Ashamed of my self.

A little tough love...

First of all, stop wasting all that time and energy on beating yourself up and having a pity party and instead use it for a productive purpose. I've been pretty much where you are now. I get feeling wishy-washy about Hubby's help as when I finally decided to get this weight off once and for all, I refused assistance from a couple of people. I needed to do this all on my own. Emotional support, sure. Cheerleading my efforts, bring it on. Financial support (was in WW, Mom offered to pay fees for me) or wanting to give me loads of advice on diet and exercise - thanks but no, I got it. And it sounds like you've got similar boundaries, which is fine but you have to stop using it as an excuse and come up with your own plan if you won't use someone elses.

For me, it took a lot of mental preparation. I had to really think about what worked in the past and what didn't. And I had to think about why I really wanted to lose weight (because things like high school reunion coming up or wanting to get skinny never stuck) and what kind of plan - both food and exercise - I could live with long term. Then you set reasonable goals (nutrition/weight loss and fitness wise), start tracking and slowly tweaking your eating and exercises and with time, you get there.

ETA: I've been at this for 4 years now and learn new things all the time!

Maybe I'm just projecting but I think a lot of people who try and try and never succeed put too much pressure on themselves. They think they have to do everything perfectly and restrict and restrict but the truth is, as long as you have a reasonable calorie deficit and eat fairly nutritionally (more for health than weight loss), you will see progress. Also I think part of the pressure comes from such a strong desire to lose the weight that when the normal natural slow weight loss kicks in after the initial quick (mostly water) weight happens, people give up because they become frustrated. Once you learn and fully accept that it's going to take years, that takes a lot of pressure off.

ETA: I also see a lot of folks comparing their progress to others, includnig those from weight loss so-called reality shows, and they get discouraged if they aren't losing 10 pounds per week. Do NOT do this. You are you, not anyone else. Do what works for you and at your own pace.

And try not to do it for anyone but yourself. Yes, being healthier is a good example for your kiddo and your Hubs will be happy that you'll be around longer but that's a side effect. Do this for your health, for longevity, for mobility, to reduce risks of disease, etc. Best of luck!





^perfect advice right here! I think people want a quick loss and think once they lose, thats it.. they can stop and return to their old habits. It just doesn't work that way. Find what you can live with. And that will probably mean a slower loss than you would like, but it will be sustainable. Be patient. Slow and steady is the way to go here. There are many good people and resources on this site. Use them. Best of luck!

If you think the pain of making a necessary change is too much for you to endure, wait until you one day experience the pain of having not changed, and when there’s not enough time in your life left to take back control of where you are, how you are and what you are.

I'm so ashamed of my self. So ashamed that I've been beating the crap out of my self since I got on the scale 4 days ago and saw that number. When I was in highschool I always told my self it was one thing that I was already overweight but if I ever got up to 300lbs I would just kill my self. Well now I have a husband and child and would never do that but it's hard not to think about it. Pre pregnancy my heaviest I ever was, was 270.. That was around 18.. The post pregnancy around 20 I was 285 my new heaviest.. Now I'm 23 and the heaviest I've ever been at 307.. I just keep asking my self wtf happened? Why do I keep doing this to my self. I get so gung-ho to lose weight and excited and planning my weight loss and if I keep a steady pace when I could reach my goal weight.. Then I just quit. And it's not for lack of support or know how. I'm not stupid I know that I should eat fewer calories than I expend.. And I know cardio would really help me and drinking water instead of soda.. I know all of these things.. I mean hell my husband has a degree in physical education and is a wrestling coach he's like the master of quick weight loss (healthy quick weight loss they require hydration tests so it's not water weight) and he tells me all the time if I really want help he will help me.. I just can't bring my self to listen to him because I'm so comfortable with him.. He's offered to take me to a gym and get a membership and a personal trainer if I will stick to it.. I want to but I'm scared that they will want to push me too hard and I'll quit.. Like I always do... What the hell is wrong with me... I hate my self.

1) the sentences in bold above are NOT a good mindset. stop thinking that way.
2) weight loss/gain is not a big deal. your life is one long journey (yeah, i said it! ...journey). your weight will go up and it will go down. there's no point in fretting over the past... you don't live in the past, you live in the now. start doing something about your weight now.
3) there is no reason to go "gung ho" about weight loss. in fact, that is exactly why so many people fail. they try too hard and set unrealistic goals for themselves and try to stick with a crazy exercise schedule while also depriving themselves of the foods they love. this is the WRONG way to do it and it sounds like that's the way you've always tried to do it. stop that mindset right now.
4) choose to lose your weight more slowly and make fewer (but more important) changes to your dietary intake. this is the key to sticking with it.

do you want to lose 52lbs in the next 6 months? here's how.

track everything you eat. log it all. accurately and honestly. try to average a 500 calorie deficit from your sedentary TDEE every day. that will give you 26lbs in 6 months. on top of that, try to average 500 calories of cardio every day. don't eat back those calories. that will give you another 26lbs in 6 months. that's a total 2lb/week rate of loss. for the weights you listed for yourself, that's a very reasonable and doable calorie deficit. eat enough protein and start lifting weights to retain muscle mass (this will also have a huge impact on how you feel about your body as you start losing the weight). eat enough fats to keep your body healthy. get your micronutrients from your diet and a good multivitamin taken daily.

your cardio doesn't have to be high impact. a 4-5 mile per day walk around your neighborhood is enough to get you to that 500 calorie average.

Putting yourself down and constantly having a judge in your mirror isn't going to help you, that's for sure... It's so hard but I found the best thing to do was to just start by being nice to myself. Sounds simple but in reality, when you had expectations of yourself that you haven't met, it's really quite a challenge. Start out by small. You've created mistrust in yourself. I had the same problem, for ages I sat there and went, I shouldn't even bother because I know I won't stick at it. And up until I started to do something about it, I was right! I would just quit! I had zero self confidence and couldn't find a good enough reason to stick at it.

First step: start being nice to yourself. Being harsh and cruel to yourself just isn't fair. Treat yourself how you'd treat your husband. I know you wouldn't say you're ever ashamed of him or that you hate him! Don't say it about yourself, that's just cruel.
Second step: start finishing things you start. I chose, personally, to not go back to all the projects I had waiting for me to finish them as it was a bit too much of an out-of-reach goal. Instead, I started reading a book, and I wouldn't put it down until I'd finished it. Instead of having a bunch of books that I'd got halfway through, I had started growing a collection of books I'd read. Use this same theory on anything. If you start doing housework, finish it! If you start crafting something, finish it! If you start going for a walk, finish it! Absolutely, whatever it is, finish it to the best of your ability. Stop procrastinating, stop making excuses. You will learn to rebuild the trust you've broken within yourself. Always keep in mind though: it's not going to work if you aim to run a 100k marathon tomorrow. So, start with baby steps. Be gentle with yourself.
Third step: make active a lifestyle. So you have a kid, awesome! What a brilliant excuse to go out to the park and play around or stroll around with the pram, looking at trees and birds, or take that fit man of yours to the beach and walk on the sand (it's an awesome workout on the dunes). The best thing me and my man did was to buy a football, netball, soccer ball, water pistols and nerf guns. We live across from a park and often go there and throw the balls to each other. We just have fun. This might not necessarily help you lose weight straight away, but I still maintain that 99% of weight loss is your mindset, not the actually calorie-watching. However you do it, make it more active. When you're doing the housework, chuck some lunges in there or just build up a sweat by doing the vaccuuming. Make your goals obtainable and really focus on just making life a bit more fun.
Fourth step: by this step, you'll have seen the change in your mindset. If you can't, and you still feel miserable, then keep repeating the steps or changing the steps. Whatever you're doing now, isn't working. So start by changing small. After step one, learning how to trust yourself again and go 'oh ****, I said I'd do something and I bloody did it - wowee!', make those goals bigger. I had a tiny goal the other day on my exercise bike (highest level at 23kmp/h for at LEAST five mins) and I honestly wasn't sure if I could do it. One minute passed, felt a bit better about my chances. Two minutes, knees want to fall off, still going. Three, four minutes. I'm pretty sure I'm dying but somehow my legs keep turning. Five minutes. I'm dyi - oh wait. I just said five minutes OH MY GOODNESS! I did it! Five minutes, of my life, I felt like my knees were going to fall off - but they didn't, I didn't die and the best part was that I succeeded in doing what I set out to do. Tiny weeny goal, that made my day COMPLETELY worth it. Yeah, maybe one day I'll run that 100k. For now? I wanna aim to workout without having an asthma attack!!!!
Fifth step: key words to remember
- what you are doing is NOT WORKING. the only way for it to work is 'somethings gotta give'. Change something
- God gave you a body that can walk, talk, eat, think and move according to your instructions. Dude. Your body is awesome. Don't ever underestimate that. Respect God's gift, show your awesome, fully-functioning body some bloody respect! Appreciation is key.
- A one hour workout is a mere four percent of your day. That's so cool! Stop thinking about right now: right now DOESN'T MATTER. Think about the future. Think about your child. Your husband. Your self! At the end of your life, you're not going to look back and remember having a hard time losing weight, you're going to remember how crazy you were for not taking the opportunity while your body still worked efficiently to do something about it!
- You can chose to sit there and wallow in your own sadness and blame yourself for everything that's happened. Or you can chose to stand up, accept the fact that you are the way you are because YOU DID IT, and tomorrow is going to be different because you made a change today. Who cares what you've done in the past. Is the future about the past? No. Is the past about the past? Yes. Leave it there. You made **** mistakes. Cool. Next chapter of your life is written by you, and the heading starts with "I am healthy because I...."

Feeling miserable is a choice. A poor choice too. An understandable choice, but nevertheless a poor choice. I can understand if you're not happy about your weight. One day you will be. Today, you can instead be happy that you are alive. That you can walk. That you have an awesome kid who will be majorly influenced by you. That you watched a cool episode of Doctor Who or The OC and you found it inspiring. That you made a really awesomely yummy dinner that was wicked. Like honestly, get out of your hole that you're in. It is hurting you. You are hurting yourself. It's dark and gloomy and painful and miserable in there. If you're going to get yourself trapped in a hole, that's the wrong one.

Last step: do it your way. I have spent months trying to figure out a diet or a lifestyle or a food-choice or a calorie-limit or an exercise regime that will work for me. I quickly realized it's all crap. You just gotta find a fit, and stick with it. If it stops fitting, stop wearing it! Choose something else. I went out and bought myself a treadmill, a bike and a cross trainer and set up a gym opposite my bedroom. I love it. I love running, but cannot stand the thought of running around my town, so I run inside instead. Having three, I've got the option of either machine and often switch it all up when I think my limbs are going to fall off. Unfortunately, I get bored doing the same thing for very long, so if I'm on one machine the max I go for is usually 15min. I don't care. It's 15min longer than I did this time last year and that's pretty cool. I've got a wii, too, cuz sometimes the machines just don't interest me. I also have a huge backyard, a yoga mat, a swisse ball, weights, a punching bag. I hate sticking with one thing, so I much rather doing everything instead. I hate the thought of a gym too, it just doesn't work for me. This works. I've lost 8kg so far. I'm pretty stoked with that. My diet consists of: hmm, what's healthy? What's yummy? What's in the fridge? Oh, grapes! That's a good idea. We removed unhealthy or junky foods from our house and I only eat what's in the house. In fact, I even went yesterday, and got a coffee at a cafe. I didn't even get lunch even though I was starving! I waited until I was home and had pumpkin soup instead!

Just try one thing. If that doesn't work, move onto the next thing the moment it stops working. Honestly IF SOMETHING DOESN'T WORK, YOU NEED TO FIX IT. IF IT ISN'T BROKEN, YOU NEED TO CHANGE IT. IF IT'S ALREADY BEEN CHANGED, YOU NEED TO THROW IT OUT.

And lastly, ask your husband and your kid what they think of you (nevermind the pettiness of men shouldn't say your butt is big. If it's big, and you ask: listen to whatever they say). Do you think they hate you and are ashamed of you cuz of your weight? My guess is no. Do you think they'd like to see a change in you? My guess is a big yes (I want mummy to be happy). Do you think it bothers them that you beat yourself up? Oh yes. Even if you pretend to hide it, they can see it, cuz unfortunately, those people who love you have mad mind-reading skills, or a sixth-sense... Or maybe they can see it on your body, on your face each time you look at them...

I asked my man if he wanted me to lose weight. He said yes. Wow. I can give him an awesome gift of my own happiness... How lucky am I !!!!!

In any case. Just keep going. However that is. Whatever that means. If it works, keep doing it. If it doesn't, find what does!

I know how you feel. Trust me I really do. Remember this feeling. Bottle it up and work your butt off to never feel this way again. I'm rooting for u!!

If I could do it, anyone can do it...believe me!

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and give 'er!

First - STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! You are where you are, but you don't have to stay there. YOU REALLY DON'T! The power is in your hands...and only your hands.

Next - stop relying on that initial motivation. IT FADES. Become DETERMINED. Make this your new motto: "Success is achieved through EFFORT, DETERMINATION, and PERSEVERANCE."

Now, let me give you a few words of wisdom based on my experience...
I have always been larger than my husband. I have spent my entire life with him dieting, and failing, and dieting, and failing, and dieting... The problem was, I really never believed in myself. I never believed I could be successful. I knew I would fail, so I put roadblocks in my own way to insure that I did.

When I finally reached the point where my weight was NO LONGER ACCEPTABLE, I was able to make the changes that I needed. I gave myself a year. Instead of concentrating on the amount of weight I wanted to lose, I concentrated on getting through that year, one month at a time, one week at a time, one day at a time.

Don't look back, twenty years from now, and regret that you didn't do this sooner. Don't wait another minute. DO THIS NOW. KNOW THAT YOU CAN. AND GIVE YOURSELF A YEAR.

And don't forget that you will encounter NSVs along the way...they are what will make this journey worthwhile. Wait for them...cherish them...write about them. They are truly powerful treasures!
YOU GOT THIS! :flowerforyou:

OK - I just saw the update on your food question, so here is my advice...

I live in a house full of men...my husband and my three adult sons. I cook for them. I could not change the way that I cook for them to accommodate my diet...there would be an uproar! A major one! So, this is what I do...

Breakfast: I don't like breakfast, but per my dietitian, it is important to eat one. Mine typically consists of a piece of toast (whole wheat, low-calorie bread), a pat of butter (fat is needed), and a piece of fruit.

Lunch: soup or salad, or a sandwich on light wheat bread with 3 oz. of protein (lunch meat and cheese), light mayo, lettuce, tomato, cucumbers, sliced bell pepper. I've found I must have fresh, raw vegetables with my lunch or I'm famished all afternoon.

Afternoon Snacks: Greek yogurt or low-fat cottage cheese with fruit

Dinner: WHATEVER EVERYONE ELSE IS HAVING, but mine is served on a salad plate. If this is a meat, starch, and veggie type of meal, make sure the vegetables fill half of the plate, the starch is 1/4, and the meat is the size of a deck of cards (3 oz.) If its a pasta meal, limit the amount of pasta. If the meat is deep fried, cut back on the other starch.

Hope this helps!

I too have read every reply; so much great advice, straight talk and caring from people who have never even met you! They know you can do this, and so do I.

Keep your own food in the fridge, even if you have to put it in its own box. You can't eat calorie-dense, nutrient-poor food and feel well while you lose.

Hoping you do not hate yourself, just certain behavior and habits, which you are already changing.