Moving In Together..
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We lived together 1.5 years before we got married. We've been together 12 and married 9.5 years.0
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It's not logic. It's the juxtaposition of two facts. I am not saying correlation equals causation. The person I quoted said there would be fewer divorces if more people lived together before marriage. The stats do not bear that out.
Personally, I agree with a previous post that said the success of a marriage is dependent more on the spouses' views on love and marriage. People viewed marriage differently in the time period I referenced.0 -
Personally, speaking from my own experience, I don't think stats and whatnot and speak to much of anything. It's always a personal thing when you are talking of relationships. Each one is different. It would be comforting to be able to say what works and what doesn't depending on certain social norms and so on, but it is just a couple by couple thing. What works for two people may not for two different people. Even if one of the persons involved remains the same.
For example, for my first marriage, we didn't live together first and that marriage didn't last long at all. My second marriage I did live with him first and while that marriage did last longer it still resulted in a divorce for along the same lines as the first. I am now living with a man whom may be considered my common-law husband (religious ritual but not legal) and have been together happily for many years.
Every combination of people is different, I truly don't think there is any way to really slap a probability on the chances of their success based solely upon their living arrangements or marital status or combination thereof.0 -
We didn't live in the same country, so no we did not live together before getting married. I moved country and into his apartment after it.0
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I think it's better to experience independence before going from the parents to moving in with the boyfriend's/girlfriend's. This way you move in together and both have had that sense of accomplishment/responsibility and a good base of experience.
Other than that marriage all depends on what it means to the idividual. If one person desires it, and the other doesn't... It's not going to last.0 -
What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE
I agree with keeping separate bank accounts. Along with this DO NOT have joint credit cards, this could come back to bite you in the *kitten* big time - mess up your credit for years.0 -
My husband and I didn't live together before we got married....actually we never dated either. We were friends (and fwb) for years, secretly in love with each other.
We also didn't live together at first after we got married. We were in separate states and both had things to finalize before moving to the same location. He is Navy, and I'm prior AF, so we know how to make LDR work.
With that all being said...for US...it would have worked either way. There are times when I get pissed off and tell him I'm gonna move out and get my own place, because the house is gross after I come home from a long-as-**** day at work, or if he doesn't want to do stuff on the weekends. Then I think about all the times we weren't able to be in the same house (or state, or even continent), and realize that no matter how annoyed at him I am, I like sleeping beside him way more.
It is really an individual thing. It depends on the couple, and what they want in the long run.0 -
I also think its a great Idea.If people Moved In together before getting hitched there'd be Less Divorces.
I highly doubt that....I don't think it makes any difference whatsoever whether you live with someone first or not. I personally lived with my wife before we got married...but really, I don't think it makes any difference long term.0 -
If you want marriage, moving in before marriage will not encourage him to marry you. What for? LOL.
Speaking from experience, sista. Not until I left his *kitten* did he break down and propose.
anecdotal evidence is anecdotal. I lived with my wife before we got married...we both ultimately wanted to get married and we didn't have to give each other ultimatums or leave each other or anything to convince each other of that fact.
The whole, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" bull**** is just that...it's not 1952 anymore.0 -
I'd note that it leading to marriage is not always a good thing. Looking back on it now, I can easily see when my ex-husband and I would have broken up if we weren't living together while we were dating. But living together makes breaking up complicated, and there's always that urge that it's easier to make it work.0
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Up to the couple. For us there is no need to marry.0
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If you want marriage, moving in before marriage will not encourage him to marry you. What for? LOL.
Speaking from experience, sista. Not until I left his *kitten* did he break down and propose.
Why was that so important to you?? Just curios
I'm dutch and marriage is very optional here. Almost very couple moves in together before marriage. If they even marry at all (most of my friends didn't). Legally there is little difference over here if you marry or not. Only when you have children there is a bit more paperwork, but that is it. So I think that is also depends on what kind of surroundings you are in.
And "formal" divorce or not.. Breaking up is never a pick-nick. And always a problem for the kids. Legally married or not.
By the way.. I can't marry anymore... I don't believe in having sex before marriage.
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Personally I'm all for living together first!
My partner and I were together 18 months before moving in together (while I was living with a friend). After 2.5 years renting that place we bought a home together, and are now hoping to get married in the next few years. I believe you don't truly get to know a partner until living with them; appreciating their odd habits and little quirks. It's the best way to learn how to compromise.
But each to their own! What works for one couple will be completely inappropriate for another. Just do whatever you think will make you happy :-)0 -
Moving in together is a great way to test the waters. I lived with one serious boyfriend for about a year and realized he was a sneaky, manipulative, sleazy, abusive butt hole. I might have married him had I not been exposed to that beforehand...that would've sucked.
I also lived with my husband before he put a ring on it, and clearly, we got married.
I don't think that moving in with somebody delegates whether you're more likely to, or not to get married. All depends on the specific relationship. As for those who bring up the divorce rate, that's just ridiculous. Divorce rates are so high, because a lot of people (especially of my generation) are all about the here and now and how it will benefit them. Pure selfishness, a lot of the time (although not ALL the time).0 -
My take is to not move in together until you are married. Break ups are so much more complicated and messy especially if you begin buying things together or share a bank account.
Some things should be special to just your husband.
If you move in and out again and then marry someone else, they will not be the only special one you have had that experience with. Seems people today want to have it all without the permanet committement marraige is intened to provide.
Simply my opinion as the OP asked for.0 -
Don't worry, I'm sure he'll propose after you get pregnant.0
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Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!0
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My take is to not move in together until you are married. Break ups are so much more complicated and messy especially if you begin buying things together or share a bank account.
Some things should be special to just your husband.
If you move in and out again and then marry someone else, they will not be the only special one you have had that experience with. Seems people today want to have it all without the permanet committement marraige is intened to provide.
Simply my opinion as the OP asked for.
Married people don't break up along with all the problems that goes with sorting out children, finances, the house etc.0 -
Funny thing is in my family the people who got married are now divorced and the ones that didn't are still together?My take is to not move in together until you are married. Break ups are so much more complicated and messy especially if you begin buying things together or share a bank account.
Some things should be special to just your husband.
If you move in and out again and then marry someone else, they will not be the only special one you have had that experience with. Seems people today want to have it all without the permanet committement marraige is intened to provide.
Simply my opinion as the OP asked for.
With the modern divorce-rate, it looks that even somebody who does get married is more sure that it is permanent.0 -
My husband and I lived together for almost 3 years before getting married. I'm really glad that we did. To be honest, I wouldn't have ever needed to get married (we did to make military life a bit easier). At that point we had already committed our lives together. This is just my personal relationship and I'm not saying it would work for everyone. But marriage was never important to me. Even after getting married, things didn't change too much. Although he helps with dishes a lot less now. But it's a big step for sure. Only you can decide what's the best choice for you self and your relationship.0
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Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!
Good, it's been a bit chilly here as of late. Could use some warming up.0 -
60% of couples live together before getting married, and people are still divorcing like crazy. Compare that to the first half of the 20th century when nobody lived together before marriage and divorce was highly uncommon.
All due respect, what you're citing has more to do with evolving views on both marriage and divorce, and the fact that since a much much greater percentage of women have jobs outside the home so they don't have to stay in crappy marriage strictly for financial reasons.
You forgot about the technology boom...since men have internet porn they don't have to settle either.0 -
What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE
My take: It probably depends on how both people view marriage. If they both are keen on the idea, it very well could lead to marriage. If one is not, then it can feel like being lead down the garden path while the other will feel under pressure. If both are not fussed about marriage, it would probably work well too.
I tried it, it lasted about a year, realized he wasn't going to propose then I moved out and swore I would never live with a partner again unless we were engaged first.
In delightful 20/20 hindsight, I also see that I took him suggesting we live together to mean he would propose in the not so distant future, whereas he saw it more as convenient living arrangement.
While the actual packing and shifting was managed in under 3 hours from the time I decided to go (I have some wonderful friends) it was hideous having to extricate myself from shared legal documentation over the next few weeks - the bank accounts, the lease, the other utility bills etc.
Next time I lived with a partner was after we got engaged.0 -
Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!
^^^^ This!
and: " Premarital cohabitation has increased significantly, and more than 70% of couples in the USA now cohabit before marriage. The major reason supporting premarital cohabitation is that it enables the couple to get know each better and to see whether they get along well enough to embark on marriage. However, counter-intuitively, many studies have found that premarital cohabitation is associated with increased risk of divorce, a lower quality of marriage, poorer marital communication, and higher levels of domestic violence. But there are also studies (although less in number) that refute the negative correlation between premarital cohabitation and divorces" Psychology today 20130 -
What about people who don't want to get married anyway, is it ok for them to leave together in your opinion? Or do you think everyone who plans to commit for life should get married?My take is to not move in together until you are married. Break ups are so much more complicated and messy especially if you begin buying things together or share a bank account.
Some things should be special to just your husband.
If you move in and out again and then marry someone else, they will not be the only special one you have had that experience with. Seems people today want to have it all without the permanet committement marraige is intened to provide.
Simply my opinion as the OP asked for.
Not trying to bash your opinion, just curious on your thoughts really 0 -
I'm dutch and marriage is very optional here. Almost every couple moves in together before marriage. If they even marry at all (most of my friends didn't). Legally there is little difference over here if you marry or not. Only when you have children there is a bit more paperwork, but that is it. So I think that is also depends on what kind of surroundings you are in.
And "formal" divorce or not.. Breaking up is never a pick-nick. And always a problem for the kids. Legally married or not.
hear, hear! the dutch always seem to get it right. :flowerforyou:0 -
Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!
^^^^ This!
and: " Premarital cohabitation has increased significantly, and more than 70% of couples in the USA now cohabit before marriage. The major reason supporting premarital cohabitation is that it enables the couple to get know each better and to see whether they get along well enough to embark on marriage. However, counter-intuitively, many studies have found that premarital cohabitation is associated with increased risk of divorce, a lower quality of marriage, poorer marital communication, and higher levels of domestic violence. But there are also studies (although less in number) that refute the negative correlation between premarital cohabitation and divorces" Psychology today 2013
oooooo, but that hellfire is gonna burn!!!!
*shakes head*
naughty, naughty, naughty0 -
I think it's a very personal decision and it is different for everybody. I've been living with my boyfriend since December of 2011 and we still haven't discussed marriage seriously. It was sort of unintentional... the moving in together. I had to leave where I was living due to an emergency and he said I could crash at his place for a week or so until I sort things out (after only 4 months of knowing each other... way too soon in both our opinions...). Fortunately, it worked out and I ended up moving in for good. We now have our second lease together and our relationship rocks!
Before him, I was engaged to somebody after dating for 3 1/2 years. I spent the summer with him to be closer to work and after living together for just a couple of months I realized that there was NO way I could do that permanently. Moving in with him caused our relationship to end way earlier than it otherwise would have. Because of that, I will NEVER get married until I live with the person for an extended period of time first.
I don't think living together is always a step toward marriage. With cost of living these days, at least from what I see in my peers (early-mid 20s) it's more about financial situations than marriage. A couple of friends of mine had moved in with each other since "we practically live together anyway." I mentioned something about moving in and getting engaged to one of them and his response was "We actually haven't talked about marriage at all. We just moved in to save money on rent."
EDIT:: As for whether or not there is a need to get married: I've always looked at marriage as a religious thing... I do not believe in a god. Marriage via law/government comes with a lot of financial benefits. I would like to get married someday for those benefits, but just because I live with somebody doesn't mean I want to marry THAT person. I feel there is a WHOLE lot more to marriage than just cohabitation. IF and when I get married, it will be forever.0 -
If you want to move in together (because it's convenient, you want to see how it goes, or just because it feels right) it's your decision, and it doesn't have to have anything to do with marriage being the end result. Not all relationships have to lead to marriage, because marriage as it stands (eternal, 'til death do us part, etc.) doesn't fit all relationships. Cohabitation isn't part of the marriage contract inherently, especially in this day and age. Even people who are married aren't obliged to live together; for the most part, it's more a matter of practicality than anything else.
Marriage isn't so much a social obligation or contract any more. It's much more of an option that people take when and if it makes sense. Though of course, in the United States, since so much of the legal aspects of marriage bleed over into societal entitlements (taxes, healthcare, etc.), it's LESS of an option than it should be, so legally, it can be a bit more complicated..
Bottom line: Relationships are fluid. All have different dynamics, and not all are going to end in marriage. And that is perfectly fine.0 -
Me and my fiance are best friends. During our dating phase we found that either she was spending the night all the time or vice versa. Eventually we came to the conclusion that it only made sense to move in together, it made sense financially and relationship wise. I think its definatly ok to just date and live together, actually I encourage it as after a length of time you will know rather or not you can stand living with the person. Just like I think premarital sex should be encouraged. To me you have to know what your getting and not doing these things you could be setting yourself up for disappointment (especially the ladies, if you know what I mean).
This is just how I feel about it, you can argue all day the morality of it all and get no where0
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