He called me fat..

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  • tequilasunris3
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    Yeah that's a little tacky but maybe he didn't mean it. Sometimes I call my sister fatty and she's about 8stone ( 112lbs) Or be honest with yourself, are you overweight? Fat is just another word for it. It's just a word after all and maybe it was just banter. Maybe he shouldn't have said it but maybe it hurt you because it's true? If that's the case use it to fuel you and help you get to your goal.

    Yes he did mean it. I've known him for 2 years and I know for a fact he meant it. Even if he didn't, it's not a nice "joke" is it? Be honest with myself? Yes of course I'm overweight or I wouldn't be here. If he'd have called me overweight then fine, yes I am. It would have been insulting but not as bad as what He actually said. Something tells me you didn't read my whole post.
  • tequilasunris3
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    That guy sounds like an immature douche nozzle, and I wouldn't take anything he says and attach weight to it. Seems like he's the sort who's threatened by the relationship you have with his girlfriend. He's likely as abusive to her as he is to you, which means he's trying to debilitate her support system.

    SPOT ON
  • deb_137
    deb_137 Posts: 38 Member
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    Great support and comments here. I have only one thing to add and it is the same thing I always told my kids (and remind myself) when you deal with insensitive bullish people. HIS comment and lack of sensitivity have NOTHING to do with you or your size. HIS behavior is all about HIM and HIS DEFICIENCIES! Perhaps not only his mind is small and he is making up for it by acting like a big one instead :drinker:

    Be blessed, Be happy, Be motivated!
    Deb
    (always looking for friends : )
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    Yes, I have been humiliated in a group before and nobody seemed to notice anything wrong with what was said. You know - the humiliation is really more in how you take what was said than in what was said in and of itself. The other overweight people in your group didn't seem to take it bad. I guess they aren't sensitive in the same way that you are.

    I would have been more upset with somebody implying that I like to have sex (ewwwwww!) than in being fat. I know I'm fat; it's a fact.
  • dedicationandcommitment
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    I haven't experienced that exact scenario but I DID have a best friend who's boyfriend was a royal a**hole and would constantly belittle her AND all of her friends. He would call HER fat and even cheated on her! I had a miscarriage around age 20 (which is a lot more common than I thought) and he called me out in front of all of our friends saying I had an abortion. Which I didn't, and I was already going through enough at that point. My BEST FRIEND didn't say a single word to stand up for me... nothing. I just sat there and bit my tongue, like the bigger person. It took me 3 years to finally kick em both to the curb cause her self esteem was too low to stick up for herself, leave him, or care enough to let him not treat her friends that way. I hate to say it -- but that might be the case here. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but sometimes you just have to cut your losses...


    This very similar thing happened to me and my boyfriend of the time knew how insecure I was and my best friend at the time just let her boyfriend bash me and my boyfriend stood up standing a total of 6'7 and her boyfriend is 5'7 said "bro say one more thing about my girl and we gone fight in this house." and my friend turned to me and told me I was rude and my boyfriend ain't s*** and that I should have known her boyfriend was just playing by calling me chunky or porky or fat *kitten*.....lesson learned...THANK GOD!!!
  • chadraeder3
    chadraeder3 Posts: 279 Member
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    Sticks and stones, Stick and Stones.

    Maybe you should have came back at him with something like "Well even the most sex starved fatty wouldn't F**k you" or something about his penis size, I am sure you could come up with something that would cut his psyche to ribbons.
  • dreamer722
    dreamer722 Posts: 57 Member
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    get rid of these people

    ^^^ THIS FOR SURE ^^^

    Stick with people who *celebrate* you and *support* you, not ones that tolerate you.

    I'm sorry.

    On the other side of the coin, I saw my ex-husband (*EX* for a very good reason as you'll see) recently after losing 75 lbs. He told *me* that I now look scrawny, that I have a "chicken neck", and that I "don't look healthy". Hmmm. My doctor thinks otherwise ... as does my wonderful current husband. I can do more than I've been able to in a long time. The only issue is ... I guess it's not good because, at 58 almost 59, I don't look like I'm 21 ... which is fine by me.

    So my point is ... this is much the reason why he's *ex* ... get rid of the people that aren't there for you NO MATTER WHAT. You and your time and your psyche and your self-image are worth more than that.

    :smile:
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,473 Member
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    well, this should make you want to get thin then.
  • fuhrmeister
    fuhrmeister Posts: 1,796 Member
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    What and awful experence. You are teh better person for not saying somthign horrible right back to him and instead addressing with your friend aside. I hope you know that they arn't worth worryign about and that you can find better friends. Good luck meetign your weightloss goals.
  • tequilasunris3
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    well, this should make you want to get thin then.

    I have already lost 25lbs in total, do you not think I am trying?
  • lisamarie1780
    lisamarie1780 Posts: 432 Member
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    First of all I'd like to say that this isn't a call out for attention, nor am I fishing for compliments. I thought I was a strong girl who could deal with negative comments until two nights ago when I went out to meet some friends, and well, I was wrong.

    I'd just finished a ten hour shift at work and I was really tired and a little cranky however that evening I had promised to see some friends our local Wetherspoons as it was one of my friend's birthdays. There was my best friend, her partner, let's call him Dave (not his real name, I don't think I can even bring myself to say his real name) Somebody who Dave used to work with and his girlfriend, both of whom are overweight. Dave and I have a history of bickering, like brother and sister, but never ever anything personal. My boyfriend was working away that night and so couldnt make it, so it ended up two couples and me. I kind of felt like the spare part at first because my boyfriend is almost always there but after a couple of drinks I began to feel better about the situation. There were also lots of people in the beer garden.

    Anyway let's get to the point.. as the drinks went down the conversation got loud and turned to sex. I was tuning in and out of the conversation at that point as I was texting my boyfriend. Something along the lines of "you should get a fatty, they love a bit of sex" was said to Dave to which he turned to me and said the exact words infront of about ten people "Yeah, fatty's love it, don't they (my name)?" ..everybody started laughing, including the overweight people.. hysterically actually. I just sat there holding the tears back for ten minutes wondering whether to just get up and walk away or.. well I don't know what else I would have done. After about 20 minutes Dave went up to get a drink. I turned to his girlfriend, my best friend and asked her how she could put up with him doing that sort of thing to her friends, told her that I wouldnt be coming to her flat ever again and that I just can't believe what just happened. Meanwhile overweight couple are still sat right next to me laughing their heads off. I still feel like crying. There's no way he would have spoken to me in that way if my boyfriend was there.

    I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation where you are with a large group of people you see as friends, and then being humiliated and just wanting the ground to swallow you up there and then?

    Not sure if anyone will actually read all of this. Just needed to get it off my chest.

    number 1) people use the term friend too loosely nowadays .... a friend is a rare thing and by the time you draw your pension you can probably count your REAL friends on one hand. People who you drink with are not necessarily friends

    2) This boy (and I do say 'boy' because real men don't talk that way to women) obviously is very insecure and unsure of himself. He counteracts this by belittling people for laughs.... makes him feel good. Don't confuse that with the truth.... what he says has nothing to do with truth, he's looking for laughs and admiration

    3) You know and I know that you're cute and hot... your boyfriend knows too.... and like you said, if your boyfriend would have been there then fun boy would have had nothing to say.

    He's a coward and a loser and he gains his ups by putting other people down. Brush it off. It's meaningless crap.
  • ange140986
    ange140986 Posts: 8 Member
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    Aww well done for being so strong! I think wouldn't have had the confidence to even stand up to my friend so good on you for being so strong! He sounds like a very stupid little angry man! If you watch South Park there is a episode that basically comes to the conclusion that little angry men seem to have small d**ks, hence why they are angry all the time. When I meet guys like this, I like to think they have a lot of spare space in their boxer shorts lol

    You are not alone, don't worry! I know I've had experiences where even my family has felt it ok to say things in front of everyone to put me down and I have got rid of them out of my life and, if I were you, I would do the same with them both. Clearly they are not worth your time or effort. They sound like they drain you, including your friend, and what is the point in being friends with them when they make you feel this way.

    I hope you feel better and I just wish I could give you a big hug!
  • tequilasunris3
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    !!!! I would love love love to reply to you all but there are just so many lovely and supportive comments that have been made in response to my post. Thank you to everyone who took time to comment, it's made me feel a bit better :) !!!!!

    and to the couple of people who have said "but did he really mean it?" and "fat isn't an insult" yes he did, and no, fat is just a word really, a describing word.. and it does describe me, but when it's said in a way that is intending to insult someone, yes it is an insult! and even if he didnt think it would offend me, he was playing with fire because the majority of girls and guys I know that are overweight would not react well to being called fat. In any situation.
  • tequilasunris3
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    First of all I'd like to say that this isn't a call out for attention, nor am I fishing for compliments. I thought I was a strong girl who could deal with negative comments until two nights ago when I went out to meet some friends, and well, I was wrong.

    I'd just finished a ten hour shift at work and I was really tired and a little cranky however that evening I had promised to see some friends our local Wetherspoons as it was one of my friend's birthdays. There was my best friend, her partner, let's call him Dave (not his real name, I don't think I can even bring myself to say his real name) Somebody who Dave used to work with and his girlfriend, both of whom are overweight. Dave and I have a history of bickering, like brother and sister, but never ever anything personal. My boyfriend was working away that night and so couldnt make it, so it ended up two couples and me. I kind of felt like the spare part at first because my boyfriend is almost always there but after a couple of drinks I began to feel better about the situation. There were also lots of people in the beer garden.

    Anyway let's get to the point.. as the drinks went down the conversation got loud and turned to sex. I was tuning in and out of the conversation at that point as I was texting my boyfriend. Something along the lines of "you should get a fatty, they love a bit of sex" was said to Dave to which he turned to me and said the exact words infront of about ten people "Yeah, fatty's love it, don't they (my name)?" ..everybody started laughing, including the overweight people.. hysterically actually. I just sat there holding the tears back for ten minutes wondering whether to just get up and walk away or.. well I don't know what else I would have done. After about 20 minutes Dave went up to get a drink. I turned to his girlfriend, my best friend and asked her how she could put up with him doing that sort of thing to her friends, told her that I wouldnt be coming to her flat ever again and that I just can't believe what just happened. Meanwhile overweight couple are still sat right next to me laughing their heads off. I still feel like crying. There's no way he would have spoken to me in that way if my boyfriend was there.

    I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation where you are with a large group of people you see as friends, and then being humiliated and just wanting the ground to swallow you up there and then?

    Not sure if anyone will actually read all of this. Just needed to get it off my chest.

    number 1) people use the term friend too loosely nowadays .... a friend is a rare thing and by the time you draw your pension you can probably count your REAL friends on one hand. People who you drink with are not necessarily friends

    2) This boy (and I do say 'boy' because real men don't talk that way to women) obviously is very insecure and unsure of himself. He counteracts this by belittling people for laughs.... makes him feel good. Don't confuse that with the truth.... what he says has nothing to do with truth, he's looking for laughs and admiration

    3) You know and I know that you're cute and hot... your boyfriend knows too.... and like you said, if your boyfriend would have been there then fun boy would have had nothing to say.

    He's a coward and a loser and he gains his ups by putting other people down. Brush it off. It's meaningless crap.

    <3<3<3
  • danivee33
    danivee33 Posts: 33
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    k, it doesn't sound like he actually called you fat. Is your boyfriend overweight? He could been talking about your boyfriend, when couples are together a lot of people just assume they're sexually active, I don't know if you are or not. Also, there was a lot of alcohol so I wouldn't be too upset.

    If this happens again, you should say (even if he isn't that heavy) "what are you asking me for? You should know!"

    Usually the shock and awe from that ends the conversation. LOL
  • philodoxdreams
    philodoxdreams Posts: 9 Member
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    The only thing I have to compare this to in my life is an incident that happened 15 years ago when I was pregnant with my eldest son. I was about 7 months pregnant and at a friend's house with a bunch of other people. One girl there said to me in front of everyone "you know I don't know how you do it. I could never ruin my body that way" . To say I was insulted would be an understatement. A lot of people heard it - not a single person said anything about it. A few people came to me privately and said how they couldn't believe she had said something so callous and thoughtless but again no one ever said boo to her. I should have, but honestly, I was too shocked to say much of anything at all at the time. It was all I could do not to cry.

    Most of those people are no longer in my life and really, Im fine with that. :) Friends support you and stand beside you to face challenges - they don't sit idle and watch you flail around on your own.
  • phyllisbobbitt
    phyllisbobbitt Posts: 347 Member
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    :flowerforyou: i think everyone who has ever been overweight has been faced with something similar to what happened to you! it is not a good feeling but just see it for what it is! a stupid man that has no caring ability whatsoever! i'm glad you feel better since you wrote about it! sometimes we just have to express ourselves!
  • MargaretSans
    MargaretSans Posts: 54 Member
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    You might need new friends! But sometimes when people can openenly tease you about things like that they think the exact opposite is true or that you are a confident secure person who wouldnt take offense bcause you are so far from being fat.
  • allisonrozsa
    allisonrozsa Posts: 178 Member
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    I'm sorry that happened, however, don't take it at face value. Being that you all had a few drinks and your history of bickering like brother & sister, it's no surprise that this eventually happened. Often when people joke it's at another persons expense, whether it is weight, sense of time, style, a personality trait, and though it is meant as a joke it can hit a little too close to home. Don't throw away your friendship over this incident. Talk to your friend about it and talk to the boyfriend about it as say that jokes are fine, but nothing that is meant to be quite so mean spirited. I wish you the best.
  • mperrott2205
    mperrott2205 Posts: 737 Member
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    I'm all for punching people straight in the face in these sort of situations. But seriously, your "best friend" is an *kitten* hole as well. She should of immediately put him in his place.