Spa owner yells at Mom of Autistic child-Facebook Firestorm

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  • InnerConflict
    InnerConflict Posts: 1,592 Member
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    It's kind of sad that the person mentioned how nice and understanding the stylist was... but ultimately the bad reviews and outrage will effect the stylists and other people working there (probably more so than the owner). Unless it truly rises to a level where she has to close her business she'll cut hours, pay, and jobs before she loses too much money :0/...

    I doubt the stylist will have a difficult time finding work.
  • smaihlee
    smaihlee Posts: 171 Member
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    I suspect this one will end up like the Amy's Baking Company debacle a few weeks ago.

    My son has Asperger Syndrome. He started to exhibit defiant/aggressive behavior when he was 2-1/2. Over the next 2-1/2 years he was kicked out of 3 different child care facilities and in meetings at all 3 of them, it was suggested that we were to blame for his behavior as we clearly weren't disciplining him.

    He didn't have hair until he was almost 3, and our first haircut was a disaster with us being kicked out of SuperCuts (gently, however). The willfulness that is characteristic of many kids on the spectrum is unbelievable. I have spent the last 11 years working with dozens of professionals and read dozens of books, and my son still has moments that cause me to seriously consider offering him up on craigslist for the first $100 bill.

    If you've never had a kid on the spectrum yourself or have the education/experience with autistic kids to back up your words, I strongly suggest you stay out of the autism part of the discussion.

    There are a lot of different ways to approach this situation, but frankly none of us was actually there to know exactly how it went down, the tone of each person's voice, etc. Based on what has been stated, I can see several different sides of the story. Regardless, I think everyone involved at this point probably would love to have a do-over of the whole thing.
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
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    You know that people are going to lash out at you for your comment, but I totally agree with you. If I had an autistic child, there is no way I would take him/her to a barber/hairdresser that young to cut their hair. The child is already autistic, why put him in a situation like this. Was the owner wrong to scream at the mother of course, but the mother has to ensure some of the blame for putting her child in that situation. I have seen children who are not autistic have a hard time having their hair cut, never mind an autistic child.
    Mothers need to understand the world is a cruel place, not everyone is going to love your child or be sympathetic to whether they have autistic, ADHD etc, but you as the adult have to assess the situation before putting your child into it.
    If this repulses you as a consumer, take your business else where, that the power of the mighty dollar.

    All I got out of this is how ignorant you are. By that comment I mean how little you know about children with autism. I'm sorry the world YOU live in is so cruel.
  • T1mH
    T1mH Posts: 568 Member
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    Like when the manager of a Grand Rapids restaurant last year asked a service animal to wait in the lobby it will make a impact on her business. Refusing to comment, explain, retract, or apologize for what happened will leave a bad taste in peoples mouths. People will have no choice but to go on what has been posted and claimed by others. Its true it will be forgotten by most, unknown by even more. Whether or not it cause her significant financial impact is yet to be seen and we'll likely never know unless she shuts down. That Grand Rapids restaurant manager refused to admit it was a mistake, even after it was made clear she was breaking the law by her actions she defended them and said to a reporter she'd do it again. That restaurant was closed soon after. Whether or not that caused it we'll probably never know.

    I can't think of a situation where it would ever be appropriate for a person in a service industry to raise their voice to a customer much less berate them. It certainly wasn't going to help with calming the child, autistic or not.

    I'd be curious to know if the salon was still accepting appointments with children.
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
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    I'm sure everyone will agree that what the owner did was in very poor taste.

    But - how many of us were there that day and witnessed what happened? For all we know, the owner might have been having a terrible day for whatever reason and in poor taste, took it out on the mother of the child. Or maybe she got some horrible news, say a loved one diagnosed with cancer or some such thing. Does that make her actions excusable? No...but it might put a different spin on how the situation is viewed. Again, my point being, we don't know the whole story. The online mob mentality can be a dangerous thing indeed.

    That is so true about the online mob mentality being dangerous.
  • jfrog123
    jfrog123 Posts: 432 Member
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    Not being from that area, I don't know anything about this spa. Is it a day spa? Is there one area for spa type treatments, and another for hair cuts and manicures? There are a lot of people saying the mom should have known better than to take the son to a spa. There are others who say she should know his triggers. Perhaps she took him to the spa at a time when she hoped there wouldn't be many other patrons, thinking that a spa would be relaxing and quiet, which might allow for a calmer situation. Perhaps she avoided Super Cuts and the like in an effort to try and avoid triggers and excess stimulation. Maybe it was a bad idea to take him to a spa, but I don't think it was as terrible as some people are making it out to be. I am a mother of an autistic child, and while I would probably not have chosen to take my child to a spa for a haircut, I certainly won't judge this mother for choosing to do so. The owner was upset that the child was causing a scene, but she still should not have been so cross with the mother. My granny always taught me that your mood should never dictate your manners. It doesn't matter how mad she was; there was no need for the attack. She could have handled the situation differently.
  • Joocey
    Joocey Posts: 115 Member
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    Is she choses to take her child there and pay the money then she has every right to! :mad: :explode: It's not like he was going to be there for three hours!

    So if I pay the money I have every right to go to the spa and play loud music from my own boombox? Or throw confetti everywhere? Or harass/bother other paying customers?

    It's no different than having a loud and crying child at a restaurant (that isn't a kid's restaurant). It bothers and affects other customers who have EVERY RIGHT to enjoy their meal or manicure or spa treatment without the child crying and bothering them. Yes, children cry. And yes, you can't always control whether children are crying. But you know what? Tough. The other restaurant customers didn't choose for you to have your child. If it inconveniences you because you can't go to the restaurant you want to -- YOU deal with it. (This is only tangentially related but it makes me sick when I read comments on this subject from parents saying they "deserve" to go to nice restaurants even if their children are loud and bothersome.)

    It's too bad that the spa owner handled it very poorly, but let's be clear: having an autistic child does NOT give you carte blanche to disturb others. If the child was disturbing others, then the spa is correct to ask the child and the parent to leave.
  • Sjenny5891
    Sjenny5891 Posts: 717 Member
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    upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...

    I am wondering what kind of spa it was... at the spas I go to where I spend over $100 it's supposed to be a relaxing atmosphere and I don't know why anyone would bring kids. I would be mad if I spent $100 to have someone bring their kid, autistic or not, just so I can hear crying during my manicure.

    Although if it is a place that offers kids haircuts, then crying kids could be expected.

    Also don't see what being autistic has to do with it. Sounds like she didn't know he was autistic before she yelled, so she wasn't yelling at him for being autistic, and children without autism cry all the time during haircuts anyway.

    very good points.. and everyone here is being way too anally PC about a point that didnt matter. The owner didnt say get that special kid outta here. the owner was mad the kid was being too loud and the parent failed to control it.

    plain and simple. yet you "sick" people wanna make a mountain out of a mole hill.

    parent should take the kid to super cuts, not a upscale spa.

    BUT IS THERE A SIGN THAT SAYS--- NO KIDS?
    If yes- she should not of brought him.
    if not- he had a right to be there.

    EITHER WAY.. The owner could have simply said... the child is being too disturbing, please take him home. It is not nessicary to scream at anyone.
  • Val_from_OH
    Val_from_OH Posts: 447 Member
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    To yell at anyone, and especially a customer, in public, is completely unprofessional. That said, even the best of us have probably had an unprofessional moment or two. I would like to believe that the spa/salon owner really is a good person at heart and just had a bad moment. We'll see if she is able to do the right thing and apologize to her clients and welcome them back to her salon. (not that they should go, but the gesture is important)

    My heart is with that mama. I'm sure she was already distraught that she couldn't help her child settle down in a place where she knew he should be quiet, but then to be berated for it is just humiliating. Anyone who has ever had a child that screamed through a flight knows this horrible feeling. The problem is that kids are unpredictable. Perhaps he didn't cry through his first 3 haircuts - maybe the scissors looked extra scary that day - who knows.

    It is not our place to judge either of the people in this sad story, but maybe to remember how traumatic our own bad moments may be for someone else.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    some people really don't think, which is sad. I wonder if the owner felt awful after having done it. I'm not saying what she did was ok, because it was not, but think about this... did she KNOW the boy was autistic? I'm thinking she probably didn't and maybe felt pretty awful and embarrassed about her blow up after the fact.
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
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    where did i say discipline?
    You're right. You said, "control". As a PA, I'm surprised you don't know how insensitive your comments are. Or maybe you do, and you have crappy bedside manner.
    and you dont know what spectrum of autism the child has.. stop playing what if and stick to facts. owner didnt say **** about autism, only complained about behavior.
    Do you keep skipping over the comments where it says the owner knows the client and knows the child has autism? Why do you keep mentioning what spectrum of autism he has? What difference does that make? Even if he has AS, if he's having a meltdown and the owner knows the family, she should have been more compassionate.
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
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    some people really don't think, which is sad. I wonder if the owner felt awful after having done it. I'm not saying what she did was ok, because it was not, but think about this... did she KNOW the boy was autistic? I'm thinking she probably didn't and maybe felt pretty awful and embarrassed about her blow up after the fact.

    Yes, Bry. She knew. She knew the client and they had been there before.
  • InnerConflict
    InnerConflict Posts: 1,592 Member
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    Meanwhile, hundreds of kids are dying of starvation and AIDS - but who cares - they're not on Facebook.

    You could post about it.
  • amber_michelle30
    amber_michelle30 Posts: 108 Member
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    where did i say i hate kids? its more about rules we have on behavior in public places.
    [/quote]

    Your ignorance and lack of compassion piss me off as much the owner does!! Sometimes it's best to keep your comments to yourself!
  • BigDaddyRonnie
    BigDaddyRonnie Posts: 506 Member
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    You know that people are going to lash out at you for your comment, but I totally agree with you. If I had an autistic child, there is no way I would take him/her to a barber/hairdresser that young to cut their hair. The child is already autistic, why put him in a situation like this. Was the owner wrong to scream at the mother of course, but the mother has to ensure some of the blame for putting her child in that situation. I have seen children who are not autistic have a hard time having their hair cut, never mind an autistic child.
    Mothers need to understand the world is a cruel place, not everyone is going to love your child or be sympathetic to whether they have autistic, ADHD etc, but you as the adult have to assess the situation before putting your child into it.
    If this repulses you as a consumer, take your business else where, that the power of the mighty dollar.

    All I got out of this is how ignorant you are. By that comment I mean how little you know about children with autism. I'm sorry the world YOU live in is so cruel.

    No, I am that person and do make sure I take (took) my child to the correct place(s). If I wanted to go out to dinner, no I did NOT take my son because of my consideration for the others. I did not take him places that were not the correct places to take him because of his needs. The world is not cruel. People are cruel for passing judgement on others immediately, without consideration. It is not ignorance, and people do not know much about autism, as well as all of the other hundreds of mental and physical issues that affect society. Its just fact. Do it, make life simple.

    In my opinion, by calling this person ignorant and describing their cruel world, you did exactly the same as the owner.
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
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    It's too bad that the spa owner handled it very poorly, but let's be clear: having an autistic child does NOT give you carte blanche to disturb others. If the child was disturbing others, then the spa is correct to ask the child and the parent to leave.

    No parent has "carte blanche to disturb others" with their children. Owners/managers of establishments have every right to ask you to take your child outside if customers are being bothered.
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
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    No, I am that person and do make sure I take (took) my child to the correct place(s). If I wanted to go out to dinner, no I did NOT take my son because of my consideration for the others. I did not take him places that were not the correct places to take him because of his needs. The world is not cruel. People are cruel for passing judgement on others immediately, without consideration. It is not ignorance, and people do not know much about autism, as well as all of the other hundreds of mental and physical issues that affect society. Its just fact. Do it, make life simple.
    In my opinion, by calling this person ignorant and describing their cruel world, you did exactly the same as the owner.

    I explained how I was using the word "ignorant". It means they know little to nothing about children with autism. Pretty much what you just said above.

    Also, I didn't call his world cruel; he did. I said I was sorry his world was cruel. Mine is not. The people who know our family and our son, David, are kind, tolerant, and patient with him. We don't take him places we KNOW will set him off. But, that doesn't mean he won't have a meltdown in places he hasn't before.
  • Joocey
    Joocey Posts: 115 Member
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    Oh no. I would have said something, though I am a man so I may be more quick to anger. Wait I say short people are quick to anger since the anger has less room to travel.

    It is so sad that people would be so cold, and not understand that the mother didnt wish to have a child born with autism, the child didnt wish to be born that way. There are things in this world that are completely out of your control. To bash a child let alone one with autism is sickening. If there is a cause to be upset at, this is one of them. Where is the group Autism Speak on this issue?

    out of all this, I would think there might be a niche market for a hair and nail salon that openly and is geared towards people with autism and their families.

    Spoken like a true man.

    The next time I am having my enjoyment and comfort at an establishment, which I also pay for, disturbed by a child's situationally inappropriate tantrum, I will be sure to first inquire of the parent(s) whether the tantrum is due to the child being autistic, or simply the result of poor child-rearing.

    If it's the former, I will commiserate with the parents and suffer through the tantrum sympathetically like a true man.

    But if it's the latter, then I will channel Gordon Ramsay without fear of Facebook persecution.

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