Why water is making you fat

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Mutant13
Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hi there everyone.

Dr Professor Mutant Esq. here. You may remember me from some of my previous academic studies.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/942499-eggs-make-you-fat?hl=Air+fats

I'm here to share a recent discovery with you, regarding some shocking discoveries about the chemical Dihydrogen Monoxide- yes this CHEMICAL that the GOVERNMENT is forcing on the masses is making you fat.

Now, I'm much more smarter at sciencing than all of you people so I will try to dumb this down for you and break it down in simple terms.

First of all, what is water?
Water is called H2O because it contains Hydrogen and Oxygen. That's right, oxygen. Not only is Oxygen a source of 'air fats' (see my previous studies) but it also has some other interesting properties.

Human bodies are pretty much exactly the same as balloons. The only difference is that we have legs and hair. If you cut a balloon open its insides are the same as ours.

Now what happens when you put OXYGEN in a balloon?
That's right. It gets BIGGER!

That's the conspiracy behind this so called "water"
It's just a sneaky ploy by the government to sneak oxygen into our balloon parts and make us fatter. My research isn't finished yet, so I don't really know why, but it probably means they are in cahoots with the airlines and are trying to make you buy two seats.

So if you want my professional medical opinion then please STOP DRINKING WATER.

THE MADNESS HAS TO END.
«13456

Replies

  • nonstopper
    nonstopper Posts: 1,108 Member
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    because your not drinking enough
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    Don't be so foolish. The government wants you to become addicted to water.
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
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    What about wine? Is wine safe?
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    I have missed you, Mutant!
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    So if you want my professional medical opinion then please STOP DRINKING WATER.

    And in my professional medical opinion, I agree and I think we should all start drinking diet soda, diet chocolate milk. Switch to full sugar stuff only if you run 20 miles a day or deadlift above 100 kg.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    In.

    ...for science.
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
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    I have literally never heard this before.
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    So if you want my professional medical opinion then please STOP DRINKING WATER.

    And in my professional medical opinion, I agree and I think we should all start drinking diet soda, diet chocolate milk. Switch to full sugar stuff only if you run 20 miles a day or deadlift above 100 kg.

    All of these are much better alternatives.

    You know what else likes water? Sharks. Would you trust a shark to have your best interest in mind?
  • SkinnyBubbaGaar
    SkinnyBubbaGaar Posts: 389 Member
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    TROY-MCCLURE.jpg


    Hi there everyone.

    Dr Professor Mutant Esq. here. You may remember me from some of my previous academic studies.
  • ziggyc
    ziggyc Posts: 191 Member
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    Lol!
  • MrsBobaFett
    MrsBobaFett Posts: 802 Member
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    Because science! I love your threads <3
  • stillnot2late
    stillnot2late Posts: 385 Member
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    You are fun, Dr. Mutant
  • kyleekay10
    kyleekay10 Posts: 1,812 Member
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    I looked at your egg thread, and loved that some people initially took it seriously. +1
  • sandy_gee
    sandy_gee Posts: 372 Member
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    In.

    ...for science.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    this is why i only drink ethanol
  • stillnot2late
    stillnot2late Posts: 385 Member
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    TROY-MCCLURE.jpg


    Hi there everyone.

    Dr Professor Mutant Esq. here. You may remember me from some of my previous academic studies.

    Oh I miss Troy McClure so much. I wonder if the Simpsons would be better now if he were still alive and still doing that show? I have to watch vintage Simpsons on DVD instead of the newer ones on TV.
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    Do you guys know that 100% of people struggling with obesity drink water? The numbers don't lie. Water can only be made safe by mixing it with slim fast
  • gsnobel
    gsnobel Posts: 49 Member
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    Hi there everyone.

    Dr Professor Mutant Esq. here. You may remember me from some of my previous academic studies.
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/942499-eggs-make-you-fat?hl=Air+fats

    I'm here to share a recent discovery with you, regarding some shocking discoveries about the chemical Dihydrogen Monoxide- yes this CHEMICAL that the GOVERNMENT is forcing on the masses is making you fat.

    Now, I'm much more smarter at sciencing than all of you people so I will try to dumb this down for you and break it down in simple terms.

    First of all, what is water?
    Water is called H2O because it contains Hydrogen and Oxygen. That's right, oxygen. Not only is Oxygen a source of 'air fats' (see my previous studies) but it also has some other interesting properties.

    Human bodies are pretty much exactly the same as balloons. The only difference is that we have legs and hair. If you cut a balloon open its insides are the same as ours.

    Now what happens when you put OXYGEN in a balloon?
    That's right. It gets BIGGER!

    That's the conspiracy behind this so called "water"
    It's just a sneaky ploy by the government to sneak oxygen into our balloon parts and make us fatter. My research isn't finished yet, so I don't really know why, but it probably means they are in cahoots with the airlines and are trying to make you buy two seats.

    So if you want my professional medical opinion then please STOP DRINKING WATER.

    THE MADNESS HAS TO END.

    How do you quantify " much more smarter". I guess That is why I will continue to drink Single Malt Scotch straight up, no water for me. Don't want to be much more smarter!!!
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    I have missed you, Mutant!

    I imagine you have, nobody else here is smart enough to blow an information load all over your mind space
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    good thing I only drink maker's mark.

    :drinker:

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