioned how nice and understanding the stylist was... but ultimately the bad reviews and outrage will effect the stylists and other people working there (probably more so than the owner). Unless it truly rises to a level where she has to close her business she'll cut hours, pay, and jobs before she loses too much money :0/...
I doubt the stylist will have a difficult time finding work.0 -
I suspect this one will end up like the Amy's Baking Company debacle a few weeks ago.
My son has Asperger Syndrome. He started to exhibit defiant/aggressive behavior when he was 2-1/2. Over the next 2-1/2 years he was kicked out of 3 different child care facilities and in meetings at all 3 of them, it was suggested that we were to blame for his behavior as we clearly weren't disciplining him.
He didn't have hair until he was almost 3, and our first haircut was a disaster with us being kicked out of SuperCuts (gently, however). The willfulness that is characteristic of many kids on the spectrum is unbelievable. I have spent the last 11 years working with dozens of professionals and read dozens of books, and my son still has moments that cause me to seriously consider offering him up on craigslist for the first $100 bill.
If you've never had a kid on the spectrum yourself or have the education/experience with autistic kids to back up your words, I strongly suggest you stay out of the autism part of the discussion.
There are a lot of different ways to approach this situation, but frankly none of us was actually there to know exactly how it went down, the tone of each person's voice, etc. Based on what has been stated, I can see several different sides of the story. Regardless, I think everyone involved at this point probably would love to have a do-over of the whole thing.0 -
You know that people are going to lash out at you for your comment, but I totally agree with you. If I had an autistic child, there is no way I would take him/her to a barber/hairdresser that young to cut their hair. The child is already autistic, why put him in a situation like this. Was the owner wrong to scream at the mother of course, but the mother has to ensure some of the blame for putting her child in that situation. I have seen children who are not autistic have a hard time having their hair cut, never mind an autistic child.
Mothers need to understand the world is a cruel place, not everyone is going to love your child or be sympathetic to whether they have autistic, ADHD etc, but you as the adult have to assess the situation before putting your child into it.
If this repulses you as a consumer, take your business else where, that the power of the mighty dollar.
All I got out of this is how ignorant you are. By that comment I mean how little you know about children with autism. I'm sorry the world YOU live in is so cruel.0 -
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Like when the manager of a Grand Rapids restaurant last year asked a service animal to wait in the lobby it will make a impact on her business. Refusing to comment, explain, retract, or apologize for what happened will leave a bad taste in peoples mouths. People will have no choice but to go on what has been posted and claimed by others. Its true it will be forgotten by most, unknown by even more. Whether or not it cause her significant financial impact is yet to be seen and we'll likely never know unless she shuts down. That Grand Rapids restaurant manager refused to admit it was a mistake, even after it was made clear she was breaking the law by her actions she defended them and said to a reporter she'd do it again. That restaurant was closed soon after. Whether or not that caused it we'll probably never know.
I can't think of a situation where it would ever be appropriate for a person in a service industry to raise their voice to a customer much less berate them. It certainly wasn't going to help with calming the child, autistic or not.
I'd be curious to know if the salon was still accepting appointments with children.0 -
I'm sure everyone will agree that what the owner did was in very poor taste.
But - how many of us were there that day and witnessed what happened? For all we know, the owner might have been having a terrible day for whatever reason and in poor taste, took it out on the mother of the child. Or maybe she got some horrible news, say a loved one diagnosed with cancer or some such thing. Does that make her actions excusable? No...but it might put a different spin on how the situation is viewed. Again, my point being, we don't know the whole story. The online mob mentality can be a dangerous thing indeed.
That is so true about the online mob mentality being dangerous.0 -
Not being from that area, I don't know anything about this spa. Is it a day spa? Is there one area for spa type treatments, and another for hair cuts and manicures? There are a lot of people saying the mom should have known better than to take the son to a spa. There are others who say she should know his triggers. Perhaps she took him to the spa at a time when she hoped there wouldn't be many other patrons, thinking that a spa would be relaxing and quiet, which might allow for a calmer situation. Perhaps she avoided Super Cuts and the like in an effort to try and avoid triggers and excess stimulation. Maybe it was a bad idea to take him to a spa, but I don't think it was as terrible as some people are making it out to be. I am a mother of an autistic child, and while I would probably not have chosen to take my child to a spa for a haircut, I certainly won't judge this mother for choosing to do so. The owner was upset that the child was causing a scene, but she still should not have been so cross with the mother. My granny always taught me that your mood should never dictate your manners. It doesn't matter how mad she was; there was no need for the attack. She could have handled the situation differently.0
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Is she choses to take her child there and pay the money then she has every right to! :mad: :explode: It's not like he was going to be there for three hours!
So if I pay the money I have every right to go to the spa and play loud music from my own boombox? Or throw confetti everywhere? Or harass/bother other paying customers?
It's no different than having a loud and crying child at a restaurant (that isn't a kid's restaurant). It bothers and affects other customers who have EVERY RIGHT to enjoy their meal or manicure or spa treatment without the child crying and bothering them. Yes, children cry. And yes, you can't always control whether children are crying. But you know what? Tough. The other restaurant customers didn't choose for you to have your child. If it inconveniences you because you can't go to the restaurant you want to -- YOU deal with it. (This is only tangentially related but it makes me sick when I read comments on this subject from parents saying they "deserve" to go to nice restaurants even if their children are loud and bothersome.)
It's too bad that the spa owner handled it very poorly, but let's be clear: having an autistic child does NOT give you carte blanche to disturb others. If the child was disturbing others, then the spa is correct to ask the child and the parent to leave.0 -
upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
I am wondering what kind of spa it was... at the spas I go to where I spend over $100 it's supposed to be a relaxing atmosphere and I don't know why anyone would bring kids. I would be mad if I spent $100 to have someone bring their kid, autistic or not, just so I can hear crying during my manicure.
Although if it is a place that offers kids haircuts, then crying kids could be expected.
Also don't see what being autistic has to do with it. Sounds like she didn't know he was autistic before she yelled, so she wasn't yelling at him for being autistic, and children without autism cry all the time during haircuts anyway.
very good points.. and everyone here is being way too anally PC about a point that didnt matter. The owner didnt say get that special kid outta here. the owner was mad the kid was being too loud and the parent failed to control it.
plain and simple. yet you "sick" people wanna make a mountain out of a mole hill.
parent should take the kid to super cuts, not a upscale spa.
BUT IS THERE A SIGN THAT SAYS--- NO KIDS?
If yes- she should not of brought him.
if not- he had a right to be there.
EITHER WAY.. The owner could have simply said... the child is being too disturbing, please take him home. It is not nessicary to scream at anyone.0 -
To yell at anyone, and especially a customer, in public, is completely unprofessional. That said, even the best of us have probably had an unprofessional moment or two. I would like to believe that the spa/salon owner really is a good person at heart and just had a bad moment. We'll see if she is able to do the right thing and apologize to her clients and welcome them back to her salon. (not that they should go, but the gesture is important)
My heart is with that mama. I'm sure she was already distraught that she couldn't help her child settle down in a place where she knew he should be quiet, but then to be berated for it is just humiliating. Anyone who has ever had a child that screamed through a flight knows this horrible feeling. The problem is that kids are unpredictable. Perhaps he didn't cry through his first 3 haircuts - maybe the scissors looked extra scary that day - who knows.
It is not our place to judge either of the people in this sad story, but maybe to remember how traumatic our own bad moments may be for someone else.0 -
some people really don't think, which is sad. I wonder if the owner felt awful after having done it. I'm not saying what she did was ok, because it was not, but think about this... did she KNOW the boy was autistic? I'm thinking she probably didn't and maybe felt pretty awful and embarrassed about her blow up after the fact.0
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You're right. You said, "control". As a PA, I'm surprised you don't know how insensitive your comments are. Or maybe you do, and you have crappy bedside manner.where did i say discipline?
Do you keep skipping over the comments where it says the owner knows the client and knows the child has autism? Why do you keep mentioning what spectrum of autism he has? What difference does that make? Even if he has AS, if he's having a meltdown and the owner knows the family, she should have been more compassionate.and you dont know what spectrum of autism the child has.. stop playing what if and stick to facts. owner didnt say **** about autism, only complained about behavior.0 -
some people really don't think, which is sad. I wonder if the owner felt awful after having done it. I'm not saying what she did was ok, because it was not, but think about this... did she KNOW the boy was autistic? I'm thinking she probably didn't and maybe felt pretty awful and embarrassed about her blow up after the fact.
Yes, Bry. She knew. She knew the client and they had been there before.0 -
Meanwhile, hundreds of kids are dying of starvation and AIDS - but who cares - they're not on Facebook.
You could post about it.0 -
where did i say i hate kids? its more about rules we have on behavior in public places.
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Your ignorance and lack of compassion piss me off as much the owner does!! Sometimes it's best to keep your comments to yourself!0 -
You know that people are going to lash out at you for your comment, but I totally agree with you. If I had an autistic child, there is no way I would take him/her to a barber/hairdresser that young to cut their hair. The child is already autistic, why put him in a situation like this. Was the owner wrong to scream at the mother of course, but the mother has to ensure some of the blame for putting her child in that situation. I have seen children who are not autistic have a hard time having their hair cut, never mind an autistic child.
Mothers need to understand the world is a cruel place, not everyone is going to love your child or be sympathetic to whether they have autistic, ADHD etc, but you as the adult have to assess the situation before putting your child into it.
If this repulses you as a consumer, take your business else where, that the power of the mighty dollar.
All I got out of this is how ignorant you are. By that comment I mean how little you know about children with autism. I'm sorry the world YOU live in is so cruel.
No, I am that person and do make sure I take (took) my child to the correct place(s). If I wanted to go out to dinner, no I did NOT take my son because of my consideration for the others. I did not take him places that were not the correct places to take him because of his needs. The world is not cruel. People are cruel for passing judgement on others immediately, without consideration. It is not ignorance, and people do not know much about autism, as well as all of the other hundreds of mental and physical issues that affect society. Its just fact. Do it, make life simple.
In my opinion, by calling this person ignorant and describing their cruel world, you did exactly the same as the owner.0 -
It's too bad that the spa owner handled it very poorly, but let's be clear: having an autistic child does NOT give you carte blanche to disturb others. If the child was disturbing others, then the spa is correct to ask the child and the parent to leave.
No parent has "carte blanche to disturb others" with their children. Owners/managers of establishments have every right to ask you to take your child outside if customers are being bothered.0 -
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No, I am that person and do make sure I take (took) my child to the correct place(s). If I wanted to go out to dinner, no I did NOT take my son because of my consideration for the others. I did not take him places that were not the correct places to take him because of his needs. The world is not cruel. People are cruel for passing judgement on others immediately, without consideration. It is not ignorance, and people do not know much about autism, as well as all of the other hundreds of mental and physical issues that affect society. Its just fact. Do it, make life simple.
In my opinion, by calling this person ignorant and describing their cruel world, you did exactly the same as the owner.
I explained how I was using the word "ignorant". It means they know little to nothing about children with autism. Pretty much what you just said above.
Also, I didn't call his world cruel; he did. I said I was sorry his world was cruel. Mine is not. The people who know our family and our son, David, are kind, tolerant, and patient with him. We don't take him places we KNOW will set him off. But, that doesn't mean he won't have a meltdown in places he hasn't before.0 -
Oh no. I would have said something, though I am a man so I may be more quick to anger. Wait I say short people are quick to anger since the anger has less room to travel.
It is so sad that people would be so cold, and not understand that the mother didnt wish to have a child born with autism, the child didnt wish to be born that way. There are things in this world that are completely out of your control. To bash a child let alone one with autism is sickening. If there is a cause to be upset at, this is one of them. Where is the group Autism Speak on this issue?
out of all this, I would think there might be a niche market for a hair and nail salon that openly and is geared towards people with autism and their families.
Spoken like a true man.
The next time I am having my enjoyment and comfort at an establishment, which I also pay for, disturbed by a child's situationally inappropriate tantrum, I will be sure to first inquire of the parent(s) whether the tantrum is due to the child being autistic, or simply the result of poor child-rearing.
If it's the former, I will commiserate with the parents and suffer through the tantrum sympathetically like a true man.
But if it's the latter, then I will channel Gordon Ramsay without fear of Facebook persecution.0 -
I have two kids. Who the hell brings a two year old to a SPA for a haircut? You go to one of those strip mall places where every other kid is yelling too. I enjoy spa days a lot. I would be PISSED if I was spending a ton of money to hear a kid scream. I don't want to hear my own kids scream.
This has nothing to do with autism, and everything to do with time and place. And a spa with a little kid, no matter if he's on the spectrum, is an inappropriate place. What it is was a very fancy restaurant, or the theatre, would be still be so accommodating?
This is not about autism for me one iota.
My thoughts exactly. If the owner acted exactly as was described, it was inappropriate of her to do so. However, she would not have been out of line to calmly and quietly explain to the parent that because of that disruption they would have to find another place for the child's haircuts in the future - maybe she could have even referred them somewhere more appropriate. The appointment really never should have been made in the first place.0 -
Meanwhile, hundreds of kids are dying of starvation and AIDS - but who cares - they're not on Facebook.
You could post about it.
Pragmatist0 -
I think it is incumbent upon the parents of autistic children to call ahead first and make special arrangements and/or seek out barbers, dentists, etc. who are experienced with this sort of thing. The ball park here even has a night where parents can bring autistic children to prepare them for the stress of coming to a game.0
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I am the mother of an Autistic child. I obey the law because I know that one day I will use one of my three strikes on kicking the *kitten* of whoever attempts to make my son feel bad for something that he cannot control. No really, my husband and I have a Bail savings fund. Because God help that person.0
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some people really don't think, which is sad. I wonder if the owner felt awful after having done it. I'm not saying what she did was ok, because it was not, but think about this... did she KNOW the boy was autistic? I'm thinking she probably didn't and maybe felt pretty awful and embarrassed about her blow up after the fact.
Yes, Bry. She knew. She knew the client and they had been there before.
in that case, it is ridiculous that she knew and behaved that way. I only read the OP and not the comments in response. That deeply saddens me that a grown adult would throw such a fit over an autistic child, especially when she knew that was the case.0 -
The owner was wrong to yell, yes, whether or not the child was autistic doesn't matter. The owner was wrong to yell. On the other hand, perhaps a spa wasn't the right place to bring a child, whether or not the child is autistic. I would be unhappy if I were trying to enjoy my spa time with a child screaming in the background. That is precisely the type of thing I'm looking to avoid at a spa. There needs to be some consideration for all the patrons at the spa.0
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upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...
If you don't want children there you should have a sign that says so!0 -
Who says it is upscale. If she is paying for her and her friend to get manicures it can easily run
$100 for two, anywhere. Obviously, if the child is getting his haircut then kids are allowed. You are right
her business and her rules, but also her consequences for her intolerance and lack of finesse. I don't think
that she was wrong for addressing the fact that she had a screaming kid that may be disturbing other
patrons but how she was wrong in how she addressed it. My guess that it may ruin her business or it will at
least take a hard hit due to it.upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...0 -
Who the hell brings a two year old to a SPA for a haircut?
I've explained this already, but it's a busy thread, so perhaps you missed it. Some children with autism get easily overstimulated, which will cause a meltdown. Kid friendly places like Supercuts and those in the mall are overstimulating for some children with autism. My son, for example, does much better in a "spa type" setting. However, I make sure the owner/manager/stylist knows he could start acting out. If he does, we try to calm him down or take him outside. Having someone come up and yell at me while I'm trying to calm him down is not going to help. It's going to create an even greater scene for the other customers. From what I understand, this owner knows the family and knows the child has autism. Even if the child didn't, yelling at the mother is only going to make things worse for the child's behavior.0 -
Says internet poster. MUST be true?some people really don't think, which is sad. I wonder if the owner felt awful after having done it. I'm not saying what she did was ok, because it was not, but think about this... did she KNOW the boy was autistic? I'm thinking she probably didn't and maybe felt pretty awful and embarrassed about her blow up after the fact.
Yes, Bry. She knew. She knew the client and they had been there before.0
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