He called me fat..
Options
tequilasunris3
Posts: 197
First of all I'd like to say that this isn't a call out for attention, nor am I fishing for compliments. I thought I was a strong girl who could deal with negative comments until two nights ago when I went out to meet some friends, and well, I was wrong.
I'd just finished a ten hour shift at work and I was really tired and a little cranky however that evening I had promised to see some friends our local Wetherspoons as it was one of my friend's birthdays. There was my best friend, her partner, let's call him Dave (not his real name, I don't think I can even bring myself to say his real name) Somebody who Dave used to work with and his girlfriend, both of whom are overweight. Dave and I have a history of bickering, like brother and sister, but never ever anything personal. My boyfriend was working away that night and so couldnt make it, so it ended up two couples and me. I kind of felt like the spare part at first because my boyfriend is almost always there but after a couple of drinks I began to feel better about the situation. There were also lots of people in the beer garden.
Anyway let's get to the point.. as the drinks went down the conversation got loud and turned to sex. I was tuning in and out of the conversation at that point as I was texting my boyfriend. Something along the lines of "you should get a fatty, they love a bit of sex" was said to Dave to which he turned to me and said the exact words infront of about ten people "Yeah, fatty's love it, don't they (my name)?" ..everybody started laughing, including the overweight people.. hysterically actually. I just sat there holding the tears back for ten minutes wondering whether to just get up and walk away or.. well I don't know what else I would have done. After about 20 minutes Dave went up to get a drink. I turned to his girlfriend, my best friend and asked her how she could put up with him doing that sort of thing to her friends, told her that I wouldnt be coming to her flat ever again and that I just can't believe what just happened. Meanwhile overweight couple are still sat right next to me laughing their heads off. I still feel like crying. There's no way he would have spoken to me in that way if my boyfriend was there.
I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation where you are with a large group of people you see as friends, and then being humiliated and just wanting the ground to swallow you up there and then?
Not sure if anyone will actually read all of this. Just needed to get it off my chest.
I'd just finished a ten hour shift at work and I was really tired and a little cranky however that evening I had promised to see some friends our local Wetherspoons as it was one of my friend's birthdays. There was my best friend, her partner, let's call him Dave (not his real name, I don't think I can even bring myself to say his real name) Somebody who Dave used to work with and his girlfriend, both of whom are overweight. Dave and I have a history of bickering, like brother and sister, but never ever anything personal. My boyfriend was working away that night and so couldnt make it, so it ended up two couples and me. I kind of felt like the spare part at first because my boyfriend is almost always there but after a couple of drinks I began to feel better about the situation. There were also lots of people in the beer garden.
Anyway let's get to the point.. as the drinks went down the conversation got loud and turned to sex. I was tuning in and out of the conversation at that point as I was texting my boyfriend. Something along the lines of "you should get a fatty, they love a bit of sex" was said to Dave to which he turned to me and said the exact words infront of about ten people "Yeah, fatty's love it, don't they (my name)?" ..everybody started laughing, including the overweight people.. hysterically actually. I just sat there holding the tears back for ten minutes wondering whether to just get up and walk away or.. well I don't know what else I would have done. After about 20 minutes Dave went up to get a drink. I turned to his girlfriend, my best friend and asked her how she could put up with him doing that sort of thing to her friends, told her that I wouldnt be coming to her flat ever again and that I just can't believe what just happened. Meanwhile overweight couple are still sat right next to me laughing their heads off. I still feel like crying. There's no way he would have spoken to me in that way if my boyfriend was there.
I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation where you are with a large group of people you see as friends, and then being humiliated and just wanting the ground to swallow you up there and then?
Not sure if anyone will actually read all of this. Just needed to get it off my chest.
0
Replies
-
Big hugs missus, i know the feeling, but hey you're doing something to change it by being on here! he on the other hand will always be ugly on the inside with thoughts likes that!!0
-
I haven't experienced that exact scenario but I DID have a best friend who's boyfriend was a royal a**hole and would constantly belittle her AND all of her friends. He would call HER fat and even cheated on her! I had a miscarriage around age 20 (which is a lot more common than I thought) and he called me out in front of all of our friends saying I had an abortion. Which I didn't, and I was already going through enough at that point. My BEST FRIEND didn't say a single word to stand up for me... nothing. I just sat there and bit my tongue, like the bigger person. It took me 3 years to finally kick em both to the curb cause her self esteem was too low to stick up for herself, leave him, or care enough to let him not treat her friends that way. I hate to say it -- but that might be the case here. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but sometimes you just have to cut your losses...0
-
I think you handled it well. I would have just gotten up and walked away, probably in tears. At least your 'friend' now knows why she's an ex-friend. Stand strong - you don't need those type of friends.0
-
I don't even know how you continued to sit there...I can completely understand how you feel, all of us here likely have gone through some stupid situation like this.. which is sickening. I am really sorry you had to go through that!0
-
Thanks for your replies Ladies
And yes, my best friend and her boyfriend are exactly the same. He is an absolout a-hole to her aswell and has been for ages. She wont leave him though. Nor will she do much about him calling me fat either. He also told me to "go have a shave" once, because I have quite obvious blonde facial hair. I think you might be right about kicking them both to the curb..0 -
Oh honey, he is not worth your sadness. I will tell you that when I was a young woman, someone saw my face and asked a friend to fix us up. we were to meet at this hotel bar and when he saw me (fully body) he snuck away.
Sometimes people are just cruel but it is up to you to not let them define you... HUGE HUGS0 -
Sorry you had to go through that. People are ****s.
And I would have told those other over weight girls to shut the hell up.0 -
Ouch.
Wasn't a public thing, but I was in a sexless marriage and my wife told me it was because of my weight. Imagine my surprise when I lost 100 pounds and nothing changed.
People can be mean, sometimes on purpose, other times without intent. I really wish I had some magic words for you but I don't. You've got some insight into what sort of character this person is and you can now make an informed decision about whether this is the type of person you want to surround yourself with.0 -
Ugh that's just so awful!! And it's worse your friend didn't stand up for you. I hope you know that this is more a commentary on those people than it is on you.0
-
People just don't get it...Commenting on someone's weight is not okay, even if it's in a joking manner! I went on a couple dates about 6 months ago with a guy who was a good 100+ pounds heavier than me. However, that was a none-issue. At that time, I weighed about 130 pounds. I was on the heavier side for my height, but I felt fantastic. After the second date, he called me to tell me that he wasn't interested since I was "too fat" for him.
I have a few friends who are heavier and "proud' that they are that size. They don't try to be healthy and they're always making "fat" jokes. It drives me insane that they think it's okay - one has no idea what someone else is going through and how they feel about their weight. Ughh. (Sorry, I definitely empathize with you.)0 -
get rid of these people0
-
Ouch. I would absolutely not stand for that.
Some times people say really mean things. Invest in friends who think you are beautiful on the outside and inside. You do not need people like that in your life.0 -
Ugh that's just so awful!! And it's worse your friend didn't stand up for you. I hope you know that this is more a commentary on those people than it is on you.
This. ^^ People can be such a**wipes sometimes. It horrible that in this case one of the a-wipes was supposed to be friend. But you can't control others. There's not much to do except shake it off.0 -
You likely couldn't have said anything anyway to make him feel sorry for his rude comment. Stay away from that jerk. You don't need his ignorance bringing you down. I grew up with relatives like him, always poking fun at other people (including me). If I said anything back, I was made to be the one at fault. Like if I told a joke at their expense, I was just being mean (but somehow their joke wasn't?). And if I straight up told them their joke hurt my feelings, I was being too sensitive (whatever that's supposed to mean).
I'm surprised your friend didn't stick up for you. Is she afraid of her boyfriend? Or does she usually not care?0 -
"Dave" is not worth thinking about. He is an insecure idiot who has to put others down to elevate himself. I guarantee you that he has nothing to satisfy his girlfriend with! When this occurs to me, I just fake a small smile, gently say thank you, calmly get up, and leave. The Daves of the world will look like complete idiots with that response. Then I try everything that I can to leave the ignorant things said behind also. I have learned that I am worth more than to put myself in the company of hurtful people. Life is too short, and we deserve better. It is their loss.0
-
She is not a friend. Move along, nothing to do here.0
-
That is so terrible I am SO sorry! People stink and their attitudes just show what type of people they are. All you can do is rise above it and be the better person. But, what also is crappy is that your friend didn't do anything about it. If you ever need any support please feel free to add me!0
-
People just never realize how much a few words can mean-either good or Bad-keep your head high!0
-
It's hard, but good to get rid of people like this. I've cleaned my life of a few. It all boils down to themselves being unhappy with who they are, and unleashing negativity towards the world around them.
Cut them off, in my opinion. You need support not a-holes.
Hugs, I know how crappy it can feel.0 -
Dave is a jerk. Maybe you could tell him to find his magnifying glass, as he seems to need it ...0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.6K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 387 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.2K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 911 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions