Please can I have some relationship advice

If you are already unhappy, marriage will not fix the issue. Sounds like you are comfortable roommates rather than partners. Get counseling or flat out tell him, you are not his mommy. Tell HIM of your concerns rather than asking strangers for advice. If he can't change, you need to find your happiness elsewhere. Starting over is hard, especially when you care for another person, but if you don't have similar goals, you're doomed. His goals are being met, somebody takes care of him and the adult responsibilities. You've already stated your goals are not being met. Either fix him, or set him out to pasture and move on.

I just don't understand why everyone always turns issues into a gender issue. Gender issues will always exist as long as everyone thinks that all victim-hood stems from a gender. It's not us against them...males against females. We are all human and all allies (the empathically able among us). I'm not trying to single anyone out here, I see it all the time in a lot of threads (I guess I am realizing this must be a pet peeve of mine).

Typical woman reply.

:laugh: :flowerforyou:

Don't do it.
End of story. If you're unhappy now, you'll be unhappy later.

First... I wish you the very best of luck, in whatever decision you make.

Personally, he'd be gone. ((I did say personally))

If you are unhappy in the least now, this is only going to make you miserable later.


On that note, I'm glad I'm single.

There are a lot of posts, and I don't have time to read them all, but hopefully you are getting an unbiased view overall :-) My two cents worth (hopefully not repeating anyone else) is to try and make the relationship work, but perhaps try and put some distance between you? You say that you have tried going on strike and end up giving in. Is there somewhere else you can stay so he is left to his own devices, but you aren't impacted? Tell him you want to take a step back and start at the beginning again. Recapture what things were like back when you first started dating. He is clearly taking you for granted and this needs to stop!

I lived with bone lazy for a brief period of time and it did my head in - never again! The anger and resentment you feel pretty much all the time, especially knowing they will never change, is not good to live with day in and day out! Long term stress can make you really sick! Obviously your love language is acts of service - but I'm having trouble working out what his is! Think about what it might be. Is he trying to show you he loves you in a way you are just not recognising?

Regardless, it would be really hard to feel loved and valued in your current situation, and you deserve better then that. Nagging is stressful for everyone, and would probably just make him dig his toes in more. Perhaps it's some sort of power struggle? Commication is key, but not everyone can do it. It can be learnt, however, so that doesn't let him off the hook. If you've told him what you need, and he's not even attempting to meet any of them or even be willing to compromise, then maybe he's just not that into you!

Either that or he is comfortable that there aren't going to be any long term repercussions or consequences, so why should he try? Personally, I think he needs a good scare, and you refusing to give in on something that is important to you should give him the kick up the butt he clearly needs. Marriage is supposed to be forever, and "better than what I had before" isn't necessarily good enough!

Good luck and hang in there! Let us know how it goes :-)