Ex dumped me because I was too fat

Don't EVEN begin feeling sad about yourself. That was an abusive relationship and, honey, you deserve better.

There's somebody out there who's gonna think the sun shines out of your butt, and actually makes you become a better person.

50% chance he'll have a bigger penis, too.

I know I'm smart, have a pretty decent personality, etc, and I saw what he was doing to me, yet I still let it happen and I have no idea why. My parents raised me to be strong and confident, and I changed.

It explains a lot, like why he tried to turn me against family and friends and tried to isolate me from people. I know it's classic behaviour, and I fell for it even though I knew.

I have a friend who was in a similar situation, and she is one of the strongest, smartest people I know. Yet she let the guy get away with all of these things as well. He pulled her away from all of her friends, because he knew that we would point out of all the things that were so obviously wrong in their relationship. And she let him get away with it. So don't feel like this is your fault. He manipulated you and brainwashed you. But it's over now, and if you get therapy, you can get over it.

What you need to realize is that there are men out there who will love you for you, no matter what size you are. They may encourage you to eat healthy or work out because they care about your health, but it will be for that reason only. That's what true love is about. And they will idolize you for the true beauty that is within you, and that's how you deserve to be treated, so don't settle for anything less! :flowerforyou:

I went into a relationship knowing that my weight was an issue. For 6 years, I "pushed through it" and tried to make the best of it, knowing he was more sexually attracted to other women. After we fell in love, he told me he didn't think about it anymore but would still make some snide comments now and then.

Fast forward to now: I am in a relationship with a man who completely loves me as I am. He will love me just the same if I am 100 lbs lighter or if I gain all the weight back I lost plus some. The point is, you deserve to have and feel that kind of love. When you live with something/someone for so long that the bad things just because the normal things, you should take a look back and re-evaluate your life.

You are worth so much more than that and you can and will move on and accomplish your goals! First step is believing in yourself and not settling for anything less than the best.

So I read through this and while I agree wholeheartedly with the positive responses for you, I just would like to add, that if it were me in the situation: I would shame his *kitten*. Everywhere. To his parents and family, to his new girlfriend, to the f**king internet. Then I would seriously consider finding someone bigger than him to treat him to a little of what he dished out. There would be hell to pay and he would sorely regret the day he ever decided to abuse me. That may be a bit of an overreaction, or maybe I'm a little psycho myself, but it would be all the therapy I would need. I am so mad for you OP I wish I could kick his *kitten* on your behalf.

For 4 years, he told me I was the problem, and it's nice to see an outsiders view. It explains a lot, like why he tried to turn me against family and friends and tried to isolate me from people.

Isolation. Typical abusive behaviour. Along with 'gaslighting' - making you question reality (and therefore your own sanity). Plus the endless, insidious cutting comments. Interspersed (less regularly over time) with times of affection, playfulness and intimacy.

Remember these people don't have any friends (they wouldn't understand the concept) they have victims and allies. If you remain close with friends and family they'll discourage it, because it undermines their control.

Most abusers aren't psychos and don't have 'issues' (no more than anyone else anyway) they're just cunning men who justify their own behaviour however they can because they MUST win. At all costs.

They get the allies on their side usually by telling lies and 'playing' the victim - they can even worm their way into turning your friends and family against you. And obviously all their colleagues take their side as they hear nothing else except bad things about the 'crazy' borderline woman who is making this poor guy's life a misery.

And when it ends his new girlfriend will believe you were a totally insane 'b' after listening to his description of you. She will do everything she can to make sure she doesn't behave like you did. Already she's started to be controlled. Before too long, she will be his next victim.

Oh and for the people saying 'You should have dumped him years ago' - it isn't like that. Abusers aren't stupid. They don't go on a first date and tell the girl she looks overweight, smash her wine glass in a temper and twist her arm to make her 'STFU'. Who would go out with THAT person again?

I didn't have time to read all the responses, but I wanted to send you a big *HUG*!

I think I was married to this guy's twin for 10 yrs and had two kids with him. 15 yrs together and a decade post divorce, and I am still somewhat broken. BE GRATEFUL you didn't waste more time than you did. Try not to look behind you - only FORWARD!

I look at your profile pic and I see natural BEAUTY, but very sad eyes. Give yourself time to heal. The old cliche "one day at a time" is so true. It will become a bad memory at some point... so just keep trudging forward.

Keep a journal, seek counseling, read a self-help book, take up a new hobby, set a goal and surround yourself with loving people that support you. Your only concern should be HEALING your heart, soul and body.

and DON'T EVER let someone treat you like that again! ... EVER!

Don't focus on losing weight just focus on eating healthy to feel better for yourself. After all the abuse you took it's understandable that you'd feel badly about yourself. It might help if you went to see a counselor to help you rebuilt your self esteem and to see that he was the problem not you. The people on this site can be really supportive so make some friends(add me if you like) and forget the jack*** who hurt you! Best of luck to you to you hon.

My ex was similar although when I told him I was trying to lose weight(it wasn't for anyone but me) he told me he wanted me to put a halt on it, granted he didn't use those words but that's the gist of what he said. He said he wanted to have me the weight I currently was.That's not why he's my ex but it certainly helps that his opinion of my eating and/exercise no longer holds water for me. That was about 20 pounds ago.

I was gonna call "FAAAAAAKE" and say there's no way a woman would ever subject herself to that, but then all the women here seem to have also dated this guy. How weird. It doesn't seem possible.

Sadly I've realized it's more common then one my think...why are you guys such aholes?!? Bahahaha just kidding I know there are nice guys, just not all!

First of all, cut all ties with him. You can't be his friend. He will pull you back into his drama and abuse if you continue to allow him in your life. Second, he didn't dump you because you are fat. He dumped you because he has some serious issues that has nothing to do with you. He is a controlling manipulative idiot. he will never let you go unless you let him go.

Get some therapy to help build up what the last couple of years has done to you.

I also have to stress this. Don't let him anywhere near you anymore.