Ashamed of my self.

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  • alhumphreys
    alhumphreys Posts: 53 Member
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    There are a lot of things in this life that we have no control over but this is one thing that we can control. Give it your best !!! Crying over it won't help you any !! Get up and get moving !!
    Best of luck.
    YOU CAN DO IT !
  • omsmom12
    omsmom12 Posts: 31 Member
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    The best thing I took out of Weight Watchers meetings was the idea of "positive self talk." Have you ever heard the phrase, "Fake it 'til you make it"? It's very important to say to yourself what you want to become. If it's going through your head all the time, you will eventually begin to believe it. Encourage yourself. Say to yourself, all day long, that you can do it. That you've got this. It feels cheesy at first but it really works over time.

    My next advice is to start small and redefine success. Instead of success being defined as having done ten out of ten things perfectly in a week and losing XX number of pounds, start with a tighter definition of success and make it your goal. Staying under 2000 calories in a day. Just concentrate, each morning, on achieving just that one goal. That can be done. Every month, add another tiny goal. Water, exercise, a slight reduction in calories, etc. Be specific in creating your goal so that you can measure whether you are achieving it.

    And a third bit of advice: plan, plan and plan. Plan your meals for the week. Go shopping for the ingredients. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, yada yada yada.

    Best of luck to you! Take care of yourself.
  • suziepoo1984
    suziepoo1984 Posts: 915 Member
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    Only 'you' can help yourself. I got the same way with hubby here, away from family. We always ate out and then i got pregnant when i was already over weight. I binged, ate, took pregnancy as a excuse and weight really spiked(got gestational diabetes) and kept increasing even after i had the baby(breastmilk production being the excuse for eating now).
    I visited family back home and i could see the horror and shock on everyone's face(though most of them were nice about it), i knew i had to do something! When i had a vacation with my friends, they all looked so petite and young, beautiful clothes, i wanted to be that way too. The fat jokes from friends, the heavy panting just by brisk walk. The clothes shopping was a horror in itself. My hubby never complained once and i let myself go being complacent, but all these things woke me up. Also the ladies on here are so amazing and hardworking, i wanted to do something myself and work really hard.
    I am now more confident, love clothes shopping, feel sexy and new goal is to gain lot of strength and muscles.
    You have to feel it within yourself to do this! Go through success stories on here, they are all so inspiring! Good luck :)
  • daveymac1
    daveymac1 Posts: 784 Member
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    Exercise is easy, living unfit is hard.
  • TommyJensen1987
    TommyJensen1987 Posts: 95
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    Lots of good advice here, but I am going to say something a bit different.

    You said you was working on losing the weight, then you quit.

    Personally I have quit twice now - the trick is that is is okay, so long as you get up the next day (or whatever makes sense) and start again - and that calorie counting day or exercise is the most important you can do, which you can absolutely not skip. I quit calorie counting last saturday went to a restaurant and ended up drinking a bunch of stuff in a couple places - I don't even want to think about how many calories that were in that. I got up (eventually, lol) the next day and logged my breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner. That was the most important day this month, for me.

    If you don't allow yourself failure you will never succeed in anything - heck did you tell your child that the first time it tried to walk, and failed, that it was not worthy of walking and should just remain sitting there for the rest of its life? Hopefully not, but then why would you tell yourself that? You can fail as much as you want, as long as you get up one more time than you failed.
  • LizaDK914
    LizaDK914 Posts: 54 Member
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    Your post really spoke to me. The "at least I'm not 300" has been my mantra for about 5 years - when I finally put on the last 30 pounds I gained. I never got to 300, but it's only a technicality - I edged it at 297 - and I'm sure during some period when I wasn't weighing, I hit 300. I just never saw it.

    It took my mother nearly dying from health complications I have myself to wake me up. But, being woken up, it doesn't solve it.

    Every day is a battle. But, as someone else suggested, think about today. Don't worry about tomorrow, and certainly don't worry about yesterday.

    Yesterday is over. You cannot go back in time and not eat those cookies or that cake or actually do the exercise. The best advice I can give is that my doctor told me women have to exercise. Men can change what they eat, and lose weight. Women, can eat perfectly and still not lose weight. I do NOT know why that is, but it has proved true. Weeks I exercise, I lose weight. Weeks I don't exercise, I maintain or gain.

    I still have days where I have to drag myself kicking and screaming to the gym. Or, where the sweets in the break room win.

    But, I try to take it day by day. I hope you can learn to do the same.
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
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    A little tough love...

    First of all, stop wasting all that time and energy on beating yourself up and having a pity party and instead use it for a productive purpose. I've been pretty much where you are now. I get feeling wishy-washy about Hubby's help as when I finally decided to get this weight off once and for all, I refused assistance from a couple of people. I needed to do this all on my own. Emotional support, sure. Cheerleading my efforts, bring it on. Financial support (was in WW, Mom offered to pay fees for me) or wanting to give me loads of advice on diet and exercise - thanks but no, I got it. And it sounds like you've got similar boundaries, which is fine but you have to stop using it as an excuse and come up with your own plan if you won't use someone elses.

    For me, it took a lot of mental preparation. I had to really think about what worked in the past and what didn't. And I had to think about why I really wanted to lose weight (because things like high school reunion coming up or wanting to get skinny never stuck) and what kind of plan - both food and exercise - I could live with long term. Then you set reasonable goals (nutrition/weight loss and fitness wise), start tracking and slowly tweaking your eating and exercises and with time, you get there.

    ETA: I've been at this for 4 years now and learn new things all the time!

    Maybe I'm just projecting but I think a lot of people who try and try and never succeed put too much pressure on themselves. They think they have to do everything perfectly and restrict and restrict but the truth is, as long as you have a reasonable calorie deficit and eat fairly nutritionally (more for health than weight loss), you will see progress. Also I think part of the pressure comes from such a strong desire to lose the weight that when the normal natural slow weight loss kicks in after the initial quick (mostly water) weight happens, people give up because they become frustrated. Once you learn and fully accept that it's going to take years, that takes a lot of pressure off.

    ETA: I also see a lot of folks comparing their progress to others, includnig those from weight loss so-called reality shows, and they get discouraged if they aren't losing 10 pounds per week. Do NOT do this. You are you, not anyone else. Do what works for you and at your own pace.

    And try not to do it for anyone but yourself. Yes, being healthier is a good example for your kiddo and your Hubs will be happy that you'll be around longer but that's a side effect. Do this for your health, for longevity, for mobility, to reduce risks of disease, etc. Best of luck!

    Ditto. "If it's important you'll find a way, if it's not you'll find an excuse." This quote got me off my rear end and helped me lose 60 pounds. I'm still losing. It's taken me over a year but it's happening.

    I also like what another poster said - "Being fat is hard, losing weight is hard. Choose your hard." It's your decision. You have to choose every day how you will live your life. Do you want to change or stay the same? It's up to you.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    firstly.... stop beating yourself up. You know those kinds of teachers who are always negative, it makes you not want to bother in their class.... well that's what you're doing to yourself. so stop.

    self talk affects you a lot, it affects how you see yourself and makes the difference between wallowing in misery while feeling like you're never going to achieve anything, and getting up and doing stuff. Start talking nicely, kindly and encouragingly to yourself. Start telling yourself that you CAN do this, that you deserve to be fit, strong and healthy, and you deserve better than you're giving yourself right now. It is a lot easier to make the necessary changes in your life from a place of self-love and self-acceptance than it is from a place of self hatred and self loathing. If you wouldn't say something to or about a friend.... don't say it to or about yourself!! Self-acceptance doesn't have to mean accepting your body remaining in an unhealthy state... it means realising that you deserve to be healthy and happy because you're a great person with a lot going for her. It gives you the inner strength and motivation to get the healthy, fit body you deserve.
  • jpilley
    jpilley Posts: 78 Member
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    "Change your thoughts and you change your world."

    Norman Vincent Peale

    :flowerforyou:
  • Schonprinzessin
    Schonprinzessin Posts: 15 Member
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    Don't lose your motivation babe, now's the time to take control! You're a beautiful woman, the weight isn't permanent.
  • Ejourneys
    Ejourneys Posts: 1,603 Member
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    Simple steps that boil down to patient, concentrated effort:

    1. Love yourself, unconditionally. Your body is where you live. Right now it needs some renovation, which will take work and time. Every day is a new day. Every meal is a new meal.

    2. Own your health. This is not about shame, it's about power. You have the power to do this. For five years I've had pictures on my wall of myself at my best weight, with the caption, "Health first! You WILL get here again!" Several false starts later, and after ballooning to what was almost my highest-ever weight, I found what worked for me, stuck with it, and am finally back where I want to be. Those pictures stay on my wall to remind me, along with new ones that remind me to maintain.

    3. This is not an all-or-nothing proposition. A 5-minute walk is better than no walk. Any cut in your calorie consumption is better than no cut. An off day is just a day; you can get back on the horse. Just keep on keepin' on.

    4. This is not a race. Ever since my restart 15 months ago, I've said, "I'll get there when I get there." No deadlines. I've felt impatient during my plateaus (as long as 48 days), but never discouraged. I ask myself, "Am I in a better place now than when I started?" The answer is always yes, and that's all I need.

    5. What worked for me was making the hard work as easy on myself as possible. Throughout, I've set my goal to a half-pound per week. I found food substitutions I could live with. I found a way to exercise sustainably. Find what works for you and stick with it. Focus on long-term health. Keep going.

    6. Good habits become their own motivation. Habits take work and repeated effort to form, but they also form relatively quickly. Give yourself permission to struggle in the beginning, but keep at it. One day, one meal at a time. Just keep at it.
  • kuderstadt
    kuderstadt Posts: 134 Member
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    If I may suggest it,, decide you will live healthy today. Burn more calories than you eat before you go to bed tonight. Don't think about any other day, just today. Do some form of intentional exercise and make the calories enough to keep your metabolism up but no more. Before your head hits the pillow tonight ask your self how you did. I mean it. Best wishes to you and your hopeful family.

    I love this. ^^^^

    My advice would be to pick one thing, the soda or going for a walk, or both, and just get started. Today, choose to fix one of the things that will get you going in the right direction. Go to bed tonight thankful and grateful for the positive choices that you made today and choose to get up tomorrow with the same happy attitude, positive changes, positive mindset.
  • Chimis_Siq
    Chimis_Siq Posts: 849 Member
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    Im going to tell you what my mother has told me all of growing up. One day. Thats all you get. You only have one day to feel sorry about yourself, cry, complain, stuff your face and eat your feelings. One day. Thats it. Tomorrow you will get up and forget about the past and just worry about today. You will do all of tomorrow differently. If you'd rather sit down, stand up. If you'd rather sleep in bed all day, get up early and be active. If you want to eat like crap, eat healthy. Do this everyday and tell yourself you are happy. Before you know it, you will believe it.

    So I say this to you. One day. Thats all you get. Cry, eat, punch ****, break ****, be sad, hide. One day , thats all you get!
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
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    Maybe you could start with little steps right now so the 'it's hard!' part doesn't rear its ugly head while you are wrapping your brain around making changes. It doesn't have to be as hard as many folks prefer to do it.

    Look up your TDEE at your weight right now. Look at how many calories that is. Eat less than that :)

    Look at your activity expenditure from exercise. Count the minutes, the calories. Now add a 10-minute walk at your current weight. Pretty cool, right?!

    Eat less and move more, literally, lol. Don't make it harder than it needs to be :) Once you make a few changes, you'll probably feel like adding in a bit more. Just don't get hung up on 50 lbs in 60 days or any of that nonsense. Change how you do a few things and let the chips fall where they may (they'll fall nicely... maybe slowly, but nicely).
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
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    You can do this, you just have to want it bad enough.

    You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. My best advice to you is, do it now while you and your family are young. When you see the pounds coming off, it will motivate you to keep going. Take your husband up on the gym membership and trainer. Stick with it and a year from now you will be a different person!

    You are so worth this!
  • vivaldirules
    vivaldirules Posts: 169 Member
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    Good morning again! I hope your day yesterday went well. I'd like to suggest what I did then. Just deal with one thing which is today. Be healthy today by burning more calories than you consume before you go to bed tonight. If you find that you haven't, ask yourself honestly if there's something that you can do to change that. And then smile at your success when your head hits the pillow. Best wishes to you!
  • OllyReeves
    OllyReeves Posts: 579 Member
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    being fat is hard... losing weight is hard... choose your hard...

    if you put all the energy you're expending being mad at yourself into making positive changes, just think how far you'd get....

    That's the most sense I will read on here all day. Thank you.
  • Yupjimmy
    Yupjimmy Posts: 1
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    Start with one thing at a time and that is counting calories. Dont worry about cardio/gym at the moment just count calories and watch the weight fly off, you're overthinking it.
  • sbz29
    sbz29 Posts: 3
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    I know how you feel. Trust me. U r a beautiful person. Dont beat yourself up 4 being human. Find that desire deep down and if u want it persevere and do it. Rooting 4 u.
  • Wenchiness
    Wenchiness Posts: 126 Member
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    Take up hubby's offer to do the gym and personal trainer. With your little ones around you need the time to yourself to accomplish your goals. Do not feel guilty, because this is also for them. That should take care of the exercise. The "diet" part is harder but it should not be "diet". It should be lifestyle change for healthy eating. Keep that in mind at all times, and picture yourself dead on the floor from a heart attack in front of your babies. Like that scenario??? Then change your behavior so they don't have to see that. You've already joined MFP, find friends with your type of predicament and start taking the 3 minutes a day to log your food and life. You didn't get this way overnight, and its not going to change overnight, but it will change if you make the commitment. You are the only one who can fix you, best get started now.

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