Ex dumped me because I was too fat
koukla0808
Posts: 11
Ok so this is a really long story, and I can't really tell anyone I know this, so I really need to get it all out....
I dated this guy for 4 years, and at the beginning of the relationship, I was on my way to get in shape....I was going to the gym every day, a size 10, seriously motivated, etc.
Once at the early stage of the relationship (and I know this was my stupidity for putting up with it) my blood sugars went really low and I was eating some kind of pastry....well the guy took that chance and literally started holding me and forcing food down my face because "he liked it"....and being a diabetic, this was not a good. Even at that stage, he was telling me how fat I was and everything and was too embarrassed to introduce me to anyone he knew (he never did). Because of the forced eating, I gained 85 lbs.
For 4 years, he would make comments about my weight, literally force me to eat, be embarrassed to be seen with me, be unnecessary rough with me because "I could take it". Then I had him literally forcing supplements down my throat to "help" me lose weight. Throughout the relationship, I've been trying to lose the weight, but obviously I was unsuccessful. I lost about 20 lbs of the weight I gained, and all I heard was negativity about my weight, or insanely drastic changes (like him shoving supplements down my throat or restricting food). I asked him a million times to go to the gym and train me and be positive (he's a bodybuilder and wants to become a personal trainer)
I know it seems like only a moron would stay in this kind of situation, but there were times where he was sweet, caring, etc....the typical abusive relationship. I knew it yet I still loved him. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I find out the guy cheats (figured it was coming). Then he tells me it was my fault because he wasn't attracted to me.
The thing is, I've been so completely depressed and completely unmotivated because of the last 4 years. I'm sick of my weight and diet being the focus of my life, and he made me feel so unbelievably unattractive and I've lost all confidence. I want to lose the weight, I know it's unhealthy, but all I think is "what's the point"
I dated this guy for 4 years, and at the beginning of the relationship, I was on my way to get in shape....I was going to the gym every day, a size 10, seriously motivated, etc.
Once at the early stage of the relationship (and I know this was my stupidity for putting up with it) my blood sugars went really low and I was eating some kind of pastry....well the guy took that chance and literally started holding me and forcing food down my face because "he liked it"....and being a diabetic, this was not a good. Even at that stage, he was telling me how fat I was and everything and was too embarrassed to introduce me to anyone he knew (he never did). Because of the forced eating, I gained 85 lbs.
For 4 years, he would make comments about my weight, literally force me to eat, be embarrassed to be seen with me, be unnecessary rough with me because "I could take it". Then I had him literally forcing supplements down my throat to "help" me lose weight. Throughout the relationship, I've been trying to lose the weight, but obviously I was unsuccessful. I lost about 20 lbs of the weight I gained, and all I heard was negativity about my weight, or insanely drastic changes (like him shoving supplements down my throat or restricting food). I asked him a million times to go to the gym and train me and be positive (he's a bodybuilder and wants to become a personal trainer)
I know it seems like only a moron would stay in this kind of situation, but there were times where he was sweet, caring, etc....the typical abusive relationship. I knew it yet I still loved him. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I find out the guy cheats (figured it was coming). Then he tells me it was my fault because he wasn't attracted to me.
The thing is, I've been so completely depressed and completely unmotivated because of the last 4 years. I'm sick of my weight and diet being the focus of my life, and he made me feel so unbelievably unattractive and I've lost all confidence. I want to lose the weight, I know it's unhealthy, but all I think is "what's the point"
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Replies
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He is a douche and it's better that you two aren't together.
If you happen to have played World of Warcraft as a Dwarf Priest on the Illidan server... I think we can be best friends. If not, then we can be just the friends you invite when your 1st 2nd 3rd ring of friends are busy.0 -
To be honest I would have more rage than anything and let it fuel me to get back into shape!!! Sometimes there is no better feeling than seeing the look on an exes face than showing them up!!! Call it immature or whatever but in those moments I just think to myself, Yep I won!0
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Sounds like you got rid of some dead weight right there. You should have dumped the abusive SOB.0
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This guy sounds like a fking psycho! I know this doesn't help but honestly sweetie you are far better off out of it. I pity the next woman he gets with.
I don't think you are a moron at all, you were brainwashed, beaten down and your confidence was low BUT this is probably the best thing that has happened to you.
Now you can concentrate on you and getting back to how YOU want to be. Concentrate on your overall health, including your metal health. Take things one step at a time.
Believe me, you are gorgeous!0 -
what a ......
Listen, dont give in to depression. exercise really helps for that and once you have lost the weight dont even brag or let him notice. do it for yourself (if you want to) and go and enjoy life.0 -
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Lucky escape.0
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Good riddance to that guy. It won't be long before you look back and feel relieved that he's gone. Lots of people maintain relationships regardless of weight. Your weight was clearly not the only issue in your relationship, just the one he used to assert control over you. Get healthy for yourself. Learn from this experience so you make better choices in the future. :flowerforyou:0
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He didn't dump you because you were too fat, he did it because he's a grade A sociopath. Forget this controlling abusive *kitten*-hat and move on with your life. He doesn't deserve another thought or second of your time.0
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I don't get it
Curves are nice . And relationships don't become about looks , it boils down to how you RELATE ., you obviously didn't belong together.
You pretty and many fish in the sea0 -
Thanks everyone for the positive messages
. It's just so hard to get my confidence back. I mean, in the back of my mind I know there isn't anything really wrong with me, but every single thing he said keeps coming back to me. I want to stay motivated, but I have no idea how to 0 -
I want to lose the weight, I know it's unhealthy, but all I think is "what's the point"
The point is that by deciding what YOU want to put in your body and how YOU want to exercise it to get yourself fitter and healthier, you will be taking back control from the vile creature who abused you for the last 4 years. Surely that's gotta be worth working for?0 -
I put up with an abuser for 2 years. It doesn't make any sense, does it? You can be the outsider looking in at OTHER people's relationships and give the best advice, yet you always feel like yours is "different." I'm glad you got out. Take some you-time and do whatever the hell you want. My guy wanted me to be fat to prevent me from "straying," so I got healthy afterwards. If you don't want to think about your body, give yourself a little vacation. But make it temporary, because, in the end, it's not just about the looks, but about your health. The best way to heal is to be your best self.
And, oh yeah, forget that mope!0 -
Thanks everyone for the positive messages. It's just so hard to get my confidence back. I mean, in the back of my mind I know there isn't anything really wrong with me, but every single thing he said keeps coming back to me. I want to stay motivated, but I have no idea how to
One step at a time. You did really well to share your story.
You will have ups and downs with your weight loss journey but it's your journey and you will find your way.
Confidence will build up as you being to put your life back together and live it how you please without an abuse spouse controlling everything for you. You will be able to make your own decisions..
I know it sounds like a cliche to say 'in a year you won't recognise your life' and when I split up with my ex I hated that expression but it really is true. Don't expect everything to happen at once, take it one step at a time and you'll get there...0 -
Oh sweetie I am so sorry.
Abusive men are the scum of the earth. They're selfish, they bully and hurt people just because they CAN. They're dead inside.
It will take time to heal from this - so his negative voice quietens and your positive voice comes through strong. It might be worth speaking to a domestic abuse counsellor about what you've been through, or try asking your doctor to point you in the right direction.
You'll get there - there is light at the end of the tunnel. Take very good care of yourself - you've been through a lot.
All the best xx0 -
I want to stay motivated, but I have no idea how to
Well you're here at MFP so that's a good start. Set up your goals and start by logging everything that goes into your mouth. If you find you're going over your calorie goal or even not meeting it, have a look at what you're eating and drinking and see where you can make changes. Exercise when and how you can and log that as well. Eat back your exercise calories. Make some friends who will support and encourage you, and who will be there to answer questions. Read the forums where you'll find loads of really useful information. You'll find it's not as hard as you might think.0 -
I put up with an abuser for 2 years. It doesn't make any sense, does it? You can be the outsider looking in at OTHER people's relationships and give the best advice, yet you always feel like yours is "different." I'm glad you got out. Take some you-time and do whatever the hell you want. My guy wanted me to be fat to prevent me from "straying," so I got healthy afterwards. If you don't want to think about your body, give yourself a little vacation. But make it temporary, because, in the end, it's not just about the looks, but about your health. The best way to heal is to be your best self.
And, oh yeah, forget that mope!
I honestly don't get why he did it, and I'll probably never find out, but that reason seems likely. I mean when I saw him checking out other women, it wasn't the bigger ones. I just feel stupid and that I wasted 4 years.
And again, thank you everyone for the wonderful and encouraging replies 0 -
Hey sweetheart.
What a complete SOB.
Now its your time. He's gone now. I have no idea what it was like. It doesnt matter if it made no sense. This was not your fault. I know that doesn't help right now. But he's gone now and you can start to heal. You need to do what you need to do to heal. You can do this journey if you want too. But do it for you because YOU deserve this.
You DESERVE to be happy
you DESERVE to have the choice to do as you like.
Keep going sweetheart! Go for it!
Think of it this way. You're not there yet but you're one step closer than you were yesterday xx
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: xxxx0 -
Thanks for being brave and sharing your story. I hope you are free of it all now -- you use the term 'ex' but it seems you only split up recently. Be careful not to get back with him, considering the history here!
Welcome to the site and I hope it goes well :-)0 -
The thing is, I've been so completely depressed and completely unmotivated because of the last 4 years. I'm sick of my weight and diet being the focus of my life, and he made me feel so unbelievably unattractive and I've lost all confidence. I want to lose the weight, I know it's unhealthy, but all I think is "what's the point"
My dear lady, it's a good thing that he left. I put up with a guy like that too for 3 years till I realized that I had self esteem issues to deal with. Good thing was that I always refused when he tried to get me to take weight loss drugs and the like. My advice would be to spend time rebuilding your self-esteem. Make time for YOU! Focus on eating healthy and exercising by taking it one day at a time. Keep blogging and posting on forums like these to get support from people who actually know what you are going through.
One more thing, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you consider getting back together with this guy should he come back; and believe me, he may at some point.
Good luck!0 -
You are not a moron. He sounds like a really horrible, nasty person and you are so much better off now. He had complete control of you - well not any more!! You are free to be the person YOU want to be!
It may have helped you to move on a bit just by writing your post. It was a very brave thing to do - admitting this to a bunch of strangers, so well done! Now, you can get on with your life how you want to. One step at a time.
Good luck! :-) x0 -
I was also in a very similar situation in the past. I was with my ex for a few years. I remember that he used to tell me I was fat all the time. He would pull food out of my hands, restrict my meals to whatever could fit in a tiny little bowl, call me a fat tub of lard, force me to run miles and miles every day when I worked 12-15 hrs a day 7 days a week. I had a physically demanding job too, so I was always on my feet moving around. At 5'5 and 115 lbs, I was "HUMONGOUS" in his eyes (a lot of the weight was muscles). Because I didn't fit into a size zero, that was unacceptable in his eyes. I was always sad and exhausted. The worst part was that my family agreed with him. They thought a woman my height should weigh no more than 95 lbs. His mom didn't see anything wrong with the way he treated me either. One day I decided that I wouldn't listen to the negativity and put up with it anymore. We had many discussions about this, but he never changed. I left and never looked back.
You are better off without that type of abuser for a boyfriend. I know I am. It takes a lot to get over this type of abuse. I struggle with my weight today, but I am happy to say that I no longer break down and cry every time I look in the mirror. I believe that healthy is sexy and us women are beautiful and powerful.
P.s. my SOB ex actually bought me weight loss pills as my "gift" for one of my birthdays. It gave me heart palpitations, dizziness, shortness of breath and chest pains. My doc told me to stop taking them right away, as others have died from taking diet pills. I stopped just in time to hear on the news that some young athlete had just died from taking the same pills. Never again. I will only lose weight through exercise, getting enough sleep and a healthy diet. Kudos to you for sharing your story!
Much luck to you!0 -
I honestly don't get why he did it, and I'll probably never find out, but that reason seems likely. I mean when I saw him checking out other women, it wasn't the bigger ones. I just feel stupid and that I wasted 4 years.
And again, thank you everyone for the wonderful and encouraging replies
He broke down your self-esteem in order to have complete control over you. He considered it an ideal situation that he would be able to do WHATEVER he wanted and know that he would still have you around, because he convinced you that you couldn't do any better.
I'm so happy you made it out of this. Yes, it feels like you wasted 4 years, but you learned a lesson at least. And you'll recognize warning signals from potential boyfriends from here on out. My 2 year experience with an abuser taught me to hone in on certain characteristics and weed the losers out of my life. I'm now in a healthy, happy marriage with an amazing, supportive man.0 -
1- Looking at your profile pic, you are a BEAUTIFUL woman!!
2- Thank God you got out of that relationship!!!!
3 - Your ex is a dipsh*t and d*ckhead!!!!!
4 - I HATE to think that he will be someones personal trainer by what he has done to you!!!
5 - Enter the heatlhy life again, but do it in small steps and YOUR pace so it's not something you hate and dread doing.
You ARE worth it, you ARE beautiful, you ARE better off without him, you CAN do it if it's what you want to do. Don't look at it as "loosing weight" look at it as gaining health!!
Good luck to you ma'am!!!0 -
It's definitely helped me to get this all out...I actually do feel a bit more relieved now. And I'm definitely not going back, he's already tried once, and now he's trying to be friends
. I think a lot of what's bothering me is trying to figure out what in the world his reasoning is. I'm trying to get over this situation, get myself in better health, etc, because I know it's what's best for my health and my own well being 0 -
Oh Hun! I wish I could go and give you a giant hug. There is a guy out there who will love you no matter what the scales say or not matter how good or bad you feel about yourself! Never forget that you are beautiful and unique. Don't settle for second best, find the guy who treats you like a princess. Make sure you want to loose weight or become more healthy because its what you want to do, even if it takes some time. But love yourself because your gorgeous and amazing and any guy should treasure you!0
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He sounds dangerous and like he shouldn't be working in the health and fitness or healthcare industries... and like hes a psychopath...
Report it to the police as domestic abuse, which is what it was. Even retrospectively.
Sorry to hear your ordeal but glad you're at the other end of it.0 -
It's definitely helped me to get this all out...I actually do feel a bit more relieved now. And I'm definitely not going back, he's already tried once, and now he's trying to be friends. I think a lot of what's bothering me is trying to figure out what in the world his reasoning is. I'm trying to get over this situation, get myself in better health, etc, because I know it's what's best for my health and my own well being
Don't even allow the "just friends" title to happen...that's just a stepping stone for him to be back in the picture completely. There is NO reasoning behind what he has done... I bet he can not justify it at all.... this dude needs professional help with himself!!0 -
Sounds like a real *kitten* to me, good that he is gone!0
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It's definitely helped me to get this all out...I actually do feel a bit more relieved now. And I'm definitely not going back, he's already tried once, and now he's trying to be friends. I think a lot of what's bothering me is trying to figure out what in the world his reasoning is. I'm trying to get over this situation, get myself in better health, etc, because I know it's what's best for my health and my own well being
Don't even allow the "just friends" title to happen...that's just a stepping stone for him to be back in the picture completely. There is NO reasoning behind what he has done... I bet he can not justify it at all.... this dude needs professional help with himself!!
I concur. Sever all ties with the guy.0 -
I'm sending you a massive hug now huni.
You are so brave. Never be ashamed for feel dumb. You are brave. He's worn you down but you'll get strong again.
You are beautiful woman. He's made you feel ugly but you will feel beautiful again. Do not let that waste of space take anymore from you.
He's gone and he can't hurt you anymore.
This is your time now.
And it'll take time but you'll get there.
xx
:flowerforyou:0
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