'Tis the season to be insulted by family members?

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SerenaKitty
SerenaKitty Posts: 142
in Motivation and Support
Is it too much to ask to go through one holiday season without a family member commenting on weight or food intake?

I had family staying with me for the holidays last weekend, which included my young nieces. One of my nieces is going through a "You're fat/ugly!" phase, and her mother does nothing to stop it. I overheard her saying some pretty hurtful stuff: "I think Aunt *me* is fat." My mother told her that such things are rude to say. My niece responded with, "Oh...even if she really is?"

Needless to say, I spent the rest of the weekend hiding. My aunt came down to check on me and I told her what happened. She just looked embarrassed, and didn't console me in any way. I realize this may not seem so bad, but it stung! It also reminded me of past holidays - I refuse to revisit those, but let's just say my family has a history of mentioning my weight (either too fat or too thin).

Does anyone else here struggle with putting on a happy face during the holidays, due to judgments about weight or food intake?

Thank you!
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Replies

  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    Ouch. It doesn't sound like the child meant to be malicious, which in some way hurts more. Hopefully her parents will help her understand why that behavior hurts others.
  • zensugi
    zensugi Posts: 76
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    Is it an insult if someone, particularly a child, is telling you the truth?
  • xDawnsgrace
    xDawnsgrace Posts: 436
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    i feel you. i was told today i can only get a boyfriend if i'm skinny(by an aunt..)- even though i've been engaged for a year.

    all i can say is to ignore them, honestly. or go to the child's mother and talk to her about it.
  • michael1976_ca
    michael1976_ca Posts: 3,488 Member
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    kids are mean suckers my nieces pretty much called me fat and that i scare the neighbours eyes when i go out side with out a shirt. it stung and hurt like crazing but them saying that got me mad to do some thing about it. so it saved my life. i didn't have the freedom like kids thiese days i would of gotten belted for sure. for disrespecting an elder
  • SerenaKitty
    SerenaKitty Posts: 142
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    Yes, it was an insult. Insults can be truthful - what is truthful is not always respectful or proper to say.

    It hurt. I am trying to find support and similar stories from members. Didn't think it necessary to spell out, we are in "Motivation and Support". :)
  • SerenaKitty
    SerenaKitty Posts: 142
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    i feel you. i was told today i can only get a boyfriend if i'm skinny(by an aunt..)- even though i've been engaged for a year.

    all i can say is to ignore them, honestly. or go to the child's mother and talk to her about it.

    I am sorry to hear that. I honestly don't get it...some people seem to lack the ability to censor themselves. ;)
  • SerenaKitty
    SerenaKitty Posts: 142
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    kids are mean suckers my nieces pretty much called me fat and that i scare the neighbours eyes when i go out side with out a shirt. it stung and hurt like crazing but them saying that got me mad to do some thing about it. so it saved my life. i didn't have the freedom like kids thiese days i would of gotten belted for sure. for disrespecting an elder

    That is a great way to turn a negative experience around and make it work for you. It can be a very hurtful wakeup call, that's for sure!
  • zensugi
    zensugi Posts: 76
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    Yes, it was an insult. Insults can be truthful - what is truthful is not always respectful or proper to say.

    It hurt. I am trying to find support and similar stories from members. Didn't think it necessary to spell out, we are in "Motivation and Support". :)

    Use that hurt to keep you focussed on your goal. When I was told that I looked fat I thought 'never again' and made changes to my life. You can either get stuck on feeling insulted or move on and kick *kitten*; the latter is much more productive.
  • SerenaKitty
    SerenaKitty Posts: 142
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    Yes, it was an insult. Insults can be truthful - what is truthful is not always respectful or proper to say.

    It hurt. I am trying to find support and similar stories from members. Didn't think it necessary to spell out, we are in "Motivation and Support". :)

    Use that hurt to keep you focussed on your goal. When I was told that I looked fat I thought 'never again' and made changes to my life. You can either get stuck on feeling insulted or move on and kick *kitten*; the latter is much more productive.

    I wholeheartedly agree! I'm not one to acknowledge feeling hurt - it may seem silly, but I believe that openly admitting the effect her comments had on me is a good first step. Usually I brush these things under the rug and stay the same.
  • michael1976_ca
    michael1976_ca Posts: 3,488 Member
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    Yes, it was an insult. Insults can be truthful - what is truthful is not always respectful or proper to say.

    It hurt. I am trying to find support and similar stories from members. Didn't think it necessary to spell out, we are in "Motivation and Support". :)

    Use that hurt to keep you focussed on your goal. When I was told that I looked fat I thought 'never again' and made changes to my life. You can either get stuck on feeling insulted or move on and kick *kitten*; the latter is much more productive.

    i total agree look at my pics i was a big guy battleing type 2 diabeies high blood pressure and i was on meds for the type two thing. i've since got off those meds my type two thing is under controle. and i'm doing thing that would of killed me back then. its not easy but its do able. you have nothing to lose except the weight. i promise. use her word to fire you up. karma will get that brate
  • Sandytoes71
    Sandytoes71 Posts: 463 Member
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    Yes, I have a grandmother who for years, every time I saw her she had something to say. It hurt so badly. She would say things in front of other family too. I am "older" now and havent seen her in many years, but to this day I can still remember how it made me feel. Why people cant keep their damn mouths shut, is beyond me :(
  • mandy0688
    mandy0688 Posts: 335 Member
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    I kinda hid from my family because this year I gained over 50lbs. I went to see my granny in San Antonio and I felt the need to explain why I looked the way I did because of an instance the week before (I will get to that in a bit) but I gained my weight by the birth control shot and quitting smoking. My granny is dying of cancer and she said this to me which made me feel better. You quit smoking which is great (her cancer is from smoking she quit 12 years earlier but it was too late) you can lose the weight later. You can do it.
    After this I felt better. The week before I was at Walmart and this woman who hasn't seen me in a long time pointed to my stomach and asked what was that. I knew she thougbht I was prego and even after I rudly said fat she kept going saying how I gained so much weight and I need to eat better and even said how my body looked prego. I was blessed with my fathers genes where all my weight is carried in my midsection. I left out of there in tears. But that lady hurt my feelings and I was gonna start the diet on New Years but I started earlier and so far I lost 10lbs.
    But my point is, your here on myfitnesspal and your trying. Let them make their comments this year so next year you can WOW them. Add me so we can motivate each other for next Christmas.
  • Miffylou
    Miffylou Posts: 307 Member
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    I had people saying things to me all my life about either how fat I was or how much weight I should lose. I still remember the last time someone said a particular comment. That was early last year. Now that same person often asks me for advice about diet and exercise. It didn't make me feel good then but I feel a hell of a lot better now.

    Ignore it and move on. You can't change them, only yourself.
  • Miffylou
    Miffylou Posts: 307 Member
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    Ps. I live my healthy lifestyle for myself and not anyone else. Once I worked this out I realised that what anyone else says about the way I look doesn't really matter. :-)
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
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    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

    ― Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story

    No one can make me feel insulted or have hurt feelings without my consent either.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    how old is the little girl? she's either at that age of innocence where kids just blab out whatever they see or the family talks about being fat all the time.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    no one said anything to me about it.

    I have to admit though I was a tiny bit annoyed by that.

    I have seen people who I haven't seen in a year and didn't get any comment on being 60 lb smaller.

    I posted some photos of myself looking drastically smaller than this time last year and I just got one "You look amazing!" on facebook. I have friends who are around my start weight and any time they post a photo of themselves (with 0 lb loss) people are like, "OMG did you lose weight?" I am starting to think some people are jealous of me or that once you reach a certain point, getting close to normal and no longer morbidly obese, people are less complimentary. That's fine but geez.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,520 Member
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    To be completely honest, you know exactly where your niece picked-up the "you're fat" thing from. She's heard her mother say it. I have heard my 5 year old son repeat a few things I have said...I have been mortified (thank god, he didn't repeat what I had said to the person's face). I have really started to censor myself in front of the kids (and just in general). Luckily, I have been able to curb a lot of that with my son before he started school.

    The saying is "haters gonna hate." I've been "too fat," "too skinny," "look like I had an eating disorder," blah blah. For some reason, people think that it is okay to say some of the worst things to family...things they would NEVER say to a stranger!
  • SerenaKitty
    SerenaKitty Posts: 142
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    no one said anything to me about it.

    I have to admit though I was a tiny bit annoyed by that.

    I have seen people who I haven't seen in a year and didn't get any comment on being 60 lb smaller.

    I posted some photos of myself looking drastically smaller than this time last year and I just got one "You look amazing!" on facebook. I have friends who are around my start weight and any time they post a photo of themselves (with 0 lb loss) people are like, "OMG did you lose weight?" I am starting to think some people are jealous of me or that once you reach a certain point, getting close to normal and no longer morbidly obese, people are less complimentary. That's fine but geez.

    I can see how that would hurt just as much, if not more. Sometimes silence is the worst.
  • SerenaKitty
    SerenaKitty Posts: 142
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    how old is the little girl? she's either at that age of innocence where kids just blab out whatever they see or the family talks about being fat all the time.

    She is 10, almost 11. Plenty old to understand the effect her words have on others. I see that she is struggling to push boundaries and feel people out, and that is okay. I am more than happy to help her through that. It makes me sad, though, because she seems to get quite the kick out of it. At that age, it is not acceptable. A six year old? Yeah! I can see that. But 10-11? Nah.

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