Touchy subject. Pornography. Need advice.
Replies
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I'm a therapist for sex offenders and porn is a huge issue I deal with on a daily basis (offenders in the program are NOT allowed to view porn but it played a major role in many offenders' lives both prior and during the offense.) I am by no means saying your bf is a sex offender...I'm just letting you know my experience. Porn can be both good and bad depending on the situation. If viewed together as a couple you can learn new things to try out. Men are very visual, much more so than women. Everyone has sexual fantasies and men tend to use porn as a source for their fantasies. The problem with porn is when the person would rather look at porn than be with their significant other or if an addiction develops which takes over their life. Many women have problems with porn because of their self-esteem...they don't want to be compared or have to compete against the girls in the porn. I personally do not like porn due to what it does to the women in the industry....if you ever look into the eyes of a woman in a porn scene, her eyes have a dead look to them...they are generally emotionally damaged. If porn is being excessively used, it also creates a lack of intimacy in a relationship. There are both pros and cons; if it is not interfering in his daily life or damaging the intimacy or sex life between the two of you then I see no problem with it.0
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Some have sex addictions. All couples should probably avoid sex, just to be safe.So what if he watches porn? Doesn't hurt you, doesn't replace you, so what? No problem. I'd be offended and insulted if I were him and you tried to make him "promise" not to look at porn. Porn is, in my opinion, boring and uninteresting, but no harm to you.
No doubt I'll get a bunch of backlash for this, but I'm surprised that so many here don't see pornography as harmful to relationships. My husband is a marriage counselor. The problems he sees couples for are 1. Infidelity (either partner, but most often the man). 2. Pornography addiction (the male is addicted).
A lot of the comments I read on here were from men who seem to be somewhat defensive about the subject. Kind of 'A man will be a man' type of bullpucky. Men have every ability to control themselves if they want to.
But if they don't have an addiction to porn, do they need to control themselves?
Another big problem with couples is alcohol addiction in one partner. Does that mean that all couples should completely avoid alcohol? No. Only count something as a problem if it is a problem.
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Where you stand with your guy on porn is completely up to you, and no one can make you feel comfortable with what makes you feel uncomfortable! I consider porn cheating and if my boyfriend wants to watch it, he needs to be outrageously sneaky and basically schedule time to *kitten* to porn, it would be ridiculously pathetic if he did so. If I ever caught him again (as I found him watching porn on his iPod when we first starting dating and I explained why I felt it still constituted as a form of cheating) he agreed he didn't need to watch it anyhow, we live together, and the sex is there whenever he wants it, so there is just no reason for it. Not to mention, porn gives men unrealistic expectations from women, which is exactly what causes cheating to happen. It's honestly YOUR comfort level and feelings on the subject, SCREW ANYONE WHO IS TRYING TO TELL YOU HOW TO FEEL! and do what feels right for you.0
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Lot's of people, the greater majority in fact is going to tell you that pornography is no big deal, and as a matter of fact...they will tell you that if you DARE to be outraged, insulted and offended by it, that you're the one with the problem--because, as they rationalize that of course "everyone does it or should" type of mentally and paradigm. Well...here's a "Voice from the Wilderness" to share with you (and who so ever will hear--let them hear), that pornography is not only vile and heinous character problem and habit, but it is also a sin against God and man to indulge in it, because what it does is sears your conscience from right and wrong and opens the doors of you mind and spirit to all kinds of wickedness, weaknesses and trouble--not just in your heart and mind, but in your character and choices too.
Most people don't know or more important, don't care that untold thousands of innocent people (children and adults) are taken and used as sex slaves everyday in our country and thru-out the world. This wicked world doesn't call it sex slavery, but "human traffliking" instead (that doesn't sound as monsterous as sex slaves) and the greater majority of the people involved in the making of pornography are NOT "willing individuals", but are slaves--sex slaves and forced drug addicts, and are made to prostitute themselves and make these movies and live lives in the most horrible conditions imaginable. Like most of our culture and idols of our society--those people in those movies are NOT enjoying themselves (like the perverts who indulge in watching them think/believe) those people live lives as our movie stars do today, they are miserable and sick and mistreated in every conceivable way. Most people don't DARE to consider than many of these poor women and men and youngsters are someone's children, someone's sons and daughters, someone's mother or father, someone's sister or brother, someone's loved one, that are being abused in ways that are NOT portrayed in these films. To sit back and so call "enjoy" this type of UNNATURAL and ungodly mess is an utter sickness, no matter how many of the "herd" proclaim otherwise. Another LIE is that pornography is a "men" addiction" that's a lie--just as gambling, drugs and other serious addictions show NO discrimination in gender, neither does pornography--it's a wickedness that ensnares all who dare to indulge it's vice
Pornography is a gateway to some of the most wicked and evil practices known to man. Just because our society is embracing the spirit of Sodom and Gomorrah and the days of Noah, before the flood today--doesn't mean EVERYONE has or is going to wink an eye at this wickedness and that's just what it is perversion/immoral and makes individuals and nations WEAK willed, WEAK minded and weak spirits...pornography is NOT normal and the "awww, comeone everyone does it"--that's a lie, perpetuated with and from the people who are sick mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It's a kin of gambling, drugs and crime--these type of spirits run together. Take advantage of what your inner voice and intuition is shouting to you and FLEE from this situation, immediately if not sooner and then make sure when you get into relationships with others, that you make it CLEAR what you will stand for and what you won't stand for. You can forgive him, forgive yourself and turn tail and RUN from this mess!
You can NOT change people. If your boyfriend is among the "many/the crowd/the masses" that considers pornography normal or "everyone does it or it's fun" crowd. That's on him...your job is to judge yourself firstly and not him...GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION IMMEDIATELY. Pornography is nothing to wink an eye at...just another DIFFERENT perspective. :flowerforyou:0 -
Porn is great.
EDIT...originally, I came.......for pics....but now, just you0 -
I was you when I was 20. Then with more experience I realized it's just unrealistic to expect most guys not to watch it. As long as it's not interfering in your sex life I'd let it go. He should be a bit more discreet though. Does he not know how to delete history?0
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So what if he watches porn? Doesn't hurt you, doesn't replace you, so what? No problem. I'd be offended and insulted if I were him and you tried to make him "promise" not to look at porn. Porn is, in my opinion, boring and uninteresting, but no harm to you.
No doubt I'll get a bunch of backlash for this, but I'm surprised that so many here don't see pornography as harmful to relationships. My husband is a marriage counselor. The problems he sees couples for are 1. Infidelity (either partner, but most often the man). 2. Pornography addiction (the male is addicted).
A lot of the comments I read on here were from men who seem to be somewhat defensive about the subject. Kind of 'A man will be a man' type of bullpucky. Men have every ability to control themselves if they want to.
Viewing/enjoying /= addiction.
Yes, men are responsible for their actions, just like any other person would be. And yes, you can control yourself.
But is your husband seeing true 'porn addicts' or are there actually deeper issues in the relationship for which porn is getting blamed (i.e. partner insecurity and misunderstanding that pornography /= cheating or wanting to cheat or having unrealistic expectations or any other negative thing associated with it). A porn addict is an addict and the problem is not with the porn but with the addict behaviour.
Also - not seeing men being defensive here. Seeing men explaining that they like porn. Huge difference.0 -
Where you stand with your guy on porn is completely up to you, and no one can make you feel comfortable with what makes you feel uncomfortable! I consider porn cheating and if my boyfriend wants to watch it, he needs to be outrageously sneaky and basically schedule time to *kitten* to porn, it would be ridiculously pathetic if he did so. If I ever caught him again (as I found him watching porn on his iPod when we first starting dating and I explained why I felt it still constituted as a form of cheating) he agreed he didn't need to watch it anyhow, we live together, and the sex is there whenever he wants it, so there is just no reason for it. Not to mention, porn gives men unrealistic expectations from women, which is exactly what causes cheating to happen. It's honestly YOUR comfort level and feelings on the subject, SCREW ANYONE WHO IS TRYING TO TELL YOU HOW TO FEEL! and do what feels right for you.
Hold up.
How is porn cheating?0 -
Lot's of people, the greater majority in fact is going to tell you that pornography is no big deal, and as a matter of fact...they will tell you that if you DARE to be outraged, insulted and offended by it, that you're the one with the problem--because, as they rationalize that of course "everyone does it or should" type of mentally and paradigm. Well...here's a "Voice from the Wilderness" to share with you (and who so ever will hear--let them hear), that pornography is not only vile and heinous character problem and habit, but it is also a sin against God and man to indulge in it, because what it does is sears your conscience from right and wrong and opens the doors of you mind and spirit to all kinds of wickedness, weaknesses and trouble--not just in your heart and mind, but in your character and choices too.
Most people don't know or more important, don't care that untold thousands of innocent people (children and adults) are taken and used as sex slaves everyday in our country and thru-out the world. This wicked world doesn't call it sex slavery, but "human traffliking" instead (that doesn't sound as monsterous as sex slaves) and the greater majority of the people involved in the making of pornography are NOT "willing individuals", but are slaves--sex slaves and forced drug addicts, and are made to prostitute themselves and make these movies and live lives in the most horrible conditions imaginable. Like most of our culture and idols of our society--those people in those movies are NOT enjoying themselves (like the perverts who indulge in watching them think/believe) those people live lives as our movie stars do today, they are miserable and sick and mistreated in every conceivable way. Most people don't DARE to consider than many of these poor women and youngsters are someone's daughter, someone's mother, someone's sister, someone's loved one, that are being abused in ways that are NOT portrayed in these films. To sit back and so call "enjoy" this type of UNNATURAL and ungodly mess is an utter sickness, no matter how many of the "herd" proclaim otherwise.
Pornography is a gateway to some of the most wicked and evil practices known to man. Just because our society is embracing the spirit of Sodom and Gomorrah and the days of Noah, before the flood today--doesn't mean EVERYONE has or is going to wink an eye at this wickedness and that's just what it is perversion/immoral and makes individuals and nations WEAK willed, WEAK minded and weak spirits...pornography is NOT normal and the "awww, comeone everyone does it"--that's a lie, perpetuated with and from the people who are sick mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It's a kin of gambling, drugs and crime--these type of spirits run together. Take advantage of what your inner voice and intuition is shouting to you and FLEE from this situation, immediately if not sooner and then make sure when you get into relationships with others, that you make it CLEAR what you will stand for and what you won't stand for. You can forgive him, forgive yourself and turn tail and RUN from this mess!
You can NOT change people. If your boyfriend is among the "many/the crowd/the masses" that considers pornography normal or "everyone does it or it's fun" crowd. That's on him...your job is to judge yourself firstly and not him...GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION IMMEDIATELY. Pornography is nothing to wink an eye at...just another DIFFERENT perspective. :flowerforyou:
To each their own I guess.
*flounces away to watch someone's mother, daughter, husband, son or any other relation have sex0 -
Lot's of people, the greater majority in fact is going to tell you that pornography is no big deal, and as a matter of fact...they will tell you that if you DARE to be outraged, insulted and offended by it, that you're the one with the problem--because, as they rationalize that of course "everyone does it or should" type of mentally and paradigm. Well...here's a "Voice from the Wilderness" to share with you (and who so ever will hear--let them hear), that pornography is not only vile and heinous character problem and habit, but it is also a sin against God and man to indulge in it, because what it does is sears your conscience from right and wrong and opens the doors of you mind and spirit to all kinds of wickedness, weaknesses and trouble--not just in your heart and mind, but in your character and choices too.
Most people don't know or more important, don't care that untold thousands of innocent people (children and adults) are taken and used as sex slaves everyday in our country and thru-out the world. This wicked world doesn't call it sex slavery, but "human traffliking" instead (that doesn't sound as monsterous as sex slaves) and the greater majority of the people involved in the making of pornography are NOT "willing individuals", but are slaves--sex slaves and forced drug addicts, and are made to prostitute themselves and make these movies and live lives in the most horrible conditions imaginable. Like most of our culture and idols of our society--those people in those movies are NOT enjoying themselves (like the perverts who indulge in watching them think/believe) those people live lives as our movie stars do today, they are miserable and sick and mistreated in every conceivable way. Most people don't DARE to consider than many of these poor women and youngsters are someone's daughter, someone's mother, someone's sister, someone's loved one, that are being abused in ways that are NOT portrayed in these films. To sit back and so call "enjoy" this type of UNNATURAL and ungodly mess is an utter sickness, no matter how many of the "herd" proclaim otherwise.
Pornography is a gateway to some of the most wicked and evil practices known to man. Just because our society is embracing the spirit of Sodom and Gomorrah and the days of Noah, before the flood today--doesn't mean EVERYONE has or is going to wink an eye at this wickedness and that's just what it is perversion/immoral and makes individuals and nations WEAK willed, WEAK minded and weak spirits...pornography is NOT normal and the "awww, comeone everyone does it"--that's a lie, perpetuated with and from the people who are sick mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It's a kin of gambling, drugs and crime--these type of spirits run together. Take advantage of what your inner voice and intuition is shouting to you and FLEE from this situation, immediately if not sooner and then make sure when you get into relationships with others, that you make it CLEAR what you will stand for and what you won't stand for. You can forgive him, forgive yourself and turn tail and RUN from this mess!
You can NOT change people. If your boyfriend is among the "many/the crowd/the masses" that considers pornography normal or "everyone does it or it's fun" crowd. That's on him...your job is to judge yourself firstly and not him...GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION IMMEDIATELY. Pornography is nothing to wink an eye at...just another DIFFERENT perspective. :flowerforyou:
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Lot's of people, the greater majority in fact is going to tell you that pornography is no big deal, and as a matter of fact...they will tell you that if you DARE to be outraged, insulted and offended by it, that you're the one with the problem--because, as they rationalize that of course "everyone does it or should" type of mentally and paradigm. Well...here's a "Voice from the Wilderness" to share with you (and who so ever will hear--let them hear), that pornography is not only vile and heinous character problem and habit, but it is also a sin against God and man to indulge in it, because what it does is sears your conscience from right and wrong and opens the doors of you mind and spirit to all kinds of wickedness, weaknesses and trouble--not just in your heart and mind, but in your character and choices too.
Most people don't know or more important, don't care that untold thousands of innocent people (children and adults) are taken and used as sex slaves everyday in our country and thru-out the world. This wicked world doesn't call it sex slavery, but "human traffliking" instead (that doesn't sound as monsterous as sex slaves) and the greater majority of the people involved in the making of pornography are NOT "willing individuals", but are slaves--sex slaves and forced drug addicts, and are made to prostitute themselves and make these movies and live lives in the most horrible conditions imaginable. Like most of our culture and idols of our society--those people in those movies are NOT enjoying themselves (like the perverts who indulge in watching them think/believe) those people live lives as our movie stars do today, they are miserable and sick and mistreated in every conceivable way. Most people don't DARE to consider than many of these poor women and men and youngsters are someone's children, someone's sons and daughters, someone's mother or father, someone's sister or brother, someone's loved one, that are being abused in ways that are NOT portrayed in these films. To sit back and so call "enjoy" this type of UNNATURAL and ungodly mess is an utter sickness, no matter how many of the "herd" proclaim otherwise.
Pornography is a gateway to some of the most wicked and evil practices known to man. Just because our society is embracing the spirit of Sodom and Gomorrah and the days of Noah, before the flood today--doesn't mean EVERYONE has or is going to wink an eye at this wickedness and that's just what it is perversion/immoral and makes individuals and nations WEAK willed, WEAK minded and weak spirits...pornography is NOT normal and the "awww, comeone everyone does it"--that's a lie, perpetuated with and from the people who are sick mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It's a kin of gambling, drugs and crime--these type of spirits run together. Take advantage of what your inner voice and intuition is shouting to you and FLEE from this situation, immediately if not sooner and then make sure when you get into relationships with others, that you make it CLEAR what you will stand for and what you won't stand for. You can forgive him, forgive yourself and turn tail and RUN from this mess!
You can NOT change people. If your boyfriend is among the "many/the crowd/the masses" that considers pornography normal or "everyone does it or it's fun" crowd. That's on him...your job is to judge yourself firstly and not him...GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION IMMEDIATELY. Pornography is nothing to wink an eye at...just another DIFFERENT perspective. :flowerforyou:
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Lot's of people, the greater majority in fact is going to tell you that pornography is no big deal, and as a matter of fact...they will tell you that if you DARE to be outraged, insulted and offended by it, that you're the one with the problem--because, as they rationalize that of course "everyone does it or should" type of mentally and paradigm. Well...here's a "Voice from the Wilderness" to share with you (and who so ever will hear--let them hear), that pornography is not only vile and heinous character problem and habit, but it is also a sin against God and man to indulge in it, because what it does is sears your conscience from right and wrong and opens the doors of you mind and spirit to all kinds of wickedness, weaknesses and trouble--not just in your heart and mind, but in your character and choices too.
Most people don't know or more important, don't care that untold thousands of innocent people (children and adults) are taken and used as sex slaves everyday in our country and thru-out the world. This wicked world doesn't call it sex slavery, but "human traffliking" instead (that doesn't sound as monsterous as sex slaves) and the greater majority of the people involved in the making of pornography are NOT "willing individuals", but are slaves--sex slaves and forced drug addicts, and are made to prostitute themselves and make these movies and live lives in the most horrible conditions imaginable. Like most of our culture and idols of our society--those people in those movies are NOT enjoying themselves (like the perverts who indulge in watching them think/believe) those people live lives as our movie stars do today, they are miserable and sick and mistreated in every conceivable way. Most people don't DARE to consider than many of these poor women and men and youngsters are someone's children, someone's sons and daughters, someone's mother or father, someone's sister or brother, someone's loved one, that are being abused in ways that are NOT portrayed in these films. To sit back and so call "enjoy" this type of UNNATURAL and ungodly mess is an utter sickness, no matter how many of the "herd" proclaim otherwise.
Pornography is a gateway to some of the most wicked and evil practices known to man. Just because our society is embracing the spirit of Sodom and Gomorrah and the days of Noah, before the flood today--doesn't mean EVERYONE has or is going to wink an eye at this wickedness and that's just what it is perversion/immoral and makes individuals and nations WEAK willed, WEAK minded and weak spirits...pornography is NOT normal and the "awww, comeone everyone does it"--that's a lie, perpetuated with and from the people who are sick mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It's a kin of gambling, drugs and crime--these type of spirits run together. Take advantage of what your inner voice and intuition is shouting to you and FLEE from this situation, immediately if not sooner and then make sure when you get into relationships with others, that you make it CLEAR what you will stand for and what you won't stand for. You can forgive him, forgive yourself and turn tail and RUN from this mess!
You can NOT change people. If your boyfriend is among the "many/the crowd/the masses" that considers pornography normal or "everyone does it or it's fun" crowd. That's on him...your job is to judge yourself firstly and not him...GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION IMMEDIATELY. Pornography is nothing to wink an eye at...just another DIFFERENT perspective. :flowerforyou:
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
*Picks up all of your judgmental stones and hands them back to you*
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I feel the only solution to this is to break up.
A relationship with a girl who doesn't look at porn and doesn't let her man look at porn isn't going to be a success.
Are you serious? I don't look at porn and neither does my husband (he doesn't believe in objectifying people) and we've been very happily married for 18 years. That's not what I call an unsuccessful relationship.
THANK YOU! Believe it or not, there were more successful marriages before the internet porn came along. Magazines were for single guys. Once you found a wife, you didn't need to look at other naked women. Those who continued with it after marriage, usually ended up divorced.
The need to frequently look at other women, when you have a real woman there for you in person, makes no sense to me. But I guess I may be old school. My ex had a severe addiction to magazines, before the internet, and it got to the point that he couldn't function normally without it. It is a self-centered act, whereas shared marital love is giving to each other, not only taking.
I have been with my husband now for 16 years, and we don't need anyone else to be fulfilled. Still going strong!0 -
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Lot's of people, the greater majority in fact is going to tell you that pornography is no big deal, and as a matter of fact...they will tell you that if you DARE to be outraged, insulted and offended by it, that you're the one with the problem--because, as they rationalize that of course "everyone does it or should" type of mentally and paradigm. Well...here's a "Voice from the Wilderness" to share with you (and who so ever will hear--let them hear), that pornography is not only vile and heinous character problem and habit, but it is also a sin against God and man to indulge in it, because what it does is sears your conscience from right and wrong and opens the doors of you mind and spirit to all kinds of wickedness, weaknesses and trouble--not just in your heart and mind, but in your character and choices too.
Most people don't know or more important, don't care that untold thousands of innocent people (children and adults) are taken and used as sex slaves everyday in our country and thru-out the world. This wicked world doesn't call it sex slavery, but "human traffliking" instead (that doesn't sound as monsterous as sex slaves) and the greater majority of the people involved in the making of pornography are NOT "willing individuals", but are slaves--sex slaves and forced drug addicts, and are made to prostitute themselves and make these movies and live lives in the most horrible conditions imaginable. Like most of our culture and idols of our society--those people in those movies are NOT enjoying themselves (like the perverts who indulge in watching them think/believe) those people live lives as our movie stars do today, they are miserable and sick and mistreated in every conceivable way. Most people don't DARE to consider than many of these poor women and men and youngsters are someone's children, someone's sons and daughters, someone's mother or father, someone's sister or brother, someone's loved one, that are being abused in ways that are NOT portrayed in these films. To sit back and so call "enjoy" this type of UNNATURAL and ungodly mess is an utter sickness, no matter how many of the "herd" proclaim otherwise. Another LIE is that pornography is a "men" addiction" that's a lie--just as gambling, drugs and other serious addictions show NO discrimination in gender, neither does pornography--it's a wickedness that ensnares all who dare to indulge it's vice
Pornography is a gateway to some of the most wicked and evil practices known to man. Just because our society is embracing the spirit of Sodom and Gomorrah and the days of Noah, before the flood today--doesn't mean EVERYONE has or is going to wink an eye at this wickedness and that's just what it is perversion/immoral and makes individuals and nations WEAK willed, WEAK minded and weak spirits...pornography is NOT normal and the "awww, comeone everyone does it"--that's a lie, perpetuated with and from the people who are sick mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It's a kin of gambling, drugs and crime--these type of spirits run together. Take advantage of what your inner voice and intuition is shouting to you and FLEE from this situation, immediately if not sooner and then make sure when you get into relationships with others, that you make it CLEAR what you will stand for and what you won't stand for. You can forgive him, forgive yourself and turn tail and RUN from this mess!
You can NOT change people. If your boyfriend is among the "many/the crowd/the masses" that considers pornography normal or "everyone does it or it's fun" crowd. That's on him...your job is to judge yourself firstly and not him...GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION IMMEDIATELY. Pornography is nothing to wink an eye at...just another DIFFERENT perspective. :flowerforyou:
:drinker:0 -
If you aren't a guy you wouldn't understand.
Pffft. Whatever.
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What if he watches a mother and daughter being boned by the pool boy? Surely he considered who they are, then?Lot's of people, the greater majority in fact is going to tell you that pornography is no big deal, and as a matter of fact...they will tell you that if you DARE to be outraged, insulted and offended by it, that you're the one with the problem--because, as they rationalize that of course "everyone does it or should" type of mentally and paradigm. Well...here's a "Voice from the Wilderness" to share with you (and who so ever will hear--let them hear), that pornography is not only vile and heinous character problem and habit, but it is also a sin against God and man to indulge in it, because what it does is sears your conscience from right and wrong and opens the doors of you mind and spirit to all kinds of wickedness, weaknesses and trouble--not just in your heart and mind, but in your character and choices too.
Most people don't know or more important, don't care that untold thousands of innocent people (children and adults) are taken and used as sex slaves everyday in our country and thru-out the world. This wicked world doesn't call it sex slavery, but "human traffliking" instead (that doesn't sound as monsterous as sex slaves) and the greater majority of the people involved in the making of pornography are NOT "willing individuals", but are slaves--sex slaves and forced drug addicts, and are made to prostitute themselves and make these movies and live lives in the most horrible conditions imaginable. Like most of our culture and idols of our society--those people in those movies are NOT enjoying themselves (like the perverts who indulge in watching them think/believe) those people live lives as our movie stars do today, they are miserable and sick and mistreated in every conceivable way. Most people don't DARE to consider than many of these poor women and men and youngsters are someone's children, someone's sons and daughters, someone's mother or father, someone's sister or brother, someone's loved one, that are being abused in ways that are NOT portrayed in these films. To sit back and so call "enjoy" this type of UNNATURAL and ungodly mess is an utter sickness, no matter how many of the "herd" proclaim otherwise. Another LIE is that pornography is a "men" addiction" that's a lie--just as gambling, drugs and other serious addictions show NO discrimination in gender, neither does pornography--it's a wickedness that ensnares all who dare to indulge it's vice
Pornography is a gateway to some of the most wicked and evil practices known to man. Just because our society is embracing the spirit of Sodom and Gomorrah and the days of Noah, before the flood today--doesn't mean EVERYONE has or is going to wink an eye at this wickedness and that's just what it is perversion/immoral and makes individuals and nations WEAK willed, WEAK minded and weak spirits...pornography is NOT normal and the "awww, comeone everyone does it"--that's a lie, perpetuated with and from the people who are sick mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It's a kin of gambling, drugs and crime--these type of spirits run together. Take advantage of what your inner voice and intuition is shouting to you and FLEE from this situation, immediately if not sooner and then make sure when you get into relationships with others, that you make it CLEAR what you will stand for and what you won't stand for. You can forgive him, forgive yourself and turn tail and RUN from this mess!
You can NOT change people. If your boyfriend is among the "many/the crowd/the masses" that considers pornography normal or "everyone does it or it's fun" crowd. That's on him...your job is to judge yourself firstly and not him...GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION IMMEDIATELY. Pornography is nothing to wink an eye at...just another DIFFERENT perspective. :flowerforyou:0 -
I don't look at porn and neither does my husband
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. It's the age of the internet, and I think finding a guy who doesn't look at it is going to be a hard task.
This is incorrect. I know dozens (literally, dozens) of men who find it distasteful and don't watch porn. Not saying NONE of them have experimented or tried it once or twice, as I'm sure a fair number have, but as a whole they avoid it. It's a little silly to assume EVERYBODY watches it.
How refreshing to hear that at least some of the younger generation have not bought into the lie that EVERY man watches it. Sounds like you found a good one.0 -
I am not a huge porn fan... I just fast forward to a certain clip and 5 minutes later I have completed my porn watching for the day.0
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I feel your pain... I'm the same with porn. Another reason why I'm fine with being single for the rest of my life because EVERYONE but me and you seem to understand each other and apparently, we both need to "grow up" and stop being prude? Yeah, ok there, people. Whatever. If I don't like it, then I don't like it. But anyways, I know how you feel...0
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hahahaha, is the op for real?
It's porn, watch it with him and get laid. wtf is this, 17th century new england?0 -
He is probably looking at porn because he is not getting laid enough....just sayin'
I call BS on this one. He's looking at porn because he likes to....plain and simple.. She learns to deal with it or go on her way and leave him to his.0 -
Well I'm not sure that's it. Is 3 times a day not enough?
He looks at porn 3x a day .. hmm, interesting.0 -
It sucks that he agreed to stay away from porn. He probably did it b/c he didn't want to fight about it anymore, and likes you enough not to break up with you over a ridiculous demand. Now you feel all betrayed b/c he said he wouldn't do it and did it anyway. I recommend getting over the porn issue or just break up. You're both adults (I hope) and looking at naked people isn't cheating. If you think it is, then you should be with someone who agrees. I know how you feel b/c I used to have a serious problem with porn (I didn't want my SO looking at it) and the feeling sucks. But it's your problem, not his. His only problem is that he wants to be with someone who wants to change him and is trying to find a work around. Good luck with all that. (Seriously - I hope you can get over it and be happy)
Basically.
He's not a child, and neither are you. You both aren't obliged to do things or be a certain way for the other person, and neither of you has any right to forbid the other person from doing things just because you don't "like" that they do them.
If it's something that he doesn't want to change, it might be hurtful to you, but ultimately, your options are to either accept it, or leave the relationship. Not because he's a terrible, awful person for looking at porn when he promised he wouldn't, but because he exists in one way, and you would rather have him another. He's not obliged to change to that other way just because you would prefer it, any more than you are obliged to change for him if he would prefer something different.
So you can either choose to change yourself (i.e. accept him for who he is) for you own benefit, or move on so that you can get what you need elsewhere. He has the same choice to change for himself, but you cannot do that for him, and you can't expect him to change. The relationship can't be exactly as you want it on your terms; part of it has to be on his terms as well, or else it will never mutually work.
Good luck.0 -
This is a very personal thing, and everyone is going to have differing opinions.
Driving your boyfriends porn habit underground is only going to make the whole "deception" issue seem worse for you. I doubt he's going to stop watching porn, he will just hide it from you. Surely that's not a good thing. So you need to either accept it, and him - or make other choices.
And I must say, if you are having sex 3 times a day, you probably have a strong libido. I'm honestly surprised that you have issues with porn and don't watch it together.
ETA... sorry I missed the point there, I thought you were having sex 3 times a day LOL!!! He watches porn 3 times a day? Whatever. Once, twice three times, it's all the same. Some people play candy crush saga every chance they get.0 -
Isn't "dating" (or whatever you want to call it) supposed to be a process of figuring out if someone is compatible with you? If your hangups about porn are such a big deal to you, then find someone who isn't into it.
Why do people try to get with someone who they know is a bad match, and then try to change that person into what they wanted, and then act surprised when it doesn't work?0 -
Nine pages for this crap?
I'm off to watch porn.0 -
i'm sorry but i disagree with most of these so called 'threads'. i myself have this problem with porn. just because a lot of guys like this sort of thing it doesn't mean that you have to and he should respect that sweetie. at the end of the day how would guys like it if we posted naked pics and video's online for loads of men to dribble over? exactly they wouldn't. this is the point i made to my husband and ever since there has been only a few occasions and i gave him the decision. he either stops and finds someone that accept or he gives it up. after ll, it's just porn. men take it to seriously and it IS disrespectful to woman that don't agree with it. i gave mine an ultimatum and it worked and nothing since as he chose ME. if porn is more important than our feelings sweetheart you need to throw him. he can't be worth it. MEN grow up and stop acting like kids, respect your women and stop treating it like its a must. it's inconsiderate. if you can't live without it then you really need your head sorted. good luck sweetie and if you meed to talk message me.0
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Try watching it with him. Watching porn is not bad. It's only bad if he is watching illegal porn or if he's addicted to it to the extent of losing his job over it. Otherwise I think you may be overreacting and trying to be a little too controlling. Again, try watching it with him. If it's something he likes then you should at least make an attempt to try it out. It's just another interest, like maybe you like watching chick flicks and he doesn't. No big deal.0
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