'Tis the season to be insulted by family members?
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You know whats really bad work with older demented people talk about NO FILTER!! LOL, I walked into a patients room the other day to ask her if she was eating well and she looks at me and goes, "not as well as you." LOL, first it catches you off guard, but you just have to laugh at it. I've walked down the hallways before and I'll hear these sweet little Grandmas go, "Wow, that's a big un." The WWII vets are the most shocking not only do they not have a filter, but they grew up in a time when racial, ethnic, and sexist slurs were the norm.
It is what it is...I cant fault their sweet little demented heads for honesty.
Sorry to derail just made me think about filters and age.
Lol! I'm sure you grew a thick skin in no time.0 -
I'm not about to criticize anyone personally for their parenting methods.
No, you just jumped straight to criticizing and entire class of people instead.
That's sooo much better.
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I will never forget my brothers son saying
"you should go on a diet, brush your teeth and join match.com" - this could have only come from my brother/sister in law as he was only 5 years old...
HERE`S LOOKING AT YOU.......
fancy running a marathon, lifting heavy or even walking the dog brother!! NAH thought not...
The age old saying - you can choose your friends but not your family...
thought i would throw this out to you, it goes on everywhere in every walk of life..
to some it may be insulting to other i may be straight up
keep smiling an channel that energy
Wow! That is all I can say to this one.0 -
Having a 7 and 10 year old myself I can say that had a similar situation occurred here it would have been dealt with immediately. I think the vast majority of parents out there would have done the same. From what you've said it sounds like this child has a lack of guidance. Knowing that I think I could let comments like that go, in terms of hurting me. That being said it certainly should have been addressed with her, maybe not publicly but there should have been a discussion .. and if her mother is not going to do it I think someone in the family needs to. She needs to understand that it's not ok, and maybe she's just looking for that attention, for someone to tell her it's not ok.0
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Thank you for the thoughtful post. I agree with you - insults are insults, whether or not they are true. Like you say, some people are unattractive. Is it ever okay to tell someone they are ugly? I don't think so. Such words are said with ill intent...I do not think it is okay to sell these things as "truths", especially not to young children trying to figure out what is and isn't okay.
why is it an insult????
and yes there are times to let people know they aren't attractive. Like when one of those people can't figure out why they can't get into modelling....
there is a time for truth no matter who you are or what that truth is....
As a parent I raised my son to be tactful but truthful...he is an awful hockey player I didn't raise him telling him he was gonna be the next gretzky...please.
Not all truths aka insults are said with ill intent...such as the one Im saying now.0 -
This made me LOL too.You know whats really bad work with older demented people talk about NO FILTER!! LOL, I walked into a patients room the other day to ask her if she was eating well and she looks at me and goes, "not as well as you." LOL, first it catches you off guard, but you just have to laugh at it. I've walked down the hallways before and I'll hear these sweet little Grandmas go, "Wow, that's a big un." The WWII vets are the most shocking not only do they not have a filter, but they grew up in a time when racial, ethnic, and sexist slurs were the norm.
It is what it is...I cant fault their sweet little demented heads for honesty.
Sorry to derail just made me think about filters and age.
In my mind when I am anywhere near older people or children I am always thinking "please don't say anything, pleaseeee".0 -
I'm not about to criticize anyone personally for their parenting methods.
No, you just jumped straight to criticizing and entire class of people instead.
That's sooo much better.
If I add the word "some" (which is what I and most people mean when they make a general, off the cuff statement), would that make it better?
I really didn't mean to offend anyone. I'm sure most can see that offending others is not my intent. Seems a bit nit-picky to jump on that train, but whatever.0 -
Kids (and apparently some adults) need to be taught that just because you think something, doesn't mean it has to said aloud. You never know who may hear what is said, or repeat it to someone who may be hurt by the comments. It amazes me that anyone would think a disrespectful, mean, or hurtful comment is acceptable, even if true.0
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Thank you for the thoughtful post. I agree with you - insults are insults, whether or not they are true. Like you say, some people are unattractive. Is it ever okay to tell someone they are ugly? I don't think so. Such words are said with ill intent...I do not think it is okay to sell these things as "truths", especially not to young children trying to figure out what is and isn't okay.
why is it an insult????
and yes there are times to let people know they aren't attractive. Like when one of those people can't figure out why they can't get into modelling....
there is a time for truth no matter who you are or what that truth is....
As a parent I raised my son to be tactful but truthful...he is an awful hockey player I didn't raise him telling him he was gonna be the next gretzky...please.
Not all truths aka insults are said with ill intent...such as the one Im saying now.
That's correct! There is a time and a place for hurtful, true comments. A 10 year old calling her aunt fat and her grandmother ugly and old is definitely not one of those situations.
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how old is the little girl? she's either at that age of innocence where kids just blab out whatever they see or the family talks about being fat all the time.
She is 10, almost 11. Plenty old to understand the effect her words have on others. I see that she is struggling to push boundaries and feel people out, and that is okay. I am more than happy to help her through that. It makes me sad, though, because she seems to get quite the kick out of it. At that age, it is not acceptable. A six year old? Yeah! I can see that. But 10-11? Nah.
Your niece is a little *kitten*. Sorry to say it, but it's true. My children would NEVER speak that way of ANYONE, and if they did, their little mouth would get smacked. Sorry she's a little *kitten*. It will likely only get worse with age if she is almost 11 now.0 -
And I don't care who wants to bash me for calling her an *kitten*. She acted like one so she earned the title.0
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And I don't care who wants to bash me for calling her an *kitten*. She acted like one so she earned the title.
Run before it's too late! 0 -
I'm sorry to anyone who went/goes through this, it is really discouraging and annoying!
I remember when I was maybe 12 my cousin saying "My mom and dad (aunt/uncle) said you are fatter than a normal kid your age". He was around 7. Obviously, that stuck with me and I feel that it kind of set a bad taste in my mouth with being around relatives, even though they are perfectly nice people in general. I usually freak out about how I look/etc. This has only made me gain more weight and become more closed off.
I have even skipped Christmas/holidays all together in the past and stayed by myself all day because I was just too fat and didn't want anyone to see me. Pretty depressing.
I am trying to get a different way of looking at it. Now, I am more like "people obviously know I am fat so avoiding things and feeling hostile is just going to take away from my life". Maybe my lax attitude comes from having a baby and not wanting to miss so much, or maybe because I have lost a few pounds instead of gaining them, and I know I can run a faster mile than most of my relatives even if I am fat. Simply because they do not work out at all, except for maybe a few. Either way life is too short and I am trying to think differently. It takes practice and time I think. As long as you are headed in the right healthy direction, you shouldn't worry too much.0 -
I kinda hid from my family because this year I gained over 50lbs. I went to see my granny in San Antonio and I felt the need to explain why I looked the way I did because of an instance the week before (I will get to that in a bit) but I gained my weight by the birth control shot and quitting smoking. My granny is dying of cancer and she said this to me which made me feel better. You quit smoking which is great (her cancer is from smoking she quit 12 years earlier but it was too late) you can lose the weight later. You can do it.
After this I felt better. The week before I was at Walmart and this woman who hasn't seen me in a long time pointed to my stomach and asked what was that. I knew she thougbht I was prego and even after I rudly said fat she kept going saying how I gained so much weight and I need to eat better and even said how my body looked prego. I was blessed with my fathers genes where all my weight is carried in my midsection. I left out of there in tears. But that lady hurt my feelings and I was gonna start the diet on New Years but I started earlier and so far I lost 10lbs.
But my point is, your here on myfitnesspal and your trying. Let them make their comments this year so next year you can WOW them. Add me so we can motivate each other for next Christmas.
WOW. I would NOT have let that go. I'd have embarrassed her to hell and back by being as loud as possible. You obviously knew you had gained weight. She had no right to reduce you to tears. Would she walk up to someone who had a trac in their throat from years of smoking and berate them for having it?
OP, I tell others it's none of their f****** business. Even little kids. "Mind your own business, junior" or "That was rude thing to say to someone. I know I'm overweight."
Sorry, that works me up. Never in a million years would I make a comment to someone about their weight. The ONLY way I would say a word about it is if they ASKED me or wanted advice.
It's not a wake-up call, it's either being cruel, or being oblivious to how that would make someone feel. Your comment ain't gonna make me "open my eyes and see the light", it's just going to make me say something rude right back.0 -
And I don't care who wants to bash me for calling her an *kitten*. She acted like one so she earned the title.
Run before it's too late!
Oh no worries. I've been around here a loooong time. I know how this place works and why. 0 -
how old is the little girl? she's either at that age of innocence where kids just blab out whatever they see or the family talks about being fat all the time.
She is 10, almost 11. Plenty old to understand the effect her words have on others. I see that she is struggling to push boundaries and feel people out, and that is okay. I am more than happy to help her through that. It makes me sad, though, because she seems to get quite the kick out of it. At that age, it is not acceptable. A six year old? Yeah! I can see that. But 10-11? Nah.
Your niece is a little *kitten*. Sorry to say it, but it's true. My children would NEVER speak that way of ANYONE, and if they did, their little mouth would get smacked. Sorry she's a little *kitten*. It will likely only get worse with age if she is almost 11 now.
and Yes physical voilence is the best teaching method...never teach them empathy....*rolls eyes*0 -
I'm sorry to anyone who went/goes through this, it is really discouraging and annoying!
I remember when I was maybe 12 my cousin saying "My mom and dad (aunt/uncle) said you are fatter than a normal kid your age". He was around 7. Obviously, that stuck with me and I feel that it kind of set a bad taste in my mouth with being around relatives, even though they are perfectly nice people in general. I usually freak out about how I look/etc. This has only made me gain more weight and become more closed off.
I have even skipped Christmas/holidays all together in the past and stayed by myself all day because I was just too fat and didn't want anyone to see me. Pretty depressing.
I am trying to get a different way of looking at it. Now, I am more like "people obviously know I am fat so avoiding things and feeling hostile is just going to take away from my life". Maybe my lax attitude comes from having a baby and not wanting to miss so much, or maybe because I have lost a few pounds instead of gaining them, and I know I can run a faster mile than most of my relatives even if I am fat. Simply because they do not work out at all, except for maybe a few. Either way life is too short and I am trying to think differently. It takes practice and time I think. As long as you are headed in the right healthy direction, you shouldn't worry too much.
Thank you. I can relate to a lot of what you shared. Some of us are just more focused on our appearance and how others might react to it. I didn't think it was all that uncommon to hide when you feel ugly!0 -
When I was aroun 20-22 I was babysitting for my nephews who were probably 3 and 7 or so. We were playing sword fights and at that time I was very obese so I took a break by "playing dead." My older nephew said "Why are you so fat?" out of sheer curiosity. I didn't take that as an insult as he was questioning it and not calling me fat directly.
I simply told him "I eat way too much and I don't move enough. It's not fun. make sure to eat healthy and stay active."
It hurt and I still remember it but it was a wake up call, too.
I think if your niece is 10 she should have a filter. But if mom doesn't care then she likely will never develop a filter except by her own accord. Unfortunately, you just have to brush it off.0 -
how old is the little girl? she's either at that age of innocence where kids just blab out whatever they see or the family talks about being fat all the time.
She is 10, almost 11. Plenty old to understand the effect her words have on others. I see that she is struggling to push boundaries and feel people out, and that is okay. I am more than happy to help her through that. It makes me sad, though, because she seems to get quite the kick out of it. At that age, it is not acceptable. A six year old? Yeah! I can see that. But 10-11? Nah.
Your niece is a little *kitten*. Sorry to say it, but it's true. My children would NEVER speak that way of ANYONE, and if they did, their little mouth would get smacked. Sorry she's a little *kitten*. It will likely only get worse with age if she is almost 11 now.
and Yes physical voilence is the best teaching method...never teach them empathy....*rolls eyes*
"physical violence"?? Ok. A quick smack on her mouth is a simple sting that she deserves. This country kills me. If at 11 she doesn't have empathy, she either hasn't been parented right (and by the mother's lack of caring I can guess she hasn't been) or she won't learn by sweet little talks.0 -
Instead of internalizing it, stand up for yourself! If your niece can dish it, she can take it. Ask her why she smells so bad or looks so goofy LOL. You will be smiling instead of crying the remainder of your weekend.0
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