Guys in relationships.

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  • CH0D3
    CH0D3 Posts: 35
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    So I started a new job, this guy and I have been talking (ugh I know work relationships are the worst.) and I started to like him... a lot. We have so much in common, we are both geeks, similar music interest, we have the most amazing conversations and have stayed up all night just asking each other questions; enjoying each other's company. I just recently found out (yesterday.) that he has a girlfriend of almost 3 years. I was devastated, because I felt like THAT girl that everyone talks about and hates (if that makes sense?) I've been cheated on before and I feel terrible... He said his relationship has been deteriorating for quite a while, but he can't break up, because he lives with her and pity's her (made me feel worse since that's apparently how my ex felt about me.)
    It's not right for a man to be in a relationship with someone if they don't love each other and especially if you pity her..
    Has anyone been in this situation? Advice would be nice.

    Easy.
    Marry me - Make Sandwiches - LoTR Marathons - Star Wars Pot Lucks - Zombie Bed Sheets - Happily ever after.

    Next question.
  • DaneDillinger
    DaneDillinger Posts: 70 Member
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    A cheater is a cheater. Women cheat, men cheat. Everyone will give reasons to cheat but its never good enough.

    Honestly, I'd just call the girl and let her know.

    Not quite sure what planet you're from, but that's how you get stabbed on this one...
  • harvo
    harvo Posts: 4,676 Member
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    As a male i live by the 'don't dip your poem in company ink'
  • SkinnyFatAlbert
    SkinnyFatAlbert Posts: 482 Member
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    Just break up.
  • annakow
    annakow Posts: 385 Member
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    RUN AWAY FAST! what a jerk!
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
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    Back off and let him respect you. If and when he dumps his lady, perhaps. He just after the cat.
  • DanaeMonique
    DanaeMonique Posts: 41 Member
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    Great Advice!
    Run away fast from this guy:

    1.) He wasn't open and honest with you by telling you he had a gf until recently. (That's a red flare warning sign!)
    2.) He has the ability to break up with his girlfriend, but hasn't yet. Until he does, he is a cheater. Do you want to be with a cheater?
    3.) He will either stay with her and you'll end up being that girl, or he will end up leaving her and then potentially cheat on you later if things go wrong with you, and he won't tell you because he feels bad about breaking up with you because he has no courage. He's a coward.

    Do you really want this guy? And if you do, leave him alone, and let him break up with his girlfriend and earn you back - prove to you that he won't be like that with you if he does end up breaking up with his girlfriend.

    Oh, and I say this from personal experience: I've been hit on and/or in this type of situation before, and it was always heart breaking for me, but the longer I let the flirtation continue, the worse it was for me because the more I became attached to someone I couldn't date.
  • Greywalk
    Greywalk Posts: 193 Member
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    Walk he has already cheated on you with his GF. So chances of him doing the same in the future are high only this time it could be you. Relationships take time to build and once they are built everyone assumes OK work is done...ha! Work has just begun, a good relationship is worked on by both people all the time....maybe not every minute but good relationships take time, effort, and sometimes that effort feels like nothing and other times the effort feels like a ton. I am married and my wife knows about all my relationships female/male no matter what, Nothing hidden.
  • Fit4_Life
    Fit4_Life Posts: 828 Member
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    The fastest way to resolve the situation to see if he will leave his wife for you or not is to fake a pregnancy.

    Of course from your post I just got that this guy talks to you at work. Then he talked to you at night about his failing relationship. What I didn't get out of this is that he has put the moves on you, or that there is a relationship going on.

    1. It's his GIRLFRIEND..NOT wife.
    2. Really?? fake pregnancy??? WTF! I see you're a "drama queen."
  • pinkledoodledoo
    pinkledoodledoo Posts: 290 Member
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    If he wanted to leave, he would have already done it. Keep it professional from now on and look for someone who is 100% honest and doesn't try to justify their bad behavior... otherwise it'll happen to you all over again.
  • _NautiBuoy_
    _NautiBuoy_ Posts: 55 Member
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    If I wasn't in a relationship I would totally date me!
  • Jen_ie
    Jen_ie Posts: 6 Member
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    I'm sort of in a similar situation. The guy put time and effort into getting to know me. And was extremely nice. When it moved on from friendship to just flirtation/kissing etc I thought things were going well. Then he tells me that he has a child. I'm okay with that. Lots of people have kids from previous relationships. Then he tells me that he's still living with the child's mother for the sake of the child. I somehow lost all my sense and believed this. He tells me they are not in a romantic relationship and they have separate rooms. I believed this. He was very convincing. Then during a conversation about having children in general, he mentions that he is expecting another one. With the girl who he lives with. The mother of his other child. And that he's very sorry but she got pregnant before he realised how much he liked me. I'm so glad I never went any further with him. I can only imagine what other lies he has told to me and others. And he seemed like such a nice guy initially. I thought we had so much in common. I just feel really sorry for his actual girlfriend. She has to put up with him and his cheating. And now they have another baby on the way and he's still trying to be with other girls. At least I can walk away.
  • missdibs1
    missdibs1 Posts: 1,092 Member
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    agreed
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    Walk away. If and when he is totally free, then pursue it.
  • Hexahedra
    Hexahedra Posts: 894 Member
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    If he can cheat her, he can surely cheat you, and he most likely will.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    He wants you to be a side chick. If a guy suggests that type of relationship, he doesn't respect you. You can do better.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    It's a shame for anyone to be dishonest with the person they're with and the person they're courting (if they're two different people). This isn't a men's problem, this is a person's problem.

    Advice? I'm not even certain why you're looking for advice, I would think the answer is obvious . . . **** his brains out, take a video, and send it to the girl because that's what you'd want the girl to do if you were in her shoes.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    Classic. I'm quite a bit older than you - but cannot count the number of times I've heard that exact scenario come out of a man's mouth who is trying to "get to know me."


    Walk away. Now, before you get hurt.

    You will get hurt.

    This. There is no happy ending to come out of this situation. There never is.

    Possible outcome 1: You start seeing this guy because you like him and want to believe him. You become 'the other woman', while he spins you lie after lie about how he can't leave his girlfriend for x reason, for however long you are prepared to listen. When it comes to an ultimatum, he will leave you.

    Possible outcome 2: He leaves his current girlfriend. Even if you don't end up ultimately paranoid that he will do the same thing to you as he did to his ex, which subsequently causes distrust and arguments and leads to a split, he probably WILL do the same thing to you, because they rarely change.

    Possible outcome 3: You realise that there are in fact plenty more fish in the sea and that the chances of you never finding anyone else you connect with are slim. You find someone more eligible, leave this guy to it and live happily ever after.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    1) Never trust a guy who tells you his girlfriend/wife/mistress/whatever is a "psycho" or has psychological issues. 9 times out of 10, what she has is "tired of being cheated on-itis." This is how a *kitten* defines when the significant other dares to cry or get angry when someone is cheating. Cheaters love to toss around the word "psycho."

    2) If a guy does in fact have a girlfriend/wife/mistress who has been Baker Acted, then stay as far away from that guy as possible, even if he is a complete saint with nothing but altruistic motives. A person who has been Baker Acted is not stable and can harm you or herself. Most definitely not the kind of drama you want in your life.

    3) Presuming 2 is true, don't trust a guy who unloads another person's very personal, very private, problems on you. She's obviously trusted him to not tell the world, and he's betraying her by sharing her medical and emotional issues with you.

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