Divorce: is it worth it?

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  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Asking divorcees if their divorce was worth it is akin to asking drunks in a bar if the alcohol tastes good... Or asking people in happy marriages if keeping their marriage together is worth it.

    Equally stupid questions all around.

    Yeah... that was kind of my point. LOL!
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I wasn't in a horrible terrible marriage. I was in a marriage that lacked love, passion, and excitement. It lasted for 9.5 years and I probably would have stayed in it permanently, and been happy in a half-a**ed way for my whole life. My ex husband was a nice, funny, smart guy and we generally got along. We doted on our dog, made a good dual income, and watched BBC America and shopped for furniture. Did we have regular sex? Nope. Did we really cherish and adore one another? Not any more so than our other good friends. Did we need to actually stay married? NO, and I'm so glad that he realized that and brought the issues to light instead of living this mediocre life.

    Now I am remarried to a man who is truly my partner, lover, etc. He is amazing and makes me feel so wanted and loved and fantastic. I am no longer holding back my feelings, emotions, or sexuality. I know we are on the same page with so many things in life and it's amazing to have a mate with the same kind of positive attitude and high level of energy that I have. I didn't even realize how much my ex was holding back, or in how many different ways! Just in the past two years I've experienced more new & exciting things in life than I did with my ex husband in a decade.

    Honestly in some ways life's harder. I don't have the same level of financial security I once did. We argue sometimes. I never argued with my ex, really. But am I happier? 110% YES
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
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    Totally worth it.

    If you have to ask a question like this then there's doubt. You shouldn't go through any part of the process unless you are a solute sure its what you want. Divorce is hard enough on people and its not fair to anyone involved to hesitate or be uncertain.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    Uhh..... I like being married. We are happier now than we've ever been after 9.5 years (11 being together). Just thought I'd throw that in. :embarassed:

    Yeah, I mean obviously it depends on the marriage. I've known my husband for almost 18 years (half my life). I was attracted to him right away, but I was young and working out issues, so we were friends for two years before I realized that I was deeply in love with him. We started dating 16 years ago. This next year will be 14 years of marriage. I love him so much. I'm so deeply happy on so many levels. And when life is tough, we each have each other to remind us that we always have happiness in our lives. And being affectionate and having a good sex life is part of that as well. We also have so many shared experiences to reflect on and laugh about.
  • Rockstar_JILL
    Rockstar_JILL Posts: 513 Member
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    I am still legally married, but totally worth getting out of that relationship. My kids are much happier without all of the stress and drama and I am as well. I went on to find my soul mate and am happier, healthier and virtually stress free now. I was a stress eater...Lost the weight after I left there. Best decision of my life.
  • tmm_0127
    tmm_0127 Posts: 545 Member
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    Ask yourself why you married him in the first place. Has that changed? Go get couseling IMO Marriage isnt always going to be perfect

    My ex was horribly offended when marriage counseling was mentioned, yelled at me for a while and was angry that I even brought him up in therapy, and then left and didn't come home for almost a week. :D Sometimes marriage counseling just isn't in the cards.
  • shelly4now
    shelly4now Posts: 2 Member
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    Depressed individuals have a 70% chance of being divorced by their spouse. Due to how their illness shows up in their marriage. It can completely drain a family and really change everything about how you operate day to day.. the one thing you can't do is feel guilty. For me it was hard I so wanted to save my ex husband, rescue him. It was after talking to his doctor one day that I saw that he blamed me for everything that went wrong with his life. My attempts while well meaning to help were taken as sabotage from the one person who should have seen them as concern from a loving wife. the illness would not allow him to see it that way. It was not until after we divorced that he was able to get some real help because he had no on else who could support him. Once he did he change his life around and remarried and is doing much better. our time together did sadly come to an end but if I had stayed with him I believe he would have brought harm to himself eventually.
  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 510 Member
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    I like my husband. It's why I married him.

    I also know SEVERAL people who divorced and remarried the same person. Lots of people regret getting divorced. Don't assume.

    I'm not saying everyone is suited together or to be married at all, but a fairy tale it isn't. Being married is WORK.
  • ElyseL1
    ElyseL1 Posts: 504 Member
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    I personally have not been divorced, but my SIL is currently getting divorced and I have seen the impact it has had on my niece. We recently went to a wedding and while the couple was saying their vows, she looked at me and went "Tia why are they lying. My mommy and daddy promised to love each other forever but my daddy broke his promise." She's five and my sister in law is being wishy washy and sending mixed signals. I had to pull her aside and tell her that mommy and daddy still love each because they have you. but its different from how me and Tio love each other. Super heart breaking, and she's constantly telling me things like that I really need to sit down and talk to my SIL abt the message she is sending her daughter. Divorce its something you should never do on a whim, but then again neither is marriage. You should know someone and talk abt your goals as a couple since you are a unit and its not longer just abt you. I dont expect my answer to be popular but that's how I feel abt it.
  • mammamaurer
    mammamaurer Posts: 418 Member
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    dont know first hand but acording to my friends who have the anwser isyes.png
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Asking divorcees if their divorce was worth it is akin to asking drunks in a bar if the alcohol tastes good... Or asking people in happy marriages if keeping their marriage together is worth it.

    This was kind of my point in replying to this post.
  • Mcgrawhaha
    Mcgrawhaha Posts: 1,596 Member
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    i dont understand your post? are you asking us if we divorced our husbands in hopes of finding someone better? because if thats your question, you shouldnt be married in the first place. either your in love, have a good marriage, and took your vows "for better or worse" serious, or you didnt. now, if your being cheated on or getting abused, thats another story, but even then... you shouldnt need our opinion on something so important like your marriage.

    i was married my first time shortly at 18, and yes, my divorce was worth it, but i was getting my *kitten* beat and having guns put to my head... so...

    would i divorce my current husband and father of my 5 children because the grass MAY be greener on the other side... um... NO!
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,472 Member
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    if the guy is a *kitten*, well yeah,
    dumb question
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,411 Member
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    With 1st 10 years, this one 30 plus - way worth it!
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
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    Asking divorcees if their divorce was worth it is akin to asking drunks in a bar if the alcohol tastes good... Or asking people in happy marriages if keeping their marriage together is worth it.

    Equally stupid questions all around.

    ...one more stupid question. Are you always such a d*ck?
  • LVCeltGirl
    LVCeltGirl Posts: 473
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    For those of you who have gone through a divorce, was the grass greener on the other side? Are you happier now or do you regret it? Discuss.

    The divorce wasn't my choice but yes, I am happier than I was married. I didn't realize how unhappy I was in that marriage until my ex-husband walked out on me and therefore my son and filed for divorce 2 months later. I didn't realize how oppressed I'd allowed myself to become during the marriage. Grass is greener? I don't think so but it is definitely different grass which can be a plus (although if circumstances were different for me, it could be a minus too). I definitely don't wish to go back to being the person I was when I was married to my ex.

    If you're considering divorce (rather than getting a discussion going), I'd say make a list of what you like about being married, what you miss about the you prior to marriage and what you don't like about being married. If the don't like outweighs the like, move forward with the divorce. If you can't recapture what you miss about you prior to marriage and it's big enough deals that you want and need those characteristics back, then move forward with the divorce. But if you can save the marriage, if you can go to counseling (both individual and couple) and work it out, then save the marriage. It's all a very personal decision and also remember, it does take both people in the marriage to make it work so if you're doing all the work, then it won't work out.

    That's my 2 cents on the subject.
  • Roaringgael
    Roaringgael Posts: 339 Member
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    I think most people divorce because 1 person wants out, definitely.
    So its over, if both aren't willing it will suck.
    My first relationship (many moons ago) broke up cause he didn't want to be with me anymore. Broke my heart but I was young.
    My marriage in my 20s was a total mistake and I left him (abusive).
    I've been with my partner now for over 23 yrs. We love each other, we are both committed. The commitment is the love.
    My mother always said (she was married over 50 years parted only by their deaths) "Its okay, sometimes people just get sick of each other, move on its not the end of the world".
    I do feel for the children of divorce, its messy for them and sad.
  • Scott_2025
    Scott_2025 Posts: 201 Member
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    bump for later
  • SoLongAndThanksForAllTheFish
    SoLongAndThanksForAllTheFish Posts: 831 Member
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    What an odd public forum question. No matter what you feel on the subject, you shouldn't take anything here as a reason one way or another: if someone is going to answer you here, 99.99% of the time they are happy about it or trying to be happy about it and going to post to prove it. If someone doesn't think it was worth it, they would be more likely to: not post because they are back with their spouse after they worked something out and be very unlikely to even remember the bad time where they thought about it enough to respond to a random forum topic, feel so much regret its probably painful to post in a public forum, or likely to put up a front about it saying it was worth it online to convince themselves or hurt their ex. And everyone who does divorce must find reasons it was worth it to continue with their lives, just like most people will emphasize the faults of their ex bf/gf once they are separated, its therapeutic.

    You are also going to miss all the people to whom it would be really worth it to divorce, but are sticking it out/in a restrictive/abusive relationship and would not tell you this secret. So, I wouldn't take this topic posted on a public forum as meaning anything useful for yourself at all really, except a census of who's happy or trying to be happyabout their divorce! :)

    On the other hand, most people who post topics like this in a public forum are just looking for outside confirmation and reasons to support a thought...

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