Doing this in secret?

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  • blueday617
    blueday617 Posts: 50 Member
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    Dieting and weight loss is an odd topic in the general American population. If you're largely overweight, and your doing a soup diet, or a cleanse, or a lemon water diet, it's ok to discuss and people will be supportive and say how they lost 12 lbs on that diet when they did it. So, it's ok for that.

    However, if you say, "I track my calories making sure to eat at a small deficit so I lose about 1 lb per week, and I also exercise about 4 or 5 days a week.", everyone looks at you like you're a space alien.

    I don't know why this is. It's just the oddest thing though.

    But, yes. I just keep my trap shut.

    This exactly!
  • littleburgy
    littleburgy Posts: 570 Member
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    My husband and I got fit together starting in the late summer.
    I'm a little annoyed that none of the people I work with has said anything, but then again I don't work in the most positive place and I'm not doing this for them.

    I haven't said much in general, though. My weight doesn't define who I am.
  • SkiMummy
    SkiMummy Posts: 33 Member
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    My husband knows and is my biggest supporter - I can't imagine doing it without him knowing.
    But i haven't told anyone else.
    I find friends fall into 2 camps - they either say, it's too hard, you will never do it, there is nothing wrong with your weight, etc. or they try to sabotage the whole thing by turning up on my doorstep with cream cakes, or telling me a glass or two of wine won't make any difference.

    Don't get me wrong, I do have good friends, but I think the whole 'diet' thing is tricky. No one seems totally comfortable just coming out and saying; 'you really are overweight, it's good you are working on that, how can I help?'
  • Swissmiss
    Swissmiss Posts: 8,754 Member
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    To tell or not is up to you. Some people tell because they have a wonderful support in their friends and family. For a person, without that support, losing would be tougher. By the way...I think your wife is mean. She needs to learn how to treat people.
  • keeptehpeace
    keeptehpeace Posts: 189 Member
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    I've told no one, but my boyfriend's noticed that I'm smaller and my butt's lifted from my refound love of squats :laugh: I only see him once a week or so, hence him noticing.. I don't really plan on telling anyone, but I'm going to my parents' house for Christmas and I've somehow got to explain 5:2 to them (yes I know I could just take a break but I don't want to) without it seeming like I'm nuts
  • FranceyPants
    FranceyPants Posts: 98 Member
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    Yep, keeping it in secret for the most part. My boyfriend knows I like to stay healthy and in shape, so he never questions my eating habits.

    But I can't tell my friends, or my mum.

    My friends are overly sensitive when it comes to weight and food (as a lot of girls are) and immediately assume I have an eating disorder and that I'm unhappy (both are untrue).

    I can't tell my mum because she's also crazy about food and stuff, and I worry about how she'd take it. I don't want her to reflect negatively on herself (any more negatively than she already does).
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    You are trying to get fit and are keeping that a secret?

    There aren't enough gif's in the internet to express the amount of lol's that produces.

    Getting fit takes time. You have to exercise one way or another to be fit. Are you sneaking one in at lunch time, going for midninght rendezvous with your short-shorts while she sleeps, secret dates with the kettle bells?

    C'mon, you can't keep real fitness secret - it's a major lifestyle change. Dela with it, have an open discussion (and there are probably other issues going on if you can't). Discussions around "too much protein," "bad food", etc. can be had and myths dispelled in a calm way.

    You don't need to annouce it on the roof-tops but real partners are in it for the journey one way or another or collateral damage.

    Well, if you go on his profile, (I know, work....) he states that he IS an active guy by nature but it is his eating habits that need tweaking. He describes himself as one who can't out-exercise what he eats....or something like that.

    That's even better.

    Look honey, a gint pink elephant.
    >Hides dinner plate while wife looks away<

    Secret eating habits.

    Did you just weigh that donut, dear?
    No honey, I placed it on the scale while I was getting some fine burgundy in this useful measuring cup. Would you like 1.3 ounces or 1.8?

    Honey, that's not a big *kitten* container of whey protein, it's ah.... ah.... food for my tropical fish. What? Oh, yeah... the fish, I'm going out ot buy now.

    All the secret exercisers, and the secret eaters are in secret ....


    Supersecretlogo.jpg
  • bbzgrl110
    bbzgrl110 Posts: 45 Member
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    My husband, my children, and my best friend has known pretty much from the beginning of my journey and have been an amazing support for me. I didn't say much at work until they started noticing my weight loss at about 20-25 pounds into it, and they started asking if I was losing weight and what I was doing to lose it.

    I have "dieted" so many times in my life that I was leery and very cautious of saying anything because I felt like I would jinx myself. I can't imagine doing this without the support system that I have though. My husband does 99% of the cooking in our house, and he has modified how he does it to accomodate me. One of my daughters is a medical assistant at my doctors office and she is helping to keep me on track and monitoring my health as I go. My other daughter and my son are my biggest cheerleaders, as well as my best friend, who encourages me.
  • MarylandGirl66
    MarylandGirl66 Posts: 1 Member
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    That's a shame she can't be more supportive but good for you for putting it out there. Lots of folks have the same problem. My mother always feels the need to do the same thing... can't ever just say I look nice, its always "how much weight have you lost..." and then she starts on her weight loss "plans." Keep at it... do it yourself and feel great about it. I went down 12 lbs then blew it and gained 7 back so statting over today. Only have 75 more to go...
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,298 Member
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    I have not told my wider extended family, sisters, son and all, anything more than I am being more careful with what I eat, they know I have problems with salicylate and this caused me to gain and retain weight as well as many other health issues. It is my view that they have been so critical, possibly well intentioned from their point of view, in the past that I do not need their comments now. Were my dad alive he'd have been told, he was very supportive, to the point that when I said over twenty years ago, it is something in the food I am eating he accepted I did not want to be large and was doing my best. I now know it is in my foods, and air that brushes my skin and the air I breath.

    I am sorry you do not have the support of your wife, may be her reaction was caused by the remark her friend made and she had not noticed. This is what I would like to think.

    All the very best, keep up the good work for yourself
  • 2dare2dream
    2dare2dream Posts: 104 Member
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    Anyone else losing weight / getting fit in secret?

    I'm not exactly keeping it a secret I'm just not announcing it anywhere other than here, but I got a reminder of why I'm doing it this way at home this weekend.

    My wife and I ended up in a discussion about food, nothing serious, but she is critical of the fact that sometimes I'm not hungry in the evenings so don't want to eat, sometimes I eat bad food, sometimes I eat "too much protein", sometimes I have an unnatural protein shake etc.

    It got to the point where she said I'd never lose weight and I stupidly told her I'd lost weight recently to which she said "well it doesn't look like it" - ouch.

    It was quite funny because it came about 2 days after a friend of hers said that it looked like I'd lost weight. I'm not exactly a poster boy for MFP but I'm making progress - I'm down 10lbs, have knocked 3 mins off my 5k time, have doubled the weight I can squat etc.

    It made me remember why I wasn't telling anyone in the real world about my weight loss efforts.



    To be fair it can also be difficult to notice when someone is losing weight initially if you see them everyday. You dont lose all the weight at once, its small deductions in weight or measurements along the way. Usually for those closest to you that you see on daily basis, it takes a while longer for them to notice..Don't let your wife's comment put you off though, im sure she will love the results lol
  • TheBoldCat
    TheBoldCat Posts: 159 Member
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    Well, I said that to my best friend. She answered, I don't need to loose weight and took me to fast food. And then I said that to my mom. Her common reaction? "You've always been fat, you can't be slim."

    Ok, in that case, I gave up (as i said that to them) but continuing secretly. Plus After surgery I can't do too much work out and being on liquids so they think I gain everything back and even more...But I prove them they are wrong :)
  • Dauntlessness
    Dauntlessness Posts: 1,489 Member
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    Tell your wife and nobody else.

    I was most successful when I didn't talk to anyone about it but my husband and that was limited. Actions speak louder than words. The last thing I wanted from everyone was a bunch of advice, especially when it has been unsuccessful for the person giving it.

    Just do it and once you proved that your way works ( at least a few months later), you can start talking about it with others. You then have a leg to stand on and when other people give advice you can say, "well, this is working for me but thanks".
  • Dauntlessness
    Dauntlessness Posts: 1,489 Member
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    Oh btw, your wife seems like a downer and mean. I just re-read your message and I would still tell her but don't involve her. Dont give in to her temptations to eat when your not hungry. Eventually she will stop asking.

    Too much protein is fine :) Its good for men, especially when they exercise.
  • karlospiklington
    karlospiklington Posts: 143 Member
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    I find it easier to keep my weightloss/fitness effort to myself. I'm doing this to prove something to myself, not other people; that I can get back to being as fit as I was a few years ago by my own willpower and effort. I don't really need the feedback of other people for this.

    Plus, people can be notoriously unreliable on observations about weight gain/loss. At my highest weight about 3 months ago, when I was just over a stone heavier than I am now, a friend said I looked like I'd lost weight. What the hell?!

    The only person I have told is Rocky Balboa. He gets it. We both run in converse to Eye Of The Tiger.
  • jennz81
    jennz81 Posts: 194 Member
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    For starters, I just want to commend you on making an effort to lose weight, and don't let your wife's less-than-stellar comments take the wind out of your sails.

    As for me, I keep it to myself for the most part. I figure that if no one else notices, then there is no point in bringing it up. The only people who know are my immediate family, my husband, and a few close friends.
  • Apyl32
    Apyl32 Posts: 91 Member
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    I'm sorry she treated you like that. I can't believe she isn't being more supportive. Heck if my husband wanted to do MFP I would cook the meals for him to help or do anything I can to encourage him. I'm really sorry, But yeah I would try even harder just to shut her up. Maybe she is jealous of you ;) Also is she a dietitian? Who is she to say your eating to much protein, just because its more than she eats.
    I wish you the best of luck!
  • littleburgy
    littleburgy Posts: 570 Member
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    Outside of the people you trust, downplaying can help because sometimes people act weird about it. Sometimes they get threatened and defensive and take whatever your efforts are as a reflection on themselves, or they try to put you down, dissuade you, or treat it like a competition. ("You've lost 8 pounds? That's great! I've lost 12!") And then there are the smug ones that roll their eyes at the food you eat or flaunt whatever junk they're eating.

    Just weirdness all around.

    At work I've been "cutting back on sugar" when I don't want sugar in my coffee and "getting in shape/strengthening my back to avoid re-injuring it" if someone asks about me going to the gym. I am pretty casual about it.
  • gringuitica
    gringuitica Posts: 168 Member
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    I wouldn't say I'm keeping it a secret – to me, that implies willful and deliberate truth-keeping – but I'm not shouting it from the rooftops, either. My husband knows, obviously, and we talk about it quite a bit. My parents saw me weighing my food, so I gave them a basic one-liner about watching my calories. And two of my IRL friends are on MFP, so we support each other here and offline.

    So, secret? No. But just like anything else I'm doing, not everyone in my life needs to know about it (and most wouldn't be interested). Health is a personal thing anyway, right? I'm still me; the only difference is now I only want one or two cookies, not the whole sleeve.
  • steve2kay
    steve2kay Posts: 194 Member
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    You are trying to get fit and are keeping that a secret?

    There aren't enough gif's in the internet to express the amount of lol's that produces.

    Getting fit takes time. You have to exercise one way or another to be fit. Are you sneaking one in at lunch time, going for midninght rendezvous with your short-shorts while she sleeps, secret dates with the kettle bells?

    C'mon, you can't keep real fitness secret - it's a major lifestyle change. Dela with it, have an open discussion (and there are probably other issues going on if you can't). Discussions around "too much protein," "bad food", etc. can be had and myths dispelled in a calm way.

    You don't need to annouce it on the roof-tops but real partners are in it for the journey one way or another or collateral damage.

    Well, if you go on his profile, (I know, work....) he states that he IS an active guy by nature but it is his eating habits that need tweaking. He describes himself as one who can't out-exercise what he eats....or something like that.

    That's even better.

    Look honey, a gint pink elephant.
    >Hides dinner plate while wife looks away<

    Secret eating habits.

    Did you just weigh that donut, dear?
    No honey, I placed it on the scale while I was getting some fine burgundy in this useful measuring cup. Would you like 1.3 ounces or 1.8?

    Honey, that's not a big *kitten* container of whey protein, it's ah.... ah.... food for my tropical fish. What? Oh, yeah... the fish, I'm going out ot buy now.

    All the secret exercisers, and the secret eaters are in secret ....

    Oh, you've got to appreciate the irony of this.

    My point was that people have different views of the right way to do things, so I'm not announcing what I'm doing because I don't really want their negative comments and opinions.....and then I announce it on MFP and get some people's negative comments and opinions.

    In the whole thought I think there have been lots of really useful comments so thank you to everyone that took the time to comment.

    If I gave the impression I'm keeping secrets and sneaking out at midnight to eat donuts and run around the block then I apologise. I also apologise if I gave the impression my wife was mean or unsupportive - she's very supportive, sometimes too supportive :)

    While it's not a secret, I do run and lift weights at lunchtimes so that it doesn't eat into the evenings and weekends I have with my friends and family. Equally my wife does things during the day that I'm not interested in so that in the evening we can do stuff together. Maybe she just knows better than to mention it to me incase I make a mean comment about it.

    Thanks to all those who shared their thoughts - it seems like a common thing to just get on with it without publicising it too much.

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