How would/do you handle this?

smokeyg01
smokeyg01 Posts: 1,064
in Chit-Chat
K serious question. How would or do you handle being in a marriage with someone you can't stand? especially knowing that there is someone out there that wants to love and care for you
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Replies

  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    Divorce.
  • _John_
    _John_ Posts: 8,646 Member
    I handle this by doing every thing I can to get her out of her own way so she can give me what I need.
  • smokeyg01
    smokeyg01 Posts: 1,064
    What if that's not an option right now?
  • Sovictorrious
    Sovictorrious Posts: 770 Member
    End it
  • Dunkirk
    Dunkirk Posts: 465 Member
    Serious answer. Figure out when my attitude/life went wrong and fix it. And work on my character. That's how I'd handle it if I'd initially loved the person when I married.
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
    I divorced the *&(&^&%&$#$#^$@^
  • ThePlight
    ThePlight Posts: 3,593 Member
    K serious question. How would or do you handle being in a marriage with someone you can't stand? especially knowing that there is someone out there that wants to love and care for you

    That just sounds so unhealthy. You need to find a way to bail.
  • smokeyg01
    smokeyg01 Posts: 1,064
    I divorced the *&(&^&%&$#$#^$@^
    she wasn't a psycho that would try to kill you when you mentioned divorce
  • healthykae
    healthykae Posts: 190 Member
    Serious answer. Figure out when my attitude/life went wrong and fix it. And work on my character. That's how I'd handle it if I'd initially loved the person when I married.

    This!
  • smokeyg01
    smokeyg01 Posts: 1,064
    I forgot to mention the kids. There are kids that are totally affected by this
  • ThePlight
    ThePlight Posts: 3,593 Member
    I forgot to mention the kids. There are kids that ate totally affected by this
    That sounds like you might need to tough it out, depending on their age..
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    I would run into the arms of my MFP boo :smooched:
    tumblr_mtpqqczJ5t1sizcwqo1_500_zpsd8fbfe49.gif

    Seriously, get counseling.
  • DeltaZero
    DeltaZero Posts: 1,197 Member
    Ask the internet for advice, obviously.
  • TX_Thundercat
    TX_Thundercat Posts: 2,437 Member
    K serious question. How would or do you handle being in a marriage with someone you can't stand? especially knowing that there is someone out there that wants to love and care for you


    Goin through the same. We're taking "a break".
  • JenniTheVeggie
    JenniTheVeggie Posts: 2,474 Member
    what's meant to be is meant to be.........
  • smokeyg01
    smokeyg01 Posts: 1,064
    what's meant to be is meant to be.........
    i say that all the time. But is there a time limit?
  • Purpleluckycharms
    Purpleluckycharms Posts: 8
    I would dance, smile, make the kids happy and life parallel in passing if divorce wasn't an option. Work on making you better, inside and out, be the better person and don't forget to dance and smile, might I suggest to some '80's Hair Nation music?
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    You obviously could stand her for a while since you 1. married her and 2. have kids by her. Either work it out or leave. Why stay in hell?
  • HarleyFatboyFan
    HarleyFatboyFan Posts: 344 Member
    what's meant to be is meant to be.........
    do you seriously subscribe to that philosophy?
  • JenniTheVeggie
    JenniTheVeggie Posts: 2,474 Member
    what's meant to be is meant to be.........
    do you seriously subscribe to that philosophy?

    Yes I do. Everything happens for a reason.
  • Mgregory723
    Mgregory723 Posts: 529 Member
    In the long run divorce will be better for the kids if you can't stand your wife. They don't need to see mom and dad fighting all time. Eventually they will understand. The most important people in the divorce are the kids. Do not put them in the middle, do not make them choose sides, and be honest with them (if they are old enough to understand) otherwise they will be the ones paying for you and spouses problems. And handle your **** first before entering into another relationship.
  • JenniTheVeggie
    JenniTheVeggie Posts: 2,474 Member
    what's meant to be is meant to be.........
    i say that all the time. But is there a time limit?

    Time limit? As long as the feelings are there.
  • bunnyklutz
    bunnyklutz Posts: 17 Member
    Do you really think staying together "for the kids" is really best for them? What kind of relationship would you want them to have and what kind of relationship do you think they'll have if your current one is their example.

    I am not saying to leave or not, that is only a decision you can make as we are not a part of your personal and private life. But if I were unhappy with my husband and it was to the point where I would reach out to strangers, then the kids (depending on their age) can probably already tell things aren't right.
  • HarleyFatboyFan
    HarleyFatboyFan Posts: 344 Member
    what's meant to be is meant to be.........
    do you seriously subscribe to that philosophy?

    Yes I do. Everything happens for a reason.
    so, when they got married it was meant to be but now it's hard so it isn't meant to be.
  • echofm1
    echofm1 Posts: 471 Member
    If you married her and had kids by her, what has changed to make it so you can't stand her?

    I'd say the first step is finding out what has changed and seeing if there is any way that you can fix it. Don't put all the blame on her (though I'm not saying there isn't plenty for her). What about you has changed? Did you put your all into the relationship, regardless of whether you think she did or not? You have kids and while it's easy to say that there's another woman who will give you love and affection, your wife must have at some point too. Who is to say things won't change with this new partner down the line?

    Edit: Just to clarify: Not saying that you shouldn't get divorced. Just saying that you should make sure you do what you can to fix things first.
  • Muldactus
    Muldactus Posts: 6,972 Member
    Do you really think staying together "for the kids" is really best for them? What kind of relationship would you want them to have and what kind of relationship do you think they'll have if your current one is their example.

    I am not saying to leave or not, that is only a decision you can make as we are not a part of your personal and private life. But if I were unhappy with my husband and it was to the point where I would reach out to strangers, then the kids (depending on their age) can probably already tell things aren't right.

    This. I can tell you from personal experience growing up that parents staying together "for the kids" isn't always the best choice. My parents actually made life more stressful and uncomfortable while they were married and struggling to live together. Once they finally gave up and got divorced and stopped trying to pretend, life got a whole lot easier for the kids. Trust me on that one.
  • hikezilla
    hikezilla Posts: 174 Member
    Why can't you stand her? What changed?
  • mungowungo
    mungowungo Posts: 327 Member
    I spent 15 years in an unhappy relationship. At the end there was just hatred, anger and resentment. It wasn't a happy place to be and it was really not good for the children either. Ending it was one of the best things I ever did even though it caused quite a lot of stress at the time. The children are now happier and so am I. I can see no point in being a martyr just for the sake of it.
  • JenniTheVeggie
    JenniTheVeggie Posts: 2,474 Member
    Why can't you stand her? What changed?

    ^This. You loved her at one point.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    to be honest i wouldnt marry someone i coudnt spend the rest of my life with in the first place. i would take the time to get to know the person before marrying hem and not expecting them to change.

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