He called me fat..

Surround yourself with kind, helpful, caring people as best you can. It is hard to leave a frienship, but in the long run it doesn't seem like you'll be losing much. I'd guess he is prolly really insecure and feels better about himself by pointing out his perceived flaws in others.

That being said, I think you showed immense strenghth and restraint. If I had been sitting there and one of my friends was humiliated in this fashion I would have gone all mama bear on his *kitten*. Prolly not on behalf of myself, but for someone I loved and cared for...oh HELL yes. Just be done with all the douchebaggery in entirety.

:flowerforyou:

What a JERK!!! I would have reacted the same way you did!!! I am so sorry.

That guy sounds like an immature douche nozzle, and I wouldn't take anything he says and attach weight to it. Seems like he's the sort who's threatened by the relationship you have with his girlfriend. He's likely as abusive to her as he is to you, which means he's trying to debilitate her support system. If you see more of this behavior, or your friend talks to you about feeling demoralized, I'd advise her to get out. This situation really wasn't about you at all; it was about his girlfriend, and you played right into his hand by making your friend responsible for his behavior and telling her you wouldn't be coming to her flat anymore. Don't let this douche ruin your friendship...he's clearly of the psychologically abusive variety. I hope he won't be in your lives much longer.

He's a loser and probably secretly likes you. Don't sweat it, people like that are simply insecure in themselves and need attention from others! You are beautiful no matter what weight you are. God Bless Hun.

You could call his behaviour, jerkish, immature, insensitive - but nothing more. He may not have any idea he's really upset you. However, if his behaviour is, as you say, also directed towards his girlfriend then perhaps this girlfriend will one day need your support. If he belittles and criticises her, or is verbally abusive or abusive in other ways, that will have had a terrible effect on her confidence and she may not believe she can find anyone better (hence staying with him) or be afraid to leave. His behaviour may be slowly isolating her from her friends. You can certainly put the stoppers on your friendship with them, but consider telling your friend that any time she chooses to leave him the door is open for friendship again. I don't know if this is the situation - I may well be completely wrong - but it is not an issue anyone else has mentioned in their answers, and it's worth thinking about whether there is something to it.

Your friend's boyfriend sounds like an *kitten*. However, for your sake, is it possible that he was saying that just because the very overweight couple was around? Sometimes in a group setting/conversation, if there are people that have an overwhelmingly noticeable trait/characteristic (in this case the couple was very overweight) others will make jabs/'jokes' towards another person in the group that DOESN'T have such traits, in order to make those who do (very over weight couple) feel good or to sort of suck up to them, or relieve any awkwardness if there was any, etc (the possibilities list is endless).

In fact, when the scenario that I am describing happens, the person who is called whatever it may be (that the others in the group/conversation are- fat, ugly, pimply, etc) they are anything but what they are being called or poked fun at. I have seen this many times, on multiple occasions I have witnessed group interactions where there will be 'bigger' or chubbier people present and one person (or even two) will make comments to a non-fat, even very skinny person about how they are eating so much food or how they are pigging out or other comments of the variety that one would think the person should be saying to the overweight people.

Of course, the people at the other end (in this case the overweight couple) feel GREAT even though another is having such things that would be of accuracy if it were directed towards them, said to them. It makes them feel good for the attention on this subject to be on another person, especially if they are the opposite of whatever they are. This also makes the 'comment maker' or in this case your friend's *kitten* boyfriend, feel good as well, since he is causing the others to have this reaction.

Don't sweat it.

GOOD FOR YOU for venting and for handling it the way you did.....my guess is he treats her the exact same way (as in, he clearly has no respect for women). Don't take it personally (yeah, I know that is impossible) but his unhappiness doesn't have to crush you and what you are achieving by being here. Put it behind you and be glad he's not your boyfriend!

Too bad you couldn't have found something he's equally sensitive about to retort back about. I suggest trying baldness, penis size, chicken legs, poor fashion, IQ, disability to drink w/o getting n00b wasted, or manliness in general.

Might as well think of something in case you see them again. I knew a guy who liked to make fun of all his fat friends yo their face but it was a different story if someone called him bald.

Don't worry, I'm working on it.

Thanks for your replies Ladies

And yes, my best friend and her boyfriend are exactly the same. He is an absolout a-hole to her aswell and has been for ages. She wont leave him though. Nor will she do much about him calling me fat either.

How awful for you and I think you handled it with class.

You are probably going to have to stay away from your friend in order to not have to deal with him. If she is not strong enough to stand up for herself she probably isn't going to be strong enough to stand up for someone else. From your description she sounds weak or insecure, not deliberately mean. Until she finds some spine or gets some help I doubt you will get support from her, so find a new BF and maybe, when she is able to be strong enough to stand up to him (which will probably cause him to leave) and apologize to you, you can recreate a friendship.

Cheer up hun and just get him back next time.

A really close guy friend of mine told me "You must be working out wrong because you seem a lot heavier than the last time i saw you" (despite actually being about 10 lbs less).... i still think its the most offensive thing he could have said to me ever... but i held my feelings until i got home and just replied with a "and when was the last time you hit the gym?" and rubbed his beer gut. he quit laughing and everyone else in our group thought it was hilarious.

Great support and comments here. I have only one thing to add and it is the same thing I always told my kids (and remind myself) when you deal with insensitive bullish people. HIS comment and lack of sensitivity have NOTHING to do with you or your size. HIS behavior is all about HIM and HIS DEFICIENCIES! Perhaps not only his mind is small and he is making up for it by acting like a big one instead :drinker:

Be blessed, Be happy, Be motivated!
Deb
(always looking for friends : )

I haven't experienced that exact scenario but I DID have a best friend who's boyfriend was a royal a**hole and would constantly belittle her AND all of her friends. He would call HER fat and even cheated on her! I had a miscarriage around age 20 (which is a lot more common than I thought) and he called me out in front of all of our friends saying I had an abortion. Which I didn't, and I was already going through enough at that point. My BEST FRIEND didn't say a single word to stand up for me... nothing. I just sat there and bit my tongue, like the bigger person. It took me 3 years to finally kick em both to the curb cause her self esteem was too low to stick up for herself, leave him, or care enough to let him not treat her friends that way. I hate to say it -- but that might be the case here. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but sometimes you just have to cut your losses...

This very similar thing happened to me and my boyfriend of the time knew how insecure I was and my best friend at the time just let her boyfriend bash me and my boyfriend stood up standing a total of 6'7 and her boyfriend is 5'7 said "bro say one more thing about my girl and we gone fight in this house." and my friend turned to me and told me I was rude and my boyfriend ain't s*** and that I should have known her boyfriend was just playing by calling me chunky or porky or fat *kitten*.....lesson learned...THANK GOD!!!

get rid of these people

^^^ THIS FOR SURE ^^^

Stick with people who *celebrate* you and *support* you, not ones that tolerate you.

I'm sorry.

On the other side of the coin, I saw my ex-husband (*EX* for a very good reason as you'll see) recently after losing 75 lbs. He told *me* that I now look scrawny, that I have a "chicken neck", and that I "don't look healthy". Hmmm. My doctor thinks otherwise ... as does my wonderful current husband. I can do more than I've been able to in a long time. The only issue is ... I guess it's not good because, at 58 almost 59, I don't look like I'm 21 ... which is fine by me.

So my point is ... this is much the reason why he's *ex* ... get rid of the people that aren't there for you NO MATTER WHAT. You and your time and your psyche and your self-image are worth more than that.

What and awful experence. You are teh better person for not saying somthign horrible right back to him and instead addressing with your friend aside. I hope you know that they arn't worth worryign about and that you can find better friends. Good luck meetign your weightloss goals.