My story is different than most...

I'm seriously trying to figure out how someone saying, "You actually aren't that different," is "nasty" or trolling or even sarcastic.

It's a statement of fact and pretty benign. How sheltered are you people that you think that's mean?

For me, it wasn't that people said it, but that so many took that stance rather than getting past the title and actually reading the post. This OP really needed some direction with her goals, but I really didn't see anyone offer much of that. I saw a bombardment of "you aren't special" which is a benign statement in itself, but when it becomes the solitary sentiment of the group, then it detracts from the real purpose of this forum which is to offer support to newcomers.

I think they took issue with her implication that everyone was going to be mean to her because she wasn't super fat like the rest of us.

I didn't pick up on that at all. What I read in her post is "Hi, I'm new here, and I'm not sure if anyone can relate to me, but this is my story. Will you accept me?"

I mean honestly, who hasn't gone into a social situation lacking confidence that they will fit in. People immediately assumed that this OP was going to take the "special snowflake" attitude that we are so accustomed to seeing here, but no one gave her the benefit of the doubt.

It just seemed to me that everyone got all up in arms over what she said, but no one bothered to really listen to what she said.

Yes and no. I think between the title and this line: Now a lot of you may judge me for being 142 lbs and trying to lose weight. she knid of came across as condescending.

And people simply said, "No, you aren't different." Instead of clarifying, she attacked and people got defensive. The OP isn't blameless.

Well since posting this, I found her other thread. Now I'm ready to wash my hands of her. She got what she asked for.

Now a lot of you may judge me for being 142 lbs and trying to lose weight. Technically, my BMI is normal and healthy. But being 32 lbs heavier than pre kids is a hard pill to swallow and I hate being stared at like I'm pregnant and people want to ask me when I'm due. I've HAD people ask me when I'm due. It's not fun. I carry weight like my dad. Anything extra goes straight to my stomach and hips. So no, I'm not overweight and obese trying to lose 100 lbs. My goal is to be 125 lbs. it sounds easily attainable, but for someone like me, it just isn't. So I'll be needing people here for support when I'm feeling discouraged. thanks for having this website. It is amazing to me so far!

do you have a small frame? If so the higher end of the BMI range probably is too heavy for your frame size. Get your body fat percentage checked using a reliable method, if you have a small frame and a high body fat percentage, then losing 30lb probably is realistic.

I'm the opposite, I have a large frame, only the high end of the BMI range is healthy for me, and most of the overweight range is actually healthy for me. You can actually find BMI ranges adjusted for frame size, it's something like +10% for large framed people, and -10% for small framed people, although if you can get your body fat percentage measured reliably then that's even better. What's important in terms of health risk, is how much fat you're carrying. Too much and too little both carry health risks. The healthy range for women is around 18-28% (fit, healthy, athletic women who eat a lot and exercise a lot can be healthier at slightly lower body fat percentages than this). If you have a small frame then you can be carrying too much fat and still be in the high end of the BMI "healthy" range.

good luck everyone xoxox

My body shape, and metabolism changed after kids, and unfortunately from the stories I read will continue to slow as I continue to age.

Tracking is a learning thing, getting used to tracking everything, including week-ends is a great way to pinpoint the error of our ways though. Soon you'll be addicted like the rest of us!

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

Based on the people around me and the newbie link articles I read, it seemed like most people had at least 30+ lbs to lose and were considered at least overweight and that they would start losing a lot right away and then slow down. The scale hasn't changed for me at all and I'm going to do my measurements tonight just to get a starting point so I have more than just the scale to go by. I don't think a lot of people with a healthy BMI are trying to lose weight. At least, it doesn't seem that way with the people around me.

The sarcastic trolls can take a hike.

Not going to read through the rest of the replies, but you will find all types on here. Some with healthy BMI who still was to lose more. Probably many more who aren't necessarily looking to lose more weight but to "tone up". And some with higher BMIs that are not trying to lose because they fall into the healthy range by other measurements.

Even some that with low BMI who are trying to gain weight. And, unfortunately, some with a low BMI that are still trying to lose because they have an eating disorder. It's a free site on the world wide web. It's going to have a pretty varied group of members.

You came into the forum and said something that came across as elitist and "i'm a special snowflake, not like the rest of you."

You made a mistake. Own up to it. Calling everyone who took the statement that way a troll and telling them to run along just makes you look like more of an elitist special snowflake.

No, that's how you interpreted it possibly through the lens of your own experiences wIth people you percieve as elitist. As a mental health professional I saw it as a statement of otherness and alienation from someone who isn't sure she fits in anywhere. Nice job, people, extending a welcome to her.

And her telling those engaged in trollish behavior to take a hike didn't come across as elitist, it comes across as someone standing up for herself ... But for someone who has already decided she's elitist it adds weight to their preconception. It's called confirmation bias:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

To those who "stood up" to this terrible newcomer in your midst, what did you gain from it?

:drinker:

What is wrong with some people why in the world would what that girl say make you so angry that you would have a go at her like that .jesus some small petty d@:ks on here sometimes which is a shame as there are lots and lots of good helpful people as well ,any who good luck with you're goals.

Wow.. what a bunch of nasty people!

This

Gah. Not to beat a dead horse or anything.... BUT...

I asked how her story was different than anyone else's. And then I pointed out that she was just like everyone else, and frankly, average.

For that I got called "mean".

I don't know. I don't think there's anything mean about asking a question and then pointing out how much someone is JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

But what do I know? I'm clearly just a troll.

Wow, still defending yourself? You could have saved yourself all this drama and retaliation against you (which is no better than the snarky comments, I'm not going to place anyone on a pedestal here) by simply adding a "...but welcome to MFP!" to your initial post.