Guys in relationships.

Why do you think he wouldn't do the same thing to you that he's doing to his girlfriend right now? How would you feel if you were her and you found out?

So I started a new job, this guy and I have been talking (ugh I know work relationships are the worst.) and I started to like him... a lot. We have so much in common, we are both geeks, similar music interest, we have the most amazing conversations and have stayed up all night just asking each other questions; enjoying each other's company. I just recently found out (yesterday.) that he has a girlfriend of almost 3 years. I was devastated, because I felt like THAT girl that everyone talks about and hates (if that makes sense?) I've been cheated on before and I feel terrible... He said his relationship has been deteriorating for quite a while, but he can't break up, because he lives with her and pity's her (made me feel worse since that's apparently how my ex felt about me.)
It's not right for a man to be in a relationship with someone if they don't love each other and especially if you pity her..
Has anyone been in this situation? Advice would be nice.

If they live together then chances are he's not gonna break up with her anytime soon. Maybe he is having problems with his relationship or he just wants his cake and to eat it too. I've been there before, the relationship between him and hi ex ended and then we started dating and I was just viewed as the rebound chick. You deserve to find someone who is unattached and ready to give you what you want. You'll regret not giving yourself more respect later on trust me. Don't be flirt friends or the girl who listens to all his problems cause then he's getting everything he wants. I say move on.

Never mix business with pleasure!! It always ends badly!!!

Walk. Walk....no. RUN. I heard all the same lies from a man recently. I invested time. Things seemed to progress in the right direction and I ignored every damn rational thought I had about it not being right. A man who can't leave a woman he's unhappy with is not a man you want, trust me, he'll use you to ease his boredom, his loneliness and as entertainment at his convenience. He'll run and rip your heart out the moment you start expecting a real relationship from him. He had the same situation....a marriage where he never left because she had issues, it wasnt her fault, he felt wrong for abandoning her. He said he asked for a separation, supposedly moved out but then things started to backslide. He couldn't call at night anymore. He stopped calling period. Then most of the communication was through text or messaging. There was always something in the way from him seeing me. And now nothing. Last I heard from a message was he needs time. When I messaged a follow up for clarity, I got no response. So get out while you can. I put in 7 months for nothing.

I asked him "why did he invite me to his house if his girlfriend lives him", she was apparently baker acted for two weeks and has emotional issues, suicidal and all that jazz (hence why he can't break up because she has threatened to kill herself.) He said he never intended to like me, but once he started to get to know me he started to like me more and more. I don't know what to believe since I've been played and lead on in the past, but I feel he genuinely is a good guy since he has never made a move on me and respects his girlfriend enough, but now it's like... I like him and he likes me too. I feel like I should just back off, but I feel bad for his (apparent) situation at home being in a destructive relationship with a suicidal girl who he supports and takes care of financially. I know I should just lay low and stay aloof and let him decide his own decisions, but I told him if you don't love her it's better you break up with her instead of leading her on and digging a deeper hole. I don't want to make it seem like I'm egging him on to break up for my own selfish reasons, but it is true.

Sounds like you are making excuses for him. He's a big boy. If he is unhappy with his girlfriend, regardless of her mental state, he needs to either break it off with her before pursuing anyone else or, as I say, "suck it up buttercup" and deal with his crazy girlfriend and keep his wiener in his pants. Not to mention, who knows if he's even saying the truth. For all you know his girlfriend is completely sane and he simply got tired of her **** and is too much of a coward to dump here. Either that or he wants the best of both worlds. All that aside, the main question here is "DO YOU RESPECT YOURSELF ENOUGH AS A WOMAN". You did nothing wrong falling for him, but given his "situation", out of respect for yourself, it's best to walk. Do you want to be a side chick? Because he already told you he can't break up with her, which means he wont, which in turn means you are accepting the fact that if your relationship continues, you will only be the side chick. If you are ok with being someone's secret, go for it. Personally, that **** don't fly with me...neither does stupid drama and unnecessary baggage, which he seems to have alot of....

I have a friend who is in a similar situation with a married man. She will not listen to a word of advice because 'she is in love'. He will never leave his wife.
Don't be a sucker. This situation will not end well for any of you three (unless you back out NOW).
Let him and his girlfriend sort out their drama. If and when he's single and ready for another relationship you can resume business. If that never happens count that as a lucky escape. There are other guys in the world who are respectful, funny, charming etc you can meet without extra baggage.
(PS probably best to avoid co-workers as a rule - some relationships do work out, but when they don't, it can get very ugly).

A cheater is a cheater. Women cheat, men cheat. Everyone will give reasons to cheat but its never good enough.

Honestly, I'd just call the girl and let her know.

Thats not very wise.

Oh come on! That always ends well . . .

yeah this just sounds like a messy situation all around. Especially more so since he's a coworker. There are plenty more fish in the sea girl, I would say pass on this one so you're ready for the next one (and clear of the cluster**** that this guy has gotten himself into!). Trust me, there are plenty of nice guys out there who do not have the baggage this dude has and who will be ready to give you what you need.

Thanks, yeah I just needed some guidance since it's hard to express myself to people I know without being judged or scolded at lol.
It's so hard to find a guy that isn't only thinking about "sex" I genuinely think he is a great guy since he hasn't made a move on me or has tried to kiss me or flirt! We were talking like friends, about video games, music, geeky related topics about movies and tv shows. I really started to like him because he wasn't like most guys I've met. Then, yesterday he told me he likes me a lot, but he has a girlfriend.. So I didn't know if I should just keep talking the way we do since it was very simple and no flirting involved really.

Personally, if I like someone who's in a situation like he is, it just colors my judgment and I make bad decisions. It would be cool if you only had platonic feelings for him, but since you guys are obviously into each other it could just go too easily down the wrong road. I think what you said earlier is perfect, just let him know you can't do the talking all night and hanging out after work until he's single. Totally justified and, IMO, a smart call. Once he's single and he's still the same guy you can go for it without the girlfriend issue. I just see it ending with him leading both of you on if he's still living with her. Who knows, cutting back on the contact might be the push he needs to get out of the bad relationship.

eta: And also, if he still says he really likes you and does not break up with her after you stop talking to him, you kinda know that he was feeding you a bunch of BS. You're giving the guy an easy out ffs, so if he doesn't take it you know that things are not the way he says with his girlfriend. That or he's a more of a baby than I thought which isn't good either.

Thank you, yeah he's a bit of a mama's boy who I met ringing her up at the store lol. I know he's respectful, he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend which is understandable since work isn't the place to really talk about personal details n your life, I appreciate that he told me before my feelings extended, but I don't like that he stays with her out of pity and fear that she might kill herself. I'm going to try that though, if he does break up with her that would be a smart move if you aren't in love with someone anymore. If he doesn't then he's a coward and doesn't care about hurting someone and leading them on. I told him no matter how high you can jump (He jokes about me since I'm short and we had a jumping contest after hours at work. Childish I know, but so cute lol..) you still are digging a deeper hole by staying with her. It's hard for me to develop feelings for anyone really, so it bothers me that someone's feelings could potentially get hurt just by talking to their boyfriend.

let's boil this down so you can see it more clearly.

- he lives with a girl that he's been dating for 3 years.
- she pays his bills for him.
- he's having sex with her.
- he's trying to have sex with you.
- in an effort to have sex with you, he will say anything that helps him get to that goal (probably).
- if he does leave her, he will expect to move in with you and have you pay all of his bills (probably).
- if he does move in with you, he'll try to do the same thing to you that he is doing to her (probably).

is there any scenario where this works out well for you?

stop giving him the benefit of the doubt. there is nothing about his situation that says he is actually "available" for anything more than sex on the side (that he hopes his live-in girlfriend won't find out about).