Divorce: is it worth it?

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  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

    Came across this article recently that put a whole new perspective on marriage.
    Definitely worth the read.
  • Momf3boys
    Momf3boys Posts: 1,637 Member
    Deciding to divorce was one of the most difficult decisions that I ever had to make. I can honestly say that I tried my best to keep the marriage together. I learned that he was having an affair with one of his coworkers for a year and a half. I was completely devastated and my world came cashing down around me. My boys were 4 and 7 at the time. He cried, knew he had ruined our family and wanted to kill himself. I went to counseling with him for almost a year. Unfortunately, during that year he was NEVER transparent and I found myself totally consuming my life with checking on him and being a Private Investigator. I learned A LOT during that year, through my own snooping, and I realized that I deserved much better and so did my boys. I'm a damn good person and I refused to live my life constantly wondering what was he doing...who was he talking to...I asked him to leave and I filed for divorce. My divorce was final in May 2010...best decision I ever made for myself and my boys.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    For those of you who have gone through a divorce, was the grass greener on the other side? Are you happier now or do you regret it? Discuss.

    It was worth every nickel of the $3,000 I paid my lawyer, but I also have full custody of my son and live 1,000+ miles away. Only thing I regret is hanging on for the last few years of crap, but getting out at 7 is better than 10 I suppose.

    WOW. I worked for a divorce attorney and when someone had custody and/or child support issues in their case she started at $10,000...sounds like you got quite a deal!
  • gobonas99
    gobonas99 Posts: 1,049 Member
    Marriage is a life commitment, there is no good reason ever to break that commitment. Except death.

    Or being beaten by your spouse. Are you honestly suggesting that people in physically abusive marriages should STAY and put their lives in danger??? :angry: Even the Catholic Church gives annulments when physical abuse is involved (I know....I got one after my divorce was final for that very reason).
  • herblackwings39
    herblackwings39 Posts: 3,930 Member
    Sometimes divorce is the best option. In my case, yes, it was totally worth it.
  • tiggerhammon
    tiggerhammon Posts: 2,211 Member
    Grass greener on the other side? Yes.
    Divorce worth it? Yes

    I was not married long at all the first time. That was a mistake from the beginning.
    Divorce was totally the best option.
    I left with a baby and being a single mom was hard but I never once thought about going back. I would spend the rest of my life alone before going back to that toxic relationship.
    Met my current husband and married him when my daughter was 3. Grass is totally greener here! Love him to death and plan to stick this one out for life!
  • unbreakablemoth
    unbreakablemoth Posts: 28
    I was lucky in that my ex-husband and I had one of those "end of the road" talks and I realized "I don't want this anymore," where before I had always been the one to fight to make things work. It was great--complete emotional release.

    My ex husband and I kind of had that too. He said "we're not happy..." and suggested the divorce and I begged him to work it out. He stayed, and the entire time I realized he was correct and there was NO turning back. Two months later we filed for divorce. I was ready. We took a walk at a nature center and threw our (inexpensive) wedding rings into a river. It was a good experience and I haven't looked back for a moment. When I "miss him" it's never him that I miss...it's the happiness we had at times, our dog, and our former home together that was destroyed in a tornado...never him, never at all. I think that is the surest sign of all that we were not meant to be married.

    We did something similar! When we got married we took a picture "selfie" style outside of the courthouse with summer flowers behind us lining the courthouse stairs--when we got divorced we went to the same spot and took a very similar happy "selfie"-type photo of us together to celebrate the end. We had some good times, and I mourn the best friend I had in him throughout most of our relationship--but he is not that person anymore. He gave me his ring to store--we were trying to think of what to do with them. We were thinking of having them melted into a pendant for our daughter when she'd older.
  • RyanJK85
    RyanJK85 Posts: 580 Member
    If you aint happy, get out...Theres going to be someone that you click with and will be happy if you choose to remarry
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,258 Member
    Marriage is a life commitment, there is no good reason ever to break that commitment. Except death.

    What a simplistic view.

    ( and, no, I am not divorced, have been married for 27 years in fact - but I can see outside my own situation )
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    If it was as difficult to get married as it is to get divorced, I think the divorce rate would be lower. Too many of us, myself included, jump into married too quickly when we are young. We think lust is equal to love. Our hormones make our decisions for us at that point. When reality sets in and we really get to know the person we are married to, then we ask ourselves, what the heck did we just do?
    Happiness is a temporary state. You can't base marriage or divorce on feelings of happiness. Heck, a chocolate glazed donut can make me happy for a time!
    Before making a lifetime decision of marriage or divorce, you have to really look at the whole situation with logic and reasoning, as well as your heart.
    And if children are involved, you must put their best interest above all else. The best thing for them MIGHT end up being a divorce, but no matter what the outcome, there are no true winners in a divorce. Everyone is scarred in some way.
  • kborton1122
    kborton1122 Posts: 914 Member
    I am currently going through a divorce. I have to say that I haven't been this happy in a long long time.

    Is the grass really greener? All I can say to that is "The grass is always greener where you water it".
  • bamabutterfly83
    bamabutterfly83 Posts: 73 Member
    I am happier now. I wish we had both been willing to work harder because we have a son but I am defiantly happier outside of that relationship.
  • lyricsmamma6469
    lyricsmamma6469 Posts: 37 Member
    Absolutely worth it!! I married way too young for all the wrong reasons and I am happier now than I have ever been. My ex-husband and I even get along better now than we did when we were married. I'm friends with his wife (3rd wife). They're friends with my fiance. Life is great! We have a child together so that's why we're friends. I'm sure it's different for people who get divorced with no children.

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