worst dates ever

Ooooh oohhh, I've got one! It's long though, I warn you!

It was horrible enough that I thought maybe I'd dreamt it out of a bad movie or something, but turns out the bartenders remember me and now rate any date I bring there based off that one...

It started with a blind date that my (former) friend set up. I met him at a local bar/pool hall because I didn't want him to know where I lived. I show up, sit at the bar and wait for him. I was making friends with the bartenders since the bar was pretty empty that night, and I didn't actually notice how much time went by. When he finally showed up he was 45 minutes late. Didn't apologize, didn't even mention it. I'm the forgiving type (sometimes) so I decided to keep an open mind and kept going with the date.

We go over to get the balls and rack at the counter, and I stand there while he just looks at me. He waited for me to ask for them, and waited for me to direct us to a table. We started to play, and while I admit that I suck at pool, he kept trying to "help" me...by bending over behind me anytime he got the chance and trying to dry hump my *kitten*. I asked him to stop a couple of times, and eventually ended up racking HIS balls with my stick "by accident". Didn't help.

During the couple of hours I put up with this, and him trying to kiss me and look down my shirt every chance he got (which wouldn't have been a big deal if I had known him longer than 3 minutes the first time he tried) HE ordered us drinks and a TON of finger food. Also not that big a deal, because I simply assumed he would be paying...duh. Silly me. I finally couldn't take it anymore and suggested that we end the evening. I walked to the desk to return the balls and rack, and when they told us the total I almost swallowed my tongue. Between the two hours of pool, my ONE margarita, and his INNUMERABLE drinks and literally EVERY appetizer on their menu our bill was close to $200. I waited for him to pay, and he just looked at me and when I said something, he went "Oh, I don't actually have any money. I thought you were treating us." Jerk. Then he explained that his WIFE (oops, something he forgot to mention!) was okay with his dating other women, but not with him paying for them. Nice.

Having no other option, I paid, and he then invited himself to my house. Obviously not happening, and I was pretty clear about it.. Then he came out with "Well, if you won't let me spend the night at your house, then I need some gas money to get home. I don't have enough gas to get there and I didn't bring any money because I knew you'd let me stay." I did a double take, rolled my eyes at the bartenders who were now lined up behind the bar, bent over, chins in hand watching the show and scoffing. I told him there was no way in hell and at that point I would be more likely to pay to make the date end. I walked out the door and he started following me. Because it was late and there weren't a lot of people around (and my car is very unique, which, while awesome in most scenarios, was not so much in this one) I didn't want him to see what I drove so he couldn't follow me or find me again in the future, so I turned around and walked back into the bar.

I sat down at the bar and he followed me back in and sat down next to me, asking what was wrong. I told him he was, and that he needed to leave me alone and never contact me again. He asked why I didn't go home, and I told him that I wasn't stupid and didn't want him following me home.

He kept harassing me until finally one of the bartenders asked him to leave me alone. He copped an attitude with the bartenders (all three were big burly muscle-y guys that I was fairly familiar with) and eventually, after they asked him to leave me alone and then eventually leave the bar and he refused, the three of them, and a cook from the back physically "assisted" him out onto the sidewalk. He kept coming back in while I kept sitting at the bar, and they removed him 4 more times before they had the cops waiting outside when they dropped him off again. After the bartenders explained the whole situation to the cops, they called for backup and while one car took him to jail (good for him, he didn't need gas money after all!) and the other followed me home and made sure I got home safely.

The next time I walked into the bar the bartenders said they'd never seen such a train wreck of a date before, and they'd taken up a collection from everybody in the bar to pay for "my" tab and refunded my credit card. The next week, I was dating one of the bartenders. Didn't work out, but it was exponentially better, and we're all still friends!

There was a girl in one of my classes, while in college (~20 years ago), whom I was really attracted too. About half way through the semester I finally worked up the nerve to ask her out, she accepts, and we agree to dinner and a movie that weekend.

Saturday night finally comes, I pick her up at her house and we head out for the evening. Not knowing what her tastes are, I ask if she has a preference as to where we should eat. She replies "Anything is fine, whatever you want" so I suggest a "Black Angus Steak House" since it is near the theater. To which she says "That sounds great".

When we arrive at the restaurant, being a Saturday night, there is over an hour wait for a table so I give the choice of either waiting and then catching a later movie or going somewhere different and still making the early one. She says she doesn't mind waiting and that it will give us a chance to talk. We sit down in the waiting area, decorated with cows, cowboys, cowhides etc. and wait for our name to be called. So far, I think, things are going pretty well. The conversation is easy and we seem to have quite a bit in common.

Nearly an hour and a half passes when we are finally seated at a table. We review the menus, she orders Salmon, I order a Steak Medium Rare and the waitress walks away. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, she tells me that she doesn't eat red meat, the sight of it makes her want to puke, and she begins to lecture me on all the reasons I shouldn't eat it either. The date has taken a rapid turn towards Crazyville. I ask her why she hadn't mentioned this earlier (she had at least 3 opportunities) because I would have happily gone somewhere more suited to her tastes. "I was testing you to see if you would actually eat that crap!" was her response. Trying to salvage the date, I offer to change my order if it would really bother her to see me eat a steak. "Go ahead and eat that 'flesh', I don't care, I now see what kind of person you are." Realizing I am fighting a losing battle I stick with my original order.

Conversation from this point forward is nearly non-existent. Our food comes and she just keeps giving me disgusted looks while pretending to throw-up in her napkin with every bite I take. I am now fed up with her drama and begin to make a show of how much I am enjoying my meal by making "yummy" sounds and using my bread to sop up the meat juices. I even went so far as to tell her how good it was and offered her a bite.

Dinner ends and we agree to skip the movie so I take her home and never spoke to her again.

Funny thing is, she recently looked me up and sent me a message of Facebook to ask how I was doing and what I was up to since we were in school. I have yet to respond.

For those of you that have had so many bad dates, there is one common factor in all of them.

Yes. Men.

Yeah, I suppose it is more reasonable to believe all men are awful instead of looking in the mirror.

I'm pretty sure she was making a joke and you turned it into a really nasty insult. Nice one, bud.

A first date and we were at the movies and he fell asleep and I tried to nudge him awake b/c he was snoring a bit and he was still half asleep and grabbed my hand and put it in his crotch. He was a night shift worker and hadn't had any sleep yet so I gave him a second chance, we've been married 13 years now!

I'm gonna have to try that "hand to the crotch" move someday

That same summer I had went on a date with a guy who couldn't afford a beer let alone dinner, so I ended up paying for everything; he proceeded to get drunk on my tab and nearly passed out at the bar. I also had a guy I had dated off and on tell me a sob story about how he couldn't go out that weekend as he had been to the doctor and was told he had a heart problem, something serious and he was going in the hospital for tests. That weekend I spotted him all over a girl in a convertible, so I asked him how his heart was because apparently he didn't have one.
Earlier in the date with my grabby future husband I was saying how my horoscope the day before matched my day perfectly and he asked "What did your horoscope say today?" I said "Don't know" and he said "I think it said you were going to give someone a kiss" - something cheesy like that. What can I say? I'll take a crude, cheesy but hardworking, honest man over a freeloader or liar any day!