Frienemies
Replies
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I'd just stop allowing her to use up any of my emotional energy if I were you. Your husband enjoys the couple company, so don't stop going out from time to time, just don't let her get under your skin. In fact, if she waves food in your face, reach in your purse, pull out a feminine hygiene product and wave it in her face telling her she just HAS to try this "pad/tampon/panty liner. . .it's just the BEST. If she looks at you like you grew a third eye, tell her every time she makes snarky comments or waves food in your face, you'll bust out the tampons at the restaurant table. I bet she shuts up.
HAHAHA!!! I love your attitude!! This would mortify my hubby...but it is a great mental image!0 -
dump her *kitten* now.. you need better friends.. what a ****.. excuse my language but she is -0
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I would have just told her to keep her fork out of your face or she'll be pulling it out of her left eye. Seriously, why didn't you stand up for yourself? Maybe it's time to start.
^^ I like this answer.0 -
There was a post about a week ago by a woman who had an obnoxious coworker who did the same thing. I would read the suggestions in that thread as well as this one, think about confronting this "friend," and remember that you can fire a friend more easily than a coworker.
In these days when it's common knowledge that people are trying to lose weight this sounds like exceedingly immature and thoughtless behavior for a grown woman. I wouldn't be inclined to cut her too much slack. So hubby and her hubby will have a boy's night out instead of a double date. Quelle tragedy.0 -
" YOU ARE ONLY AS GOOD AS THE PEOPLE YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH, SO BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO LET GO OF THOSE WHO KEEP WEIGHING YOU DOWN. ONCE YOU LET GO OF NEGATIVE PEOPLE... POSITIVE ONES APPEAR."
:flowerforyou:0 -
What is she 5????
Actually, I'm sorry that's an insult to the 5 year olds I know....
Ugh, I have gone through this "frenemy" business... and I can't tell you HOW GOOD it feels to let them go. I know it took me a longgggg time to finally do it but it's the best thing I ever did. Now, I *completely* understand your issue being tied to her through your husband... but I don't think that means you should have to continually suffer. Can the guys talk to each other? Maybe her husband can talk to her? Or maybe you just need to be blunt with her? Call her out next time, put her on the spot (I like the tampon waving someone above suggested!). I know you still need to be able to "play nice" with her, but she shouldn't be ruining what should be enjoyable times out for you.0 -
Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!
^^This. You do not need "friends" like this... Sounds like she may have some insecurities and wants to make sure you do too! You keep doing the great job you are doing and ignore her nasty behavior!0 -
I would smack her0
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btw this is perfect, i can't stop laughing at it! :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Seriously why do people do this when they know you are trying to lose weight??? I have a girl at work that does the same thing to me and actually brings me cookies and cheese fries!! I told her to please stop and she said "I am just trying to be nice." She is 22 and has a perfect body and always asks me to help her buy bikinis and dresses and then says.....they have a plus size section. It's so rude and very hurtful. If you can avoid people like that do it if you have to be around them and they still continue just tell her straight up look I am trying to get healthy and I would appreciate it you didn't do that because it is not only embarrassing to me but it also makes you look like an a--hole because your are trying to break me and I am trying to get healthy. Most people are just concerned about themselves anyway so hopefully she will not want to make herself look bad and leave you alone. Sorry that happened and you can do it!!!!0
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I can think of a quick way for you to drop a 100 plus pounds
:laugh:
Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!
Starting to feel that way. The only complication is that my hubby and her hubby have been best friends since high school. That is how I came to meet her in the first place. Ugh!
This obviously makes things more difficult.
Basically we are talking about boundaries. Understanding your right to have healthy boundaries, and how to assertively and effectively enforce them.
You were obviously not ok with her little joke at your expense. Nor would I be. Sheesh, even her husband wasn't. What did you do or say in response?
Eta: and by the way, what did your husband say about the fiasco? What does he think of his friend's wife?0 -
Sounds like she is intimidated with the fact that you're losing weight. Even if she isn't overweight herself, she can still be intimidated. When I started losing weight, the "girlfriend club" (the girlfriends of my boyfriends friends) started getting awfully b!tchy when I would come around. None of them were or are overweight, but they don't like the fact that I am now smaller than all of them. Before I lost weight they were all my best friends when I would come around. I'm hardly friends with any of them now, when we all go to the same party or event they'll all flock together and ignore me. My boyfriend even noticed it without me saying a word.
Girls are ridiculous.0 -
She's a jealous b!tch. That is all.
The best revenge is to maintain your willpower and refrain from the cheese fries and then prance your skinny fine *kitten* around in front of her AND her husband. Give her a reason to not like you. I hate jealous b!tches.0 -
A break from her may give her some time to think about things....and grow up.0
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She's a jealous b!tch. That is all.
The best revenge is to maintain your willpower and refrain from the cheese fries and then prance your skinny fine *kitten* around in front of her AND her husband. Give her a reason to not like you. I hate jealous b!tches.
:noway:
No reason to stoop to her level. Prancing in front of her and her husband like this is a great way to look like a total immature jerk, piss off your husband and completely alienate her (in turn, alienating the friendship between the husbands).
Take the high road. You are doing this for you. Withdraw yourself from hanging out when you can, use it as motivation to fuel your workouts and then prance you skinny fine *kitten* around in front of YOUR husband in lingerie. I'm sure he'll help you forget about the petty drama in no time.0 -
She's a jealous b!tch. That is all.
The best revenge is to maintain your willpower and refrain from the cheese fries and then prance your skinny fine *kitten* around in front of her AND her husband. Give her a reason to not like you. I hate jealous b!tches.
:noway:
No reason to stoop to her level. Prancing in front of her and her husband like this is a great way to look like a total immature jerk, piss off your husband and completely alienate her (in turn, alienating the friendship between the husbands).
Take the high road. You are doing this for you. Withdraw yourself from hanging out when you can, use it as motivation to fuel your workouts and then prance you skinny fine *kitten* around in front of YOUR husband in lingerie. I'm sure he'll help you forget about the petty drama in no time.
LOL Well I didn't say sleep with her husband. Just look fine and hang out with them. That's all it's gonna take. Men are gonna look because they're men. But either way, I've never really been one to take the high road. I'm okay with that.0 -
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I WILL TELL YOU FROM EXPERIENCE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have dealt with "mean girls" before. I have learned a lot.
She is picking on you because she knows you won't stand up for yourself or make any snarky remarks back.
If she is your husband's friend's wife there is only one thing to do.
SAY REALLY RUDE SNARKEY MEAN THINGS BACK with a smile on your face..
axample: the forkful of cheese fries in your face= "I can tell you realllly want some of our pizza bread! Here have some I try to avoid excess carbs and fat but clearly enjoy them " smile politely and carry on..
For every snude thing she attempts to do snude her back! Its like when female lions roar at one another. By not roaring back you are giving her all the power!!
This is the best woman to woman advice I can give you
Sure.... you can take the high road but it will not be effective. Trust me!0 -
You were obviously not ok with her little joke at your expense. Nor would I be. Sheesh, even her husband wasn't. What did you do or say in response?
Eta: and by the way, what did your husband say about the fiasco? What does he think of his friend's wife?
My hubby doesn't like her - never has. But he loves his friend. When we go 3 or more months without hanging out with them - he gets sad.
He did not confront her out of respect for his friend - but he did say thank you to his friend when his friend told her to stop. He tried to redirect the conversation by saying "hey - this diet is a great thing - it means I get 3/4 of the cookie tonight!".
I didn't really say anything - I don't like to be confrontational...and that is a problem I need to correct. I do need to stand up for myself.0 -
She sounds like a total ****. I don't associate with ****s.
Word.
I have a friend that went from one of my best friends to a super **** when he got a new job at a "high profile" place. So, I cut him out. No big loss. Not much a friend if they act like that.0 -
She's a jealous b!tch. That is all.
The best revenge is to maintain your willpower and refrain from the cheese fries and then prance your skinny fine *kitten* around in front of her AND her husband. Give her a reason to not like you. I hate jealous b!tches.
:noway:
No reason to stoop to her level. Prancing in front of her and her husband like this is a great way to look like a total immature jerk, piss off your husband and completely alienate her (in turn, alienating the friendship between the husbands).
Take the high road. You are doing this for you. Withdraw yourself from hanging out when you can, use it as motivation to fuel your workouts and then prance you skinny fine *kitten* around in front of YOUR husband in lingerie. I'm sure he'll help you forget about the petty drama in no time.
This is spot on. Thanks!0 -
I didn't really say anything - I don't like to be confrontational...and that is a problem I need to correct. I do need to stand up for myself.
I pose you this question:
If you won't stand up for yourself, how can you expect anyone else to do so?
Sometimes, even if it is uncomfortable, we need to correct people who may not understand that what they are doing is not allowed.0 -
Is your friend overweight? Is she more overweight than you are?
She may be feeling horrible about her body and lack of willingness to do something about it. It is easier to drag down those around us rather than to pull ourselves up. That's what we do, we discourage our friends and relatives from having too much success, especially if it looks like they are going to be more successful than we are ourselves.
I have drifted away from friends over the years, and others have come to fill the void. That's just life. Maybe it is time to drift away from this particular friend.0 -
If she isn't supporting you in every way she possibly can, she's not really your friend. A real friend would want to see you improve your health and be willing to do anything to help.0
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I had a group of friends that had a frienemy who would hang with us from time to time. We were all ladies carrying a little too much weight and she was perfect and thin and hair always perfect and make-up always perfect. And she was one of those that was horribly insecure and constantly needed validation, which she sought by wearing clothing that didn't limit the imagination too much, which made us "fluffier" ladies feel even worse. A personal favorite is when she'd complain about being fat. It got to the point where when she'd say that, none of us would say anything to give her the validation she was seeking.
I don't believe she would have sabotaged any of us losing weight though. So I should be happy about that.0 -
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I WILL TELL YOU FROM EXPERIENCE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have dealt with "mean girls" before. I have learned a lot.
She is picking on you because she knows you won't stand up for yourself or make any snarky remarks back.
If she is your husband's friend's wife there is only one thing to do.
SAY REALLY RUDE SNARKEY MEAN THINGS BACK with a smile on your face..
axample: the forkful of cheese fries in your face= "I can tell you realllly want some of our pizza bread! Here have some I try to avoid excess carbs and fat but clearly enjoy them " smile politely and carry on..
For every snude thing she attempts to do snude her back! Its like when female lions roar at one another. By not roaring back you are giving her all the power!!
This is the best woman to woman advice I can give you
Sure.... you can take the high road but it will not be effective. Trust me!
This is a serious suggestion.
Especially if you don't like full on confrontation. It is an easy way to state that you are not a push over!
She will back off0 -
It sounds like you may have to be around her from time to time. Next time she does this, I would just take her aside from the group and tell her that it bothers you when she does that and that you consider her behavior childish and rude. You're not trying to shove your lifestyle choices in her face, why does she feel like she can do that to you?
But I also agree that I would cut back on the amount of time I spend with her when possible. She sounds like a person you don't need in your life.0 -
Yes. My definition: a person I don't like or care to associate with but do so for the sake of mutual friends or family.0
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It does sound like jealousy and attention seeking to be honest. I would give her a chance by explaining to her that you feel she is unsupportive & hurts you with the things she says. Maybe she doesn't realise because you have never told her explicitly. But if she continues then yes you are better off without her as a friend. Minimise the drama for your hubby's sake & allow yourselves to drift apart, with as others have said more boys nights and less double dates.0
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I can think of a quick way for you to drop a 100 plus pounds :laugh:
Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!
Starting to feel that way. The only complication is that my hubby and her hubby have been best friends since high school. That is how I came to meet her in the first place. Ugh!
This doesn't mean you have to be friends with her. Each time she makes a comment fight back!! Tell her she is being disrespectful and take control of the situation. Her husband is going to understand because obviously he recognizes that she is rude to you.
Stand up for yourself!!! You are making a conscious effort to change your lifestyle and become a happier version of yourself. What could be more wonderful than that?
Personally I would say: "wow, does putting me down make you feel better?" and that will end it....0 -
I don't do subversive put-downs. I need my friends to have the balls to come at me straight on.
I should note that I'm Southern, so frienmity doesn't work on me. I have a lifetime of practice.
This isn't a giant deal. Next time, tell her you'd rather not because her dinner smells like catsh!t. You'll feel better. Then, take her aside and tell her to knock it off or she'll be wearing the fries next time. I'd smile here, just to make it fun. Then, tell her you guys are cool and go back to partying or whatever.0
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