Boyfriend frustrations!

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  • jenanigans_from_space
    jenanigans_from_space Posts: 18 Member
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    If he's a hardcore gamer, why not use his gaming personality as a motivator instead of getting annoyed at it? I get a weekly (or so) email from subscribing to NerdFitness; the site might be selling something, but not so far as I can tell except to promote paleo and how to make exercise and eating right more like an MMORPG for real life. They have forums and what-not, I haven't looked deeply into it, but the emails are a good read for beginners.

    Otherwise, like other people have said, drop back from reminding him and trying to push him; just keep doing your thing, be an inspiration rather than a naggy mum, and if he doesn't come around he'll at least realise the very real chance of losing you to someone who wants to lead a healthier and happier life. That might be motivation enough. :)

    Good luck!
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    When did you start getting healthy and active?

    So because you decided you're ready, he should?

    I promise you will face way bigger trials in this life as partners; if this one is giving you trouble, you should just break up now. Wait until one of you has cancer, or becomes a paraplegic, or you have a disabled baby, or you both lose your jobs at the same time... then your complaint about his not wanting to exercise with you will seem... what's the word? Ridiculous.

    We all have problems. I am posting in the support board for support. You have no idea what I have been through in my life or let a lone the last month so who are you to judge based on a topic a posted?

    so you want us to support you by telling you to keep nagging your boyfriend?

    Also, and I'm trying to be very polite about this... but nobody cares about what you've been through in life. Everybody has baggage. You opened the topic and got feedback. Just not the one you were hoping for.

    Bring in your boyfriend and lets hear his side of the story!
  • tanyalevan
    tanyalevan Posts: 182
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    When did you start getting healthy and active?

    So because you decided you're ready, he should?

    I promise you will face way bigger trials in this life as partners; if this one is giving you trouble, you should just break up now. Wait until one of you has cancer, or becomes a paraplegic, or you have a disabled baby, or you both lose your jobs at the same time... then your complaint about his not wanting to exercise with you will seem... what's the word? Ridiculous.

    We all have problems. I am posting in the support board for support. You have no idea what I have been through in my life or let a lone the last month so who are you to judge based on a topic a posted?

    Support for what? Making him go for a walk with you? You can't. We can't. No one can but him... if he doesn't want to go for a walk with you, don't worry about it. You do you; let him do him. It doesn't matter what you've been through in your life. You will go through more. Whether or not your boyfriend/partner/husband will ever join you for a walk is not so big.

    You are reading too much into one thing I mentioned...the walk was an example. when you have been with someone for almost 5 years who you love so much of course you are going to want to TRY and help them. Almost everyone here has said to just leave him...I pray to god that nothing happens to his health.
  • tanyalevan
    tanyalevan Posts: 182
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    When did you start getting healthy and active?

    So because you decided you're ready, he should?

    I promise you will face way bigger trials in this life as partners; if this one is giving you trouble, you should just break up now. Wait until one of you has cancer, or becomes a paraplegic, or you have a disabled baby, or you both lose your jobs at the same time... then your complaint about his not wanting to exercise with you will seem... what's the word? Ridiculous.

    We all have problems. I am posting in the support board for support. You have no idea what I have been through in my life or let a lone the last month so who are you to judge based on a topic a posted?

    so you want us to support you by telling you to keep nagging your boyfriend?

    Also, and I'm trying to be very polite about this... but nobody cares about what you've been through in life. Everybody has baggage. You opened the topic and got feedback. Just not the one you were hoping for.

    Bring in your boyfriend and lets hear his side of the story!

    I never mentioned what i was going through in life so no need to care...I got feedback but also got the title of worst girlfriend for just wanting to help. Damned if I do damned if I don't.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    video games. pfff great catch there.

    I'd take the guy who plays video games over someone who judges someone for playing video games any day of the week. But then my husband and I play everyday. We're goofing our way through Dragon's Crown right now.

    OP leave that man the hell alone. Either accept him as you found him or find someone else; he is under no obligation to change just because you choose to change. who he was used to be good enough and its not his fault it isn't anymore because you're the one changing the status quo.
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
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    When did you start getting healthy and active?

    So because you decided you're ready, he should?

    I promise you will face way bigger trials in this life as partners; if this one is giving you trouble, you should just break up now. Wait until one of you has cancer, or becomes a paraplegic, or you have a disabled baby, or you both lose your jobs at the same time... then your complaint about his not wanting to exercise with you will seem... what's the word? Ridiculous.

    We all have problems. I am posting in the support board for support. You have no idea what I have been through in my life or let a lone the last month so who are you to judge based on a topic a posted?

    Support for what? Making him go for a walk with you? You can't. We can't. No one can but him... if he doesn't want to go for a walk with you, don't worry about it. You do you; let him do him. It doesn't matter what you've been through in your life. You will go through more. Whether or not your boyfriend/partner/husband will ever join you for a walk is not so big.

    You are reading too much into one thing I mentioned...the walk was an example. when you have been with someone for almost 5 years who you love so much of course you are going to want to TRY and help them. Almost everyone here has said to just leave him...I pray to god that nothing happens to his health.

    Listen, I'm not trying to offend you. I can see you're on edge about this. I assume (hope?) your boyfriends is (nearly) as young as you are. So if that's true, his health will be okay. You guys are barely cracking a dent in your adult years. It's not like heart disease is imminent here because he's sedentary. But the point I was trying to make earlier, is that even if it is... even if his health is failing... there's nothing you can do to change his readiness.

    I see you've lost 7kg. That's awesome! When did you start? How long between when you first thought about it or tried to lose a few pounds or when you considered increasing your activity until now? Fitness is something we get into at our own pace. We cannot force anyone into our mold. In fact, if you try, it will probably have the opposite effect. If someone had consistently nagged you to get off your butt before you started this "journey" how would you have felt? Judged? Annoyed?

    You asked for some advice and I'm giving mine. But it's late; so I'm done here.

    All the best to you. I, too, will pray for your boyfriends health this evening.
  • drop_it_like_a_squat
    drop_it_like_a_squat Posts: 377 Member
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    I am asking for help cos i want to help him not me.

    He obviously doesn't want you to help him. Just let him be & MAYBE one day he will decide to change. But that's totally up to him & you should accept & respect that.
  • tanyalevan
    tanyalevan Posts: 182
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    video games. pfff great catch there.

    I'd take the guy who plays video games over someone who judges someone for playing video games any day of the week. But then my husband and I play everyday. We're goofing our way through Dragon's Crown right now.

    OP leave that man the hell alone. Either accept him as you found him or find someone else; he is under no obligation to change just because you choose to change. who he was used to be good enough and its not his fault it isn't anymore because you're the one changing the status quo.

    just so you know we both love video games and play them together..a lot...so there is no way I am "judging him" haha.
  • jr235
    jr235 Posts: 201 Member
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    Sounds like one of these relationships where one person decides "you must do everything with me and we must spend every moment of every day together". My best friend is like this. I haven't had an actual conversation with her since she started dating her husband. Sigh.
  • tanyalevan
    tanyalevan Posts: 182
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    Okay let me just make theis clear. The whole thing is that I don't nag him I am scared to. If i ask him if he would like to join me for say a walk he does say okay but when it comes time to walk he doesn't want to anymore. I don't control him I don't make him do things I simply ask and if he says yes then says no its just frustrating. I came on here to find some advice to help us out.

    Again I do NOT control him at all in fact we have a great equal relationship this is just one part that i am finding a little frustrating.

    Sue me for trying to help the man I love but I am not leaving him over something like this that is just ridiculous.
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
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    ...having to hear him complain about his appearance is a little tiring...

    ...

    Should I just let it go?

    Or tell him to STFU when he starts complaining about his figure?

    I don't necessarily disagree with the other advice, but no one should have to listen to a man complain about his figure.
  • EmmieChunk
    EmmieChunk Posts: 13
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    with my boyfriend it goes like this - i can push and push and push but it makes him back away even more, if u leave him be he may suggest to go for a walk...i would keep quiet for a few weeks and he may change his mind.
  • tanyalevan
    tanyalevan Posts: 182
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    with my boyfriend it goes like this - i can push and push and push but it makes him back away even more, if u leave him be he may suggest to go for a walk...i would keep quiet for a few weeks and he may change his mind.

    That's the plan.
  • zedgt87
    zedgt87 Posts: 379 Member
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    its time for you to leave. My X gf was similar.. constantly pushing against my efforts to cut down and get fit.. saying i was obsessed.. crazy.. etc. Constantly encouraging me to binge.. Basically came down to me choosing fitness or her.. guess what won?
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    He has to want to change. He doesn't. Just leave him alone.

    And those hating on videogames are being ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with gaming.
  • Schann7
    Schann7 Posts: 218
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    I feel horrible for you reading some of these comments that are being so rude to you!

    Do you guys live together? If so, maybe you could offer to make him lunch to take to work some days, which would cut out some of his take out, but I guess only if he wants you to!

    I agree that maybe if you keep up your new life style he might eventually start just doing stuff like walking with you, even if it's just to spend time with you.

    Other than that, I'm not sure what you could do. Maybe ask if he will do it with you because you would like the motivation for yourself and the company.

    All the best
  • haroon_awan
    haroon_awan Posts: 1,208 Member
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    Get rid of him. He's a liability to you.
  • RJM2014
    RJM2014 Posts: 3
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    I personally don't think so. I understand because my mother is the same way. She claims she wants to lose weight badly for her own self esteem and self, but when I try to encourage her to be active/healthy or partake in such she chooses not to.

    It is understandable on your behalf that it can become frustrated and, perhaps, annoying. Sadly, you can't force people into changing their lifestyles. Becoming active, getting in shape, and taking the steps to being healthier is a lifestyle change. A person has to be mentally ready to change his/her lifestyle.

    You can leave words of encouragement and lead by example. That is the only suggestion I could give. A lot of time when people, especially those close to you, see the changes in your lifestyle along with the positive results they finally decide to make that change.

    Patience :)
  • LMick1986
    LMick1986 Posts: 431
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    I understand your frustration. I haven't been in that boat myself, but I know people that have been. This IS an area that tears relationships apart all the time. Two people being on two different pages with their health. You want to help, but you can't......helplessness is such a sucky feeling. So I know where you're at right now. All you can do is keep doing you and love him through him doing him. Does that make sense? You two are young enough that he still has time to change. People can and DO change all the time.....that's why so many of us are here. One way you can help is just by throwing out the information or what you're doing. Example: "Hey, I'm gonna take a walk if you'd like to join me.....if not, I'll see you in about an hour. Love you!" He will have to make the choice (surely someday he will) and you'll save yourself the hassle of what you're feeling now. Good luck!
  • tarotlou
    tarotlou Posts: 47
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    I felt awful also reading some of the posts because you are reaching out for support and help. A few years ago something simalar was going on for me, what I found helped was I just gave up asking him to come out, if he would complain then I would just make the right noises you know " aww I know, poor you must be awful feeling like that about your weight, mmm and lots of head nodding" Then I would go out for walks on my own listen to audio books, go to the gym on my own and what I found was that he started to ask me where I was going? Could he come sometime? I still wouldn't push it eventually he just came along but I know you don't want to hear this bit but we did break up. You are still young and you are doing your best to motivate him, it will happen give it time and if it doesn't then you may find you drift apart. It's so difficult and I feel that in a relationship why shouldn't you encourage each other, don't give up on him just think out of the box to make him think its his idea hence the not asking him to join you for walks. You can still come back and flop on the settee with him and play games but don't let it demotivate you :heart:

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