Angry at husband for refusing to take care of his body

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  • mapenguinkeeper
    mapenguinkeeper Posts: 191
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    he has to want to change, no amount of nagging or pleading with make him. As for the veg, I put them IN the casserole. I learned how to sneak veg into all kinds of foods when the kid revolted against them. I would also make a smaller amount overall so that there is a finite amount of food left at the end of the meal. You married him the way he is so you knew what you were getting into.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    46 is too old to have kids anyways

    The bigger problem is her age - female reproductivity starts rolling over at 30. By 35, it is significantly impacted.

    It's going to be fun, for sure...

    yeah well I didn't see her give her age- but that's clearly an issue as well.

    Shrug - I see a lot of "all bad all directions" going on here.

    I can completely relate to where you're coming from. My husband gained 80 pounds AFTER we got married. I have lost around 11 since then and have remained relatively the same since he's known me. He had tipped the scales into obesity. And while I still found him very attractive I became concerned.

    I don't' think this man gained 80 lbs in a month. seriously. this isn't the same thing.

    she knew this was going on- and she still married him

    and good for you for staying- I couldn't do it. my bf (potential life long partner whatever) gets fat- I'm done. There is way more going on than JUST fat gain. That changes a person and I cant' deal with that. The kind of person who allows themselves to deteriorate like that?

    Nope- there are bigger issues than just the weight- I won't stay. That's a complete and utter deal breaker for me. You either address it- and I"m willing to work with you on it- and help- but I won't stay if you just let it all go. nope not happening.

    You are a better woman than I.
  • SchroederNJ
    SchroederNJ Posts: 208 Member
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    Sounds like some things that should've been addressed before you walked down the aisle
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    and good for you for staying- I couldn't do it. my bf (potential life long partner whatever) gets fat- I'm done. There is way more going on than JUST fat gain. That changes a person and I cant' deal with that. The kind of person who allows themselves to deteriorate like that?

    Are you planning to kill yourself or him if he gets fat? 'cause otherwise... he's NOT a lifelong partner.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    and good for you for staying- I couldn't do it. my bf (potential life long partner whatever) gets fat- I'm done. There is way more going on than JUST fat gain. That changes a person and I cant' deal with that. The kind of person who allows themselves to deteriorate like that?

    Are you planning to kill yourself or him if he gets fat? 'cause otherwise... he's NOT a lifelong partner.

    She did say "potential".
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    and good for you for staying- I couldn't do it. my bf (potential life long partner whatever) gets fat- I'm done. There is way more going on than JUST fat gain. That changes a person and I cant' deal with that. The kind of person who allows themselves to deteriorate like that?

    Are you planning to kill yourself or him if he gets fat? 'cause otherwise... he's NOT a lifelong partner.

    She did say "potential".

    true. as long as he's still hot, she's there. he's got potential. :smile:
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
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    Isn't this the honeymoon period of your marriage? This is like the people that want kids and marry someone who does not, it is a no win situation, one will be unhappy because there is no compromise. I am sorry but having any major issue this early on does not bode well. If my hubby gained a ton of weight and became sloth like, I would say something but for 16 yrs he has been active and nicely built so I feel I would have a right to bring it up. In your case you got what you married, you can not change someone just because you took vows.
  • mrslcoop
    mrslcoop Posts: 317 Member
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    I can completely relate to where you're coming from. My husband gained 80 pounds AFTER we got married. I have lost around 11 since then and have remained relatively the same since he's known me. He had tipped the scales into obesity. And while I still found him very attractive I became concerned.

    I don't' think this man gained 80 lbs in a month. seriously. this isn't the same thing.

    she knew this was going on- and she still married him

    and good for you for staying- I couldn't do it. my bf (potential life long partner whatever) gets fat- I'm done. There is way more going on than JUST fat gain. That changes a person and I cant' deal with that. The kind of person who allows themselves to deteriorate like that?

    Nope- there are bigger issues than just the weight- I won't stay. That's a complete and utter deal breaker for me. You either address it- and I"m willing to work with you on it- and help- but I won't stay if you just let it all go. nope not happening.

    You are a better woman than I.

    I didn't say he had gained it in a month. That wouldn't be possible. It was roughly over a year and half time span that it occurred and neither of us noticed it at first as my husband is very tall and broad. It did however occur after, not before marriage. But I made a commitment to the man and stuck by his side.

    As I stated I believe each spouse has a duty to try and be as healthy as possible for the other and I’ve always kept my end of the deal and am working to only better myself, but was it worth divorcing him over? No, definitely not in my opinion. I lead by the best example I could and he realized the error of his ways. This woman married a man that she already knew was in bad health and as such her only options are divorce or leading by example. My experience is that it can work, but you can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do.
  • eileen0515
    eileen0515 Posts: 407 Member
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    I can completely relate to where you're coming from. My husband gained 80 pounds AFTER we got married. I have lost around 11 since then and have remained relatively the same since he's known me. He had tipped the scales into obesity. And while I still found him very attractive I became concerned. His parents are both over weight and have medical issues themselves and I didn't want that for him too. But here is what I realized. While I believe each spouse has an obligation to try and remain healthy to the best of their ability for the other you can't force an adult to do something they don't want to do. When I cooked I made the healthiest food I could that tasted good. Lots of protein and veggies and low on the carbs. When he wanted to go out to eat I'd suggest something healthier. Thin crust pizza rather than deep dish, etc. I do the grocery shopping so I kept all junk food and pop out of the house. If he went himself and bought these things I bit my tongue and let him have them. About 9 months ago he realized how large he'd become and just on his own without telling me started to cut back on his portions, stop drinking pop and whiskey, and start exercising. He made it to onederland last week and he couldn't be happier. You have to let your husband make this decision on his own and lead by example the best you can.

    Smart and effective, and loving
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    I don't' think this man gained 80 lbs in a month. seriously. this isn't the same thing.

    she knew this was going on- and she still married him

    and good for you for staying- I couldn't do it. my bf (potential life long partner whatever) gets fat- I'm done. There is way more going on than JUST fat gain. That changes a person and I cant' deal with that. The kind of person who allows themselves to deteriorate like that?

    Nope- there are bigger issues than just the weight- I won't stay. That's a complete and utter deal breaker for me. You either address it- and I"m willing to work with you on it- and help- but I won't stay if you just let it all go. nope not happening.

    You are a better woman than I.

    Seriously, you ever go on an internet dating site? Put this in your profile.
  • ikearch
    ikearch Posts: 32 Member
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    I'm sure by now she's done reading these posts :P
  • godsgrl33
    godsgrl33 Posts: 307 Member
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    You knew how he was before you got married, so unless he drastically changed, I don't see what the problem is. You married him the way he is, and you shouldn't try to change him. He's got to want to change, you can't change him.

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