Living with an unhealthy eater

I am shocked at how many people are having visceral reactions to my desire to eliminate junk foods from my home. This speaks to the disordered way we deal with health and food in our society.

My husband is fully on board with clean eating. We occasionally indulge in sweets out of the house. Hell there are 4 (yes FOUR!) fast food places across the street from our apartments. There are dozens more within a 2 mile radius as we live in a dense urban area. Getting some sugary treats is not complicated or difficult or inconvenient. Burgerville isn't going to cut me off if I should want to spend my money there (or dairy queen or Baskin Robbins or Starbucks or Shair's Pies or...well you get the idea).

I choose to make my home a sanctuary of health. Here I can relax and enjoy the plethora of foods that won't kill me. It is not necessary for me to load up on chemical, gmo, HFCS, transfat laden foods in my own home.

I also don't let people use illicit drugs in my home (family included) or smoke cigarettes or other tobacco products. I also don't permit racial slurs be used within our walls.

I say each to their own, but as someone who doesn't buy into the concept of clean eating (it's not for me, I'd prefer to be balanced between whats good for me, whats handy and what I like but as I say each to their own and I do see the appeal)

I *am* a little offended that you liken that to drug use, smoking and racism. It's absolutely not the same. Not at all.I think that view is far too black and white, and there is a lot of grey here for most of us. I'm grey here - i'm not a druggie or a racist or a smoker, but I like the odd 'dirty' food.

I don't think the categorisation helps your case - and it's one of the reason 'clean' eaters do get attacked on here - that superiority.

I wonder where you come down on the whole "food addict" thing.

Were you here when there were many individuals that stated that being "addicted" to food is the same thing as narcotics? (yes, absolutely!)

food addiction and clean eating vs 'dirty' (hate that term, I'd prefer to call it 'normal' but it's not normal for everyone) are NOT the same argument and it's ridiculous to claim that they are.

If food "addiction" is possible (hence my previous comment), someone throwing away a cake due to their addiction is not a "clean" vs. "dirty" eating scenario (regardless of whether that's how you try to spin it).

Note: This is not to imply that is what the poster is claiming occurred in this instance.

The posters claims about 'I choose to make my home a sanctuary of health' etc and citation that her hubby supports clean eating, then goes on to slate everyone who isn't clean eating as being likened to drug users and racists is what i'm reacting to.

Food addiction doesn't enter into it there.

Food addiction I've seen people have and that's different. But still, throwing away someone elses portion of your 'poison' isn't really what I'd call reasonable behaviour.

Good job with the images, they seriously hurt my feelings and ruined my day :laugh:

For real, the majority of you are really taking your own take on what she said and assuming her tone...which is typically hard to do on a computer screen or cell phone screen. Her husband is being healthy and is happy with the arrangement, so then who freaking cares? If it's what works for their family, that's all that matters. If your significant other wanted to rid the house of junk food you'd be pissed -- so it wouldn't work for you. But with them it WORKS. They are healthier and making progress, so who are you to judge?

I would not call refusing to throw the cake away being happy with the arrangement.

Wow....so much crazy in this thread! I don't understand how people stay married while trying to run a dictatorship. I guess some men are into that kind of thing? My boyfriend eats what he wants, and I eat what I want. Our house has food in it that he likes, and food that I like. Why is this so difficult?

I have seen this topic posted dozens of times, and honestly the best advice I've seen is

1. Do NOT expect your partner to change their habits just because you're changing yours. Sure it is possible. But it is not likely to work unless it is their idea and they really want to change, too.

2. Get used to the idea of buying and eating separate foods much of the time.

You will probably get a lot of responses saying "It's up to YOU to resist the junk!" That's true. But I think it can get much easier when you get away from the thinking that your partner is somehow sabotaging you or that it's not FAIR for them to eat junk while you "have to" eat healthy. Look at it as your nutritional habits differing from theirs.

Also, you can still enjoy the occasional treat or even fast food together. Just change the way you view it and the way you behave. You're in control of you, and your partner is in control of himself. The two do not have to be connected.

12 Steppers have an old saying: "If you sit in a barber's chair long enough, you're gonna get a haircut."

I think the same is true of unhealthy foods, especially for me. If the place where I LIVE every day has bags and bags of chips and cookies, 2-inch thick fatty ribeye steaks, tubs of ice cream, giant baked potatoes loaded with sour cream, butter, bacon bits and dozens of pies, the truth is this: I am gonna F'ing eat them! If I were the picture of self control, I wouldn't weight 300+ lbs.

Personally, I didn't get to the shape I am in where I need to lose 125 lbs. because I was able to resist that stuff before. What in the world makes me think that after decades of over-eating this stuff that I can flick a magical switch in my mind and henceforth and forevermore choose to eat celerty and carrots when everyone else is eating cake, cookies and goddam delicious cheese dip and Tostitos?

Food is a connection. It carries social and family connections, sensory and memory connections. We remember the meals from our childhood with love and fondness. Things were "made with love" when the food itself was made to kill us! Think about the meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy mom made for us... Fill in the blanks on whatever dish it is that brings back those feelings and memories of being safe and loved and in the heart of a family. And if you didn't have that family, maybe you turned to food as a replacement for those feelings.

Food is powerful stuff. It is more than nutrients and calories. Much more. Pretending otherwise is false.

However, having said all of this, for people like me, food is also dangerous stuff. It is hard to resist because it is made to set off chemical and other reactions (that I have no real understanding of how it works, but it does) that make certain foods irresistible. Unfortunately, it is the deadly, fatty and sweet and salty foods that are most irresistible... Or am I the only one?

So, when we have made the decision to try to eat healthier and live healthier, it is going against every bit of advertising and marketing out there, as well as the close personal feelings driven by food and memory.

IT AIN'T EASY.....

Yet, it can be done. With support.


If we are honest with the people around us who SAY THAT THEY LOVE US, then the truth is that they are ****heads for not wanting us to succeed in being healthier people. I have been married 25 years to the same woman, more than half of my life. She's not going anywhere and I am not going anywhere. She knows me and knows that I have a problem with... let's face it..

Gluttony. And Sloth.

I want to be a couch potato. It is an old, in-grained habit that is hard for me to stop. But those two cardinal sins are killing me.

So I am trying to change, but if I had to do it in environment filled with the stuff that is killing me, I could not do it.

My family has made changes. That is not to say we are some kind of prison camp where you will eat your vegetables! But the junk food is gone. My 24 year old son keeps it in his bedroom, in his own fridge.

It is not wrong for the original poster to seek support in her new lifestyle.

12 Steppers have an old saying: "If you sit in a barber's chair long enough, you're gonna get a haircut."

I think the same is true of unhealthy foods, especially for me. If the place where I LIVE every day has bags and bags of chips and cookies, 2-inch thick fatty ribeye steaks, tubs of ice cream, giant baked potatoes loaded with sour cream, butter, bacon bits and dozens of pies, the truth is this: I am gonna F'ing eat them! If I were the picture of self control, I wouldn't weight 300+ lbs.

Personally, I didn't get to the shape I am in where I need to lose 125 lbs. because I was able to resist that stuff before. What in the world makes me think that after decades of over-eating this stuff that I can flick a magical switch in my mind and henceforth and forevermore choose to eat celerty and carrots when everyone else is eating cake, cookies and goddam delicious cheese dip and Tostitos?

Food is a connection. It carries social and family connections, sensory and memory connections. We remember the meals from our childhood with love and fondness. Things were "made with love" when the food itself was made to kill us! Think about the meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy mom made for us... Fill in the blanks on whatever dish it is that brings back those feelings and memories of being safe and loved and in the heart of a family. And if you didn't have that family, maybe you turned to food as a replacement for those feelings.

Food is powerful stuff. It is more than nutrients and calories. Much more. Pretending otherwise is false.

However, having said all of this, for people like me, food is also dangerous stuff. It is hard to resist because it is made to set off chemical and other reactions (that I have no real understanding of how it works, but it does) that make certain foods irresistible. Unfortunately, it is the deadly, fatty and sweet and salty foods that are most irresistible... Or am I the only one?

So, when we have made the decision to try to eat healthier and live healthier, it is going against every bit of advertising and marketing out there, as well as the close personal feelings driven by food and memory.

IT AIN'T EASY.....

Yet, it can be done. With support.


If we are honest with the people around us who SAY THAT THEY LOVE US, then the truth is that they are ****heads for not wanting us to succeed in being healthier people. I have been married 25 years to the same woman, more than half of my life. She's not going anywhere and I am not going anywhere. She knows me and knows that I have a problem with... let's face it..

Gluttony. And Sloth.

I want to be a couch potato. It is an old, in-grained habit that is hard for me to stop. But those two cardinal sins are killing me.

So I am trying to change, but if I had to do it in environment filled with the stuff that is killing me, I could not do it.

My family has made changes. That is not to say we are some kind of prison camp where you will eat your vegetables! But the junk food is gone. My 24 year old son keeps it in his bedroom, in his own fridge.

It is not wrong for the original poster to seek support in her new lifestyle.

You know - I hear your struggle man. But the whole 12 step thing is a crock. At some point, we are all called to deal with our own bad habits (not throw them in the trash so we don't have to look at them). The 12 steppers and AA'ers are all like, 'we can't help it man, it's a DISEASE.' Which is a pile of stinking doo-doo. Bad habits are not diseases. Diseases are caused by bad habits.

So, I have been trying to change my lifestyle for the past 4 months now and it seems nearly impossible. I work in an office for 8 hours a day (which the only physical activity I get at work is walking to and from the printer... pathetic, I know) I bring healthy lunches, and eat a healthy breakfast every morning, but when I get home there's a box of Krispy Kreme donuts sitting on the counter that my boyfriend decided to pick up. Every weekend he's wanting to order pizza or stop by the burger joint that's next to our house, so we don't have to cook. It is the MOST difficult thing ever to try and resist the pizza and the treats when its in the house! I've been trying to motivate him so that we can do this together, (he could stand to lose a few pounds too) but it always seems to back fire! Are there any suggestions on what I should do, or what I can change?! I know the obvious choice is to resist the goodies, but it drives me insane trying to do this on my own without any support!

P.S.- Ive gained 25 pounds in the past 6 months- at this rate, I'm rapidly moving towards obesity! HELP!

Also, my profile picture is definitely not recent. Its my motivation picture. That was me at 120lbs