The Sad Story of Ricky Naputi....Who was to blame?
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I think the doctors needed him to lose some weight first so that the surgery was less dangerous for him. That's not their fault. As far as his wife goes I don't think she is to blame. Ricky chose to eat. An intervention should have taken place long before 900 lbs.0
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Does anyone other than I wonder if maybe she preferred him to remain that way, just because she didn't want him to get better and therefore less dependent on her?
Is that what co-dependent and enablers do? I don't know.
How much like-insurance did she have on him?0 -
It's pretty easy to blame the wife simply because he was *so* overweight that he couldn't even get up to make his own food. She certainly didn't help matters by enabling him. But in the end he caused his own demise. He didn't have to eat all that food but he made the conscience decision to put nearly 10,000 calories in his mouth each day. I didn't see anybody in that documentary pointing a gun at him & forcing it down his throat. I hope his story helps other people who may be in his situation.0
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I watched this. My words exactly:
"How the hell did he get so big to begin with?"
"His wife is an idiot!"
"He should have tried to actually do the right thing to begin with and he would have never died."
I'm sorry if I sound really harsh, but you don't go up to 900lbs for no reason!0 -
Does anyone other than I wonder if maybe she preferred him to remain that way, just because she didn't want him to get better and therefore less dependent on her?
Is that what co-dependent and enablers do? I don't know.
Or Munchausen by proxy syndrome maybe....0 -
He didn't have to eat the food that was brought to him, and I feel fairly sure he asked for everything she brought. Doctors have guidelines they follow. Ultimately, we each have to take responsibility for the choices we make, and stop blaming other people.0
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This happens with many extremely morbidly obese people. It takes a village to enable a man or woman to these kinds of enormous weights. I recall another 900-1000 lbs man being admitted to Andover, center specializing in treatment of morbid obesity, and watching his dense, thick *kitten* wife sneaking all kinds of junk in to him...IN THE HOSPITAL, after he had to be cut out of their home. She specifically said "if he's not worrying, I'm not worrying". He died in the hospital weeks later.
But unless a person has severe mental incapacitation and is being force fed the food, no I don't think spouses are responsible. They are responsible for being horrendous life partners, but they aren't to "blame". Many people have unsupportive and sabotaging spouses, and still learn to say "no" and put their health first.
Yeah i've seen those shows, and i cant get over how the patients sneak in take out food, how the spouses often bring them whatever they want, but i think it also may be because the 900 pound man is constantly whining and screaming and perhaps in her culture the man is the King of the House. She has not learned how to say no.
But i do put the personal responsibility on the man himself who allowed himself to get that way. He could have stopped at even 500 pounds and done something. His wife, secondary accomplis because she too could find a way to say no to him. But she was not willing to put up with whatever behavior he had in order to be strong and say no.0 -
But what if he couldn't get his own food? And when his wife was told to refuse to bring him food (by the doctors), and she didn't?
Is she an accomplice in his death?
That's like your husband saying "Honey, bring me my gun." Should you be charged as an accessory if he accidentally shoots himself and dies?
Yeah, if you knew your husband was dumb, or inexperienced with guns, you should have thought better before doing it, but you weren't the one who pulled the trigger. In the end, the one responsible is the one with the smoking gun (or in this case, empty plate of family-sized nachos) in his hands.0 -
Since I am currently studying for the bar exam, and I'm pretty up on crimes at the moment- husbands and wives owe each other a duty because of the nature of their relationship- therefore if the wife has breached that duty she can be charged with criminal negligence. Criminal negligence at one level can constitute involuntary manslaughter and if rises to a level of wanton disregard for life it could be depraved heart murder. Feeding someone 10,000k a day would definitely amount to criminal negligence or at the very least accomplice liability for encouraging him to essentially kill himself. Probably too legal an answer for this story, but it helped me apply what I've learned in a different way!
Nice answer. :-)
However, what about smoking. If I was a smoker and my spouse bought me cigarettes even if I had serious health issues already. Isn't that the same? Or maybe I am a thrill seeker who does stupid dangerous stunts. Where will the line be drawn. A heart patient dying during sex due to over exerting.????0 -
it his fault, ultimately we make our own decisions and he choose to ignore his he paid the price. his wife on the other hand should of stopped it before it begun to get serious. but its not her fault, the doctor no way, they can advice but yet we make that decision no one can force it0
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I saw this show a while back. After I watched it I came to the conclusion that his wife wanted him to either stay as he was or die. Her attitude through the entire thing and then her refusal to attend his funeral did it for me. I think she wanted out of the relationship and was too afraid. So she kept him bedridden and waited. If this was the case, I think she should definitely be charged with something.
But that's just my opinion. I understand that I could be wrong.0 -
I saw this show a few weeks ago. Very sad. He was morbidly obese when she married him, and she was pretty obese herself, so I think there were a lot of psychological issues going on here. He needed her - for everything. And I think she liked it that way. Ultimately, it was his decision to eat the food. He could have eaten less.
I felt sorry for the doctors who were trying to help him. Although the show compressed the timeline, in fact, they tried to get him to lose weight for 3 years, but he just gained more instead. And this man lived on Guam, a relatively small island with limited medical facilities for the morbidly obese. Which is why they asked him to lose weight before being admitted to the hospital for full-time nursing care. They simply didn't have the equipment on hand to handle a man of his weight.
They did everything they could to facilitate his recovery, but at some point you have to take some responsibility for your own situation. He just whined how he wanted somebody to help him, but he wasn't willing to help himself.
On a side note, this is a serious issue in the Pacific islands. The native population, much like the native population in the US, is facing life-threatening obesity, diabetes, and everything else that goes with them. Poverty, poor diet, and sedentary lifestyles are taking a huge toll on these proud peoples. As someone who has traveled to, and lived in, many of these areas, it makes me sad.0 -
If I was taking care of someone like that and If they didn't like what I brought them I would just say get it yourself then. Tough love darn right. I would rather have someone yell and scream at me for more food then not have them here at all.0
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Well, I passed the bar exam a long time ago and I DON"T think the wife breached any legal duty to husband in this situation. No crime was committed. She may bear some moral responsibility but is not legal culpable unless he had been declared mentally incapacitated and she appointed as his guardian.0
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Why didn't she attend her husband's funeral?0
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Why in the world would you blame the doctors? They're not miracle workers.
This. When someone is that big, they have to lose some weight before doctors can do the surgery or they're more likely to die on the table.
With everyone lawsuit happy these days, I don't blame doctors a bit for not eating that bullet.0 -
Why didn't she attend her husband's funeral?
Shame? Guilt?
I can think of a number of reasons why you would find it hard to face the family in that situation0 -
bump0
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Whoever provided his food after the point he could not walk to get his own food, bares a heavy (no pun intended) responsibility.
That is just like pushing heroin onto smack heads, the only difference is the substance being abused.0 -
Considering the man has died, he has now paid the price for his addiction. Like other addicts, I agree with the post above, you wouldn't give a drug addict drugs and feed their habit when they are in rehab.
In saying that the wife was clearly a part of this sad story. The doctors are experts and had their reasons for not opening him up straight away, it would have been too risky and therefore they then would have been to blame should he have died on the operating table.
I think his wife will have to live with the fact she fed her husband to death. she would be blaming herself unless she's suffering from some sort of mental illness, that alone should be enough punishment to last her lifetime.0 -
The wife may be partially to blame as she could have just stopped responding to his demands for 10K calories worth of food, but that's a lot to ask.
Nonsense. If someone wants to destroy themselves you're under zero obligation to help them do it.0 -
The whole thing is just sad. I can't fathom how he let himself get to that point. I'm so uncomfortable at my weight...and I can walk/jog. Before it got THAT out of control, he had to of felt *something*... a *tug* that it is out of hand. Unfortunately noone helped him with his food addiction....that to me is sad. It took years to get to that point... so before it got that out of control someone should have stepped in and motivated him, helped him, encouraged him...and if he still refused to care...then he is to blame ultimately. We are responsible for our actions, no one else.
And as a caregiver myself, I won't lie, I would have given up on him.... because he gave up on himself. You can't make someone change. They are either going to do it, or they aren't. Period. :ohwell:0 -
The wife may be partially to blame as she could have just stopped responding to his demands for 10K calories worth of food, but that's a lot to ask.
Nonsense. If someone wants to destroy themselves you're under zero obligation to help them do it.
^^^ This ^^^
You can lead a horse to water...but you can't make him drink it. Old saying, but it still rings true today.0 -
i beleve they are feeders and yes should be charged...a person who is that weight would die of starvation if left. or at best loose some weight...so it has to be the feeders to blame0
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So very sad and tragic. The wife is classic co-dependent. She was feeding him to show him she loved him, and giving him 10,000 calories per day. I just saw the show on TLC, and I kept waiting to see when they were going to give the wife counseling, and no one ever did. How could they not recognize that she needed the same kind of counseling as Al-Anon (except instead of enabling the drinking, she was enabling the eating.) The doctors kept asking the couple for committment to reduce the calories, and the one time Cheryl was confronted, she got angry and left the room. At that point I thought "Finally, someone will get counseling for her..." but it never happened.
So who is to blame? Ricky for eating and Cheryl for feeding him. Like alcoholics, yes they are both at fault, but if only someone had recognized the psychological reasons behind the behavior, maybe there could have been a different outcome. And they have both paid such a price for being human, for being imperfect, him unto death and she will never forgive herself. If only someone had offered her counseling. I'll bet she would have taken it.0 -
He was to blame.
Although it would've been preferable if his wife didn't allow him to do this to himself, but i don't think she should be charged with a crime at all.0 -
Was he an adult? Yes.
He was capable of making his own decisions...if he had asked for lower amounts of food and the wife refused and beat him if he didn't clean his plate...that's one thing but he didn't do that...he wanted what he wanted regardless of the consequences.
Who are we do dictate what our spouses do?
Try telling your spouse to eat only meat, or go paleo or vegan and see how far you get....0 -
He was to blame. It was him who ate so much that he was unable to feed himself to begin with. She was most likely only complying with his requests for food (assuming he wasn't asking for healthy options) and ultimately he was the one choosing to consume the food. While she brought him the food, she didn't force feed him or make him eat it all. He always had a choice (ignoring that he was most likely a food addict which isn't his wife's fault anyway) about what and how much to eat and judging from the state he had allowed himself to get in, he had been making the wrong ones for a very long time.
A very sad case but the wife is not to blame.
The Doctor's are definitely not to blame as I'm sure they had very good reasons for refusing treatment (the massive risk factors that come with that kind of obesity or limited capacity of equiptment for example)0 -
I think people that big are suicidal but may have moral/ethical/religious reasons as to why they don't just out-right commit suicide so they eat themselves to death. I think if more time had been spent with doctors first addressing his mental health issues they then may have then succeeded in helping him lose weight. This is very sad and I don't think we should blame anyone, but try to understand so maybe we can all help other people.0
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