Bridezilla, weight loss sabotage? Or common sense.

Live

Your

Own

Life

The bride is supposed to look better than everyone, she is the one that gets the best dress and the ring and the guy remember ?

But she should not, WILL NOT , look better than you if that means you need to but your personal weight and health goals on hold just to be the fast bridesmaid.

You need to carry on, buy the dress in several sizes too small and slim into it.

If she is mad with you, then that is her problem, not yours.

I agree with emaren...live your own life. You cant make her happy she is all controlling and it will backfire and sounds like she's going to lose her friends along with her sister over this. If she is your sister and she loves you she should completely understand that your life and future is at risk. It's selfish of her to tell you to hold off on your health and possible potential to have kids because her wedding is more important. Will she pay for invitro or adoption if you are unable to have kids due to health concerns? My ex-husband wouldn't quit smoking due to me having COPD. Did you read the ex in that statement! You shouldnt have to compromise your health for anyone. You are in control of YOU! If you let others control your health where will it stop. Order the dress in the size you feel you will be able to achieve. Pay for it and the alterations. If she throws a fit then tell her its this option or you will have no other choice than to not be in the wedding because you won't compromise your health for her and that you love her but you're not budging on this. Good luck!

This is YOUR BODY, YOUR HEALH, YOUR GOALS. Don't quit for anyone, especially a dress! Stay the course!

Well, since you seem to be the only one left, tell her that you can pick out a dress that will be flattering to you as the date gets closer. But if it was my sister and she said that about hair length and color, I will admit I would have been through and told her that was enough and I would not be participating either.Yes it is her day, but sounds like she is way too controlling,,,and WHAT THE HECK is a bride party planning anyway?????

Yep. And do your hair how it looks best for you.

Tell your sister to get over it and if she has a problem with you getting healthy and happy then she is officially out of brides maids..
I person I really feel sorry for in this story is the poor *kitten* that's marrying her!

Yeah, it's your sister's wedding. But it's your health! Is a dress that you would only wear for a few hours really worth the strides you've made and will continue to make. For your sister to put her wedding ahead of you in such a fashion strikes me as utterly selfish.

She sounds like a controlling b**ch. Honestly, I would have dropped by now and suggest you do too but..... I can feel your love for her and want to just make her happy. You could tell her that you want to wait until closer to the day to buy everything in order to give you time to collect the money and make sure it's the attire she's set on. That's a large investment on your part for a one time event and if it's possible she might change her mind, you may not be able to afford it. You could, perhaps, go ahead and buy the shoes to show her you're committed to being a part of the wedding. (Your shoe size also won't change as dramatically with more weight loss.) Your health is more important than her one-time event. Don't give up your fitness goals.

Side note to suggest, my best friend and I are both planning our weddings for next summer. For our's and every wedding I've been in, the bride picks the dresses from a selection the bridesmaids choose or in some other way takes their feedback. Price has always been extremely important in our group. For shoes, we had a set color (like black or ivory) and the bridesmaid was free to choose the actual shoe. This is an area that could save a lot of money, insure they can wear it again, and make sure they're comfortable. If your sister was willing to be more flexible, I'm sure the others would be more willing to come back and everyone happier in general. It's her fault for causing the situation and you have no reason to feel guilty.

I find myself wondering what the heck your sister was like before the wedding plans came in to play.

She is most definitely vying for the gold medal in the Bridezilla competition. Is there anyone with any sway with her? Fiance? Parents? Clearly her friends have had it with her.

Anyway, if it were my sister my response would have been 'No. Sorry. You don't get to make decisions about my life and my health. I am more than happy to help you with the wedding, I am more than happy to wear whatever you want me to wear for the wedding, but you're going to have to wait until closer to the wedding for me to get my dress because it's unrealistic to get it now, even if I weren't losing weight.'

If she's not accepting of that, then that's her decision and you should leave her to her self induced wedding hell.

I will never understand why brides to be think it's acceptable to behave like the evil queen. Somewhere what is important about a wedding seems to get lost.

Wow....just......wow. Lose the weight and tell your sister to chill.....and change the shoes colour !!!

Your sister sounds like an unreasonable monster. I personally don't take well to jerk behavior and I would have excused myself long ago. Your sister does not own your life and your body for the next 9-10 months. DO WHAT YOU WANT. Don't let her derail your progress.

She must know what an idiot she is, since pretty much everyone has jumped ship over her crazy ways. Maybe you need to sit her down and set her straight (aka setting boundaries). Let her know that your health and fitness are your priority and that if she still wants you in her wedding, she's going to need to make some concessions - like letting you alter your dress.

She sounds like quite the catch. I can't believe she wasn't snagged off the market sooner.

I had the same thing happen. Dress was purchased 14 months in advance to the wedding without my consent. I had to pay back the to be sister in law for it. I then went on to lose 50 pounds before the wedding and the dress had to go in 5 dress sizes. I told her I wouldn't buy a new dress and I wasn't going tto pay what I paid for the dress to alter ot it because I didn't have the money. Thankfully she found a tailor who took it in for $20. She however went on to tell me she would no longer pay for me to get my hair or nails done but she wanted a specific hair style and french nails I couldn't afford to do. I ended up telling her I couldn't do eeverything she was asking. On top of that 5 days before the wedding my then bf was put in the the hospital for his appendix. He was held for 3 days cause he wasn't doing well. He was released the day of the rehearsal and when I told her I was going to go check on him and spend my break in between things with him she told me no I had to go sit at the nail salon for pictures even though I wasn't getting my nails done and my then bf wasn't doing well and I was worried about him. Some people get crazy at weddings.

My EX friend was getting married for the second time and she was still in her early 20's and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I had just moved countries and my life was in boxes. I explained to her I would do the best I can being a single parent having just moved countries on my own so she shouldn't expect me to be at her beck and call. I told her if she requires someone to be there with her all the time then she should pick someone else. I am not the type of person who agrees to something then lets people down so I wanted to make sure i covered all the bases first. She said it would be fine and then a few weeks later started making demands on me. I had spent my life savings moving and could not afford to pay for anything she knew this but still acted like a total B to me. She made up stories and rumors and in front of the other girls she made fun of me and tried to make me look like a looser. I did not say a word i gave her respect as it was her wedding time.

She was being very immature and unreasonable and would get her fiancee to call me making demands he also called me one night to ask for help because she was throwing things at him. I told him not to marry her if that is what is going on. One night we were having dinner at her house my son was 3 and her fiancee said something she did not like and she threw a full size Vegemite jar a ONE KILO jar at him but it missed him and clocked my son in the head! And she did not even apologize! I had witness her slap her fiancee in the face just for paying for groceries and smiling at the check out chick!

I simply said to her look I love you you are my friend but right now this has got to stop. I will be your bridesmaid but i cant be shopping with you almost every day and paying for these things you want me to pay for you need to cal down. Well her attitude got worse and I told her that I will come to her wedding as a guest not a bridesmaid.

I went to her wedding she put me on a table facing a wall and all the wedding was happening behind me literally she spent her wedding day being a cow to me and to her new husband when they were doing the speeches she yelled at him and made him look like a fool in front of everyone and the party went so silent and someone broke the ice and said WELCOME TO MARRIAGE to him and he laughed nervously yea she cheated on him a few years later and abandoned their baby daughter and took off across the state with some houso looser whom now she lives out in the bush with and has about 5 more kids she cant handle she is now grossly obese and unhappy and looks 10 years older than she really is and has no friends other than her new husbands family. She was teeny tiny skinny pretty and rich but not anymore she is broke as living in a dust bowl.

Karma my friend that is what i call KARMA.

So don't worry about your sister just be loving but almost be firm tell her that you love her and understand how stressed she is and nervous too (tell her this over wine) then say whilst i am your sister you have alienated me and your other bridesmaids you may not realise what affect you are having on others and whilst i understand its your day you are not an island and it takes a team of people to make YOUR day happen the way YOU want if you act like this people are not going to on board with you and your dreams of a perfect wedding will not come to pass and that is all up to you.

If she goes off on one stay calm and say like I told you i love you but your attitude has to stop and then lay down the law say my health is my business not yours I am going to get my dress altered if needed I am willing to be there for you I am willing to give up my time to be there for YOU but you need to meet me some of the way lets work on a compromise when it comes to the dress i am sure you'd rather have me smiling and happy and strong for you on the day rather than unhappy and stressed out as you seem to be i will not stop loosing weight you have no right to make those demands on me.

If you do not stop calm down and be reasonable I am unfortunately going to have to come as a guest only. I will still be there to support you but not as a bridesmaid the choice is yours.

That way you have empathized with her and let her know you understand how she feels then you have let her know how you and other have been feeling and then acknowledged her authority in a sense but then put things in context and reminded her that her authority is limited and does not include your body and then concluded with the consequences for her behavior if it was to continue.

That way you have been mature calm loving respectful and drawn those lines the next step will be to STICK TO IT! If she crosses those lines give her ONE warning remind her of the conversation you had face to face at the bar over lunch etc and if she crosses it meet with her face to face again remind her of the conversation and now let her know the consequences of her actions. That way you have covered all the bases and have resolved it in a mature methodical loving way and can walk away with your head held high knowing you went about it in the right way!

There is nothing wrong with telling people NO but you have to do it in a way that is non argumentative because as soon as you get on their energy level and make pot shots you have lost your position entirely. Dont let her waver from the subject when you peak to her stay on point stay calm stay focused if she makes pot shots at you just wait silently correct her go back t the subject until you have said all you need to say.

She's lucky I'm not her sister. I'd rip her a new one on a regular basis.

You keep prioritizing your health goals. If that's not acceptable to someone, maybe that someone needs to get glad in the same pants they got mad in.:drinker: