Strangers make fun of me when I'm out
iluvpeppers
Posts: 33
This has been bothering me for a little while now so I thought I'd share and see if anyone has any advice, or maybe has experienced the same sort of situations.
First off, maybe its women too, but women have never openly made fun of me, teased me, or otherwise been rude to me for my weight within my hearing range. So, I'd say its mostly men because it's happened a significant number of times and its always been a guy, so far.
I live in a busy and large city, in the downtown area and so it can get crowded on weekends, which is why I typically stay in on weekends. I'm 23 but I've never really like going out anyway. However, one saturday night about a month ago my dog ate my toothbrush (ugh, puppies!) and so I decided to walk on over to the grocery store. Well, while I was in there, there were two men in front of me checking out. After they checked out, they stood in front of the store for a minute or so and then I walked out and began walking towards home. That's when they started following me and going, ''excuse me...sir?'' and, ''you're a large guy, arent you?'' all the while laughing to each other. Then douche bag A says to douche bag B, ''thats the biggest 'thing' i've ever seen. Tell it it looks like a sir'' to which they both laughed some more.
So, I turned around and asked if there was a problem and they laughed and walked away.
I felt so crappy all night, I went home and cried. I'm not a guy, first off, and I didnt think I looked like one. I know they were just being douche bags, but it still hurt a lot and reenforced my idea that going out on weekends is bad.
So, yesterday (Sunday) afternoon, I decided to go buy some socks and I decided walk there since the weather was nice and I figured few people would be out sunday afternoon (usually the quietest day of the week here). Well, i walked out and as I was standing in front of the store texting my friend, I hear some guy across the street say in a voice definitely loud enough to hear, ''AND LOOK AT THAT LARGE WOMAN. WOW. BEHOLD THE SIGHT!'' he called me ''that large woman several times'' and he and his friends laughed and then they goes ''and that concludes the tour of downtown!''
I was so embarrassed and sad that I just quickly walked home crying.
Someone said a few months ago that I would be very pretty if i lost 100 pounds. Unsolicited.
This is really taking its toll on how comfortable I feel leaving the house. I should probably just say, ''forget em!'' but thats much easier said than done. I'm 266 and 5'9 and really, not even close to the largest person I've seen; and even then, I'd never in a million years make fun of someone whos overweight. I used to be thin (140) and I never even thought the cruel things people say to me now, about heavir people I saw back then.
Anyone else ever get rude comments or stares? It's of course not the dominant reaction I receive (most people are decent and pay me no mind) but the few bad apples are spoiling the bunch and making me weary of everyone. =/
First off, maybe its women too, but women have never openly made fun of me, teased me, or otherwise been rude to me for my weight within my hearing range. So, I'd say its mostly men because it's happened a significant number of times and its always been a guy, so far.
I live in a busy and large city, in the downtown area and so it can get crowded on weekends, which is why I typically stay in on weekends. I'm 23 but I've never really like going out anyway. However, one saturday night about a month ago my dog ate my toothbrush (ugh, puppies!) and so I decided to walk on over to the grocery store. Well, while I was in there, there were two men in front of me checking out. After they checked out, they stood in front of the store for a minute or so and then I walked out and began walking towards home. That's when they started following me and going, ''excuse me...sir?'' and, ''you're a large guy, arent you?'' all the while laughing to each other. Then douche bag A says to douche bag B, ''thats the biggest 'thing' i've ever seen. Tell it it looks like a sir'' to which they both laughed some more.
So, I turned around and asked if there was a problem and they laughed and walked away.
I felt so crappy all night, I went home and cried. I'm not a guy, first off, and I didnt think I looked like one. I know they were just being douche bags, but it still hurt a lot and reenforced my idea that going out on weekends is bad.
So, yesterday (Sunday) afternoon, I decided to go buy some socks and I decided walk there since the weather was nice and I figured few people would be out sunday afternoon (usually the quietest day of the week here). Well, i walked out and as I was standing in front of the store texting my friend, I hear some guy across the street say in a voice definitely loud enough to hear, ''AND LOOK AT THAT LARGE WOMAN. WOW. BEHOLD THE SIGHT!'' he called me ''that large woman several times'' and he and his friends laughed and then they goes ''and that concludes the tour of downtown!''
I was so embarrassed and sad that I just quickly walked home crying.
Someone said a few months ago that I would be very pretty if i lost 100 pounds. Unsolicited.
This is really taking its toll on how comfortable I feel leaving the house. I should probably just say, ''forget em!'' but thats much easier said than done. I'm 266 and 5'9 and really, not even close to the largest person I've seen; and even then, I'd never in a million years make fun of someone whos overweight. I used to be thin (140) and I never even thought the cruel things people say to me now, about heavir people I saw back then.
Anyone else ever get rude comments or stares? It's of course not the dominant reaction I receive (most people are decent and pay me no mind) but the few bad apples are spoiling the bunch and making me weary of everyone. =/
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Replies
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I'm 5'3" and 148lbs. I was never heavy until a few years ago. Hubby and I were walking and talking and 2 gentleman pulled to the side of the road to ask directions. Hubby pulls out his smartphone since directions to where they wanted to go were a little complicated. Black SUV pulls up behind and honks, I gesture that there is plenty of room to go around. More honking, more gesturing. Blondie pokes her head out and honks again, I say "why be so rude, just go around." She says she needs to turn right and again I point out we are NOT blocking this... She finally pulls around only to NOT turn right and park way farther up the street. Couple of days later as I go to my shop to close for the day, one of my employees tells me a note was left, but that it had such bad handwritting and wasn't signed that they threw it out. I pull from trash and can make out only 2 words "fat" and "ugly." Take said note home to hubby who deciphers "I was not the rude one, you were blah, blah, blah, I may be ugly but at least I'm not fat and ugly." WTF? I have no idea who this broad is, but according to another employee some woman had come in asking if I was short w/dark curly hair. She apparently went home and had her 10 year old help her write this hate mail, then dropped it off w/no signature. She tracked me down to leave a hate note and I never called her ugly. Rude yes, I couldn't see her face as it was foggy and drizzling. Some people just have too much time on their hands and too much hate in their hearts.0
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I'm 5'3" and 148lbs. I was never heavy until a few years ago. Hubby and I were walking and talking and 2 gentleman pulled to the side of the road to ask directions. Hubby pulls out his smartphone since directions to where they wanted to go were a little complicated. Black SUV pulls up behind and honks, I gesture that there is plenty of room to go around. More honking, more gesturing. Blondie pokes her head out and honks again, I say "why be so rude, just go around." She says she needs to turn right and again I point out we are NOT blocking this... She finally pulls around only to NOT turn right and park way farther up the street. Couple of days later as I go to my shop to close for the day, one of my employees tells me a note was left, but that it had such bad handwritting and wasn't signed that they threw it out. I pull from trash and can make out only 2 words "fat" and "ugly." Take said note home to hubby who deciphers "I was not the rude one, you were blah, blah, blah, I may be ugly but at least I'm not fat and ugly." WTF? I have no idea who this broad is, but according to another employee some woman had come in asking if I was short w/dark curly hair. She apparently went home and had her 10 year old help her write this hate mail, then dropped it off w/no signature. She tracked me down to leave a hate note and I never called her ugly. Rude yes, I couldn't see her face as it was foggy and drizzling. Some people just have too much time on their hands and too much hate in their hearts.
Thank you so much for sharing this story, it makes me feel so much better that I'm not just standing out as this huge, unsightly blemish to society. I think you hit it spot on when you said too much time on their hands and hate in their hearts. It makes me sad.
Sorry it turned out that rude woman was also stalkerish.0 -
It's horrible what people will do or say to other people. I guess ****ty people have to make themselves feel better by being rude and mean to others. I have been yelled at while riding my bike around, its not fun and its hurts. But I just have to say that I think you are gorgeous! You have amazing beautiful hair and gorgeous eyes! Don't let other people make you feel bad about yourself! (Easier said than done, I know)0
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I'm sorry that happened to you Ali. I'm 5'9" as well and was nearly 300 pounds at my heaviest. I never heard anyone make rude comments throughout most of my heavy years. There was one time, though, when DH and I went out to breakfast with our daughter. DH was also obese. As we were leaving, an elderly woman said under her breath, though we could still hear her, "That little girl has no chance!" I'm sure she meant that because my husband and I were fat that our daughter would be too. That hurt.
We are both thin now, but I still remember how embarrassing and painful that one comment was. People suck, sometimes.0 -
I guess ****ty people have to make themselves feel better by being rude and mean to others.
This is really what it all boils down to. Happy, content people don't feel the need to belittle others. Their insecurity is showing. Just remind yourself of this next time (hopefully there's not a next time).0 -
if you look like a man to some people, i'd hate to think what i appear as to some. You don't look like a male, nor are you "the largest thing ever". What asshats.0
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This is why parents need to step up and teach our kids love and kindness. I challenge my kids every day to look for a way to be kind and then when I pick them up from school I ask what they did. We constantly tell our kids to be kind.
For every mean person, there is 10 nice ones. Feel sorry for them, for their hearts are ugly, I'd much rather be nice, and kind, then thin, and ugly on the inside, they can't be happy, if they have to bring others down to get attention.
Keep your head up, and be confident that YOU are a better person!0 -
You can change the way you look.
They're never going to change their inability to get laid by a sober woman who's worth a *kitten*. Or their inherent swooshbaggery.
I, for one, think you're lovely. :flowerforyou:0 -
Sorry to hear about your bad experience.Anyone else ever get rude comments or stares?
Personally, I turn it around and I use all negative feedback as a source of motivation. Instead of feeling hurt, or angry at others, I get that much more determined to make the changes I need to make.0 -
It's horrible what people will do or say to other people. I guess ****ty people have to make themselves feel better by being rude and mean to others. I have been yelled at while riding my bike around, its not fun and its hurts. But I just have to say that I think you are gorgeous! You have amazing beautiful hair and gorgeous eyes! Don't let other people make you feel bad about yourself! (Easier said than done, I know)
Thanks so much for the compliments, they made me smile
And i'm sorry you've been the recipient of others rudeness, I really admire your attitude though (definitely easier said than done, but seeing it as a possibility is still really awesome). 0 -
For starters I would go with..."Yeah, I am sure you are not used to seeing anything big" from there the possibilities are endless....
btw, the only person that has a right to define you is only YOURSELF!0 -
Oh wow! Those are horrible things to say to anyone. You are beautiful. I know it is hard but please keep your head up and working towards your goal to a healthier you. Don't isolate yourself inside. Walks are great for your mind and body. Like pp's said- they are just trying to make themselves feel better.0
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For starters I would go with..."Yeah, I am sure you are not used to seeing anything big" from there the possibilities are endless....
LOVE THIS!!!!0 -
This stuff plays out in our imaginations far too often.0
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I'm sorry that happened to you Ali. I'm 5'9" as well and was nearly 300 pounds at my heaviest. I never heard anyone make rude comments throughout most of my heavy years. There was one time, though, when DH and I went out to breakfast with our daughter. DH was also obese. As we were leaving, an elderly woman said under her breath, though we could still hear her, "That little girl has no chance!" I'm sure she meant that because my husband and I were fat that our daughter would be too. That hurt.
We are both thin now, but I still remember how embarrassing and painful that one comment was. People suck, sometimes.
Being on the taller side yourself maybe you can sympathize with how hard it can be when youre tall and a bit heavy; I've always been jealous of my shorter friends that were also heavy, not to deminish the struggles of shorter people of course, but it seemed they ''stood out'' less since they were of a more average height.
What that woman said to you was so rude and completely uncalled for, people need to learn to mind their own business for one and for two, what a terrible attitude that woman must have had in general.0 -
<<<Never has had anyone call me fat or make fun of me about my weight. Not since I left grade school and was blessed with a large rack and the ability to beat a biitches *kitten*.0
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I guess ****ty people have to make themselves feel better by being rude and mean to others.
This is really what it all boils down to. Happy, content people don't feel the need to belittle others. Their insecurity is showing. Just remind yourself of this next time (hopefully there's not a next time).
I think you make a good point I didnt consider; perhaps these rude people are just unhappy. It's hard to feel bad for them though, as there's much kinder ways to make yourself feel good. Lets cross our fingers theres no next time!! Right now i'm just dreading the next time I go out to exercise or walk to he store (I've been trying to walk places within about a mile and a half of me more often)0 -
You are a very pretty girl. I can not believe there are sick people out there like that. I have a very bad temper, if I would have heard and or seen that (even tho I don't know you), I would be ALLLL up on their face -- my ghetto side would come out. lol That just pisses me off..0
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This is why parents need to step up and teach our kids love and kindness. I challenge my kids every day to look for a way to be kind and then when I pick them up from school I ask what they did. We constantly tell our kids to be kind.
For every mean person, there is 10 nice ones. Feel sorry for them, for their hearts are ugly, I'd much rather be nice, and kind, then thin, and ugly on the inside, they can't be happy, if they have to bring others down to get attention.
Keep your head up, and be confident that YOU are a better person!
I couldnt agree more! I'd be mortified if my child was as rude to someone as others have been to me so thank you for being such a good parent!!!0 -
You can change the way you look.
They're never going to change their inability to get laid by a sober woman who's worth a *kitten*. Or their inherent swooshbaggery.
I, for one, think you're lovely. :flowerforyou:
Thank you, you're quite lovely yourself
It's funny you mention sobriety since I'm pretty sure those dudes from a few weeks ago had had a few drinks0 -
I haven't experienced many openly abusive people as a fat adult. The last clear situation I remember happened a few years ago. I was with my older sister at the store and we walked by a woman in the toy aisle. She muttered some rude comment under her breath (I don't even remember what it was) and I told my sister about it in one of those "Haha what's up her butt" ways since what she said hadn't really bothered me. My sister, on the other hand, got upset and doubled back to let the person know that her comment was unappreciated. We both were taken aback at her reaction--she literally started screaming at my sister and acted like I was making up stories and that she hadn't said anything. She called me a fat liar at least five times, with an emphasis on the word fat. The entire time, she didn't even look at my face. All of her attention was centered on my sister and she ranted and raved about what a fatty fat liar I was as if I wasn't even in the area, all while I was standing right in front of her. It was slightly surreal and I don't think I'll ever forget it because of how volatile it was.0
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Sorry to hear about your bad experience.Anyone else ever get rude comments or stares?
Personally, I turn it around and I use all negative feedback as a source of motivation. Instead of feeling hurt, or angry at others, I get that much more determined to make the changes I need to make.
That's why I joined myfitnesspal finally! I hope at some point I can use negative feedback as motivation right away and skip the hurt feelings part 0 -
For starters I would go with..."Yeah, I am sure you are not used to seeing anything big" from there the possibilities are endless....
btw, the only person that has a right to define you is only YOURSELF!
This made me laugh really hard LOL I wish I'd have said more to the people that made me feel so bad, but at the time it's like, you just want it to end so you can be on your way.0 -
Oh wow! Those are horrible things to say to anyone. You are beautiful. I know it is hard but please keep your head up and working towards your goal to a healthier you. Don't isolate yourself inside. Walks are great for your mind and body. Like pp's said- they are just trying to make themselves feel better.
Thank you, I'm hoping I can take a walk sometime tonight, it's more comfortable than walking around during the day. Geesh, I sound like a vampire lol0 -
I'm sorry this happened to you. People can really suck sometimes. I have not been called names but my friends have. One of my friends got Moo'd at when we went out one night. Thankfully she wasn't alone. She had us to go ape s**t on this guy. Either way it was horrible for her and I could tell it really hurt her feelings. Seems like other people here have started to arm you with some good come back lines, so keep those in mind when you are out and about. Don't let the idiots stop you from being who you want to be. You are gorgeous from what I can tell, so it's their loss.0
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That's just SO freakin' crazy and weird and I am so sorry it has been happening to you :-( I haven't had anything that blatant. I'm female, 5'8" and started MFP at 262 lb so I am still pretty close to your size. Although in the past I have been up to 307 lb for a time.
Anyway, I think for me mostly people have made fun of my size quietly behind my back. I do remember a few rude comments in elementary school, when I was BY FAR the biggest kid in 4th grade at 5'6" and 130 lb. Mostly they would be like, "Omg how tall are you?" followed with "And how much do you actually *weigh* (giggle)?" ONCE, about 5 yrs ago when I was at my heaviest, a young (20-ish) couple, male and female, were tittering about me at Starbucks and it's unclear exactly what they were saying about me. I assumed it was about my size, but it also may have been just me in general because I'm very enthusiastic and animated a lot of the time. Either way I felt humiliated especially because my best friend, who is a wonderful person and means well, wanted us both to leave immediately when she realized they were making fun of me. That stuff stings.
This probably won't help matters at all because it is still harassment but I've heard some men who are either very intimidated by larger size women and/or just really attracted to Amazon-types, make comments somewhat similar to what those guys said about you. A male friend of mine absolutely loves bigger women who are both tall and large/curvy, in fact he thinks I'm "too short" at 5'8" and he finds it hard not to stare when he sees a woman he would consider ideal, which is about 6' tall and 200+ lb. I'm NOT saying you should feel flattered. Those guys are completely out of line. But don't assume it's 100% negative stuff because you look super pretty in your photo.
I doubt that helped at all, but FWIW...0 -
start carrying a taser and have some fun of your own!0
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For starters I would go with..."Yeah, I am sure you are not used to seeing anything big" from there the possibilities are endless....
btw, the only person that has a right to define you is only YOURSELF!
This made me laugh really hard LOL I wish I'd have said more to the people that made me feel so bad, but at the time it's like, you just want it to end so you can be on your way.
My issue is I am a smart-*kitten* to begin with...as a high school official you have to be prepared to hear all kinds of things..no response and they think they have you and are on you like ugly on an ape...quick thinking and banter is part of the game. Think about things people have or might say to you and rehearse lines....0 -
Baby, you are young and beautiful and should invest in a "beotch face."
This is the kind of face you don when you walk out the door that DARES anyone to say diddly to you! People are obviously picking up on your lack of self confidence.
I see you have a baby (yeah, I creeped your page...sorry...it's what I do), so you have to be a strong influence for her. How is she going to know not to take things from people when you take them yourself?
I'm so sorry you've taken it to heart, but don't let some puny little man get to you like that. When they get to you, you are their slave. Let it go.0 -
I'm 5'3" and 148lbs. I was never heavy until a few years ago. Hubby and I were walking and talking and 2 gentleman pulled to the side of the road to ask directions. Hubby pulls out his smartphone since directions to where they wanted to go were a little complicated. Black SUV pulls up behind and honks, I gesture that there is plenty of room to go around. More honking, more gesturing. Blondie pokes her head out and honks again, I say "why be so rude, just go around." She says she needs to turn right and again I point out we are NOT blocking this... She finally pulls around only to NOT turn right and park way farther up the street. Couple of days later as I go to my shop to close for the day, one of my employees tells me a note was left, but that it had such bad handwritting and wasn't signed that they threw it out. I pull from trash and can make out only 2 words "fat" and "ugly." Take said note home to hubby who deciphers "I was not the rude one, you were blah, blah, blah, I may be ugly but at least I'm not fat and ugly." WTF? I have no idea who this broad is, but according to another employee some woman had come in asking if I was short w/dark curly hair. She apparently went home and had her 10 year old help her write this hate mail, then dropped it off w/no signature. She tracked me down to leave a hate note and I never called her ugly. Rude yes, I couldn't see her face as it was foggy and drizzling. Some people just have too much time on their hands and too much hate in their hearts.
Thank you so much for sharing this story, it makes me feel so much better that I'm not just standing out as this huge, unsightly blemish to society. I think you hit it spot on when you said too much time on their hands and hate in their hearts. It makes me sad.
Sorry it turned out that rude woman was also stalkerish.
Oh, God, you are NOT a blemish on society!!!!!!! I know its tough, and its easy to say get some self-esteem, but you need it pronto. I strongly suggest you talk to a psychotherapist - someone your insurance will cover. You need to understand that lowlifes who think so little of themselves say stupid things sometimes to make themselves feel better. It is not a reflection on you!! As for the woman who left the gal a note - a woman is going to use the word "fat" b/c she knows that will greatly insult another woman - it does NOT mean its true!!! Please don't listen to these a**h**** who have nothing better to do than offend others to lift themselves up.0
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