So you got called fat.
Replies
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It's not the word that hurts, it's the intent behind it. If you're walking down the street and a group of teenagers are mooing and oinking at you, you're not going to be offended by the sounds (cows and pigs are awesome), you're going to be hurt by the meanness behind them. Fat cows are cute. Being called a fat cow by someone who wants to hurt you -- not so much.0
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"Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but your words will never hurt me".
I learned that rhyme in grade school and it has served me well.
So not true. Verbal abuse does hurt. Sometimes more than physical. I get what the OP is saying though.
I just feel like it's easier said than done...especially when you don't walk in an obese persons shoes everyday. Put on a fat suit and live it and see how easy it is just to ignore "words".0 -
really? Now isn't that interesting?
I think women are inherently strong and historically they have always carried heavy loads... I advocate strength in women.... I don't advocate excessive weight training or bulk... I don't 'advocate' excessive anything...
So you think it's unacceptable for me to say that ..... but it's OK for you to label people as FAT and it's ok for people to say to them.... 'You're fat'.... because it's a fact?
And bearing in mind.... I would NEVER approach a big muscular woman and say... 'you're too big' ... or 'you're ugly' ... that's horrible.... so why do you think it's OK to say to someone who is overweight that they are fat?
I'm sure they already know... they don't need some skinny chick telling them. Where is your compassion? People have always laughed and poked fun at the overweight.... and made them feel 'less than' .... why are you starting a thread that encourages this? whether indirectly or directly... that's what you're doing?
I can think of a thousand other things best addressed... like the women over exercising and under eating, the people selling diet pills and shakes.... the people shouting about juice cleanses.... why pick on those with low self esteem.... those who are already struggling to feel worthy.... you've just basically told them that whatever people tell them they are that they should deal with it.... coz they are. They're fat. So who gives a ****... right?
Alright, you're out of control. Let me address as much of this as I can.
1) "I advocate strength in women" - me too! - "I don't advocate excessive weight training or bulk" - Depends on what you mean by "excessive." If the woman's health is in danger because she's lifting too much, I agree with you. It's where you mentioned bulk that I disagree. You're basically saying women should be strong, but not *too* strong. I completely disagree with you, but that's not what this thread is about, so I'm moving on.
2) "So you think it's unacceptable for me to say that ..... but it's OK for you to label people as FAT and it's ok for people to say to them.... 'You're fat'.... because it's a fact?" Again, I did not say ANYWHERE in my post that it's okay to call people fat. I have never called someone fat. Even though I don't see it as an insult, I'm not stupid. I know that it would be hurtful to some people if I were to say that to them, so I would never ever say it.
3) "And bearing in mind.... I would NEVER approach a big muscular woman and say... 'you're too big' ... or 'you're ugly' ... that's horrible.... so why do you think it's OK to say to someone who is overweight that they are fat?" Good, I hope you'd never say that to a woman. I'd also never approach a woman and say "You're too fat." Again, show me anywhere in my post where I said that that would be okay.
4) "I'm sure they already know... they don't need some skinny chick telling them." Actually, I have a lot of overweight friends who share my mentality about this. That's actually kind of why I started the post. I have many friends who are overweight, who say, "Yeah, I'm fat, so what? I don't see that as an insult or a bad thing." I think that's rad, and I wanted to help spread that message.
5) "People have always laughed and poked fun at the overweight.... and made them feel 'less than' .... why are you starting a thread that encourages this? whether indirectly or directly... that's what you're doing?" You're right, people are mean to fat people. And it sucks and it's unfair. And I'm not encouraging that in ANY way. I don't think fat people are any "less" than other people. Of course not. And anyone who does is an idiot. That's also kind of my point - if someone tries to call you "fat" in a derogatory sense, they're just plain stupid. Because again, FAT IS NOT AN INSULT. Fat means you have a lot of body fat. That's it. That's all. Not exactly an insult.
6) "why pick on those with low self esteem.... those who are already struggling to feel worthy.... you've just basically told them that whatever people tell them they are that they should deal with it.... coz they are. They're fat. So who gives a ****... right?" How exactly am I picking on anyone in this thread? If that's honestly what you got out of it, you missed the point ENTIRELY. I think you need to calm down. I don't want anyone to be hurting, whether they be fat, thin, rectangular, whatever. That was the POINT OF THE POST... that even if people call you a name like "fat", don't let it hurt you. Because you're so much more than how much body fat you have.
I'm done trying to explain things to you. That's the best I can do. Feel free to keep commenting here, but I really think you're looking at this the wrong way.0 -
"Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but your words will never hurt me".
I learned that rhyme in grade school and it has served me well.
This was basically the whole point of my post :happy:0 -
Just to clarify, this post was NOT INTENDED TO JUSTIFY CALLING PEOPLE FAT. I have never called anyone fat and I never will. Even though I, personally, don't see it as an insult, I know that there are people who do and I would never risk hurting someone's feelings that way.
Also, this post was not so much talking about strangers calling you things on the street, at the gym, etc... that's totally different. I was talking (as I clearly stated in my post) about the kinds of posts I see here every day, about friends/spouses/family using the word "fat" and people getting very upset about it.
I know what you meant and I agree. Why do we willingly give people that kind of power over us?
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt
that's very true
It doesn't give people the right to insult, dominate or bully you in the first place though does it?
I believe the Christians sang hymns when they were burned alive.... I believe the black slaves did the same.... I think the English suffragettes who died for women's equality refused to eat.... does that mean that because the victim showed strength that the perpetrator is justified in their actions?
No, I don't think so
Dress up cruelty all you want but it doesn't wash with me
Yes... people do benefit from being stronger in mind, from not letting people get to them... from moving on, brushing off.... etc etc... it doesn't excuse the root cause of the complaint though. Not ever
Maybe the OP should make a thread about.... not bullying fat people
Maybe they should try.... 'effective ways to exercise and lose weight'
Instead of.... 'well... yeah people are calling you fat... but it's kinda true so you shoud kinda deal with it'
Jeez0 -
OP... you can't say one thing without saying 500 other things. It's almost like you have to start off by saying "This is what I'm NOT trying to say:" because you will be accused of every extreme thing under the sun.
That said... Fat is a describing word. When I was living in South America everyone there addressed me "Fat little woman"... and I would get so offended. It took 3 months for me to realize they meant absolutly no harm by it. Not everyone was raised the same... families address and deal with weight differently.0 -
While I understand this, I don't know if I agree. Being tall is how you were genetically meant to be. Your body WANTS to be a good weight for your body type so if you are fat, it's pretty much your fault. It was all of the hours sitting at work, all of the delicious meals that you ate way too much of, all of the "one more bite won't hurt...", for me one part of my weight gain was an injury that I could have avoided. So while I do know what you mean, it's a hard thing to be called fat. There is a lot of self blame and embarrassment. I don't think I'm speaking for everyone but I KNOW I'm speaking for a good portion of people: myself included.
If you're a slut one night, you can not be a slut the next day.
If you're dressed like a homeless person, you can wash your clothes or change them.
If you're fat, you have to work months or even years to change what others see.0 -
OP... you can't say one thing without saying 500 other things. It's almost like you have to start off by saying "This is what I'm NOT trying to say:" because you will be accused of every extreme thing under the sun.
That said... Fat is a describing word. When I was living in South America everyone there addressed me "Fat little woman"... and I would get so offended. It took 3 months for me to realize they meant absolutly no harm by it. Not everyone was raised the same... families address and deal with weight differently.
Haha, so true :drinker:
And that's so funny... cultural differences I suppose. I can definitely see how that would take some getting used to!0 -
really? Now isn't that interesting?
I think women are inherently strong and historically they have always carried heavy loads... I advocate strength in women.... I don't advocate excessive weight training or bulk... I don't 'advocate' excessive anything...
So you think it's unacceptable for me to say that ..... but it's OK for you to label people as FAT and it's ok for people to say to them.... 'You're fat'.... because it's a fact?
And bearing in mind.... I would NEVER approach a big muscular woman and say... 'you're too big' ... or 'you're ugly' ... that's horrible.... so why do you think it's OK to say to someone who is overweight that they are fat?
I'm sure they already know... they don't need some skinny chick telling them. Where is your compassion? People have always laughed and poked fun at the overweight.... and made them feel 'less than' .... why are you starting a thread that encourages this? whether indirectly or directly... that's what you're doing?
I can think of a thousand other things best addressed... like the women over exercising and under eating, the people selling diet pills and shakes.... the people shouting about juice cleanses.... why pick on those with low self esteem.... those who are already struggling to feel worthy.... you've just basically told them that whatever people tell them they are that they should deal with it.... coz they are. They're fat. So who gives a ****... right?
Alright, you're out of control. Let me address as much of this as I can.
1) "I advocate strength in women" - me too! - "I don't advocate excessive weight training or bulk" - Depends on what you mean by "excessive." If the woman's health is in danger because she's lifting too much, I agree with you. It's where you mentioned bulk that I disagree. You're basically saying women should be strong, but not *too* strong. I completely disagree with you, but that's not what this thread is about, so I'm moving on.
2) "So you think it's unacceptable for me to say that ..... but it's OK for you to label people as FAT and it's ok for people to say to them.... 'You're fat'.... because it's a fact?" Again, I did not say ANYWHERE in my post that it's okay to call people fat. I have never called someone fat. Even though I don't see it as an insult, I'm not stupid. I know that it would be hurtful to some people if I were to say that to them, so I would never ever say it.
3) "And bearing in mind.... I would NEVER approach a big muscular woman and say... 'you're too big' ... or 'you're ugly' ... that's horrible.... so why do you think it's OK to say to someone who is overweight that they are fat?" Good, I hope you'd never say that to a woman. I'd also never approach a woman and say "You're too fat." Again, show me anywhere in my post where I said that that would be okay.
4) "I'm sure they already know... they don't need some skinny chick telling them." Actually, I have a lot of overweight friends who share my mentality about this. That's actually kind of why I started the post. I have many friends who are overweight, who say, "Yeah, I'm fat, so what? I don't see that as an insult or a bad thing." I think that's rad, and I wanted to help spread that message.
5) "People have always laughed and poked fun at the overweight.... and made them feel 'less than' .... why are you starting a thread that encourages this? whether indirectly or directly... that's what you're doing?" You're right, people are mean to fat people. And it sucks and it's unfair. And I'm not encouraging that in ANY way. I don't think fat people are any "less" than other people. Of course not. And anyone who does is an idiot. That's also kind of my point - if someone tries to call you "fat" in a derogatory sense, they're just plain stupid. Because again, FAT IS NOT AN INSULT. Fat means you have a lot of body fat. That's it. That's all. Not exactly an insult.
6) "why pick on those with low self esteem.... those who are already struggling to feel worthy.... you've just basically told them that whatever people tell them they are that they should deal with it.... coz they are. They're fat. So who gives a ****... right?" How exactly am I picking on anyone in this thread? If that's honestly what you got out of it, you missed the point ENTIRELY. I think you need to calm down. I don't want anyone to be hurting, whether they be fat, thin, rectangular, whatever. That was the POINT OF THE POST... that even if people call you a name like "fat", don't let it hurt you. Because you're so much more than how much body fat you have.
I'm done trying to explain things to you. That's the best I can do. Feel free to keep commenting here, but I really think you're looking at this the wrong way.
OK... so what was the point of your thread again?
Because from where I am sitting... a young girl started a thread about being called FAT by a friend..... which she understandably became upset about
Next minute you're starting a thread about... well, if you're fat, expect people to tell you...just don't get upset about it
Which I find hysterical because you're not fat, you've never been fat.... I wouldn't dream of telling an obese person how they should feel about their weight... because I can't relate... I just know it must be hard, really hard0 -
While I understand this, I don't know if I agree. Being tall is how you were genetically meant to be. Your body WANTS to be a good weight for your body type so if you are fat, it's pretty much your fault. It was all of the hours sitting at work, all of the delicious meals that you ate way too much of, all of the "one more bite won't hurt...", for me one part of my weight gain was an injury that I could have avoided. So while I do know what you mean, it's a hard thing to be called fat. There is a lot of self blame and embarrassment. I don't think I'm speaking for everyone but I KNOW I'm speaking for a good portion of people: myself included.
If you're a slut one night, you can not be a slut the next day.
If you're dressed like a homeless person, you can wash your clothes or change them.
If you're fat, you have to work months or even years to change what others see.
exactly... if you're being described as FAT.... it's a state of being, not easily or quickly changed... someone is describing you... not your clothes or your hair which are easily adjusted .... but you, as a person... you.0 -
"Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but your words will never hurt me".
I learned that rhyme in grade school and it has served me well.
So not true. Verbal abuse does hurt. Sometimes more than physical. I get what the OP is saying though.
I just feel like it's easier said than done...especially when you don't walk in an obese persons shoes everyday. Put on a fat suit and live it and see how easy it is just to ignore "words".
exactly. The whole post is ignorant
I'm not even obese but I am so offended on their behalf. This post is bulls*it0 -
OP... you can't say one thing without saying 500 other things. It's almost like you have to start off by saying "This is what I'm NOT trying to say:" because you will be accused of every extreme thing under the sun.
That said... Fat is a describing word. When I was living in South America everyone there addressed me "Fat little woman"... and I would get so offended. It took 3 months for me to realize they meant absolutly no harm by it. Not everyone was raised the same... families address and deal with weight differently.
Haha, so true :drinker:
And that's so funny... cultural differences I suppose. I can definitely see how that would take some getting used to!
You are fighting a losing battle.
There are always certain individuals who get their day's jollies out of creating as much argument as they possibly can, even if it leaves them looking rather pathetic.
I agree with the sentiment of your original post.0 -
You are fighting a losing battle.
There are always certain individuals who get their day's jollies out of creating as much argument as they possibly can, even if it leaves them looking rather pathetic.
I agree with the sentiment of your original post.
True.
Unfortunately I'm studying to become an attorney, so I can't stop fighting this battle... must... keep... arguing... I'm too hard headed for my own good :grumble:0 -
It's not so much the word "fat", It's when they use it towards you with the intention of insulting you. "Fat" doesn't have to be insulting taken out of context, but if someone was in your face about it in front a dozen people, it would almost certainly offend you.0
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It's not so much the word "fat", It's when they use it towards you with the intention of insulting you. "Fat" doesn't have to be insulting taken out of context, but if someone was in your face about it in front a dozen people, it would almost certainly offend you.
exactly and anyone with any common sense knows that sweetheart0 -
I know what you meant and I agree. Why do we willingly give people that kind of power over us?
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt
^So much this^ - One of my fave quotes.
Agree entirely.
It's something I learned to deal with as a very emotional, very sensitive thirteen year old. Not everyone is going to like me. Not everyone is going to be nice to me. It sucks, but that's the way it is. If someone's nasty to me without provocation, it's because they're not nice people, so who gives a fart what mean people think?
My mom used to tell me, "Consider the source." If it's someone just being a jerk, then oh, well... they're a jerk. If it's someone who otherwise cares about me (a friend, sibling) who said something unkind, maybe they didn't mean to be hurtful... maybe they weren't thinking.... maybe they thought it was funny. If they did mean to be hurtful, I'd want to know why. Whether I did something to hurt them and they're retaliating, or maybe they're just toxic people I need to get out of my life.
I agree it's easier said than done, but other than selling sea shells by the sea shore, I can't think of anything that isn't easier said than done.0 -
Thank you for this...especially after finding the other post.
Agreed (saw the other post this morning and thinking... "Great, another one?") - Cheers! :drinker:0 -
Excellent post! Thanks for that. What a great read and powerful motivator!
**I read some of the other posts and wanted to edit my response. I am morbidly obese and working my butt off not to be. As I got older I feel my confidence has done my in good stead...I AM NOT upset when someone calls me fat anymore...mostly because I'm doing something about it. Also, a great response might be, "well thank you Captain Obvious."
That's what bothered me the most, someone pointing out a fault, that I was doing absolutely nothing about and I knew was there all along. It brought all my OWN feelings of guilt to the forefront. I need to OWN those feelings. I agree wholeheartedly with the OP.**0 -
Ricky Gervais anyone?? Haha!! It sucks to be called fat, but if you're like me and your give-a-**** is totally gone, then it's no different than being called obnoxious, or morbid, or lazy.
Life's life, and if people want to spend it worrying about how a word should be taken, then you are simply wasting your life.0 -
Hi OP,
dont take this the wrong way, and your sentiment is appreciated, but the fact that you have never been fat yourself and subsequently never been called fat really doesn't give your opinion on this subject much weight (excuse the pun). You have never felt what it feels like to be called 'fat' 'chubby' 'chubster' and a million other intentionally demeaning names meant to belittle you. So i personally, dont think you're in a position to really be preaching on this subject. In fact i find your opinion to be a bit condescending, actually a lot condescending. Again, i have no doubt that your heart is in the right place.
I wonder how well it would go down, if i, as a white man posted a thread asking black people to not be so sensitive about being called racist names?
i dont think it would go down too well.0 -
As I told someone who thought they were funny when they called me fat. " I can do something about being fat but there is nothing you can do about being a a%#hole "0
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Hi OP,
dont take this the wrong way, and your sentiment is appreciated, but the fact that you have never been fat yourself and subsequently never been called fat really doesn't give your opinion on this subject much weight (excuse the pun). You have never felt what it feels like to be called 'fat' 'chubby' 'chubster' and a million other intentionally demeaning names meant to belittle you. So i personally, dont think you're in a position to really be preaching on this subject. In fact i find your opinion to be a bit condescending, actually a lot condescending. Again, i have no doubt that your heart is in the right place.
I wonder how well it would go down, if i, as a white man posted a thread asking black people to not be so sensitive about being called racist names?
i dont think it would go down too well.
I'm not the OP, but... I've only been a little overweight myself, but most of my family is or has been overweight. My husband's overweight. I'm aware, even though it's not something I personally experienced.
What I have experienced, though, is a LOT of bullying, name calling, and humiliation, especially in my younger years. Being tormented for being fat isn't all that much different than being tormented for being a scrawny, ugly, flat-chested, coke-bottle glasses wearing geek with jack-o-lantern teeth and no friends.0 -
Spot on. It's not the words, it's the intent.I think you hit the nail on the head yourself, though. It has had and always will have negative connotations. And when someone repeatedly says something to you, such like 'you're so fat', it's hard not to see it as a negative thing even if you DO know it or you are working on changing it/accepting it.
It really is harder than it seems. It's a hit to the ego, which for some of us, is already deflated beyond belief due to our past.
I definitely see where you're coming from. Again, I've never been fat, but I was teased CONSTANTLY growing up because I wasn't the most attractive kid/teen, and I was also into theater and other "uncool" hobbies. It can be hard not to let the insults sting. I guess my point was to try to stop seeing them as insults. "Fat" isn't an insult just like "skinny" isn't a compliment. Now can the word fat be USED as an insult? Sure, just like "skinny" can be used in a complimentary way. But it's only truly insulting if you let it be that way.
I think if someone is calling you fat they mean to insult you. I would never dream of calling anyone fat whether it was a 'fact' or not...
I'm sorry.... what is this thread about exactly? I think I know but I can't quite believe it.... are you saying it's OK to call obese people 'fat' and that they should just 'suck it up' ... coz they are?
Also can your theory of what's acceptable be applied to all labels? I'm just curious because my mother was a black girl in a white town..... people called her a 'n*gger' in the street.... should she have accepted this graciously as 'fact'? Oh and while I'm here.. one of my close friends lost his legs fighting for his country in Afghanistan.... when someone shouts ;cripple' at him in the street should he see it as a term of endearment?
I wouldn't. I would see it the way it was meant. As an insult. As verbally abusive and demeaning.
Yes you can choose how you deal with it... but the intent, the nastiness is still there. Don't dress it up0 -
I think Harper Lee *said* it best in _To Kill A Mockingbird_
Atticus speaking to Scout
"It's never an insult to be called what someone else thinks is a bad name."0 -
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names or name calling will never hurt me.
It was something my mom taught me. I have been called geek, nerd, fat, and told that I am a loser nobody, will end up screwing up my life etc and when you have been told that you aren't good enough for anything for 24 years, you tend to start believing it.
Thankfully my husband and son have shown me otherwise.0 -
There are so many words that we use to describe someone: Tall, short, skinny, fat, athletic, blonde, brunette, white, black, etc.
Why'd it have to be black?
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It's too funny how people take something and twist it to mean something else. OP I totally get what you are saying. People only have power over you if you let them. No it is not ok to call someone fat, however how you react to it is completely up to you. My sister is tall beautiful and skinny, I am short and chubby. She used to constantly take digs at my weight, once I stopped letting it bother me she stopped making the remarks. I reached a point where I stopped letting other peoples negativity break me.0
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Hi OP,
dont take this the wrong way, and your sentiment is appreciated, but the fact that you have never been fat yourself and subsequently never been called fat really doesn't give your opinion on this subject much weight (excuse the pun). You have never felt what it feels like to be called 'fat' 'chubby' 'chubster' and a million other intentionally demeaning names meant to belittle you. So i personally, dont think you're in a position to really be preaching on this subject. In fact i find your opinion to be a bit condescending, actually a lot condescending. Again, i have no doubt that your heart is in the right place.
I wonder how well it would go down, if i, as a white man posted a thread asking black people to not be so sensitive about being called racist names?
i dont think it would go down too well.
I'm not the OP, but... I've only been a little overweight myself, but most of my family is or has been overweight. My husband's overweight. I'm aware, even though it's not something I personally experienced.
What I have experienced, though, is a LOT of bullying, name calling, and humiliation, especially in my younger years. Being tormented for being fat isn't all that much different than being tormented for being a scrawny, ugly, flat-chested, coke-bottle glasses wearing geek with jack-o-lantern teeth and no friends.
Thanks, this is pretty much the response I would have given as well. I understand where this man is coming from, and no I have never been truly fat. But I have had plenty of other things to make fun of about me, and trust me people have made fun of those things. I was quite a homely kid myself, middle school was torture. I learned to let that stuff roll off my back. It was that or be miserable. And who wants to be miserable?
The theoretical situation you pose, in which a white person tells black people not to be sensitive to racist names, is not equal to this situation at all. Racist slurs are disgusting and derogatory. Someone telling you that you are fat (not making piggy noises, not calling you a whale, but simply stating that you are fat) is not anywhere close to the same caliber as using racial slurs.
I think the problem is that a lot of people confused me saying "being called fat" with being made fun of or being told they are disgusting, or being mocked, or anything like that. That is NOT what I'm talking about. I never said it was okay to mock people or put them down. I simply said that the word "fat" shouldn't have so much power.
Also, this is actually a mentality I've heard from several of my overweight friends. If a fat person had posted this exact same post, would you have taken it more seriously? Because I've had several friend requests from overweight people since posting this, as well as had overweight people commenting here that they agree. Just because I'm not fat doesn't mean what I say has no value.0 -
It's too funny how people take something and twist it to mean something else. OP I totally get what you are saying. People only have power over you if you let them. No it is not ok to call someone fat, however how you react to it is completely up to you. My sister is tall beautiful and skinny, I am short and chubby. She used to constantly take digs at my weight, once I stopped letting it bother me she stopped making the remarks. I reached a point where I stopped letting other peoples negativity break me.
Yes, this is exactly my point. Thank you. I'm still so confused how some people got "it's okay to mock people and call them fat" out of my post. People really can twist things around.0 -
I get what you're saying OP, and I agree. Some people don't seem to understand that you're not advocating calling people fat, but rather being able to distinguish the intent behind the word. As someone who was overweight, lost weight, and then put some back on. My friend came up to me one day, and was like, "Erica, you've put on weight. Don't get fat again now." It wasn't meant to be hurtful, it was meant to describe my body type.
Some people mean it as fact, others mean it to be hurtful. If it's a fact, accept who you are and move on. If it's meant to be hurtful, you can react 3 ways. 1. Stand up for yourself, 2. ignore it, or 3. take offense and let it ruin your day. You give the people the power and you can take it away. You're just saying not to follow path 3, and that's good advice.0
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