"Your a fat b****!".....

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  • BIGGGMOMMMA
    BIGGGMOMMMA Posts: 190
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    I couldn't sleep well last night. And when I did sleep and woke up I would look for him next to me, hoping I had just been dreaming. I feel like crap but have held myself back from calling him again. All of the advice here has been awesome! As far as bank accounts, there is nothing in them right now. I mentioned we were always together because we both owned a tile business which is very slow right now ( no work) He left all his tools. My husband and my son did all of the jobs together, but my son isn't trained enough to do the jobs on his own yet. I'm going to hire someone who knows how to install tile and keep advertising for work. I am going to wait for divorce until I have some more money saved up. The kids are really sad. I spoke to them last night and most of them understand. It's funny how all of this time I have been trying to hide the problems between us and the children still knew. My daughter said "Well at least you won't be fighting anymore and be sad all the time" Was I sad before? Wow, I guess I was. A part of me is relieved I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore, trying to please him and keep him comfortable. His indifference had me feeling like I wanted to choke him into caring about something. Hindsight kept me up most of the night. Signs that I didn't even notice until I started to go through everything that has been said and everything I remember him doing that at the time I thought was odd, and now I say "Oh yeah, it all fits into some kind of a pattern." I still love him despite what he's done, but I have lost the last drop of respect I had for him. He was a good dad with a great relationship with all the kids, even though he was an a-hole towards me. His complete disrespect for them yesterday has me pissed off. Why? Well only he knows. I hope whatever he traded his family for was worth it though, because he lost us forever. He truly sold his soul to the devil.
  • michellechawner
    michellechawner Posts: 892
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    I couldn't sleep well last night. And when I did sleep and woke up I would look for him next to me, hoping I had just been dreaming. I feel like crap but have held myself back from calling him again. All of the advice here has been awesome! As far as bank accounts, there is nothing in them right now. I mentioned we were always together because we both owned a tile business which is very slow right now ( no work) He left all his tools. My husband and my son did all of the jobs together, but my son isn't trained enough to do the jobs on his own yet. I'm going to hire someone who knows how to install tile and keep advertising for work. I am going to wait for divorce until I have some more money saved up. The kids are really sad. I spoke to them last night and most of them understand. It's funny how all of this time I have been trying to hide the problems between us and the children still knew. My daughter said "Well at least you won't be fighting anymore and be sad all the time" Was I sad before? Wow, I guess I was. A part of me is relieved I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore, trying to please him and keep him comfortable. His indifference had me feeling like I wanted to choke him into caring about something. Hindsight kept me up most of the night. Signs that I didn't even notice until I started to go through everything that has been said and everything I remember him doing that at the time I thought was odd, and now I say "Oh yeah, it all fits into some kind of a pattern." I still love him despite what he's done, but I have lost the last drop of respect I had for him. He was a good dad with a great relationship with all the kids, even though he was an a-hole towards me. His complete disrespect for them yesterday has me pissed off. Why? Well only he knows. I hope whatever he traded his family for was worth it though, because he lost us forever. He truly sold his soul to the devil.

    I'm glad the kids are ok and somewhat understand what is going on. Everyone gave great advice. I've been through nasty break ups, but never a divorce, and I have no kids... Even thought there is no money in the accounts, have the name changed on the accounts so he doesn't have access to them anymore. Your other option is to sell the business if you need to, but if the business is in both your names, that may be tough. You are doing so much better than I would be right now... But you're in survival mode for you and your children. I don't know the laws in AZ, but something tells me because he left you high and dry with 7 children, the law is going to be your friend in this case. Pawn his stuff, sell it, donate it - just get it out of the house so you can move past it. see if there are programs in your area for single moms, food stamps, reduced income housing even if need be.

    You're a strong woman, I can tell. You'll be alright :flowerforyou:
  • Southern_Belle_LA
    Southern_Belle_LA Posts: 931 Member
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    Step 1. Go to church, or a friend or family's house. You need to have the emotion of this and it's best not to do it alone. Also, churches usually have meal programs if your situation calls for it.
    Step 2. Talk to a lawyer. Even though you don't wan't a divorce until you have more money, depending on your state the debts and assets are usually split. Also, child support payments need to be arranged. Go talk to someone so you understand your situation and options.
    Step 3. Speak to a social worker. They usually have the best information on food stamps and other income based programs.
  • WalkingMermaid_
    WalkingMermaid_ Posts: 205 Member
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    Sounds like he did you a favor.

    You and your kids don't need that kind of energy in your life.

    ^THIS^
  • lawmaria
    lawmaria Posts: 184 Member
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    sorry to hear that. he is probably jealous of you and if your getting attention also, that might bother him. dont let him get to you and your goals. keep your head up and stay focused. everything happens for a reason. best wishes in everything. :flowerforyou:
  • dawningr
    dawningr Posts: 387 Member
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    I'm sorry that you going through this and I don't know your situation but if my DH told me that I would be at the bank first thing in the morning to empty any and all accounts and second on my list would be to change the locks so he couldn't come back and remove things from the house.

    You are in a no win situation, protect yourself and your children from as much damage as you can.

    this
  • larsensue
    larsensue Posts: 461 Member
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    CHILD SUPPORT
    SPOUSAL SUPPORT
    take him for it all.....
  • reneepugh
    reneepugh Posts: 522 Member
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    I am so sorry. This happened to me in a very similar situation. I know you are feeling really bad right now, but you need to get an attorney and make sure he helps you with some of those bills and pays you for the kids. It's not getting back at him, its for your kids and your future. Just remember, this will get better and you will realize later that he just wasn't a good person. This is not your fault.
  • fishgutzy
    fishgutzy Posts: 2,807 Member
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    What a coward. Probably couldn't stand that you were making changes for yourself. As long as you were doing nothing he probably thought he could control you.
    What a loser.
    Get a lawyer immediately and hit him hard for child support. Don't let him get away with his asstard behavior.
  • ajsjourney
    ajsjourney Posts: 22 Member
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    I am so sorry to hear this, if you need someone to talk to, message me anytime!
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    im rarely speechless. Wow
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,324 Member
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    this is unreal.
    hes a spineless weakling, and in nothing else, YOU will walk away from this stronger.
    theres some good advice in here.

    when he comes crawling back after he realizes what a huge blunder he's made, you will hold all the cards and i truly hope you play them well. be strong.
  • ChelleBalady
    ChelleBalady Posts: 204
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    Ouch! I'm sorry hon. The situation sucks but in the long run you and the kids will be better off. My heart hurts for you and the kids being abounded . You are beautiful and will get through this being stronger. Karma is a you know what. He will get what he deserves.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    I'm so so sorry for what you're going through:( How terrible.

    Just my quick two cents: Get legal counsel now... before he does. With their permission (make sure it's all legal), Move money into accounts that are only in your name. He left. Change the locks. He left.
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
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    The advice and the offers of support on this thread has restored a little bit of my faith in humanity.

    OP, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and this may hurt a lot now but in the long run, you'll be alright. :flowerforyou:
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    Going through a bad breakup myself. Be glad he showed his true colors before he wasted any more years of your life. Let yourself grieve for a bit, CHANGE THE LOCKS and don't let that jerk back in. Your life will be more peaceful now. I'm hoping both of ours will.

    If you want to message me we can trade evil ex stories :D:D:D

    Also get your own bank account, credit cards, etc.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    I had this happen to me last spring (2011) it was devastating at the time but he did me such a huge favor.

    I was lucky in that I didn't have any children with him, so my daughter (from a previous relationship) my dog and I packed up and left.

    I haven't looked back.

    move forward, always put one foot ahead of you everyday, even if you don't do anything physical (change locks, change names, etc) move forward mentally and emotionally.

    be strong during the day and save the weak moments for yourself....let the kids see how a real momma bear handles her business. Let the older ones help, they WANT to.

    don't look back, just move forward.
  • rebbylicious
    rebbylicious Posts: 621 Member
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    Everyone has pretty good info so I won't repeat it - However I will advise you to check your bank accounts and start up a separate account with your name ONLY and transfer the money asap. I have seen MANY friends with men who left them and wiped out the accounts. You need to be able to support your kids.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
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    :heart: and hugs
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    I had a friend whose husband did something similar...acting all mysterious and distant and then just up and left one day to move in with some 18 year old who he'd been secretly seeing (he was in his 30's). He said some really hurtful things to my friend as he left - how she was fat and ugly and he wasn't attracted to her, how hot his new girlfriend was, etc. He was justifying his own bad behavior of course. In this case the new girlfriend didn't work out and a couple of months later he came begging for forgiveness and wanting my friend to take him back. I couldn't believe it when she actually did take him back.

    Another friend also had a husband who did it - he suddenly became very interested in improving his appearance, new clothes, tanning, expensive haircuts...all signs of an affair or at least testing his viability in the dating pool. He announced one day that he was leaving and wanted a divorce. That morning he'd transferred most of their money over to a private bank account and cashed out all the credit cards (that were in her name) to the tune of about $20k. When she found out she called his mother who was so horrified at her son's behavior that she sent my friend all the money out of her own pocket. Anyhoo, he also came back after a few months and begged for forgiveness and reconciliation. She divorced his *kitten*.

    Someday you'll look back on this and realize that having this man out of your life is for the best. I doubt that it was because he was feeling insecure about your weight loss...I assume he had an affair, maybe not physical since you said you're always with him, but people have some pretty intense "relationships" without ever meeting (see Catfish). There's also a good chance that he'll be back so you might want to mentally prepare yourself for how you'll react.
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