My story is different than most...
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Hi Naturebeckles..we are all on this site for pretty much the same reason. I get all enthused and go very well for a while then fall in a heap AGAIn!! But I think that would be so for nearly all of us here.
We need to be supportive of one another and hope we all reach our goal be it big or small..xx0 -
I'm usually one to love a snarky comment and a "special snowflake" thread... but honestly, you people need to chill!
Yes her title was a little provocative, but I doubt she meant it that way. The thing is that there are so many people on here (the majority that I see around the boards) who have 50-100+ pounds to lose, that it DOES feel like you don't fit in when you're not even technically overweight. I remember when I finally reached my goal weight, I was actually really embarrassed to post my "success story" photos because I had only lost 15 pounds. It wasn't nearly as stunning as all the other success stories I see on here! So yes, my story was different than most, and so was the OP's. MFP is, primarily, a place for people who are overweight to get in shape. Therefore, when you've never been overweight, it kind of feels like you don't fit in. Now that I've been on MFP for over a year, I know that there are actually plenty of others like me on this site - but when I first joined, I didn't know that! The OP didn't either, so calm down.
Calling someone elitist just because they stated that they feel different (on a website where they are, in some ways, different than most), just proves that you're LOOKING for something to get upset about. She never said anything about being better than most or struggling more than most or anything like that. She simply stated that she feels different from most people she has seen on here.
Oh and by the way, many of the snarky responses to her have included something along the lines of "It's hard to sympathize with you because I've ben overweight my whole life..." Which I'm pretty sure was EXACTLY the OP's point. She was afraid of being judged by people who couldn't understand her situation, and you've proven her right. Great job!
*Whew* It's been a while since I've had a good MFP forum rant :happy:0 -
I get what the OP is saying. Sometimes those with less weight to lose or who have reached goal are not treated as seriously or with the same sympathy as others whom appear to need more support. It's why body shaming of fit people here seems ok to some. Or why people why say things like 'you don't know what it's like'. OP I'm not here much but I hope you stick around despite those looking to be offended.
eta: you know your story is different that most. There are more people here trying to reach a healthy weight than those already at goal and trying to improve. So you didn't even say anything that wasn't true.0 -
Now a lot of you may judge me for being 142 lbs and trying to lose weight. Technically, my BMI is normal and healthy. But being 32 lbs heavier than pre kids is a hard pill to swallow and I hate being stared at like I'm pregnant and people want to ask me when I'm due. I've HAD people ask me when I'm due. It's not fun. I carry weight like my dad. Anything extra goes straight to my stomach and hips. So no, I'm not overweight and obese trying to lose 100 lbs. My goal is to be 125 lbs. it sounds easily attainable, but for someone like me, it just isn't. So I'll be needing people here for support when I'm feeling discouraged. thanks for having this website. It is amazing to me so far!
I'm not usually this mean, but I am judging you for thinking we will be judgmental just based on one number. And why are you "someone like you"? We are all here because we have struggled with our weight. Obviously it is not easy or everyone would be thin. And finally, how is your story different than everyone else?
Oh you're just being mean. It was a statement of otherness and alienation from someone who isn't sure she fits in anywhere. You should be welcoming.
Or something. That seems to be what some people in this thread are saying. That if someone shows up and proclaims how she's special and not like anyone else, we're supposed to smile and hug her and make her feel good. And special. Or... whatever. Gah.
... why not hug her and make her feel good? It doesn't cost anything and it doesn't hurt to extend kindness to someone. Negative comments don't accomplish much... except maybe intimidate people from posting. She came on this site for support. I doubt that she feels she is better than anyone else. I can understand what she was trying to say. She falls withing her normal BMI yet she's trying to lose 32 lbs. Some people might see that as abnormal. I don't think she was being a "snowflake".0 -
I'm seriously trying to figure out how someone saying, "You actually aren't that different," is "nasty" or trolling or even sarcastic.
It's a statement of fact and pretty benign. How sheltered are you people that you think that's mean?0 -
Your body is your body. You know what weight you should be at. I'm not going to judge you for that.
Side note though, I'd kill to be in the 140s! Though that may be too thin for my height. Maybe 150s.0 -
You came into the forum and said something that came across as elitist and "i'm a special snowflake, not like the rest of you."
You made a mistake. Own up to it. Calling everyone who took the statement that way a troll and telling them to run along just makes you look like more of an elitist special snowflake.
No, that's how you interpreted it possibly through the lens of your own experiences wIth people you percieve as elitist. As a mental health professional I saw it as a statement of otherness and alienation from someone who isn't sure she fits in anywhere. Nice job, people, extending a welcome to her.
And her telling those engaged in trollish behavior to take a hike didn't come across as elitist, it comes across as someone standing up for herself ... But for someone who has already decided she's elitist it adds weight to their preconception. It's called confirmation bias:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias
To those who "stood up" to this terrible newcomer in your midst, what did you gain from it?
Oh I like this guy.0 -
Now a lot of you may judge me for being 142 lbs and trying to lose weight. Technically, my BMI is normal and healthy. But being 32 lbs heavier than pre kids is a hard pill to swallow and I hate being stared at like I'm pregnant and people want to ask me when I'm due. I've HAD people ask me when I'm due. It's not fun. I carry weight like my dad. Anything extra goes straight to my stomach and hips. So no, I'm not overweight and obese trying to lose 100 lbs. My goal is to be 125 lbs. it sounds easily attainable, but for someone like me, it just isn't. So I'll be needing people here for support when I'm feeling discouraged. thanks for having this website. It is amazing to me so far!
I'm not usually this mean, but I am judging you for thinking we will be judgmental just based on one number. And why are you "someone like you"? We are all here because we have struggled with our weight. Obviously it is not easy or everyone would be thin. And finally, how is your story different than everyone else?
Sorry about all the posts in a row. I'm catching up on this thread.
But, um... "I am judging you for thinking we will be judgmental?" Really?0 -
You know what I found truly sad about this thread.
So many people wanted to be offended because of the wording of the OP's title, but very few offered anything helpful or relevant or welcoming to the OP.
Most introduction threads slip through ignored. We can do better MFP.0 -
No so unusual; you'll find you have a lot of company here.
For those that didn't like the title of the thread, THIS was a mature, appropriate response to it. You know you can get the point across without trampling on someone's self-esteem.0 -
I'm seriously trying to figure out how someone saying, "You actually aren't that different," is "nasty" or trolling or even sarcastic.
It's a statement of fact and pretty benign. How sheltered are you people that you think that's mean?
Most people are actually comforted to find out that they are not so different and that others have gone through the same life trials as they.
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You know what I found truly sad about this thread.
So many people wanted to be offended because of the wording of the OP's title, but very few offered anything helpful or relevant or welcoming to the OP.
Most introduction threads slip through ignored. We can do better MFP.
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Wendy, I don't feel that that's what made the OP defensive. People were talking down to her. That would make anyone defensive.0
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I'm seriously trying to figure out how someone saying, "You actually aren't that different," is "nasty" or trolling or even sarcastic.
It's a statement of fact and pretty benign. How sheltered are you people that you think that's mean?
For me, it wasn't that people said it, but that so many took that stance rather than getting past the title and actually reading the post. This OP really needed some direction with her goals, but I really didn't see anyone offer much of that. I saw a bombardment of "you aren't special" which is a benign statement in itself, but when it becomes the solitary sentiment of the group, then it detracts from the real purpose of this forum which is to offer support to newcomers.0 -
I think they took issue with her implication that everyone was going to be mean to her because she wasn't super fat like the rest of us.I'm seriously trying to figure out how someone saying, "You actually aren't that different," is "nasty" or trolling or even sarcastic.
It's a statement of fact and pretty benign. How sheltered are you people that you think that's mean?
For me, it wasn't that people said it, but that so many took that stance rather than getting past the title and actually reading the post. This OP really needed some direction with her goals, but I really didn't see anyone offer much of that. I saw a bombardment of "you aren't special" which is a benign statement in itself, but when it becomes the solitary sentiment of the group, then it detracts from the real purpose of this forum which is to offer support to newcomers.0 -
Welcome , the number doesn't matter , its the support in achieving your Goal ! sending you a friend-ing !0
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I think they took issue with her implication that everyone was going to be mean to her because she wasn't super fat like the rest of us.I'm seriously trying to figure out how someone saying, "You actually aren't that different," is "nasty" or trolling or even sarcastic.
It's a statement of fact and pretty benign. How sheltered are you people that you think that's mean?
For me, it wasn't that people said it, but that so many took that stance rather than getting past the title and actually reading the post. This OP really needed some direction with her goals, but I really didn't see anyone offer much of that. I saw a bombardment of "you aren't special" which is a benign statement in itself, but when it becomes the solitary sentiment of the group, then it detracts from the real purpose of this forum which is to offer support to newcomers.
I didn't pick up on that at all. What I read in her post is "Hi, I'm new here, and I'm not sure if anyone can relate to me, but this is my story. Will you accept me?"
I mean honestly, who hasn't gone into a social situation lacking confidence that they will fit in. People immediately assumed that this OP was going to take the "special snowflake" attitude that we are so accustomed to seeing here, but no one gave her the benefit of the doubt.
It just seemed to me that everyone got all up in arms over what she said, but no one bothered to really listen to what she said.0 -
Now a lot of you may judge me for being 142 lbs and trying to lose weight. Technically, my BMI is normal and healthy. But being 32 lbs heavier than pre kids is a hard pill to swallow and I hate being stared at like I'm pregnant and people want to ask me when I'm due. I've HAD people ask me when I'm due. It's not fun. I carry weight like my dad. Anything extra goes straight to my stomach and hips. So no, I'm not overweight and obese trying to lose 100 lbs. My goal is to be 125 lbs. it sounds easily attainable, but for someone like me, it just isn't. So I'll be needing people here for support when I'm feeling discouraged. thanks for having this website. It is amazing to me so far!
I'm not usually this mean, but I am judging you for thinking we will be judgmental just based on one number. And why are you "someone like you"? We are all here because we have struggled with our weight. Obviously it is not easy or everyone would be thin. And finally, how is your story different than everyone else?
Sorry about all the posts in a row. I'm catching up on this thread.
But, um... "I am judging you for thinking we will be judgmental?" Really?
Obviously that's not the most appropriate language that I could have used, and it didn't contribute to the situation at hand.
She posted thinking that she was different from everybody else on this forum, and was clearly under the impression that we would all judge her for being different. Should we be welcoming and supportive to everyone? Yes. Could we have been more welcoming initially and then explained to her why her initial attitude came off as bad? Most certainly. But when I say something rude/obnoxious that I didn't realize was rude or obnoxious, I like to be called out on it - that's how you learn what is socially appropriate or not. Clearly the OP is not like that (I got a nice private message telling me what a judgmental person I am from the OP, BTW, which I wasn't going to bring up originally but now I just can't help myself.). We are so PC that we can't give anyone criticism without being a nasty troll.0 -
There are just better ways to communicate. That's all. The snowflake gifs, for example, are NOT that way.0
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Yes and no. I think between the title and this line: Now a lot of you may judge me for being 142 lbs and trying to lose weight. she knid of came across as condescending.
I think they took issue with her implication that everyone was going to be mean to her because she wasn't super fat like the rest of us.I'm seriously trying to figure out how someone saying, "You actually aren't that different," is "nasty" or trolling or even sarcastic.
It's a statement of fact and pretty benign. How sheltered are you people that you think that's mean?
For me, it wasn't that people said it, but that so many took that stance rather than getting past the title and actually reading the post. This OP really needed some direction with her goals, but I really didn't see anyone offer much of that. I saw a bombardment of "you aren't special" which is a benign statement in itself, but when it becomes the solitary sentiment of the group, then it detracts from the real purpose of this forum which is to offer support to newcomers.
I didn't pick up on that at all. What I read in her post is "Hi, I'm new here, and I'm not sure if anyone can relate to me, but this is my story. Will you accept me?"
I mean honestly, who hasn't gone into a social situation lacking confidence that they will fit in. People immediately assumed that this OP was going to take the "special snowflake" attitude that we are so accustomed to seeing here, but no one gave her the benefit of the doubt.
It just seemed to me that everyone got all up in arms over what she said, but no one bothered to really listen to what she said.
And people simply said, "No, you aren't different." Instead of clarifying, she attacked and people got defensive. The OP isn't blameless.0 -
Yes and no. I think between the title and this line: Now a lot of you may judge me for being 142 lbs and trying to lose weight. she knid of came across as condescending.
I think they took issue with her implication that everyone was going to be mean to her because she wasn't super fat like the rest of us.I'm seriously trying to figure out how someone saying, "You actually aren't that different," is "nasty" or trolling or even sarcastic.
It's a statement of fact and pretty benign. How sheltered are you people that you think that's mean?
For me, it wasn't that people said it, but that so many took that stance rather than getting past the title and actually reading the post. This OP really needed some direction with her goals, but I really didn't see anyone offer much of that. I saw a bombardment of "you aren't special" which is a benign statement in itself, but when it becomes the solitary sentiment of the group, then it detracts from the real purpose of this forum which is to offer support to newcomers.
I didn't pick up on that at all. What I read in her post is "Hi, I'm new here, and I'm not sure if anyone can relate to me, but this is my story. Will you accept me?"
I mean honestly, who hasn't gone into a social situation lacking confidence that they will fit in. People immediately assumed that this OP was going to take the "special snowflake" attitude that we are so accustomed to seeing here, but no one gave her the benefit of the doubt.
It just seemed to me that everyone got all up in arms over what she said, but no one bothered to really listen to what she said.
And people simply said, "No, you aren't different." Instead of clarifying, she attacked and people got defensive. The OP isn't blameless.
Well since posting this, I found her other thread. Now I'm ready to wash my hands of her. She got what she asked for.0 -
You know what I found truly sad about this thread.
So many people wanted to be offended because of the wording of the OP's title, but very few offered anything helpful or relevant or welcoming to the OP.
Most introduction threads slip through ignored. We can do better MFP.
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Now a lot of you may judge me for being 142 lbs and trying to lose weight. Technically, my BMI is normal and healthy. But being 32 lbs heavier than pre kids is a hard pill to swallow and I hate being stared at like I'm pregnant and people want to ask me when I'm due. I've HAD people ask me when I'm due. It's not fun. I carry weight like my dad. Anything extra goes straight to my stomach and hips. So no, I'm not overweight and obese trying to lose 100 lbs. My goal is to be 125 lbs. it sounds easily attainable, but for someone like me, it just isn't. So I'll be needing people here for support when I'm feeling discouraged. thanks for having this website. It is amazing to me so far!
do you have a small frame? If so the higher end of the BMI range probably is too heavy for your frame size. Get your body fat percentage checked using a reliable method, if you have a small frame and a high body fat percentage, then losing 30lb probably is realistic.
I'm the opposite, I have a large frame, only the high end of the BMI range is healthy for me, and most of the overweight range is actually healthy for me. You can actually find BMI ranges adjusted for frame size, it's something like +10% for large framed people, and -10% for small framed people, although if you can get your body fat percentage measured reliably then that's even better. What's important in terms of health risk, is how much fat you're carrying. Too much and too little both carry health risks. The healthy range for women is around 18-28% (fit, healthy, athletic women who eat a lot and exercise a lot can be healthier at slightly lower body fat percentages than this). If you have a small frame then you can be carrying too much fat and still be in the high end of the BMI "healthy" range.0 -
"Trolls" are the new "haters." Basically, someone who disagrees with me, regardless of my behavior.0
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good luck everyone
xoxox 0 -
Geez, people are rude.....don't worry about the negative comments you are getting. Everyone's story is unique. At least you are brave enough to share yours.0
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My body shape, and metabolism changed after kids, and unfortunately from the stories I read will continue to slow as I continue to age.
Tracking is a learning thing, getting used to tracking everything, including week-ends is a great way to pinpoint the error of our ways though. Soon you'll be addicted like the rest of us!0 -
We are all working towards being a healthy weight and many of us will have a long difficult journey to get there. When we get there we will have to deal with accepting and loving our new body shape, which might include loose skin and awful stretch marks.
Have you thought about looking into the way that you feel about yourself because I find it hard to believe that someone who is a nice healthy weight would be stared at in a negative way. Apart from perhaps because you actually look really great?
My advice is to appreciate being 100lbs ahead of some of us and work on staying fit, healthy and learn to love you as you are now. You will still get support and encouragement from people on here, they're a nice bunch.
Good luck :flowerforyou:
Very well stated.. and I agree 100%0 -
Thank you for your thoughtful response.
Based on the people around me and the newbie link articles I read, it seemed like most people had at least 30+ lbs to lose and were considered at least overweight and that they would start losing a lot right away and then slow down. The scale hasn't changed for me at all and I'm going to do my measurements tonight just to get a starting point so I have more than just the scale to go by. I don't think a lot of people with a healthy BMI are trying to lose weight. At least, it doesn't seem that way with the people around me.
The sarcastic trolls can take a hike.
Not going to read through the rest of the replies, but you will find all types on here. Some with healthy BMI who still was to lose more. Probably many more who aren't necessarily looking to lose more weight but to "tone up". And some with higher BMIs that are not trying to lose because they fall into the healthy range by other measurements.
Even some that with low BMI who are trying to gain weight. And, unfortunately, some with a low BMI that are still trying to lose because they have an eating disorder. It's a free site on the world wide web. It's going to have a pretty varied group of members.0 -
You came into the forum and said something that came across as elitist and "i'm a special snowflake, not like the rest of you."
You made a mistake. Own up to it. Calling everyone who took the statement that way a troll and telling them to run along just makes you look like more of an elitist special snowflake.
No, that's how you interpreted it possibly through the lens of your own experiences wIth people you percieve as elitist. As a mental health professional I saw it as a statement of otherness and alienation from someone who isn't sure she fits in anywhere. Nice job, people, extending a welcome to her.
And her telling those engaged in trollish behavior to take a hike didn't come across as elitist, it comes across as someone standing up for herself ... But for someone who has already decided she's elitist it adds weight to their preconception. It's called confirmation bias:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias
To those who "stood up" to this terrible newcomer in your midst, what did you gain from it?
Hey, where do you come off using perfect logic on an Internet forum?0
This discussion has been closed.
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