Bye Bye Obesity: 400 days, 135 pounds lost with pics

Today was a remarkable milestone day for me. For the first time in decades I am not classified as “Obese”. At 158 pounds with a BMI of 29.9 I am proud to say I am now “Overweight”.

I started this most recent journey in August of 2012. I was not just obese, but morbidly obese. My highest weight was 306, a BMI of 57.8. I was killing myself and it felt like it. My obesity was interfering with my basic physical functions, and with age it was getting worse. I suffered from severe obstructive sleep apnea, hypertension, osteoarthritis, gastroesophageal reflux, transient osteoporosis, depression, stress incontinence and constant exhaustion. Along the way, I lost my gall bladder, uterus and one kidney.

I’ve given enough of my life over to this self-inflicted condition, I am done with it. Bye bye obesity! This train has left the station. Here is a review of some of the stops I’ve passed along the way; many of you may recognize one, or more, in your own journey:

- Bullying
I remember incessantly being called “maternity ward” by some idiot boy in 6th grade. I can still remember the flash of heat when my face would go crimson with shame and embarrassment. I felt like such an outsider, unworthy to be a part of the group, afraid to reach out for fear of being shot down. That was over 40 years ago and it still hurts today when I think about it.

- Public Shaming
Going clothes shopping with my mom and the saleslady saying “Oh, you need to go to the chubby department, we don’t have anything here that will fit her”. And my mom turning to me and chiding that I needed to lose weight in front of the saleslady. A double dose of shaming. To this day, I don’t like to go clothes shopping. I totally avoid it.

- Secret Eating
Growing up, I felt like there was no safe place to go… except lost in the pleasure of food. Food was my secret best friend, my security blanket. I would hide stashes of it all around so I would never be without. People wouldn’t make me feel very good, but those cookies and candy bars sure would. I could escape into a happy sugary world and build up my insulation against more hurt.

- Food Addiction
As I grew older, things didn’t change much. Except that it was significantly easier to get more food. Fast food became an addiction, having to get my fix almost every day, and it didn’t require much interaction with other people. The succulent warm deliciousness of a burger and fries momentarily made up for the lack of warmth from others.

- Denial
I remember when it first hit me. I saw it on a medical chart: “obese female”. I didn’t think I was that bad and I ignored it. Eventually the charts said “morbidly obese female”. So, I stopped going to the doctor so I wouldn’t have to see it and feel humiliated and ashamed. Out of sight is out of mind, I kept my blinders on tightly.

- Professional Humiliation
Out on a business lunch with a group of people and being shown to a booth that I obviously had no hope of fitting into. I had to ask to be reseated in front of everyone there… and the whole group had to stand around waiting, uncomfortably, until the restaurant readied another table.

- Ostracism
What stands out is traveling. The look of dread on passengers’ faces when they saw me in the aisle seat and were worried they might have the seat assignment next to me. Having to ask for the extension belt and the flight attendant rolling her eyes, going to get one and handing it over in a demonstration of abject disgust.

- Discomfort
Being cold and no one offering to lend me a sweater, sweatshirt or jacket because it just wasn’t going to fit and everyone knew it. So, I pretended not to be cold.

- Binging
Being embarrassed to eat in front of other people, wanting them to think that I somehow just got fat by a quirk of nature, bad metabolism, an act of God… anything not to have them suspect that I simply had no self-control. So, I pretended not to be hungry and binged in secret.

- Isolation
It just got to be too painful to go out anymore, both physically and emotionally. Why bother… except to get more food. If a place had a drive thru, I would be there to get my fix.

- Hiding
I hid behind anything available when a camera came out, I gazed away when passing a mirror, but the worst hiding was from myself. I steadfastly avoided looking inward at the issues that were causing me to find comfort in food at the expense of my health.

All that is behind me, but I won’t forget where I’ve been because return visits are not on the itinerary.

These past 400 days I have changed from the inside out. This transition is a celebration of my graduation into a new life, a new era. I’ve learned so many lessons about myself, how I want to live and my relationship with food. I see myself differently: as a healthy person, and act accordingly. I am facing the issues that made me turn to food. I have not been “on a diet”, I have changed my lifestyle and how I choose to fit into the world. I have taken back control of my life.

Bye bye obesity! This train has left the station and I am never going back. Now passing through “Overweight”; next and final stop: “Normal Weight”. All aboard!

Before:



Today: