Maybe my husband is attracted to bigger women???
Replies
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Maybe ignoring me isn't the right word, its more like, ignoring the weight loss. ive told him, and hes like, ofcourse i notice, you look great... i guess i just thought he would be super excited having a wife that was not obese anymore...
so he has noticed and has commented on your weight loss. **the following is a serious question, no smartazz involved** What is it you want him to do [exactly]? you say you thought he would be super excited.....maybe his version of super excited isn't the same as yours?
I guess I just expected him to be a pervert, like he was when we were first dating... I know, I know... years go by, 5 kids later, and that stuff wears off, I just kinda figured he would be THAT excited about my weight loss...
*lol, I use the word pervert for him, because that's what he was... my mom would have to tell him to keep his hands off me, and to stop staring at me... he was a perv... lol0 -
I doubt his attitude towards you has changed much, but as you have become more outwardly spoken with your new confidence, he would prefer to let you shine than try and steal the light.
Jump his bones....tell him everything you want him to notice and be outwardly vocal about it. see what happens.0 -
Maybe ignoring me isn't the right word, its more like, ignoring the weight loss. ive told him, and hes like, ofcourse i notice, you look great... i guess i just thought he would be super excited having a wife that was not obese anymore...
so he has noticed and has commented on your weight loss. **the following is a serious question, no smartazz involved** What is it you want him to do [exactly]? you say you thought he would be super excited.....maybe his version of super excited isn't the same as yours?
I guess I just expected him to be a pervert, like he was when we were first dating... I know, I know... years go by, 5 kids later, and that stuff wears off, I just kinda figured he would be THAT excited about my weight loss...
just my two cents...ur smoking hot.0 -
Maybe its just all in my mind, but it seems like the smaller I get, the more my husband ignores me. Maybe my expectations were that hed be super excited with my weight loss, and his lack of excitement is whats bothering me... I don't know... He seems to not even notice... but every other man that I come into contact with does... WTH? I think im just being over sensitive... oh well...
*Just had to vent / VENTING OVER
Have you asked him? It happens to be my preference so it's possible but there isn't any way for you to know his without talking to him.0 -
Why not ask him? Sounds like you are more excited about it than him and expecting him to smother you with praise.0
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Maybe ignoring me isn't the right word, its more like, ignoring the weight loss. ive told him, and hes like, ofcourse i notice, you look great... i guess i just thought he would be super excited having a wife that was not obese anymore...
so he has noticed and has commented on your weight loss. **the following is a serious question, no smartazz involved** What is it you want him to do [exactly]? you say you thought he would be super excited.....maybe his version of super excited isn't the same as yours?
I guess I just expected him to be a pervert, like he was when we were first dating... I know, I know... years go by, 5 kids later, and that stuff wears off, I just kinda figured he would be THAT excited about my weight loss...
*lol, I use the word pervert for him, because that's what he was... my mom would have to tell him to keep his hands off me, and to stop staring at me... he was a perv... lol
i just creeped your pics you are totally gorgeous...what a transformation! that is a big change. try to work through your self-esteem issues and get pervy with him girl!! he probably feels a little intimidated especially if he still looks the same.
maybe get the fires going so he knows you're still attracted to him and he can feel free to reciprocate LOL good luck :blushing:0 -
Well, if we weren't both married with kids, I'd give you some attention. That aside, I think you need to talk to him to find out the source of the problem. Guessing never works for me. As I generally internalize things (I hear it's common among men), the only way to find out is to keep at him until he opens up. Best of luck and congrats on your success - you look terrific and the smile in your photo suggests you're feeling pretty terrific as well.0
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Why not ask him? Sounds like you are more excited about it than him and expecting him to smother you with praise.
I have, he says its in my head. its not really praise I want, I want to feel attractive, and I don't, and I just feel like if he acted like he was super attracted to me, maybe I would feel like I was? I don't know... I just want him to see me as more than just a mother of 5, and the lady that cooks and cleans for him... I want him to not be able to keep his hands / eyes off me, like he used to be. I know this is all in my head, its quite clear from all the responses here, now its just what to do about it...0 -
My husband is exactly the same! he's not insecure at all and has always been the hot on in the relationship even when I was skinny so I have no clue what he has to be insecure about. Mine just seems to act like my weight loss is not a big deal, if I lose it I don't if I don't great, it doesn't even seem to cross his mind at all. I wonder if mine is attracted to bigger women to and bring it up when he seems to sabotage me (he tends to by donuts not flowers when he's in trouble lol!) I was 103 pounds at 5'7 when we met 17 years ago, now I'm more than double...maybe it's just that they really don't care what we look like and like us for who we are? it's strange though huh?0
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If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?
Maybe ignoring me isn't the right word, its more like, ignoring the weight loss. ive told him, and hes like, ofcourse i notice, you look great... i guess i just thought he would be super excited having a wife that was not obese anymore...
Ditto what i am feeling right now I have to specifically ask him if he notices any loss and he appreciates me constantly...but the positive side is also that when i put on 20 pounds after having our baby, he never ignored me..he constantly told me i looked great(though i looked pretty plump)..so i guess its great that our hubbies do not pay too much attention to how we look compared to the actual US...if it makes any sense :happy: 0 -
Tell him what you want. Remind him what you like. I recently had a conversation with my DH and reminded him I liked a smack on the *kitten* every once in a while and than bent over. Since that little exchange he has been more aggressive with his flirtation and taken me by surprise a few times. Sometimes you have to give them permission to again treat you as the object of their desire.Maybe ignoring me isn't the right word, its more like, ignoring the weight loss. ive told him, and hes like, ofcourse i notice, you look great... i guess i just thought he would be super excited having a wife that was not obese anymore...
so he has noticed and has commented on your weight loss. **the following is a serious question, no smartazz involved** What is it you want him to do [exactly]? you say you thought he would be super excited.....maybe his version of super excited isn't the same as yours?
I guess I just expected him to be a pervert, like he was when we were first dating... I know, I know... years go by, 5 kids later, and that stuff wears off, I just kinda figured he would be THAT excited about my weight loss...
*lol, I use the word pervert for him, because that's what he was... my mom would have to tell him to keep his hands off me, and to stop staring at me... he was a perv... lol0 -
Maybe he does like bigger women. I had a boyfriend who would straight out tell me I was too small. AND look at other women who were big right in front of me. And talk about "thick" with his friends and whatnot. Doesn't matter. Still he's your husband not anyone elses. Unless you're catching him with big girl porn or seeing him look at bigger girls I doubt it.
You've had 5 kids. He could be tired. Maybe he's taking a little "break". You can't expect a father of 5 to be as gung ho as you guys were in your teens when the excitement was higher.
Stop asking him about it, or talking. In his mind he doesn't "think" you're crazy. In his mind he knows you are. Asking him about it will only remind him. For the next 5 full days do NOT mention this topic anymore. At all.
For your self esteem :drinker: When you do finally decide to broach the subject in no less than 5 days from now, I suggest you do it without words. Go someplace relaxing and fun. Drink a little, get brave. Make sure you naired everything first and you feel ready. Then hump his shoulder. Shhhhhhh! Remember I said no talking. See what happens next.
ETA: sorry but I forgot this. when I cruised thru your profile pics I wondered if you leave him room to comment on your loss? there's a million pic's of YOU and only one of him. I just wonder overall if your getting to goal weight required so much "me" time that it kind of took over? Also his experience of your weight loss doesn't look like the before and after's we are getting to see. It may have been hardly noticable while it was happening and then when you got to goal weight which YOU knew was coming, he didn't . So to him the moment just blended with the rest of your loss which was gradual. Then you start asking "so what do you think, huh? huh? how do I look, huh? and he just doesn't know what to say.0 -
Why not ask him? Sounds like you are more excited about it than him and expecting him to smother you with praise.
I have, he says its in my head. its not really praise I want, I want to feel attractive, and I don't, and I just feel like if he acted like he was super attracted to me, maybe I would feel like I was? I don't know... I just want him to see me as more than just a mother of 5, and the lady that cooks and cleans for him... I want him to not be able to keep his hands / eyes off me, like he used to be. I know this is all in my head, its quite clear from all the responses here, now its just what to do about it...
Ahh, I gotcha. Well, it could be that he is as wrapped up in his head as you are yours. Yes, you are a mother of 5 with domestic responsibilities, but he is a father of 5 that has is responsible to support you all financially. And the burden of romance and sex is not solely on him, either. You may need to put in some effort, wear something sexy for him in the bedroom, spice things up, do new things, etc.0 -
I know where you are coming from, when you've been with someone for so long it just kind of fizzles out. I got fit for me and my kids but thought my hubby would be super excited, and he wasn't at least not the way I wanted him to be. I think sometimes it gets annoying for me to talk about what I look like all the time to him. I have started trying to have more fun for example, laughing more when I talk with him and not just talk about the kids bills dinner chores work etc. I have started paying more attention to the things that he likes(movies, podcasting, video games)etc..I figure I did do that when we were first together. Small steps I know but I can tell a diff. Someone suggested that I try riding for a couple hours and I tried that and he responded very well. I guess basically fitness is our lifestyle change but we have to focus on our relationships also and try not to whine too much about our fitness cause it can be a turnoff to our spouse. Btw I have been married for 10 years and have a 16 yr and 10 yr old. Just try taking one day at a time with him.
Ps you look amazing! Be confident and like another poster said try wearing nice clothes around the house, small shorts and tanks etc. Guys are visual and they will only see us as mom/maid if we wear big clothes and hide most of the time. :flowerforyou:0 -
First, have an open and utterly honest conversation with each other. If you need a 2nd, 3rd or 4th convo then have it. Communication is the key.
Second, pursue and seduce him like before you had kids. Possibly take a dominant roll in your bedroom to drive home the point that you love him and desire only him. Maybe even surprise him and fulfill one of his fantasy's(which is where the open communication comes in) or do the unexpected (unless you think this will totally freak him out) and do something totally out of character that will open his eyes and make him take notice.
Keep talking and reassure him he is yours. Possess him lovingly. Make him feel as sexy as you feel.
I am not saying sex is the answer but its one tool to drive home the fact that your outside has changed but who you are inside is still the same and reassure him that he is all you want. I only suggest this tack because I've had a similar situation and lots of talking it out and mixing things up has gotten me to the best point in our 20yr marriage (we have 4 kids).
Good luck! Don't give up. Dare to push the limits of "same ole, same ole". Once you let the inhibitions go & talk openly with each other skies the limit.
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I haven't read through all the comments, but I think sometimes it is overwhelming and hard for them to deal with the changes. My SO and I have had sooo many more ups and downs since I started my weight loss journey, and he has admited that sometmes his jealous feelings take over and he starts thinking crazy things. Towards the beginning of this, he told me "It doesnt matter if you lose the weight, you will never be attractive." That still sticks with me, although we WERE in the middle of one of our worst fights EVER and obviously he finds me attractive, we have two children and have been together for 6 years. He has admitted to me that he doesn;t like to compliment me for fear that it will give me a "big head" and make me "conceited" when in reality, his lack of support has led me to have even worse self esteem now then when I was weighing in at 250. I try to understand where he is coming from, and hopefully now that he is also working on getting fitter, he will start supporting me more as I am doing him. Don't get me wrong, its not that he NEVER tells me he is proud of me, I guess part of me feels like he just doesnt give me enough credit for doing this, not just for me but for our family. Instead of saying I am proud of you and you look great, he says "well if thats what you want..." Its just not always the type of support I need!0
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Why not ask him? Sounds like you are more excited about it than him and expecting him to smother you with praise.
I have, he says its in my head. its not really praise I want, I want to feel attractive, and I don't, and I just feel like if he acted like he was super attracted to me, maybe I would feel like I was? I don't know... I just want him to see me as more than just a mother of 5, and the lady that cooks and cleans for him... I want him to not be able to keep his hands / eyes off me, like he used to be. I know this is all in my head, its quite clear from all the responses here, now its just what to do about it...
:noway:0 -
Make it clear to him that you want some.0
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I know where you are coming from, when you've been with someone for so long it just kind of fizzles out. I got fit for me and my kids but thought my hubby would be super excited, and he wasn't at least not the way I wanted him to be. I think sometimes it gets annoying for me to talk about what I look like all the time to him. I have started trying to have more fun for example, laughing more when I talk with him and not just talk about the kids bills dinner chores work etc. I have started paying more attention to the things that he likes(movies, podcasting, video games)etc..I figure I did do that when we were first together. Small steps I know but I can tell a diff. Someone suggested that I try riding for a couple hours and I tried that and he responded very well. I guess basically fitness is our lifestyle change but we have to focus on our relationships also and try not to whine too much about our fitness cause it can be a turnoff to our spouse. Btw I have been married for 10 years and have a 16 yr and 10 yr old. Just try taking one day at a time with him.
Ps you look amazing! Be confident and like another poster said try wearing nice clothes around the house, small shorts and tanks etc. Guys are visual and they will only see us as mom/maid if we wear big clothes and hide most of the time. :flowerforyou:
riding what?0 -
well, guys, I have honestly read each and every comment on here! so, thanks to all of you, and I will definitely taking the advice of many of you, as well as knowing that I need to put my mind in check... thank you again, you all have been very helpful, and encouraging!0
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This thread's kind of wacky. 2/10 would not bang. just look at a litle. and finger somewhat.0
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This thread's kind of wacky. 2/10 would not bang. just look at a litle. and finger somewhat.
lol... huh?0 -
Looking at your profile, he's busy. If he's anything like my husband, if he's told you once, it doesn't occur to him you would like to hear it again. Your new awesomeness has just become familiar to him. (We have 5 adult children, and I used to home school them as well).0
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Have the two of you taken a break from the kids? Get way, either an over nighter or a long dinner date if that isn't possible. So he can meet the new you. The only way you will know what is going on with him is if you talk to him about it in neutral territory. Let him know how you feel about the new you and what you want the future to be like (happy, healthy, fit, energized, etc.)
My husband actually prefers thinner women but he loves me when I am thin and he loves me when I am fat, like I am now. We have been together almost 40 yrs now. He watches his weight and just doesn't allow himself to get fat, his mom's influence. He realizes I am just not wired that way. He loves me, the body wrapped around my inner self just isn't that important to him.
Yes, I am very lucky!0 -
Have the two of you taken a break from the kids? Get way, either an over nighter or a long dinner date if that isn't possible. So he can meet the new you. The only way you will know what is going on with him is if you talk to him about it in neutral territory. Let him know how you feel about the new you and what you want the future to be like (happy, healthy, fit, energized, etc.)
My husband actually prefers thinner women but he loves me when I am thin and he loves me when I am fat, like I am now. We have been together almost 40 yrs now. He watches his weight and just doesn't allow himself to get fat, his mom's influence. He realizes I am just not wired that way. He loves me, the body wrapped around my inner self just isn't that important to him.
Yes, I am very lucky!
no, I don't know if we have ever had a night away from the kids... would be nice...0 -
Have you checked his internet browsing history? Does he like adult sites that cater to guys that like bigger women? If he deletes his history, try a key logger, and see what he's typing.0
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It's not him, it's you. Stop needing him to validate you. You made this miraculous transformation for YOU. He loved you as much then as he does now. His love and affection for you wasn't rooted in your physical appearance.0
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Have you checked his internet browsing history? Does he like adult sites that cater to guys that like bigger women? If he deletes his history, try a key logger, and see what he's typing.
no, hes not into anything like that. no deleted history, I check the history all the time since we have teenagers... hes not into porn stuff or anything like that... he doesn't have time for that kinda stuff anyways... he works full time, hes also a full time student, and all 5 of our kids play sports...0 -
what's his number?
KIDDING0 -
It's not him, it's you. Stop needing him to validate you. You made this miraculous transformation for YOU. He loved you as much then as he does now. His love and affection for you wasn't rooted in your physical appearance.
I know... I just wish I felt like he wanted me every once in a while, instead of feeling like a walking womb with a vacuum 0
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