So you got called fat.
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As I told someone who thought they were funny when they called me fat. " I can do something about being fat but there is nothing you can do about being a a%#hole "0
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Hi OP,
dont take this the wrong way, and your sentiment is appreciated, but the fact that you have never been fat yourself and subsequently never been called fat really doesn't give your opinion on this subject much weight (excuse the pun). You have never felt what it feels like to be called 'fat' 'chubby' 'chubster' and a million other intentionally demeaning names meant to belittle you. So i personally, dont think you're in a position to really be preaching on this subject. In fact i find your opinion to be a bit condescending, actually a lot condescending. Again, i have no doubt that your heart is in the right place.
I wonder how well it would go down, if i, as a white man posted a thread asking black people to not be so sensitive about being called racist names?
i dont think it would go down too well.
I'm not the OP, but... I've only been a little overweight myself, but most of my family is or has been overweight. My husband's overweight. I'm aware, even though it's not something I personally experienced.
What I have experienced, though, is a LOT of bullying, name calling, and humiliation, especially in my younger years. Being tormented for being fat isn't all that much different than being tormented for being a scrawny, ugly, flat-chested, coke-bottle glasses wearing geek with jack-o-lantern teeth and no friends.0 -
Spot on. It's not the words, it's the intent.I think you hit the nail on the head yourself, though. It has had and always will have negative connotations. And when someone repeatedly says something to you, such like 'you're so fat', it's hard not to see it as a negative thing even if you DO know it or you are working on changing it/accepting it.
It really is harder than it seems. It's a hit to the ego, which for some of us, is already deflated beyond belief due to our past.
I definitely see where you're coming from. Again, I've never been fat, but I was teased CONSTANTLY growing up because I wasn't the most attractive kid/teen, and I was also into theater and other "uncool" hobbies. It can be hard not to let the insults sting. I guess my point was to try to stop seeing them as insults. "Fat" isn't an insult just like "skinny" isn't a compliment. Now can the word fat be USED as an insult? Sure, just like "skinny" can be used in a complimentary way. But it's only truly insulting if you let it be that way.
I think if someone is calling you fat they mean to insult you. I would never dream of calling anyone fat whether it was a 'fact' or not...
I'm sorry.... what is this thread about exactly? I think I know but I can't quite believe it.... are you saying it's OK to call obese people 'fat' and that they should just 'suck it up' ... coz they are?
Also can your theory of what's acceptable be applied to all labels? I'm just curious because my mother was a black girl in a white town..... people called her a 'n*gger' in the street.... should she have accepted this graciously as 'fact'? Oh and while I'm here.. one of my close friends lost his legs fighting for his country in Afghanistan.... when someone shouts ;cripple' at him in the street should he see it as a term of endearment?
I wouldn't. I would see it the way it was meant. As an insult. As verbally abusive and demeaning.
Yes you can choose how you deal with it... but the intent, the nastiness is still there. Don't dress it up0 -
I think Harper Lee *said* it best in _To Kill A Mockingbird_
Atticus speaking to Scout
"It's never an insult to be called what someone else thinks is a bad name."0 -
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names or name calling will never hurt me.
It was something my mom taught me. I have been called geek, nerd, fat, and told that I am a loser nobody, will end up screwing up my life etc and when you have been told that you aren't good enough for anything for 24 years, you tend to start believing it.
Thankfully my husband and son have shown me otherwise.0 -
There are so many words that we use to describe someone: Tall, short, skinny, fat, athletic, blonde, brunette, white, black, etc.
Why'd it have to be black?
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It's too funny how people take something and twist it to mean something else. OP I totally get what you are saying. People only have power over you if you let them. No it is not ok to call someone fat, however how you react to it is completely up to you. My sister is tall beautiful and skinny, I am short and chubby. She used to constantly take digs at my weight, once I stopped letting it bother me she stopped making the remarks. I reached a point where I stopped letting other peoples negativity break me.0
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Hi OP,
dont take this the wrong way, and your sentiment is appreciated, but the fact that you have never been fat yourself and subsequently never been called fat really doesn't give your opinion on this subject much weight (excuse the pun). You have never felt what it feels like to be called 'fat' 'chubby' 'chubster' and a million other intentionally demeaning names meant to belittle you. So i personally, dont think you're in a position to really be preaching on this subject. In fact i find your opinion to be a bit condescending, actually a lot condescending. Again, i have no doubt that your heart is in the right place.
I wonder how well it would go down, if i, as a white man posted a thread asking black people to not be so sensitive about being called racist names?
i dont think it would go down too well.
I'm not the OP, but... I've only been a little overweight myself, but most of my family is or has been overweight. My husband's overweight. I'm aware, even though it's not something I personally experienced.
What I have experienced, though, is a LOT of bullying, name calling, and humiliation, especially in my younger years. Being tormented for being fat isn't all that much different than being tormented for being a scrawny, ugly, flat-chested, coke-bottle glasses wearing geek with jack-o-lantern teeth and no friends.
Thanks, this is pretty much the response I would have given as well. I understand where this man is coming from, and no I have never been truly fat. But I have had plenty of other things to make fun of about me, and trust me people have made fun of those things. I was quite a homely kid myself, middle school was torture. I learned to let that stuff roll off my back. It was that or be miserable. And who wants to be miserable?
The theoretical situation you pose, in which a white person tells black people not to be sensitive to racist names, is not equal to this situation at all. Racist slurs are disgusting and derogatory. Someone telling you that you are fat (not making piggy noises, not calling you a whale, but simply stating that you are fat) is not anywhere close to the same caliber as using racial slurs.
I think the problem is that a lot of people confused me saying "being called fat" with being made fun of or being told they are disgusting, or being mocked, or anything like that. That is NOT what I'm talking about. I never said it was okay to mock people or put them down. I simply said that the word "fat" shouldn't have so much power.
Also, this is actually a mentality I've heard from several of my overweight friends. If a fat person had posted this exact same post, would you have taken it more seriously? Because I've had several friend requests from overweight people since posting this, as well as had overweight people commenting here that they agree. Just because I'm not fat doesn't mean what I say has no value.0 -
It's too funny how people take something and twist it to mean something else. OP I totally get what you are saying. People only have power over you if you let them. No it is not ok to call someone fat, however how you react to it is completely up to you. My sister is tall beautiful and skinny, I am short and chubby. She used to constantly take digs at my weight, once I stopped letting it bother me she stopped making the remarks. I reached a point where I stopped letting other peoples negativity break me.
Yes, this is exactly my point. Thank you. I'm still so confused how some people got "it's okay to mock people and call them fat" out of my post. People really can twist things around.0 -
I get what you're saying OP, and I agree. Some people don't seem to understand that you're not advocating calling people fat, but rather being able to distinguish the intent behind the word. As someone who was overweight, lost weight, and then put some back on. My friend came up to me one day, and was like, "Erica, you've put on weight. Don't get fat again now." It wasn't meant to be hurtful, it was meant to describe my body type.
Some people mean it as fact, others mean it to be hurtful. If it's a fact, accept who you are and move on. If it's meant to be hurtful, you can react 3 ways. 1. Stand up for yourself, 2. ignore it, or 3. take offense and let it ruin your day. You give the people the power and you can take it away. You're just saying not to follow path 3, and that's good advice.0 -
OP, you've done a wonderful job of representing your point and it is indeed empowering. Just because something was intended as an insult doesn't mean you need to accept it as an insult. That gives the insulter way too much power. Love your post!0
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not read all the replies so apologies if i repeat anything,
i agree totally with what you said, and personally am really thick skinned to that kind of thing,
truth is i know my physical faults, and am my own worst critic (would'nt be here if i never knew it myself) so basically any time people mention my weight, receding hairline etc basically i am aware of it anyway so its not like they are telling me anything i don't already know,
and pretty much the only people's opinion i actually take to heart would not say it in a harsh way anyway, unless your my mum or my son then your opinion of me does not matter to the extent i would lose any sleep over it,
not in any way justifying anyone calling anyone else 'fat', but generally, if someone does then you probably are, and most likely know it anyway (as in my own case),
and if they say it and you dont think you are, then your opinion matters more than their's
liked your post
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There was a time in my life when I was fat, and got called fat, and it really hurt me badly. And those situations were never misconstrued - when those things were said to me, they were definitely meant to be nasty. Looking back, the reason it bothered me so deeply was because I knew they were right and I was the only one responsible for it.0
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There was a time in my life when I was fat, and got called fat, and it really hurt me badly. And those situations were never misconstrued - when those things were said to me, they were definitely meant to be nasty. Looking back, the reason it bothered me so deeply was because I knew they were right and I was the only one responsible for it.
I think you nailed it!
Once I took some personal accountability for my situation, I became MUCH less hyper-sensitive to what other persons said or thought of me.0 -
Hi OP,
dont take this the wrong way, and your sentiment is appreciated, but the fact that you have never been fat yourself and subsequently never been called fat really doesn't give your opinion on this subject much weight (excuse the pun). You have never felt what it feels like to be called 'fat' 'chubby' 'chubster' and a million other intentionally demeaning names meant to belittle you. So i personally, dont think you're in a position to really be preaching on this subject. In fact i find your opinion to be a bit condescending, actually a lot condescending. Again, i have no doubt that your heart is in the right place.
I wonder how well it would go down, if i, as a white man posted a thread asking black people to not be so sensitive about being called racist names?
i dont think it would go down too well.
I'm not the OP, but... I've only been a little overweight myself, but most of my family is or has been overweight. My husband's overweight. I'm aware, even though it's not something I personally experienced.
What I have experienced, though, is a LOT of bullying, name calling, and humiliation, especially in my younger years. Being tormented for being fat isn't all that much different than being tormented for being a scrawny, ugly, flat-chested, coke-bottle glasses wearing geek with jack-o-lantern teeth and no friends.
By the OP's reasoning, you should have been fine with being called a scrawny, flat-chested geek. Only if it was true, of course. And even if it wasn't true, who cares? They were were just words.0 -
I think I get what you mean, it might just be the wording that is causing such a strong response from some of the others in the community.
I try to ask if the words are helpful to me. Do they better me? Motivate me to be a better person? If not, then I don't give them my time. I accept that they might see me that way, but it in no way has an impact on how I choose to see myself. It's so easy to let the words of others get to us, and make us feel inadequate or "faulty". So, yeah, while someone might choose to call me fat, and they might be right that I'm overweight, I can choose whether their opinion is helpful to me or not.
Thanks for starting an interesting topic 0 -
Hi OP,
dont take this the wrong way, and your sentiment is appreciated, but the fact that you have never been fat yourself and subsequently never been called fat really doesn't give your opinion on this subject much weight (excuse the pun). You have never felt what it feels like to be called 'fat' 'chubby' 'chubster' and a million other intentionally demeaning names meant to belittle you. So i personally, dont think you're in a position to really be preaching on this subject. In fact i find your opinion to be a bit condescending, actually a lot condescending. Again, i have no doubt that your heart is in the right place.
I wonder how well it would go down, if i, as a white man posted a thread asking black people to not be so sensitive about being called racist names?
i dont think it would go down too well.
I'm not the OP, but... I've only been a little overweight myself, but most of my family is or has been overweight. My husband's overweight. I'm aware, even though it's not something I personally experienced.
What I have experienced, though, is a LOT of bullying, name calling, and humiliation, especially in my younger years. Being tormented for being fat isn't all that much different than being tormented for being a scrawny, ugly, flat-chested, coke-bottle glasses wearing geek with jack-o-lantern teeth and no friends.
Thanks, this is pretty much the response I would have given as well. I understand where this man is coming from, and no I have never been truly fat. But I have had plenty of other things to make fun of about me, and trust me people have made fun of those things. I was quite a homely kid myself, middle school was torture. I learned to let that stuff roll off my back. It was that or be miserable. And who wants to be miserable?
The theoretical situation you pose, in which a white person tells black people not to be sensitive to racist names, is not equal to this situation at all. Racist slurs are disgusting and derogatory. Someone telling you that you are fat (not making piggy noises, not calling you a whale, but simply stating that you are fat) is not anywhere close to the same caliber as using racial slurs.
I think the problem is that a lot of people confused me saying "being called fat" with being made fun of or being told they are disgusting, or being mocked, or anything like that. That is NOT what I'm talking about. I never said it was okay to mock people or put them down. I simply said that the word "fat" shouldn't have so much power.
Also, this is actually a mentality I've heard from several of my overweight friends. If a fat person had posted this exact same post, would you have taken it more seriously? Because I've had several friend requests from overweight people since posting this, as well as had overweight people commenting here that they agree. Just because I'm not fat doesn't mean what I say has no value.
your response to me above sounds like backtracking. can you please tell me an instance where someone calls you fat, and its not meant negatively? its not meant to make you feel inadequate? noone needs to point out that im fat, i've got eyes, i dont think i've ever woken up and had forgotten im fat and needed reminding by someone?
because it sounds like to me that you think all the fatties should just 'suck it up', dressed up in positive thinking pseudo-bollocks.
because i can tell you that no matter how much you try to pretend it doesnt bother you, it does deep down.
if you dont want to be fat anymore, you are correct, you can change that. but stop excusing people being deliberately nasty.
and an answer to your question that if you were fat would it make a difference. yes, a big difference. you cant begin to empathise with someone who deals with it in a world where its shoved down your throats from all angles that being slim is attractive and fat is gross,
just as i cant empathise with a minority being picked on because of the colour of their skin, because being white in England, i dont and have never had to deal with that crap.
im sorry, but you're original post was incredibly blase, and no doubt you'll reply saying i've missed your point. no i dont think i have.0 -
"ohh did you gained weight?"
"yeah but i can lose it and you are ugly"
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Yeah...this thread is like when white people talk about the "n" word, when straight people talk about the "f" word, or when men talk about the words "slut" and "wh*re". You can use logic and rationality as much as you want, but until you've actually walked in that person's shoes, you have no idea what you're talking about.
Not to mention, the word isn't always even always used "accurately" (i.e. a BMI of over 25). I was called fat by every single family member and many of my classmates when I weighed 132 at 5'6. Relatively low on the BMI normal range, but not skinny enough to be acceptable for a 16 year old in today's society by many.
Also, the only comparable insult in your OP was the word slut. Every hot girl loves being called a nerd.0 -
A friend tagged me on a picture of a cow on a famous social network.
My comment: "wow, look at how I just love life on this pic!"
Problem solved! 0
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