Religion being forced on me will soon ruin my diet...HELP.
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I think part of the problem is you are panicking. You've had some good suggestions in this thread, you know you have options. So, take a deep breath. Write down some of the suggestions you are going to try. Imagine what a day using those solutions would look like, and let yourself feel positive about how well that could work. Visualization is a great tool for helping you focus on positives, stay calm, and work through problems.
Also to help you cope I'd suggest you try positive self talk. I'm seeing a lot of "yes, but" type replies and I think that is contributing to your feeling trapped in your circumstances. Try rewording how you are thinking about the problem and the suggestions.
When you find yourself thinking a "yes, but", instead say "That is useful, I may be able to do that. I think my mom (or XYZ) may be a challenge, but I can try it. I will try it on Monday." Notice how this is still acknowledging how you feel, but puts more emphasis on the part of thinking the suggestion could work.
You can also use this to help break off negative thoughts. If you catch yourself stressing about your situation or repeating an argument with your mom in your mind over and over, tell yourself no, you don't need to feel bad/stressed/upset by this, you are going to let it go. Making a concious choice to not worry actually helps you not worry.
I know, the above sounds a bit strange, and may even feel weird to do at first, but I found it a big help for my PTSD after a house fire.
You are in a tough, and I imagine stressful, situation. I've seen family friends go though it. It's not easy when the parents are religious but the child isn't, or vice versa. I'm sure you'll get through it and in time your mom will understand this isn't a phase you'll get past.0 -
That is actually really helpful. I've just grown accustomed to being very negative and not believing enough in myself to think I can actually do anything right. I will definitely try that. Thanks for the suggestion.I think part of the problem is you are panicking. You've had some good suggestions in this thread, you know you have options. So, take a deep breath. Write down some of the suggestions you are going to try. Imagine what a day using those solutions would look like, and let yourself feel positive about how well that could work. Visualization is a great tool for helping you focus on positives, stay calm, and work through problems.
Also to help you cope I'd suggest you try positive self talk. I'm seeing a lot of "yes, but" type replies and I think that is contributing to your feeling trapped in your circumstances. Try rewording how you are thinking about the problem and the suggestions.
When you find yourself thinking a "yes, but", instead say "That is useful, I may be able to do that. I think my mom (or XYZ) may be a challenge, but I can try it. I will try it on Monday." Notice how this is still acknowledging how you feel, but puts more emphasis on the part of thinking the suggestion could work.
You can also use this to help break off negative thoughts. If you catch yourself stressing about your situation or repeating an argument with your mom in your mind over and over, tell yourself no, you don't need to feel bad/stressed/upset by this, you are going to let it go. Making a concious choice to not worry actually helps you not worry.
I know, the above sounds a bit strange, and may even feel weird to do at first, but I found it a big help for my PTSD after a house fire.
You are in a tough, and I imagine stressful, situation. I've seen family friends go though it. It's not easy when the parents are religious but the child isn't, or vice versa. I'm sure you'll get through it and in time your mom will understand this isn't a phase you'll get past.
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You have had some good advice, and I do agree that it seems more about control than religion. For a perspective of atheists from a Muslim background though, there are some groups out there that can help you. I don't have links but if you look at the Richard Dawkins foundation website there should be something there that can help.0
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Hey look what I found! I didn't read through the info, but obviously others are in the same boat with you! Scooby is known for his good advice, so check it out and tell us what you find.
http://scoobysworkshop.com/2013/06/16/nutrition-and-workout-strategies-for-bodybuilders-during-ramadan/
I have friends who stay up at night during Ramadan... eating, working out, visiting friends, the usual. You can do this, especially because you are not working right now! During the day find a sleep mask and an air-conditioned room and get your ZZZs in!
I know its going to be hard to keep the fast when you don't want to. But maybe out of respect for your family you could do it this way. I'm guessing that your mom is feeling some fear. She is raising a family in the west, and is surely afraid the the west is going to take her child away from her. Sometimes as parents we do wacky things! Even if you don't believe what she believes, you can show your love for her by doing this. You can still work out, eat right, and continue on in your pursuit of health and fitness. In fact, you my find that you are eating less during this time...many people do intermittent fasting in order to drop some weight... so maybe read up on that and work that into some of the hours you are awake in the daytime.
You are 20 years old... this is a tough time for young people and their parents. We want to be free of our parents, and start our own lives... but we still love them and need them. Show your mom you care, and at the same time create a nutrition and workout plan that will work for you. Find some friends who will do these midnight workouts with you... it could be fun! Good luck and keep us posted. There are many people here who love to give support and encouragement. Keep coming here when it gets tough so you don't end up fighting with your mom. You're doing great with your fitness and weight loss, Keep it going!0 -
Well I've done the sneaking food thing for the past 2 or 3 years now so I'm kind of used to it. I just don't think it's fair to be forced to fast when I'm not even Muslim.kinda off topic, but just wanted to throw out there that i'm very glad to see there isnt any Muslim bashing going on. very cool.
and on topic. i'm Muslim and will be starting the fast next week. its all about calories in vs out. if you decide to listen to your mum and fast, then its just about portion control. normally people will eat a small snack some dates and a drink to break fast and then pray, and then after that eat. this sort of suppresses the binging. well i just hope you are very careful when making your choice, because religion aside, its your mum. i'd feel too guilty about sneaking foods in and tricking my mum
but thats just me.
Her house. Her rules.
Don't like them? move out.
You sound like a complainer rather than a doer.0 -
Lying to your mother, although scary and painful, might be your only option. My mother is also very controlling, and the only way I discovered I could have a life of my own was by lying to her. Is lying a good thing? No. Is it sometimes vital? Yes.
If you have friends who will feed you you can cut down on food costs since you don't have a job.
If your mom is like mine, she'll probably eventually discover your ruse. This will lead to a very painful confrontation, but one that will help your growth as a person who can make her own decisions and is her own person.
Make plans with a friend or few to temporarily move in, if it comes to that. It is always easier to defy a person if you are apart from her
Best of luck! Be strong!0 -
Hey look what I found! I didn't read through the info, but obviously others are in the same boat with you! Scooby is known for his good advice, so check it out and tell us what you find.
http://scoobysworkshop.com/2013/06/16/nutrition-and-workout-strategies-for-bodybuilders-during-ramadan/
I have friends who stay up at night during Ramadan... eating, working out, visiting friends, the usual. You can do this, especially because you are not working right now! During the day find a sleep mask and an air-conditioned room and get your ZZZs in!
I know its going to be hard to keep the fast when you don't want to. But maybe out of respect for your family you could do it this way. I'm guessing that your mom is feeling some fear. She is raising a family in the west, and is surely afraid the the west is going to take her child away from her. Sometimes as parents we do wacky things! Even if you don't believe what she believes, you can show your love for her by doing this. You can still work out, eat right, and continue on in your pursuit of health and fitness. In fact, you my find that you are eating less during this time...many people do intermittent fasting in order to drop some weight... so maybe read up on that and work that into some of the hours you are awake in the daytime.
You are 20 years old... this is a tough time for young people and their parents. We want to be free of our parents, and start our own lives... but we still love them and need them. Show your mom you care, and at the same time create a nutrition and workout plan that will work for you. Find some friends who will do these midnight workouts with you... it could be fun! Good luck and keep us posted. There are many people here who love to give support and encouragement. Keep coming here when it gets tough so you don't end up fighting with your mom. You're doing great with your fitness and weight loss, Keep it going!
Beautifully said! And better than my own advice, if it comes to that...0 -
Well, excuse me for not liking the fact that I'm not even allowed to believe what I want to. It is MY life, you know. And if you had read the whole post, you'd see that I DO plan to move out. I just can't afford it right now. Seriously, if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't even say it at all.
Well I've done the sneaking food thing for the past 2 or 3 years now so I'm kind of used to it. I just don't think it's fair to be forced to fast when I'm not even Muslim.kinda off topic, but just wanted to throw out there that i'm very glad to see there isnt any Muslim bashing going on. very cool.
and on topic. i'm Muslim and will be starting the fast next week. its all about calories in vs out. if you decide to listen to your mum and fast, then its just about portion control. normally people will eat a small snack some dates and a drink to break fast and then pray, and then after that eat. this sort of suppresses the binging. well i just hope you are very careful when making your choice, because religion aside, its your mum. i'd feel too guilty about sneaking foods in and tricking my mum but thats just me.
Her house. Her rules.
Don't like them? move out.
You sound like a complainer rather than a doer.0 -
You have my sympathy- I'm not Muslim but I know what it feels like to grow away from the religion in which you were raised when your family still practices it faithfully.
Try detaching yourself from it a little. Would you eat a hamburger in front of your Hindu friends? Would you conspicuously enjoy a food forbidden by a friend's religion in front of that friend? Probably not. You don't have to agree with what they believe to practice some courtesy and respect. If I had a Muslim coworker, for example, I'd probably try very hard not to eat in front of them during Ramadan, out of respect for their beliefs. It doesn't mean I agree with them.
Applying it to your situation- you live in a house full of people who are fasting. Try to respect and support what they're doing even though you don't share their beliefs. Try to find ways to work your own diet around those constraints. I do 5:2 fasting, which I realize is a totally different pattern, and it's good discipline to learn to ignore hunger pangs temporarily. (But if I were you I'd still go out to the library and use a drinking fountain!)0 -
I am very sorry you are having to go through this. I am a Christian and although I haven't experienced it personally, this kind of thing happens in our church too. I invite my children to participate, but I don't demand it. I hope you and you family can find some common ground. Good luck!0
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From the other point of view though, it sounds like you only recently told your parents you were atheist? I mean, last year with Ramadan they didn't know, right? From your mom's point of view, isn't it also possible that she is being overbearing and forceful because - as she is a muslim - she cares for you and wants what she considers is the right religion for you, and believes that otherwise you are going to hell?
So is it possible for you to show her, or both your parents, through your actions - that you are still their daughter, and a good person, who is just making some different choices from them? Not just sit them down and explain it, but really show them?
And I guess in that vein I feel that as long as you are living at your parents house, it might be more respectful to go along and fast with them - at least for this year. I don't think it will ruin your diet, and it obviously means a LOT to your mom, so that could be a good and honorable thing to do for them this year. So maybe just not have food while you are in the house, and try to show your parents that you are still the same good and loving and caring person, but that you just don't have the same religion as them.
It's just my mom that's Muslim. Not my dad. And yeah, I guess I only just recently told her. It was last year around this time, so.
Wonder if there is something in the Quran relating to your parents' situation (Muslim woman married to a non-Muslim husband).0 -
Take a look at the 16:8 form of intermittent fasting. People are getting some great results with this. Why not use Ramadan as a 30 day trial run at it, if nothing else you may find that the 30 days of doing something completely different helps your overall health/weight loss goals - and if it gives you a personal reason for sticking to the rules of Ramadan, may help reduce family tension over the month.
However you tackle the problem, I hope it works for you, nothing worse than family tensions.0 -
Lol. That's a WHOLE other issue. :PIt's just my mom that's Muslim. Not my dad. And yeah, I guess I only just recently told her. It was last year around this time, so.
Wonder if there is something in the Quran relating to your parents' situation (Muslim woman married to a non-Muslim husband).0 -
That is so childish.
It seems like a child rebellion against parents.
If you don't like your parents' rules, move out from the house. When you live alone and pay your own bills, you can make your own rules. If you can't afford it, be grateful they're welcoming you in their house. But there's absolutely no need to hurt their feelings.
I'm pretty sure they're hurt already that it's Ramadan time and her little baby got crazy and offensive. If you live in Muslim community or in Islamic country, the whole family will be judged if their daughter is acting like that.0 -
I cant offer much advice but just to wish you all the best. You are in a difficult situation and Yes in an ideal world you could find a job and move out.
It does seem that your mum is using religion as a way of keeping control. I'm not a Muslim but do have a few Muslim friends and even I know that there are certain rules that HAVE to be followed.
I would either sneak snacks in or as others have suggested turn your day round so you sleep during the day.
Good Luck Hun0 -
Ramadan isn't about suffering. It's cleaning your soul, mind and body. No bad thoughts allowed, no jealousy, no anger. People should have only kindness and mercy, and be grateful for everything they have.
Its a holy month when people get closer to Allah.
During the break fast, whole family comes together to celebrate. Often friends come over too. Sometimes people go to restaurants that make big breakfasts for their guests. There's a whole ritual about break fast during Ramadan with praying. Sometimes exchange small gifts, often give big gifts to each other the last night of Ramadan. It's family and friends time. Think of Christmas but for a month. Most Muslims are waiting for Ramadan and excited as Christians about Christmas.
That's why it really hurts to see a young girl so angry and hateful towards such a happy time.What do you do during Ramadan if you are diabetic or hypoglycemic?
if you're sick you're not supposed to fast. There are a lot of people who are exempt, or for whom fasting is optional based on how you feel. Including the sick (includes long term medical conditions like diabetes that would be made worse by fasting), pregnant women, breastfeeding women, during menstruation, anyone who's travelling more than a certain distance (around 30 miles or so if I recall correctly), children below puberty age, and probably some others
so if someone has any medical condition that's made worse by fasting, they're exempt from fasting.
anyone who's exempt would eat in private out of respect for those fasting, and would still join in with iftar meals to be sociable, and also join in the prayers, and if you have the intention to fast but can't, e.g. due to illness, you get the reward of someone who fasted
some missed fasts, e.g. due to a temporary illness, menstruation, travelling (i.e. all temporary conditions) are made up later in the year, i.e. extra days of fasting to make up those missed during Ramadan. Long term issues, such as chronic illness, then you can give charity in lieu of fasting
Our family doctor is Muslim and this is what he explained to us. For him it was a culture thing, not so much about suffering. If you couldn't or shouldn't fast , it doesn't mean you don't respect the reasons or traditions behind it. I remember one time my cousin was pregnant and hadn't seen a doctor in three or four months. He was fasting, one of his daughter was pregnant and unwell = one cranky doctor/ grandparent . Mum thought it was funny because my cousin was /is irresponsible and someone had to tell her
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I don't think I can offer you more advice as you've already received some great thoughts. I just wanted to pop in and say that I support you, as I feel everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and values.
You're in a hard spot, but knowing you have strength in your conviction will long out-weigh the negative effects.
Best of luck!0 -
HAH. If only. :PCall social services and claim you are being held hostage with no food or water for hours.
Could work though. You are being forced against your will to paricipate in a religious holiday you don't believe in. To throw some "tough love" out there....grow some stones and take control of your life. Do you have friends that you could live with for awhile? Get on calling your school IMMEDIATELY. If you aren't finding a job in your field right now, apply in another field until you get a bite in your field. Money is great to have regardless of wether you got it in the medical field or flipping burgers....as an added bonus it gets you that much closer to being away from your mom.0 -
I only read through the first page of responses so I apologize if this has been suggested...but what if you accepted/embraced the fasting?
Do it for your own reasons, make it YOUR choice to do. You're in an untenable position. You could move out and destroy your relationship with your mom and security, or you can change how you're viewing the fasting and make it personal for you...a test of your own will, a payment for temporary living reasons. Try to take the frustration and control out of the situation.
Eat if and when you can. The diet is secondary...you can always go back on a diet after the 30 days, but it is much harder to find a job and support yourself at this time. I hope that helps.0 -
Her house. Her rules.
Don't like them? move out.
You sound like a complainer rather than a doer.
Spend no time reading this post or even thinking of this. The advice is worthless when she has no idea of your family nor is constructive
You just kep a positive attitude going forward.0
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