Skipping Thanksgiving
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So, how do I just say, "I'd really like to just have a quiet time at home, alone on Thanksgiving." I think that sounds amazing! I'd love nothing more than to curl up in front of my fireplace with a book and just relax that day.
Staying away from the crazy, calorie laden foods of the day is just a bonus. I'm not in the least bit sentimental, and I don't attach emotions to food.
I just don't know how to get my point across to my highly sentimental relatives that I'm just not all that into stuffing my face this year. Food = Love in my family.
Maybe I'll just come down with the "flu" or something. :ohwell:
As a young family, we used to steal away for less important holidays like Old Year's Night, and even Thanksgiving so that we could enjoy ONE holiday at home just US & our pups.
We lied. I told my mom we were going out to his mother's house and we told his mom we were going out to my mother's house. Shrug. It worked well & the children didn't give us away as they enjoyed not having to be paraded around at all the different houses visiting :laugh:
It's different now that we're older (in our 40's) & the kids are now 17 and 24 yrs old respectively, but only because we have a small family run pet sitting business and the holidays are our busy season. We divide up our house calls & then meet at my mom's house when it's all over :drinker:0 -
Be more assertive and direct and tell them what your plans are. Don't say, "Wellll, I think I'm just gonna stay in this Thanksgiving." Say, "I'm staying in this Thanksgiving and I will call you guys at XXXXX."0
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Oh, my family loves clam dip and that's pretty calorie laden but it's more a snack while cooking.
I kept the clam dip and ditched the potato chips. Carrots, celery, & bell pepper strips ALL are a huge improvement over chips.
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Seriously? Just go eat some food, yo.
Stuff like this is what makes all of your families sit you down and say that you don't need to lose anymore weight. Its not your actual size, its your messed up attitudes towards food. Its being so scared of food that you will skip an entire holiday so you aren't faced with the horrible prospect of pie. Not someone force-feeding you pie, just being in the same room with pie.
However, if you want to skip the holiday because your family is crazy and its stressful, well, join the club. We meet at the bar.0 -
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I say do what you need to do for yourself.
Personally, I like Thanksgiving. I enjoy cooking and baking stuff we don't normally have and I love formally sitting around the table and just having the chance to relax and visit. It's so much fun.0 -
I think the explanation here is in the phrase "love=food"... so in this family affection is expressed by feeding others, and by eating what others want to feed you. Its an agreement between everyone to overeat in order to show affection, possibly a way to avoid showing affection in more appropriate ways like talking, hugging, playing games, walking, laughing...
This is sad, but even sadder are all the comments urging the OP to lie. Lies just lead to more lies. Gets you used to lying, and the next thing you know, you are lying to yourself just as easily as you lie to others. So you eat too much and tell yourself you won't get fat. Hmmm...
The OP is not going to undo "love=food" by any single personal act of defiance, because the whole family is taking part in the codependent overeating and will pull together against her. So its probably best to go to Thanksgiving, enjoy the family on whatever level she can, and deflect all attempts to make her feel guilty. I seriously doubt she is up for a total family intervention. Not every family is perfect, not every holiday is great, so you just do the best you can with what you have at the time. Keep your dignity.0 -
just get on treadmill mon tue and wed day and run like hell and eat what u want on thursday happy turkey day0
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Honestly I get it.
One of my favorite T-days was yrs ago when DH and I were just dating. We wanted a day just to ourselves. We told my family were were going to his and his family we were going to mine.My man and I had wine, roasted butternut squash, cornbread dressing ...that's all I remember although there was probably more.
It was just such an intimate meal experience and I still think of it quite fondly
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:laugh: True.Stuff like this is what makes all of your families sit you down and say that you don't need to lose anymore weight.
She doesn't owe anything to her relatives. She's allowed to spend the holiday by herself. Just bc you don't have family doesn't mean that everyone else has to spend time w theirs.Be grateful that you have family close enough to see. Isn't that what Thanksgiving is about? Being thankful for all you have?
I would give anything to see my family over the holidays, but they're states away.
OP, DON'T GO!!! This is what you'll have to put up w the entire time. She doesn't want to eat any fattening Thanksgiving Day food. She obviously doesn't trust herself to eat just one "normal" serving. Why are y'all trying to force her to go? :laugh:You could just eat the food and get over it. How on earth is one day going to ruin you?0 -
Seriously? Just go eat some food, yo.
Stuff like this is what makes all of your families sit you down and say that you don't need to lose anymore weight. Its not your actual size, its your messed up attitudes towards food. Its being so scared of food that you will skip an entire holiday so you aren't faced with the horrible prospect of pie. Not someone force-feeding you pie, just being in the same room with pie.
However, if you want to skip the holiday because your family is crazy and its stressful, well, join the club. We meet at the bar.
:laugh:
All of this.0 -
:laugh: True.Stuff like this is what makes all of your families sit you down and say that you don't need to lose anymore weight.
She doesn't owe anything to her relatives. She's allowed to spend the holiday by herself. Just bc you don't have family doesn't mean that everyone else has to spend time w theirs.Be grateful that you have family close enough to see. Isn't that what Thanksgiving is about? Being thankful for all you have?
I would give anything to see my family over the holidays, but they're states away.
OP, DON'T GO!!! This is what you'll have to put up w the entire time. She doesn't want to eat any fattening Thanksgiving Day food. She obviously doesn't trust herself to eat just one "normal" serving. Why are y'all trying to force her to go? :laugh:You could just eat the food and get over it. How on earth is one day going to ruin you?
Who said I don't have family? I will be with my Husband and my Son.
The rest of my family is spread across the country. My Aunt is dying of brain cancer and probably will never have another Thanksgiving. So excuse me for thinking it might be a good idea to spend time with loved ones if you can. I forgot Holiday's no longer have any actual meaning.0 -
:laugh: True.Stuff like this is what makes all of your families sit you down and say that you don't need to lose anymore weight.
She doesn't owe anything to her relatives. She's allowed to spend the holiday by herself. Just bc you don't have family doesn't mean that everyone else has to spend time w theirs.Be grateful that you have family close enough to see. Isn't that what Thanksgiving is about? Being thankful for all you have?
I would give anything to see my family over the holidays, but they're states away.
OP, DON'T GO!!! This is what you'll have to put up w the entire time. She doesn't want to eat any fattening Thanksgiving Day food. She obviously doesn't trust herself to eat just one "normal" serving. Why are y'all trying to force her to go? :laugh:You could just eat the food and get over it. How on earth is one day going to ruin you?
Who said I don't have family? I will be with my Husband and my Son.
The rest of my family is spread across the country. My Aunt is dying of brain cancer and probably will never have another Thanksgiving. So excuse me for thinking it might be a good idea to spend time with loved ones if you can. I forgot Holiday's no longer have any actual meaning.
I was joking, sort of. But, you just reinforced my point. Because your aunt is dying, you're trying to get the OP to spend time w her own family. I'm pretty sure that she and everyone else knows that their loved ones could die at any moment. It still doesn't mean that she has to spend her holiday with them. Besides, if people truly care about their families, they wouldn't wait until Thanksgiving to spend time with them. There are so many ways to keep in touch with your family, regardless of how far away you are. I'm right. The-end.0 -
I used to love spending time with my family at Thanksgiving. Then we acquired some crazy step family and they kind of ruined it all for the rest of us.
This^^
I do get to see my family on the regular, we live close by and spend time together weekly. I know my mom is going to be upset for abandoning her with the Step-family, but she married the guy, not me.
I think I got it worked out. I'm going to go into work. They just started taking volunteers for Thanksgiving day, so I put my name on the list. I'll put in 4 hours, and not have to go spend the whole day walking on verbal egg shells because I have nothing in common with my step-family.
Oh, I'm a bartender. The boss is serving everyone who works on Thanksgiving a turkey dinner (and all the customers will get dinner for the price of the cover charge). I'll keep all the Orphans company on Thanksgiving.
win/win/win!0 -
why not travel? I haven't had "thanksgiving" in 6 years - have been in Spain, France, China, etc. It is a half work week - good time to go away and international flights are fairly empty on holidays.
This year am having 1st thanksgiving with the family in forever, my mom asked what I wanted, I had to ask what they normally eat - I forgot.0 -
truly, faking the flu is probably your best bet if you are serious. I might do that too.. I been trying to think of a good excuse to dodge the in laws and their judgemental comments, comparing me to his ex, and horrible food.0
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Or....
You could just go and enjoy your time with your family and not eat that much.
But hey, whatever. Don't go if you don't want to. You're a grown woman.
This is the real issue for me. Going and not eating that much. Maybe you can sneak in the bathroom and enter every bite you put in your mouth on MFP and at least you will be holding yourself accountable and seeing if you are splurging. That's what I'm going to try to do.0 -
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I feel the same exact way about wanting to just stay home ... I want to cook the turkey in a low calorie manner, have vegetables that don't include a stick of butter, and other side dishes for my two children and husband. I am stressed out that I would disappoint my larger family by choosing to stay home.0
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Cherish these times while you still have your family to attend these events.
So very much this...
I have a pretty neat trick to stop well meaning relatives from piling my plate up to the roof though. I say "no thank you."
If you want to skip the holidays then fair play to you but there is nowhere else I would rather be than with them on those days.0 -
cause skinny people skip holidays all the time :huh:0
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I won't be skipping Thanksgiving this year or any other. I don't see the logic in skipping Thanksgiving (or any other event for that matter) just to avoid the food. I'd rather learn how to deal with the temption than avoid it. Now if you want to skip it to avoid certain family members, that I can understand!0
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However, if you want to skip the holiday because your family is crazy and its stressful, well, join the club. We meet at the bar.:laugh:
All of this.
omg....yess. Ever since we were kids, we would hang out with the family, but when we could slip away, we'd meet down at the neighborhood corner store that sold beer. It was perfect. Parental units never caught on and we there would always be stuff they needed from the store, milk, butter, etc.
I remember ALL holidays were spent with family first & then the beer/bar later, just like funerals & wakes :ohwell:0 -
I used to love spending time with my family at Thanksgiving. Then we acquired some crazy step family and they kind of ruined it all for the rest of us.
This^^
I do get to see my family on the regular, we live close by and spend time together weekly. I know my mom is going to be upset for abandoning her with the Step-family, but she married the guy, not me.
I think I got it worked out. I'm going to go into work. They just started taking volunteers for Thanksgiving day, so I put my name on the list. I'll put in 4 hours, and not have to go spend the whole day walking on verbal egg shells because I have nothing in common with my step-family.
Oh, I'm a bartender. The boss is serving everyone who works on Thanksgiving a turkey dinner (and all the customers will get dinner for the price of the cover charge). I'll keep all the Orphans company on Thanksgiving.
win/win/win!
I don't think anyone ever would have an issue with this. This comment just seems radically different from, "I just want to curl up with a book because I don't want to deal with so much food."0 -
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I used to love spending time with my family at Thanksgiving. Then we acquired some crazy step family and they kind of ruined it all for the rest of us.
This^^
I do get to see my family on the regular, we live close by and spend time together weekly. I know my mom is going to be upset for abandoning her with the Step-family, but she married the guy, not me.
I think I got it worked out. I'm going to go into work. They just started taking volunteers for Thanksgiving day, so I put my name on the list. I'll put in 4 hours, and not have to go spend the whole day walking on verbal egg shells because I have nothing in common with my step-family.
Oh, I'm a bartender. The boss is serving everyone who works on Thanksgiving a turkey dinner (and all the customers will get dinner for the price of the cover charge). I'll keep all the Orphans company on Thanksgiving.
win/win/win!
I don't think anyone ever would have an issue with this. This comment just seems radically different from, "I just want to curl up with a book because I don't want to deal with so much food."
Pretty much everyone, including yourself, misunderstood what she initially said. I don't know why. I got it right off the bat. Everyone focused on the food. She didn't. She said avoiding the food was a bonus, but that she just wanted to curl up with a book and enjoy a quiet day home alone.
Yeah. Curl up with a book. Food being the bonus. Her "I have crappy family" and "I want to go out and work" doesn't line up with the initial post. Understood pretty clearly--now the story changes. Whatev.0 -
I understand what you mean....and the choice is really yours....I will be going to my mom's and yes, I will record (albeit estimates) all I eat.
These are the things I plan to do:
-Fill only 1/2 to 2/3rdsof the plate
-Focus more on turkey and vegetables this year
-Cut back on potatoes, stuffing and creamed onions
-Wait 15 minutes before getting seconds
-Drink lots and lots of water
-For dessert, I'll focus on fruit rather than pies (although I will have one blondie).
-Go for a nice long walk with my sister in law and nieces while my brothers and step father are watching football.0 -
Curl up with a book any regular day of the week, or pick up an extra shift some other day, spend time with your family...0
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