Does anyone actually want help?

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  • MaryMBacon
    MaryMBacon Posts: 94 Member
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    I'm a weight loss coach and I agree. Although sometimes I find people do want help with the tech aspects of MFP and how to use it with some of the linked features such as fitbit.
    Having said that I'd love to have you join my group real people weight loss, I enjoy helping others so if you WANT help or want to be helpful please do join. :) I think I lost a ton of people to the holidays :( it's gotten too quiet.
  • Sandytoes71
    Sandytoes71 Posts: 463 Member
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    I feel people arent compassionate enough!! The way so many people respond with sarcasm and snarkiness makes me upset. And then they defend themselves by saying people dont want to hear the truth. These are "some"of the same people who have no patience or tact. There is never an excuse for that. And by saying this is the internet, is still no excuse for ugliness. It is hard for some people to believe one thing when all they have ever been bombarded with is crap from the fitness industry. And sometimes they have to learn thru trial and error. Seasoned mfpers forget that. That is what I have noticed.
  • Tedebearduff
    Tedebearduff Posts: 1,155 Member
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    Or do you more-so want to vent on these boards? Talk about fads that you cycle through, ask very specific impossible questions to answer in a paragraph, defend the protocol you follow although you may not be seeing ANY results..

    As a fitness professional, i use MFP to help my clients stay accountable and to track my own macros. I occasionally visit the boards to help out, maybe clear up some confusion, answer questions etc...

    Most of the time it seems like people dont really want to hear it? they dont want truths or accuracy. They want...sympathy.

    Can anyone shed some light? or am i just being cynical

    It's the new FB!!! some girl just told me off for explaining to her that sitting around crying about **** isn't getting her anywhere and waiting for a surgery was just another excuse.....because she can't excersize???? huh ?? she walks all the time ... might not be able to run but walking would be more than enough. .... and I got told that I was being rude (she was asking me for help ) and that I was making her angry .. truth hurts I guess and no one wants to hear it.
  • dwithbenefithfc
    dwithbenefithfc Posts: 30
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    I had to change my profile picture from a photo of my delt because (as I should have known better), I got a few back handed remarks about being muscular in private message and on the thread. I'm well aware that isn't everyone's desired physique. I know that few people can dedicate their lives to physique sports etc and I know perfectly well that people have "different goals" (by far the most obvious point made). We know it's common courtesy to not judge someone for being fat, so why would you judge someone for just the opposite?? I guess my question was answers loud and clear. I will worry about my close friends clients and family. You people can buzz off. I won't waste my time talking fitness with MFP'ers...
  • suziepoo1984
    suziepoo1984 Posts: 915 Member
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    Mostly people want to hear what they want to actually do. Like for me, i want people to say eat 2000 calories a day and you will lose weight just fine, but if someone says eat 1500 calories to lose weight, i will go bonkers(no matter how true it is), because thats not something i wanted to hear LOL
  • Melionfire
    Melionfire Posts: 343 Member
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    I understand!! I don't understand why people put up a post in the forums asking what they are doing wrong if they aren't prepared to actually find out the truth!! Plus if they used the search option they would easily get a million answers to their questions. I have never posted in the forums because all my questions have already be answered in the past. I love constructive criticism and advice and would never get mad or defensive because I am aware of what I am doing and know when I am probably not eating the right things or exercising enough!!
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    We want OUR LEVEL of truth meaning if a beginner like me is reading the boards we are discerning whether or not the advice is practical for us. I know my strengths and weaknesses and if I see advice that fits me then yeah I will adhere. But if I see someone saying lift weights 3 days a week ... P90X 2 days...log calories and weigh your food!!!....Then of course you just lost me. Now everything they said is TRUTH and will work but hey that plan personally does not work for me. Just me 2 cents.

    Where did you get lost? When people say they've done EVERYTHING and can't lose weight, that's when people say log calories, weigh food, strength train, etc.. Often times, they haven't "done everything" they can to lose weight.

    I think what she's saying is that this is all very specific and the specifics won't work for her. She's too new to see the general guidelines this advice is based on.

    Maybe she just wants to be told if she eats 'clean' she will magically drop pounds and grow muscles! :bigsmile:
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    Most of the time it seems like people dont really want to hear it? they dont want truths or accuracy. They want...sympathy.

    Can anyone shed some light? or am i just being cynical

    I think until someone is willing and ready to not give themselves excuses, go public with their fitness goals, accept criticism, listen to the advice of others who have been successful, and to work hard and go through the discomfort of giving up old vices.... they might just be looking for a venting board.

    But, everyone has to start somewhere right? Maybe a person needs to get situated and sort out their 'new' lifestyle... Going from a diet of fast food, no exercise, pop, and chips to a life of tracking every morsel on MFP and actually going to the gym is gonna' be a huge shock. And hard. And frustrating. Maybe it'll take an individual trying to "lose 20lbs" as their goal (and not seeing any results for six months) before they realize they NEED to listen to what others are telling them.

    Everyone has to start somewhere... But I think those that are really ready and determined to reach their goals appreciate the tips that are given, and the advice that is counselled to them (even if it's hard to hear!)

    Yes. It really is a journey for most of us. We start out here sure about what we need to do, it doesn't work as planned. We get advice that seems too hard or not disciplined enough. We try some of it. It works better than we thought. Then we realize that it's all very easy once we got out of our own way.

    agreed.
    This person knows her stuff.

    Are you kidding? :blushing:

    not even a little.
    You post with knowledge and respect. :drinker:
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I haven't read all the replies but I think the responses on the first page sums up what many think is wrong with the forums. Not everyone wants "blunt". Especially those that are frustrated, feeling like a failure, or really struggling. When it is obvious that someone's feelings are hurt by blunt answers, more blunt answers is NOT "help".

    There is nothing wrong with giving a pat on the back along with advice. There is nothing wrong with apologizing for being too blunt. Being helpful requires delivering accurate information in a manner that will be accepted.
  • LVCeltGirl
    LVCeltGirl Posts: 473
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    I'm going to answer from the "need help" or more accurately "want help" group of people. I haven't asked the questions because I honestly don't know which questions I feel I need to ask (this is not my first time on this pony ride and I have a lot of knowledge that I'm implementing, so I also often know exactly what I did wrong before the question even forms). I do look at the questions that interest me and read through the advice. I also answer if I have an answer that I"ve learned from a nutritionist or a personal trainer. When I do ask the question, I'm going to want the harsh truth. I may not like it, but I know I want it.

    I implore those of you who do have more knowledge than me to keep responding. It helps people that you don't even realize that it helps. I'm one of those people. I've learned where to go for TDEE (and what TDEE means), the truth about calorie burn numbers on both MFP and the cardio machines I use at the gym, references for lifting and strength training and a lot about macros. So a heartfelt "Thank You" for those of you who've answered in the past and opened my eyes to things I needed to know.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    No. They want to be patted on the head, told it isn't their fault, and to keep doing what they're doing. Oh and heaven forbid your answer is coated in sugar or that you're too the point (Honestly, 75% of the questions are so ridiculous they don't warrant more than a 'no. Stop. Just...stop' ) or that once the question is answered an actual discussion should spring up because that's so mean and supportive and rude and MEAN PEOPLE everywhere.

    I know some people, very knowledge people who know their stuff and actually like to deal in facts and not 'fads', who just flat out won't deal with the forums anymore except to eye roll and make sarcastic remarks. Why? Because there is no point. You may argue and go "No, there is, they just need kindness and honey and rainbows" and I'm gonna tell you ain't no one got the patience to treat a bunch of grown *kitten* adults like five year olds who don't like the taste of medicine.

    At the point where people say weighing and measuring their food isn't advice on their level it's time to just give up on humanity for the year.

    So. You know. Now.
  • stephie_k143
    stephie_k143 Posts: 3 Member
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    I Actually want help!! Its soooo hard doing this on my own! I fall off the wagon to frequently, I need weight loss friends to keep me on track!
  • vjohn04
    vjohn04 Posts: 2,276 Member
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    I had to change my profile picture from a photo of my delt because (as I should have known better), I got a few back handed remarks about being muscular in private message and on the thread. I'm well aware that isn't everyone's desired physique. I know that few people can dedicate their lives to physique sports etc and I know perfectly well that people have "different goals" (by far the most obvious point made). We know it's common courtesy to not judge someone for being fat, so why would you judge someone for just the opposite?? I guess my question was answers loud and clear. I will worry about my close friends clients and family. You people can buzz off. I won't waste my time talking fitness with MFP'ers...

    I'm sorry this happened to you, and I think you're gorgeous.

    Body shaming isn't cool.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Sometimes I post REAL questions, that I actually need help with.


    Usually I get very few responses.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    I had to change my profile picture from a photo of my delt because (as I should have known better), I got a few back handed remarks about being muscular in private message and on the thread. I'm well aware that isn't everyone's desired physique. I know that few people can dedicate their lives to physique sports etc and I know perfectly well that people have "different goals" (by far the most obvious point made). We know it's common courtesy to not judge someone for being fat, so why would you judge someone for just the opposite?? I guess my question was answers loud and clear. I will worry about my close friends clients and family. You people can buzz off. I won't waste my time talking fitness with MFP'ers...

    I'm sorry this happened to you, and I think you're gorgeous.

    Body shaming isn't cool.

    Seriously. Don't DO it.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    I had to change my profile picture from a photo of my delt because (as I should have known better), I got a few back handed remarks about being muscular in private message and on the thread. I'm well aware that isn't everyone's desired physique. I know that few people can dedicate their lives to physique sports etc and I know perfectly well that people have "different goals" (by far the most obvious point made). We know it's common courtesy to not judge someone for being fat, so why would you judge someone for just the opposite?? I guess my question was answers loud and clear. I will worry about my close friends clients and family. You people can buzz off. I won't waste my time talking fitness with MFP'ers...

    Heathens remain heathens. I think your body is fab and the sort of thing I aspire to.
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    I had to change my profile picture from a photo of my delt because (as I should have known better), I got a few back handed remarks about being muscular in private message and on the thread. I'm well aware that isn't everyone's desired physique. I know that few people can dedicate their lives to physique sports etc and I know perfectly well that people have "different goals" (by far the most obvious point made). We know it's common courtesy to not judge someone for being fat, so why would you judge someone for just the opposite?? I guess my question was answers loud and clear. I will worry about my close friends clients and family. You people can buzz off. I won't waste my time talking fitness with MFP'ers...


    Please don't ask for the truth if it will upset you, OP. I don't know what else to tell you.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
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    I had to change my profile picture from a photo of my delt because (as I should have known better), I got a few back handed remarks about being muscular in private message and on the thread. I'm well aware that isn't everyone's desired physique. I know that few people can dedicate their lives to physique sports etc and I know perfectly well that people have "different goals" (by far the most obvious point made). We know it's common courtesy to not judge someone for being fat, so why would you judge someone for just the opposite?? I guess my question was answers loud and clear. I will worry about my close friends clients and family. You people can buzz off. I won't waste my time talking fitness with MFP'ers...

    You serious? Wow, people are so rude.

    I agree though with some of the other posters. Everyone has to start somehwere. I was once one of those people that didn't know anything. I joined this site to make a positive change, and so far, i've been doing it! There's a lot of jerks around here, but there are also a lot of people that genuinly want to help! Everyone does have different goals, and like what a lot of people around here are saying, different strokes for different folks. It can get frustrating seeing people trying fad diets over and over and over, but some of them really just don't know any better (that there are NO shortcuts) and have to waste time and money before they finally try doing it the right way. The one thing that no one can argue and that works for everyone is that calorie deficits result in weight loss. Everything else is personal preference.
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    I don't know what anyone said to OP in private message, but I did NOT body shame her in the least bit.

    I said that we obviously have different goals and she got butthurt.
  • gypsyGIRL159
    gypsyGIRL159 Posts: 78 Member
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    I believe you hit the nail SQUARE ON THE HEAD with TRUTH!

    You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink it.

    I appreciate TRUTH! :flowerforyou:

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