Moving In Together..

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Replies

  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    We are hoping to buy a place together next year but for me I definitely would rent and then buy as it is a huge commitment. You dont want to end up in an awful break up and then have a mortgage to deal with!

    DO NOT DO THIS UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED.

    My cousin was a week away from getting married. She and her fiance had bought a place, decorated itm everything. And he left her pretty much at the alter and it was a nightmare dealing with the property.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    We do plan on getting married at some point, we don't consider it unnecessary because we live together, but we're in no hurry.

    this... I think is the issue people have with it.

    what's the point- you already live together- and if there is a preconceived notion about that being the next step- people get disappointed/disillusioned and angry.

    But I fully agree it's a very personal issue- and I think it has more to do with your convictions on relationships. My BF doesn't care about "being married" but he does believe in what you would say are soul-mates/life partners whatever- he is comfortable with the idea of monogamy and being fully committed- what you call that- is irrelevant.

    We both agreed we didn't care WHAT You called it- as long as there was a moment you decided that was it- it's no longer "dating" or "going out" you're now a thing. and committed- beyond just- oh yeah that's my BF kind of thing. For us that is more important.

    I'm also torn about it because while I'm big on doing my own thing- I've pushed my parents as fairly far on the tolerance issue- and I'm not sure I want to push this any more- and I know I'd be in for a world of hurt if I moved in unwed. I love and respect my family- so it's a difficult choice. It would be easier- sure- but I'm not sure "easier" and "convenience" are a valid reason to potentially trash family relationships when they have dedicated their lives to helping me succeed in life.

    hugely personal. and not taken to be taken lightly.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I'm also torn about it because while I'm big on doing my own thing- I've pushed my parents as fairly far on the tolerance issue- and I'm not sure I want to push this any more- and I know I'd be in for a world of hurt if I moved in unwed. I love and respect my family- so it's a difficult choice. It would be easier- sure- but I'm not sure "easier" and "convenience" are a valid reason to potentially trash family relationships when they have dedicated their lives to helping me succeed in life.

    I really love my family. lol At least on my dad's side, and including my parents and grandfather, every one of them has lived with someone he or she was not married to.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    I saw the post noting that OP has a child, which definitey puts another spin on the situation. I'm not a parent so I won't give advice on a topic I'm unfamiliar with but I would encourage OP to be extra careful about who you decide to live with as that person will have an influence on your child. Besides that, make sure you talk about how expenses and chores will be divvied up and any other things you may be able to think of. Better to put as much out on the table for discussion up front rather than wait and talk about it when it's a pain point.

    In my case, moving in with now-Hubs was as much about financial convenience as it was the fact that we spent all our time together. We could've continued to live separately but decided to give it a go. It was a little rough at first, working out the kinks, but we managed through with communication (tbh - some calm and rational, some fighting) and compromise.

    We ended up living together for 11 years before we finally got hitched and will be celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary next Friday.

    Best of luck in your decision!
  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
    I've lived with my partner for 7 years now. :smile: We would LOVE to get married, but unfortunately, the state in which we live not only does not "allow" it, :huh: but will not recognize us as married should we do it elsewhere and come back. :noway: :angry: :grumble:
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
    why do ppl seem to think that higher numbers of marriages staying together (i.e. low divorce rate) = a good thing?

    just because ppl get married (co-hab first or no) doesn't mean they should.
    just because ppl get divorced (co-hab first or no) doesn't mean their marriage couldn't have been 'saved'.
    just because ppl stay married doesn't mean their marriages are 'happy' or 'successful'.

    i hate hearing wistful recall of the 'good old days' when the divorce rate was lower, as if that was a good thing. i'd like to see some studies on relationship/marital satifaction served up with all those divorce rate stats.

    :yawn:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,989 Member
    Marriage is like staying lean and fit. Success will depend on the commitment.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Marriage is like staying lean and fit. Success will depend on the commitment.

    I like this. :flowerforyou:
  • jendraka
    jendraka Posts: 117 Member
    I've lived with my partner for 7 years now. :smile: We would LOVE to get married, but unfortunately, the state in which we live not only does not "allow" it, :huh: but will not recognize us as married should we do it elsewhere and come back. :noway: :angry: :grumble:

    Have faith, someday our entire country will be civilized...someday. Not soon enough, I know, but it will come. I'm glad I live in a state that has such freedom. They all should.
  • Iknewyouweretrouble
    Iknewyouweretrouble Posts: 561 Member
    marrying doesn't ensure staying together neither does living together.
    but I think op wants to know if it's "better" to live together unmarried
    I would say it doesn't matter. if its practical then do it. if not dont.
    don't get phony ideas about what it means- marriage or separation. plenty of couple separate regardless of living situation before and after marriage. don't think it brings closer or apart. same with having kids.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    I would have to live with someone before I would even consider marrying them

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