"Your a fat b****!".....
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I couldn't sleep well last night. And when I did sleep and woke up I would look for him next to me, hoping I had just been dreaming. I feel like crap but have held myself back from calling him again. All of the advice here has been awesome! As far as bank accounts, there is nothing in them right now. I mentioned we were always together because we both owned a tile business which is very slow right now ( no work) He left all his tools. My husband and my son did all of the jobs together, but my son isn't trained enough to do the jobs on his own yet. I'm going to hire someone who knows how to install tile and keep advertising for work. I am going to wait for divorce until I have some more money saved up. The kids are really sad. I spoke to them last night and most of them understand. It's funny how all of this time I have been trying to hide the problems between us and the children still knew. My daughter said "Well at least you won't be fighting anymore and be sad all the time" Was I sad before? Wow, I guess I was. A part of me is relieved I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore, trying to please him and keep him comfortable. His indifference had me feeling like I wanted to choke him into caring about something. Hindsight kept me up most of the night. Signs that I didn't even notice until I started to go through everything that has been said and everything I remember him doing that at the time I thought was odd, and now I say "Oh yeah, it all fits into some kind of a pattern." I still love him despite what he's done, but I have lost the last drop of respect I had for him. He was a good dad with a great relationship with all the kids, even though he was an a-hole towards me. His complete disrespect for them yesterday has me pissed off. Why? Well only he knows. I hope whatever he traded his family for was worth it though, because he lost us forever. He truly sold his soul to the devil.
I'm glad the kids are ok and somewhat understand what is going on. Everyone gave great advice. I've been through nasty break ups, but never a divorce, and I have no kids... Even thought there is no money in the accounts, have the name changed on the accounts so he doesn't have access to them anymore. Your other option is to sell the business if you need to, but if the business is in both your names, that may be tough. You are doing so much better than I would be right now... But you're in survival mode for you and your children. I don't know the laws in AZ, but something tells me because he left you high and dry with 7 children, the law is going to be your friend in this case. Pawn his stuff, sell it, donate it - just get it out of the house so you can move past it. see if there are programs in your area for single moms, food stamps, reduced income housing even if need be.
You're a strong woman, I can tell. You'll be alright :flowerforyou:
^This^
I've never been divorced and definitely no kids. I'm way too young for that. But I am a child of broken homes. I say homes because I've had multiple families, although I was never a foster child. I lived between my mom and my dad. It's tough, but think of yourself and your kids first. He's a jerk that left his family and should be treated as less than dirt.0 -
Whoops- sorry I didn't read all of the pages and realize now that bank accounts were already mentioned.0
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I am so sorry you have found yourself in this situation. What a coward to just walk out like that. My husband and I went through a horrible period this winter, but somehow managed to work through it.
This is going to be extra hard on the kids because it's the summer. As soon as school gets back in, get them set up with the school counselor. She may work with a few of them at a time, or each individually, but they need someone who is removed from the situation to help them see things clearly and work through their grief. In the meantime, bite your tongue as much as you can, trying not to poison their view of their dad.
As for your business - you are going to have a hard time keeping this up & running without your husband... unless you know how to install tile. You clearly can't afford daycare for 7 kiddos, so you're going to have to get creative, and rely on as much support as you can find. Ask your family for help, apply for welfare, food stamps, child care assistance, free lunch program... (this may be more difficult if you are still married). My friend just took one of those medical transcription home courses and will be working from home. I'm sure the income's not great, but it's better than 0! Sell anything that he left at home, as well as old toys, outgrown kids clothes, your old "fat clothes" - that will buy you a few weeks of groceries at least. Also, keep in mind that married couples pay higher taxes than single folks - you really need to file those divorce papers as soon as you can.
Good luck. You will get through this, and you have the ability to raise 7 amazing children, so get to it :flowerforyou:0 -
Heres what ya do sweetie!! Change the locks empty the bank accounts throw all his **** on the front lawn set it a blaze and invite all your friends over for a hell of a cook out!!!.....:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: good luck to ya honey. Im so sorry this happened. Now is the time to set new goals, for you
be happy in your new found freedom! 0 -
Heres what ya do sweetie!! Change the locks empty the bank accounts throw all his **** on the front lawn set it a blaze and invite all your friends over for a hell of a cook out!!!.....:
Ditto that, and file for divorce ASAP, before he can, file for full custody of the kids, alimony, AND for him to take 100% of the debt. You do not need a lawyer to file, you just need the paperwork, that you can download online. One of two things will happen, he won't respond and the judge will grant a no-contest, or 2. he will respond, but he will still owe you all that stuff until your court appearance. (ps - you can get filing fees waived or reduced based on your lack of income since he walked out.. . AND, if he doesn't give you any money towards child support, apply for state aid, they wil go after HIM to get paid back)
What kinda douche walks out on his kids and says "they're your problem", oh hell no! Get mad, get even, and don't ever take that ****! Is he on drugs?0 -
So sorry you're having to go through that.
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TBH, I am more worried about how the kids are handling this, but only because you seem like you got your **** together. You are a beautiful (and I mean FREAKING GORGEOUS) woman who seems very strong. You got this sweetheart.0
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Heres what ya do sweetie!! Change the locks empty the bank accounts throw all his **** on the front lawn set it a blaze and invite all your friends over for a hell of a cook out!!!.....:
Ditto that, and file for divorce ASAP, before he can, file for full custody of the kids, alimony, AND for him to take 100% of the debt. You do not need a lawyer to file, you just need the paperwork, that you can download online. One of two things will happen, he won't respond and the judge will grant a no-contest, or 2. he will respond, but he will still owe you all that stuff until your court appearance. (ps - you can get filing fees waived or reduced based on your lack of income since he walked out.. . AND, if he doesn't give you any money towards child support, apply for state aid, they wil go after HIM to get paid back)
What kinda douche walks out on his kids and says "they're your problem", oh hell no! Get mad, get even, and don't ever take that ****! Is he on drugs?
This, this 1000 to the thousandth power times this, and then a few more for good measure. Even if not for you (which you do deserve FAR better than the table scraps he's thrown you) then for your kids, get your claws out because things could get ugly and if he wants to try to weasel out of all of his commitments to both his marriage and his children and refer to his children as a "problem," then he deserves to be put through the ringer and have every last drop of worth squeezed out of him and put towards those children.
This may be my growing up without my father speaking, but it takes a special level of cowardice to set up a life and a family and then bail. That's all he is, a lowly coward who spent years leeching your self esteem and making you feel uncomfortable in your own home and probably your own skin as well. He may have sold himself to you as more, but it was a lie from the beginning. How DARE he do that to you? Don't let him get away with it. You and those children deserve more than he could ever give you and there is absolutely no excuse for running off on you and them. If he was unhappy, he should've manned up and said so, instead of being secretive and leaving you high and dry. He's not behaving like an adult, he's behaving like a spineless thing with no respect for himself or anyone else. Get what you can out of him, and move on to better things.0 -
He is either feeling very insecure or found someone else. Sorry and he is an *kitten*.
Empty the bank accounts, cancel his credit cards. If your state is like mine, you will get stuck for 1/2 of everything he purchases or gets loans (happened to a friend). Check your legal rights on abandonment and take action right away.
He is a *kitten* and does not deserve you. You deserve better.
Shes right.... Ditto. Its called abandonment... And it happend to my best girlfriend. And in the long run shes much better now. Gave her the strenght to finish school (shes a nurse now) lost 75-80 lbs, got her own place. She has a boyfriend now who spoils her... One that doesn't beat down her self esteem .... like her husband used to. I'm very happy for her now. You do deserve better.0 -
There is nothing I can add. But I will do this
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Super HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Do what you NEED to do, then get back on the path to you! Cry, get mad, divorce, drag *kitten* to court, money, kids & you!0 -
I need to vent please...
In 8 years of marriage he never told me that...We would fight but never said really hurtful things to each other. Why now? I've lost a lot of weight and inches. He's been acting shady for the past few months, talking on his cell, hiding his cell, acting distant, starting dumb fights. He's not cheating because were never apart but I suspect he's been talking to someone for sure. So today out of the blue he just left. We didn't even have a fight. He didn't take anything. I called him and he says he's never coming back. When I was trying to find out what the f was going on he says you're a fat b****!. F u and leave me alone. I have to say I'm still in shock. We have kids together and he left me with all the bills and I'm just like WHY? When I said what about the kids, the bills? He said that's your problem now. WTF I can't believe this is the same man I've loved for so long....
What a nasty thing for him to do!
I am so sorry.
Take the children, get a good lawyer and Hasta La Vista to him...0 -
You've gotten a lot of good advice. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
Don't think for a minute that his ugly words to you were true.0
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