So you got called fat.
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OP, you've done a wonderful job of representing your point and it is indeed empowering. Just because something was intended as an insult doesn't mean you need to accept it as an insult. That gives the insulter way too much power. Love your post!0
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not read all the replies so apologies if i repeat anything,
i agree totally with what you said, and personally am really thick skinned to that kind of thing,
truth is i know my physical faults, and am my own worst critic (would'nt be here if i never knew it myself) so basically any time people mention my weight, receding hairline etc basically i am aware of it anyway so its not like they are telling me anything i don't already know,
and pretty much the only people's opinion i actually take to heart would not say it in a harsh way anyway, unless your my mum or my son then your opinion of me does not matter to the extent i would lose any sleep over it,
not in any way justifying anyone calling anyone else 'fat', but generally, if someone does then you probably are, and most likely know it anyway (as in my own case),
and if they say it and you dont think you are, then your opinion matters more than their's
liked your post
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There was a time in my life when I was fat, and got called fat, and it really hurt me badly. And those situations were never misconstrued - when those things were said to me, they were definitely meant to be nasty. Looking back, the reason it bothered me so deeply was because I knew they were right and I was the only one responsible for it.0
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There was a time in my life when I was fat, and got called fat, and it really hurt me badly. And those situations were never misconstrued - when those things were said to me, they were definitely meant to be nasty. Looking back, the reason it bothered me so deeply was because I knew they were right and I was the only one responsible for it.
I think you nailed it!
Once I took some personal accountability for my situation, I became MUCH less hyper-sensitive to what other persons said or thought of me.0 -
Hi OP,
dont take this the wrong way, and your sentiment is appreciated, but the fact that you have never been fat yourself and subsequently never been called fat really doesn't give your opinion on this subject much weight (excuse the pun). You have never felt what it feels like to be called 'fat' 'chubby' 'chubster' and a million other intentionally demeaning names meant to belittle you. So i personally, dont think you're in a position to really be preaching on this subject. In fact i find your opinion to be a bit condescending, actually a lot condescending. Again, i have no doubt that your heart is in the right place.
I wonder how well it would go down, if i, as a white man posted a thread asking black people to not be so sensitive about being called racist names?
i dont think it would go down too well.
I'm not the OP, but... I've only been a little overweight myself, but most of my family is or has been overweight. My husband's overweight. I'm aware, even though it's not something I personally experienced.
What I have experienced, though, is a LOT of bullying, name calling, and humiliation, especially in my younger years. Being tormented for being fat isn't all that much different than being tormented for being a scrawny, ugly, flat-chested, coke-bottle glasses wearing geek with jack-o-lantern teeth and no friends.
By the OP's reasoning, you should have been fine with being called a scrawny, flat-chested geek. Only if it was true, of course. And even if it wasn't true, who cares? They were were just words.0 -
I think I get what you mean, it might just be the wording that is causing such a strong response from some of the others in the community.
I try to ask if the words are helpful to me. Do they better me? Motivate me to be a better person? If not, then I don't give them my time. I accept that they might see me that way, but it in no way has an impact on how I choose to see myself. It's so easy to let the words of others get to us, and make us feel inadequate or "faulty". So, yeah, while someone might choose to call me fat, and they might be right that I'm overweight, I can choose whether their opinion is helpful to me or not.
Thanks for starting an interesting topic 0 -
Hi OP,
dont take this the wrong way, and your sentiment is appreciated, but the fact that you have never been fat yourself and subsequently never been called fat really doesn't give your opinion on this subject much weight (excuse the pun). You have never felt what it feels like to be called 'fat' 'chubby' 'chubster' and a million other intentionally demeaning names meant to belittle you. So i personally, dont think you're in a position to really be preaching on this subject. In fact i find your opinion to be a bit condescending, actually a lot condescending. Again, i have no doubt that your heart is in the right place.
I wonder how well it would go down, if i, as a white man posted a thread asking black people to not be so sensitive about being called racist names?
i dont think it would go down too well.
I'm not the OP, but... I've only been a little overweight myself, but most of my family is or has been overweight. My husband's overweight. I'm aware, even though it's not something I personally experienced.
What I have experienced, though, is a LOT of bullying, name calling, and humiliation, especially in my younger years. Being tormented for being fat isn't all that much different than being tormented for being a scrawny, ugly, flat-chested, coke-bottle glasses wearing geek with jack-o-lantern teeth and no friends.
Thanks, this is pretty much the response I would have given as well. I understand where this man is coming from, and no I have never been truly fat. But I have had plenty of other things to make fun of about me, and trust me people have made fun of those things. I was quite a homely kid myself, middle school was torture. I learned to let that stuff roll off my back. It was that or be miserable. And who wants to be miserable?
The theoretical situation you pose, in which a white person tells black people not to be sensitive to racist names, is not equal to this situation at all. Racist slurs are disgusting and derogatory. Someone telling you that you are fat (not making piggy noises, not calling you a whale, but simply stating that you are fat) is not anywhere close to the same caliber as using racial slurs.
I think the problem is that a lot of people confused me saying "being called fat" with being made fun of or being told they are disgusting, or being mocked, or anything like that. That is NOT what I'm talking about. I never said it was okay to mock people or put them down. I simply said that the word "fat" shouldn't have so much power.
Also, this is actually a mentality I've heard from several of my overweight friends. If a fat person had posted this exact same post, would you have taken it more seriously? Because I've had several friend requests from overweight people since posting this, as well as had overweight people commenting here that they agree. Just because I'm not fat doesn't mean what I say has no value.
your response to me above sounds like backtracking. can you please tell me an instance where someone calls you fat, and its not meant negatively? its not meant to make you feel inadequate? noone needs to point out that im fat, i've got eyes, i dont think i've ever woken up and had forgotten im fat and needed reminding by someone?
because it sounds like to me that you think all the fatties should just 'suck it up', dressed up in positive thinking pseudo-bollocks.
because i can tell you that no matter how much you try to pretend it doesnt bother you, it does deep down.
if you dont want to be fat anymore, you are correct, you can change that. but stop excusing people being deliberately nasty.
and an answer to your question that if you were fat would it make a difference. yes, a big difference. you cant begin to empathise with someone who deals with it in a world where its shoved down your throats from all angles that being slim is attractive and fat is gross,
just as i cant empathise with a minority being picked on because of the colour of their skin, because being white in England, i dont and have never had to deal with that crap.
im sorry, but you're original post was incredibly blase, and no doubt you'll reply saying i've missed your point. no i dont think i have.0 -
"ohh did you gained weight?"
"yeah but i can lose it and you are ugly"
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Yeah...this thread is like when white people talk about the "n" word, when straight people talk about the "f" word, or when men talk about the words "slut" and "wh*re". You can use logic and rationality as much as you want, but until you've actually walked in that person's shoes, you have no idea what you're talking about.
Not to mention, the word isn't always even always used "accurately" (i.e. a BMI of over 25). I was called fat by every single family member and many of my classmates when I weighed 132 at 5'6. Relatively low on the BMI normal range, but not skinny enough to be acceptable for a 16 year old in today's society by many.
Also, the only comparable insult in your OP was the word slut. Every hot girl loves being called a nerd.0 -
A friend tagged me on a picture of a cow on a famous social network.
My comment: "wow, look at how I just love life on this pic!"
Problem solved! 0 -
Words don't have to hurt you unless you LET THEM. Stop letting the word "fat" hurt you. Yes, you are fat. Okay. Big whoop. You're also smart, or pretty, or fast, or artistic, or a million other awesome things. If you ask your husband and if you're fat and he says yes, let's not start a thread on the internet and have page after page of women bashing him for being such a scumbag. You asked a question, you got an answer. If a friend jokingly calls you fat, say "yeah, I am, but I'm working on changing that." Be proud of the fact that you're taking control of your body!
To me this is the key. It's really hard but it's like you say, it's very easy to forget that we give worrds power, whatever they are. FWIW, I am a minority and I do have other medical issues that I've been bullied over. Even though it's hard I realize in the end, how I feel about myself is key. There will always be people who don't like me or think good things about me for whatever reason, valid or not. It's a hard pill to swallow, but still true.0 -
I actually commented on the most recent post about this topic. I felt sorry for the girl. I haven't ever had to deal with being called "fat" because I carry myself well even with a little weight on but I think I remember being called some of the other names you mentioned in your post! lol, that slut comment hit home and yes, that really was a fun night!!
I think people with different personalities handle things differently. Some people carry their feelings on their shoulder and would cry if you cut in line in front of them. It really depends on the type of person you whether you have the ability to "let things go". I'm laid back but I have a friend who cries when the weather changes....if I told her she was being a ***** she would take it to heart whereas she calls me that like it's my name.
It would be a perfect world if everyone would stop using all the names and a tolerable one if everyone could just let it go and move on with a smile.0 -
Thank you for all the more recent comments. Some of you seem to understand what I was trying to say and I appreciate that. It's a really hard thing to put into words without offending people, and obviously I failed in some aspects. To those I have offended, I do apologize. That was never my intention.
I am going to say this one more time: This thread is not about it being "okay" to call people fat because they should "suck it up." I never said anything like that and you people are really twisting my words around. I'm also not talking about mocking people, degrading them, or just being generally nasty. I'm SIMPLY talking about using the word "fat." As in, "I asked my husband if I had gotten fat and he said yes" Or "my friend made a statement about fat people and then asked me if it was true." (AKA, the hundreds of posts we see on the forums each day). While I certainly understand WHY those situations can be hurtful, I was trying to shed a different light on the topic. A few people who have commented here have done a really good job of summing up what I was saying, so if you didn't like my original post, maybe check out some of the comments for a better explanation.
The fact is, I know a lot of overweight people (both in real life and on the internet) who take a "yes, I'm fat, what's you point?" type attitude about it, and I think it's awesome. I wanted to share that with more people on here, but apparently since it's not actually coming from a fat person, it's invalid. I'll have one of my overweight friends make the post for me next time :flowerforyou:0 -
'You're fat'
'atleast i can lose fat, you will still be ugly'
mwahahaha =]
and to this day, they are still ugly inside and out!0 -
A friend tagged me on a picture of a cow on a famous social network.
My comment: "wow, look at how I just love life on this pic!"
Problem solved!
Good on ya!0 -
I am going to say this one more time: This thread is not about it being "okay" to call people fat because they should "suck it up." I never said anything like that and you people are really twisting my words around. I'm also not talking about mocking people, degrading them, or just being generally nasty. I'm SIMPLY talking about using the word "fat." As in, "I asked my husband if I had gotten fat and he said yes" Or "my friend made a statement about fat people and then asked me if it was true." (AKA, the hundreds of posts we see on the forums each day). While I certainly understand WHY those situations can be hurtful, I was trying to shed a different light on the topic. A few people who have commented here have done a really good job of summing up what I was saying, so if you didn't like my original post, maybe check out some of the comments for a better explanation.
If it makes any difference, just wanted to say that I totally got what you were trying to say from your first post, and I completely agree. It's about how you take the comment. With any comment I get, e.g. "you're fat", I think about whether that's true (I acknowledge and move on) or not (ignore, make funny comment).
I think some people misunderstood your point of view due to their past and sort of jumped on saying that you are trying to say calling ppl fat is ok, which is not what you were saying.0 -
Actually... It DOES hurt BUT.... that was the motivation I needed to get my FAT butt up and get busy changing it. For me personally, those things FUEL me to do something about it. If I don't like something... I change it. I can't change how people view me, but I can absolutely change how I view myself. Now... if I didn't THINK I was fat, I'd have no reason to change and well.. people can say what they want.. right? But if it HURTS, then it is time to take a stand (in your mind) and do something about it. Be the fuel that ignites that fire and do something productive about it.
Good post... good points. Thank you. :flowerforyou:0 -
Thank you for all the more recent comments. Some of you seem to understand what I was trying to say and I appreciate that. It's a really hard thing to put into words without offending people, and obviously I failed in some aspects. To those I have offended, I do apologize. That was never my intention.
I am going to say this one more time: This thread is not about it being "okay" to call people fat because they should "suck it up." I never said anything like that and you people are really twisting my words around. I'm also not talking about mocking people, degrading them, or just being generally nasty. I'm SIMPLY talking about using the word "fat." As in, "I asked my husband if I had gotten fat and he said yes" Or "my friend made a statement about fat people and then asked me if it was true." (AKA, the hundreds of posts we see on the forums each day). While I certainly understand WHY those situations can be hurtful, I was trying to shed a different light on the topic. A few people who have commented here have done a really good job of summing up what I was saying, so if you didn't like my original post, maybe check out some of the comments for a better explanation.
The fact is, I know a lot of overweight people (both in real life and on the internet) who take a "yes, I'm fat, what's you point?" type attitude about it, and I think it's awesome. I wanted to share that with more people on here, but apparently since it's not actually coming from a fat person, it's invalid. I'll have one of my overweight friends make the post for me next time :flowerforyou:
And I did btw get what you were trying to say... I didn't think you were trying to be hateful at all. 0 -
Actually... It DOES hurt BUT.... that was the motivation I needed to get my FAT butt up and get busy changing it. For me personally, those things FUEL me to do something about it. If I don't like something... I change it. I can't change how people view me, but I can absolutely change how I view myself. Now... if I didn't THINK I was fat, I'd have no reason to change and well.. people can say what they want.. right? But if it HURTS, then it is time to take a stand (in your mind) and do something about it. Be the fuel that ignites that fire and do something productive about it.
Good post... good points. Thank you. :flowerforyou:
Same! One of my good frd called me fat.. and I was quite humiliated and annoyed. But that's because it's true and I'm not mad at her, I'm mad at myself! That motivated me to workout!0 -
I understand where you are coming from OP, but your post shows a lack of empathy and you should consider evolving your position a bit. I understand you didn't mean to say its ok to call someone fat, but your words do imply that when taken to their logical conclusion.
The reality is that humans are social animals, and one of the most powerful tools we have for influencing each other is our words. Sticks and stones will break my bones, but bones can be set and healed stronger than they started. Words can cripple your heart for life. Words are a tool for building or a weapon of destruction, not because we let them but because of our nature.
Your post DOES make a good point, but raises an even bigger one in the process and unfortunately on that bigger point you could show a little more humanity.0 -
I am fat and I've been called fat. Yes sometimes it hurt my feelings but I still get the point of the OP. I'm not sure what her being thin has to do with it. There are plenty of words people use to hurt others and it's the same with any of them.
I feel sorry for all of you who are getting upset because I know you will waste so much time in your life being sad and butthurt and allowing other people to beat you down with words instead of fighting back or moving on. Many of you also seem to have a problem with reading comprehension.0 -
I get what you are saying. I really do. But, as a fat child I was teased and called "fatty four eyes" and it hurt a lot and I internalized it. I was only 7 years old and unable to process comments like that to be anything other than hurtful. Yes, I was fat, and yes, I wore glasses, but to me, these words were not just nouns and adjectives, these were very painful arrows that went straight to my inner core. It took lots of years and hard work to get rid of those feelings caused by those words. Lots of people on MFP have lived through variations of this, and are still sensitive to being called fat. It's not just a word to them, it's a flashback to when they were a kid and being relentlessly teased. It's a reminder of years and years of pain, and feeling less than adequate.0
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If you don't like being called fat, do something about it. Yes, I was FAT. I lost the weight and I'm not called that anymore. Yes, it hurts to be called fat, but you have a choice to be so. Reality bites.
Being fat as a child is a different story though, kids are cruel.0 -
I'm not sure what her being thin has to do with it.
You don't see the relevance of an individual with a lot of sexual capital telling people with less sexual capital that they shouldn't feel bad if someone reminds them of it? When we live in a shared social setting where that has dramatic consequences in terms of financial, professional, and social success? You haven't noticed how hard it is to truly understand another's suffering until you've actually experienced it?
If you've been called fat, and it hurt like hell and made you feel like you are less than a person, it's not your fault. It's a result of someone using your inalienable human nature to wound you. You don't need to change anything, it's the person hurting you who needs to change. If they're ignorant, they need to learn, and if they are mean, they need to be told their behavior is socially unacceptable to minimize the chance they will do it again.
Yeah, if she was fat, it would still be **** advice, but reading this coming from someone who hasn't experienced obesity just doesn't do the argument any favors.0 -
I'm not sure what her being thin has to do with it.
You don't see the relevance of an individual with a lot of sexual capital telling people with less sexual capital that they shouldn't feel bad if someone reminds them of it? When we live in a shared social setting where that has dramatic consequences in terms of financial, professional, and social success? You haven't noticed how hard it is to truly understand another's suffering until you've actually experienced it?
If you've been called fat, and it hurt like hell and made you feel like you are less than a person, it's not your fault. It's a result of someone using your inalienable human nature to wound you. You don't need to change anything, it's the person hurting you who needs to change. If they're ignorant, they need to learn, and if they are mean, they need to be told their behavior is socially unacceptable to minimize the chance they will do it again.
Yeah, if she was fat, it would still be **** advice, but reading this coming from someone who hasn't experienced obesity just doesn't do the argument any favors.
Thank you, finally someone understands. beautifully put good sir. i think this should be the last post from me on this subject. i couldn't put it any better than your two recent posts.0 -
I agree with the OP on this particular topic. I have been fat my entire life, until now. I'm at a healthy weight for my height and that was through hard work. Have I been called fat before? Many times. Has it hurt? Sure it has.
However, I also believe that when some people call others "fat", it's more than them just stating that the obese person has "more body fat". I think a lot of people who call others "fat" use it as a very hurtful weapon, wanting the person to feel dirty, disgusted with themselves and beneath them.0 -
I am stilling wondering why some people are so intent on allowing other people (sometimes complete strangers) have so much influence on their feelings and actions.
Why do you let others have so much power over you?0 -
I agree with the OP on this particular topic. I have been fat my entire life, until now. I'm at a healthy weight for my height and that was through hard work. Have I been called fat before? Many times. Has it hurt? Sure it has.
However, I also believe that when some people call others "fat", it's more than them just stating that the obese person has "more body fat". I think a lot of people who call others "fat" use it as a very hurtful weapon, wanting the person to feel dirty, disgusted with themselves and beneath them.
Just wanted to say congratulations on your amazing weight loss! Any time I see triple digits on someone's ticker I'm in awe :drinker:0 -
I am fat have been my whole life and I totally agree with you op. I am now working to lose my weight because I choose to.
I have great self esteem always have. When ever anyone called me fat as a teen my response was always the same , " i own a mirror, could you tell me something I don't know?". Always shut them right up with out stooping to their level. I always figured if that was the only thing they could insult me about I was doing pretty good and it said more about them than me.
Happy weight loss everyone!0 -
I am stilling wondering why some people are so intent on allowing other people (sometimes complete strangers) have so much influence on their feelings and actions.
Why do you let others have so much power over you?
This is like asking why we let water have so much power over us.0
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