Significant other's thoughts on your weight loss

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Replies

  • hzliiz
    hzliiz Posts: 166 Member
    My husband is my biggest supporter! I gained about 20 lbs during the first two years we were married, got up to about 155. One day I was boo-hooing about it (again), probably about nothing fitting or whatever, and he comes into the room and says "we need to talk about this." Now, I soooo did not want to have this conversation which I was certain would go one of two ways:

    scenerio 1:

    Him: I love you the way you are, you look fine, you're still beautiful to me. blah blah blah...
    Me: No I'm not, you're just saying that because you have to.....baaaaaaahhhhhh leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    scenerio 2:

    Him: You know babe you really just need to start exercising again and cut back on some calories so you can lose this weight and feel better about yourself
    Me: You don't understand, I caaaaaaannnn't......baaaaahhhhh leave me alone!!! (and also, cue power struggle...)

    What he said instead caught me completely off guard:

    Him: I love you. I think you look great and attractive and I'm fine with you being this size. But you're not fine with it. You never want to do anything anymore. You won't go to the beach with me, you don't want to go out anymore, you don't want to have sex, all because you're not comfortable. I don't care if you lose the weight or not, but I need you to do whatever you need to be comfortable -- whether that means you lose weight, accept yourself as you are, get some clothes that fit you, whatever. But I do want my fun wife back. Whatever you need to do to get there, I'm behind you. (I'm paraphrasing, this was several years ago, but that's the jist)

    Me: <just gaping at him with my mouth hanging open>

    What could I say? It was such an utterly reasonable a thing to ask for, and it was so kind. And he's had my back every step since then on my journey back to "comfortable with me." I'm a lucky duck for sure.
  • MsEndomorph
    MsEndomorph Posts: 604 Member
    My husband is supportive in his own way.
    He doesn't mind my weight and his main concern is my happiness. In this case that leaves him torn. He hates that my dislike of my body makes me unhappy...he wants me to be happy the way I am. He loves my legs how they are and he wants me to, as well. At the same time, if getting in shape will make me happy, he wants that.

    So I get mixed forms of support :) But overall, I couldn't be happier.
  • hayleymc3
    hayleymc3 Posts: 128 Member
    I've been with my fiance for 19 months and funnily enough, I have been gaining weight the entire time - BUT he has been losing. Before we met I had lost 93 pounds and as we dated I gained most of it back. He started out pretty large and is still a bit heavyset, but much more fit and healthy than he was. I mean, he is looking good! When I tell him I am ready to finish what I started and get to the goal weight I originally planned for myself, he says he loves me the way I am. He also encourages me to be healthier and says he wants my self-esteem to get better. I think he'll be a doll as I lose weight. He met me at a heavy weight, so I don't feel at all worried that things will change in a negative way. He and I both will have to be surprised about what I end up looking like, as never got to goal, though!
  • bookdeity
    bookdeity Posts: 37
    I like others here, get mixed signals from my hubby. When we met, I was about 15 pounds lighter than I am now. In fact I pointed this out to him a week or so ago when I was telling him that I wanted to lose weight. He apparently didn't notice it was that much. He told me that he's fully behind me, whatever I want to do.
    At the same time, I'm trying to cook healthier and have a meal plan each week and try to stick to it for both of us. However, he is always talking about needing chips or cupcakes, how we're out of cupcakes, he wants to make cupcakes, has to buy stuff to make cupcakes. The last thing I want in the house is 2 dozen freakin' cupcakes!! If it's not cupcakes, it's other crap food. Argh!! For him, he doesn't have to worry about what he eats since he's in the military and does PT every morning (plus damn his genetics, :wink: the men in his family are all thin). It also doesn't help that he wants to eat early. He'd love to eat dinner at 5:30 when I get home if it was possible, but I'm not hungry that early. I've told him that I want to work out when I get home from work but I know he wants to eat at that time. So instead he tells me to work out in the mornings. We've had the conversation before that I can't do morning workouts because it just makes me tired for the rest of the day. I'm not sure why he won't just deal with having a snack when he gets home to hold him over for dinner. (He always snacks after dinner, so it's not him being worried about the extra calories). So instead, I have to rush home everyday to make dinner (otherwise when he cooks it's always pasta...and not very good, whether it's pasta or not) because he has to eat early. So that leaves me in a wierd spot because I don't want to workout after eating a big meal. I'm almost at the point where I want to tell him that he's on his own for dinner so I can do my own thing. I love him :heart: but I'm kind of ready for him to deploy again so I can do this weight loss thing without his "help". :tongue:
  • Mayra_121
    Mayra_121 Posts: 128 Member
    Well, being totally honest my bf is one of the top reasons I'm losing weight. He has lost 30+ pounds in about 6 months and knows that I have always been struggling with my weight. He is super happy with the weight that I have lost so far, but still thinks there is room for another 30 lbs to lose. I want to lose 20 lbs to reach my goal, and see if the other 10 pounds are necessary.
  • itsmandible
    itsmandible Posts: 88 Member
    My husband used to be very unsupportive. He'd make comments about "eating with the family" or critique what I was doing. He'd get irritated if he cooked something horrible and I declined to eat it.

    One day I got sick of it and called him out and told him he wanted me fat because it made him feel more secure. I told him I felt he was undermining me because he was worried if I looked better, I'd leave him or whatever. That shut him up and he's actually gotten on the bandwagon with me and lost 50 pounds of his own. Now that we've got our entire family eating better and being active, it's a lot easier for me to stick with my goals. It's made a huge difference getting us all on the same page.

    That's AMAZING that he could be that honest with you! Wow, good for you two!
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    My husband is the one that got me involved with my gym and lead to the subsequent weight-loss.

    Although he doesn't want me to look too muscular, he's accepted that I have the right to decide MY ideal body and if he doesn't like it, he only has himself to blame. ;)
  • michellechawner
    michellechawner Posts: 892
    I'm the smallest my boyfriend has even seen me, and I think he likes it this way, but he's been really stressed lately so we haven't spent as much time together now that he's in school again.

    but he's always told me as long as I am happy with my weight, he will be happy with my weight.
  • Followingsea
    Followingsea Posts: 407 Member
    He is gently supportive but also apparently terrified of offending me, so I'll get verbal encouragement for, idk, eating well or going for a run, but if I slack off for a while he'll stay mum, and he will NEVER suggest that I work out or eat better.

    I'm not the wilting flower he thinks I am, but I'll take it anyway. I have my dad to be brutally honest with me when I need it :)
  • Velum_cado
    Velum_cado Posts: 1,608 Member
    It's not the weight loss itself that my husband is supportive of. He wouldn't have minded either way. He's mainly just happy that I'm healthier, more able to do the things I want to do, and happier. He also loves the fact that I'm doing it healthily, and using common sense - no bs fad diets or shakes or pills or whatever. He actually brags about it, haha :) As far as practical support, he's very good at encouraging me if I need some motivation, but not shaming me or making me feel guilty. He's also really good at reminding me to listen to my body, and take rest days if it seems like I need them. I love how supportive he's been.
  • LuckyMunky
    LuckyMunky Posts: 200 Member
    My husband is my best supporter! When we first got together I was at my heaviest (about 6 years after we first met in high school.) Since then I've lost about 30 lbs in total and he's loving the changes. He's always loved me for who I am and has always found me attractive. I was worried at first that he wouldn't like my "new" body but he seems to be enjoying it a lot. He remembers what I looked like in high school (very fit) and says I was "very hot" back then. I did this mainly for health reasons, but I do appreciate the other benefits like feeling sexy.
  • sweetpea129
    sweetpea129 Posts: 755 Member
    My husband tells me that i'm perfect where I am and am getting too small. Hes not very into the idea that I still have 10 more lbs until my goal but he still supports me and says whatever I want to do as long as it's healthy.
  • MinatoandClover
    MinatoandClover Posts: 160 Member
    He's a bit blase about it. He's supportive in his own way. He knows I do this site and he acknowledges my accomplishments. But I think I'm just more excited about it, so by comparison, he seems meh about it. He's just a low-key kind of guy. That's probably part of why. Maybe once he starts seeing a more noticeable change, he'll actually have something to say about it. He does cheer me on, though, when I'm on my exercise bike, cuz he knows exercise is difficult for me. So that's something :)

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