Moving In Together..

13

Replies

  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
    If you want to move in together (because it's convenient, you want to see how it goes, or just because it feels right) it's your decision, and it doesn't have to have anything to do with marriage being the end result. Not all relationships have to lead to marriage, because marriage as it stands (eternal, 'til death do us part, etc.) doesn't fit all relationships. Cohabitation isn't part of the marriage contract inherently, especially in this day and age. Even people who are married aren't obliged to live together; for the most part, it's more a matter of practicality than anything else.

    Marriage isn't so much a social obligation or contract any more. It's much more of an option that people take when and if it makes sense. Though of course, in the United States, since so much of the legal aspects of marriage bleed over into societal entitlements (taxes, healthcare, etc.), it's LESS of an option than it should be, so legally, it can be a bit more complicated..

    Bottom line: Relationships are fluid. All have different dynamics, and not all are going to end in marriage. And that is perfectly fine.
  • Amadbro
    Amadbro Posts: 750 Member
    Me and my fiance are best friends. During our dating phase we found that either she was spending the night all the time or vice versa. Eventually we came to the conclusion that it only made sense to move in together, it made sense financially and relationship wise. I think its definatly ok to just date and live together, actually I encourage it as after a length of time you will know rather or not you can stand living with the person. Just like I think premarital sex should be encouraged. To me you have to know what your getting and not doing these things you could be setting yourself up for disappointment (especially the ladies, if you know what I mean).

    This is just how I feel about it, you can argue all day the morality of it all and get no where
  • darkrose20
    darkrose20 Posts: 1,139 Member
    Testing it out before you buy is not a bad thing

    This. And keep separate bank accounts.
    QFT
  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
    if you're going to say, with a straight face, that some annoying little habit you didn't know about until you moved in is a dealbreaker for you, then there's not enough love between you to support a marriage anyway.

    I disagree wholeheartedly. It's not about little habits that are annoying. If you can't deal with those, you'll never be able to live with ANYBODY... but some people change entirely once they live together. After I moved in with my ex for just a summer, he changed completely. He stopped spending any amount of time with me and I would try so hard to get him to go out with me or watch a movie with me or do anything with me just ONE day a week... he wouldn't. He felt that we lived together so we see each other all the time: no point in spending special "us" time together anymore. He became very unappreciative of the things I would do for him like cooking meals and folding his laundry on occasion if he was too busy with work that week because "if we're living together it should be a given that I appreciate you." I didn't do that stuff to get appreciation, but he used to thank me at least. I wasn't unbearable either... I'm not the kind of person who needs constant attention, I can entertain myself plenty... but one thing I can't do is lock myself into a relationship forever without knowing what tings will change once we live together.

    My current boyfriend and I also encountered some changes once we moved in together, but it's nothing deal-breaking and nothing we can't compromise on. People are different when there is zero alone time and that is all there is to it. There is a LOT more to being able to live together and support a marriage than just how much you love each other.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    Marriage is irrelevant. The question is do you want to live with this person for the next ten years or so?

    Oh ****! Relationships have a shelf life of "ten years or so"? What happened to "I want to spend the rest of my life with you"?
  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
    Oh ****! Relationships have a shelf life of "ten years or so"? What happened to "I want to spend the rest of my life with you"?

    haha I think what he meant was if you're moving in together, at least make sure you're willing to stick together for a long time.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Weve been living together since the first week we were together. I don't see any reason for marriage at this point.
  • srogers89
    srogers89 Posts: 190 Member
    I think it is entirely personal decision. It depends on you and your partner, your beliefs and expectations.

    This^^

    For me, it was a no brainer. I was at the age where I needed to move out, so was he. We had been dating for four years and thought why not. The best decision I have made, it has solidified for me that I will be with him for the rest of my life.

    I understand some people do not agree with this for religious reasons as well as personal beliefs, but each to their own.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    I also think its a great Idea.If people Moved In together before getting hitched there'd be Less Divorces.

    I know of any statistics that back this up, the divorce rate is only going up. I think people change over the years whether or not you're married, I think the key to staying together is to grow and change together. I don't think being married or unmarried living together changes any of that.
  • mteague277
    mteague277 Posts: 145 Member
    I think it is up to each individual. At the end of the day it boils down to compatibility. I don't really think it makes a difference if you live together before marriage or not.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    My husband and I lived together first to make sure we still worked good together living together. And after a month he proposed to me because living together was great! We just lived together for the summer, then we actually lived apart while I was finishing my last year in college (he graduated before me), and that was tough, so he got a job closer to me until we could get married and move away together.

    Yeah, I also just want to add that my husband and I did not live together to test it out. We lived together because he had graduated college, I was on break for the summer, and we were spending the summer on the other side of the continent. We wanted to do that and we wanted to be together, and we also had a female roommate (it was her apartment and her roommate was away for the summer). We already knew we were compatible before we lived together. And we had already spent our time together at college in fully co-ed dorms with no restrictions on who can come and go at any time. It was a fantastic summer. We had so much fun. And he proposed to me, unplanned at sunset, on the golden gate bridge and then we danced down the bridge together. Mmmm, nice memories!!! :smooched:
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!

    :laugh: :laugh: sounds like my mom! She didn't talk to me for a year.
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
    Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!

    :laugh: :laugh: sounds like my mom! She didn't talk to me for a year.

    Should have shown her the squat butt. It fixes all relationship ills.
  • Smeltzer2
    Smeltzer2 Posts: 210 Member
    I guess i am still old fashioned. But than i am old. Why be the crumbs if you cant be the table cloth. I say wait upon he Lord. If a man wants you he will move mountains to get you.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!

    Fornicating is a h-ll of a lot more fun! Living in sin...why yes! :devil:
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE

    You are making this consideration as a young mother of one surviving child as you'd shared on your profile intro ~ whatever your decision, it will impact your child's life forever. Is he responsible enough to not only be a husband to you, but also a father to your child? How are you both going to share the bills? Can you afford 'the him' plus your child's expenses? Can he? Will he be a positive influence in the home?

    Good luck and choose wisely.
  • jerbsod
    jerbsod Posts: 48
    What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE

    I so hate the moving in part... starts with make up, toothbrushes, wardrobe follows.. it creeps towards you like the tide,
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE

    You are making this consideration as a young mother with 2 children ~ whatever your decision, it will impact their lives forever. Good luck and choose wisely.

    This is very true.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,993 Member
    What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE
    I've lived with a couple of girlfriends before while in a relationship. What I got to see was whether or not the habits of that person would be something I could tolerate or not. If I couldn't tolerate it, chances are little arguments would end up becoming big ones. And that would directly affect my decision if I would marry that person or not. Luckily, my wife and I (we lived together for over a year) have the same habits.

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  • Rachelc1992
    Rachelc1992 Posts: 246 Member
    Testing it out before you buy is not a bad thing

    This. And keep separate bank accounts.

    AGREED! Just because you move in together doesn't make it a done deal. Believe me I know :) and was so glad I kept my own bank as it was the only thing he didnt manage to take! x
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    I wouldn't move in with someone that I didn't see my future with. So, while marriage may not be in the immediate plan, I wouldn't move in with someone that I saw a roadblock with.

    Who needs the hassle of sharing space with a person that does not have the same goals and vision as yourself, unless you are just roomates sharing expenses.
  • charliex2202
    charliex2202 Posts: 4,281 Member
    I personally don't think you really know someone 100% until you have lived with them, All their bad habits, pet hates etc these are all things you have to grow to love about your partner or else they are just things that in the long run will drive you potty...
    try before you buy lol, :smile:

    ~charlie
  • ekz13
    ekz13 Posts: 725 Member
    I wouldn't move in with someone that I didn't see my future with.

    I think this speaks volumes.. if you can't see yourself with that person longterm, father/mother of your children, growing old, etc... with them then why bother..
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    My husband and I lived together for 18 months before getting married, but the intention to marry was there pretty much the entire time. It doesn't always lead to marriage, you both need to have the same plan, or else it could lead to heartbreak for the one who was hoping it would lead to more.

    Definitely this.

    I see a LOT of couples, especially 20-somethings, move in together and the girl assumes it is the next big step toward marriage while the guy is thinking no such thing. Communication is so important!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE
    That's a very individual thing. It depends a lot on what marriage means to you.

    I've lived with my SO for 8 1/2 years. He's divorced and was dead set against marriage for a long time. Between that and some other issues we've had, I'd always thought our relationship would end at some point. But things have turned around in very important ways and he's changed his mind about marriage. So that's my story. Others' stories will be different.
  • NavyKnightAh13
    NavyKnightAh13 Posts: 1,394 Member
    Personally, my husband and I made the decision to move in together before we got married because we wanted to make sure we could stand living with each other. Mind you, we were engaged when we moved in together and we are now happily married (we have been together 5 years, been married for 2 years).

    If we didn't see being with each other for forever, then we wouldn't have made the decision. :bigsmile:

    ETA: my mom was the old fashion way of "don't move in until your wedding night." and honestly, while I respect that, I think she would probably be more understanding if she was still alive about why we made the decision. it is about communication (which is key).
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    I would never live with someone if I wasn't considering marrying them.
  • kckBxer396
    kckBxer396 Posts: 460 Member
    Testing it out before you buy is not a bad thing

    This. And keep separate bank accounts.

    Both of these. Even if you've been together for a while, you may not know them as well as you think. I dated a guy for 3 years. We moved in together,and I ended our relationship after a few months. He was a completely different person and clearly we weren't on the same page with our relationship. Currently, I live with my s.o./boyfriend. We've been together for about 2 1/2 years,and we're doing great. We often talk about marriage,but have not officially decided. haha

    So, no, I don't think it leads to marriage. I definitely want to get married even though we live together. My family frowns on living together before marriage,but 4-5 of my cousins have already been divorced at least once. I would rather live together and break up than our relationship end with divorce.
  • apollard727
    apollard727 Posts: 24
    For me personally my partner and I stayed at each others parents house and then took the step to rent a place together. This was the first time we had lived without our parents and were completely by ourselves. We are hoping to buy a place together next year but for me I definitely would rent and then buy as it is a huge commitment. You dont want to end up in an awful break up and then have a mortgage to deal with!

    The plan of marriage is in the future but just not yet, we both want to get stuck into our careers and I'm studying part time also.

    I dont think you truely know what your partner is like until you live with them.

    But it is what works for you.. we are all speaking from what we think personally suits us
  • Dancing_Laeti
    Dancing_Laeti Posts: 752 Member
    I think it's a good way of finding out whether you actually fit... i.e. a lot of things can go well in a relationship, but it's only when you have him/her around you all the time and you find his dirty socks on the floor all the time.
    Personally, I think it's a very bad idea to marry someone without having lived with them first.

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