Punishment for my son. I need ideas!
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I drove my daughter to and from school(I would wave to her-blow kisses and wait until she got into the school before driving away)-also threatened to walk her to class in my pajamas if she didn't do the assignments given to her!! She started to do her homework because she knew that i would totally wear my pj's and walk her there !!!0
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You could turn it around. He has $10 cash in a jar at the beginning of each week. Each missed assignment removes a dollar from the jar. The money he earns each week goes into a bigger jar that he cashes out with each report card. An A average earn him 100%. A B average earns 80%. A C average earns 60% Each D removes 10% off the net and a single F wipes out the bank.
He COULD earn $520 this year. Totally up to him. He's got that IN THE BANK if he doesn't mess up. Or...he could give it all away. His choice.
My perspective is that there are natural consequences to his behaviors. But they are too far in the future for him to comprehend at this age. The problem is to incentivize him in a way that makes these consequences real in the near term. The point here isn't to "pay for grades," it's to create an environment that reflects the information he should be getting from the grades.
I really like this. My 4 year old has chores (clear his dishes from the table, feed the dogs, clean up his toys & books, start the dishwasher) and he starts every day with 25 cents. If he does everything he needs to for that day without complaining he gets the money plus a bonus at bed, if he does everything he needs and complains he just gets the .25, if he doesn't do what he's supposed to do he pays me the .25 and to add insult to injury he has to physically go himself to his bank and hand the money to me. He has no real concept of money, but so far this system works well for us.
My step dad paid me for grades on my report card, it was a great incentive ($100 for an A, $50 for a B, nothing for a C, -$50 for a D, and all money lost for an F). He always said the school was work and if people get paid to produce at work kids should get paid to produce at school. Still makes sense to me.0 -
If you are certain the issue is thoughtlessness and lack of motivation, and not that he needs extra help, then maybe punishing him is not the answer. It is not doing the trick, so could be the wrong approach. How about rewarding him? Not for every piece of paper or assignment, but give him something to work toward. If he manages his assignments for a week, he gets "x", for a month he gets "y" and for a full quarter he gets "z."
I have a 13 year old and I have found that punishment just gets me a more unpleasant kid and her stubborn streak makes her dig in her heels. If she has something to work toward, then she is more motivated. The teachers do not have the time or energy to motivate these hormonal middle schoolers and the kids don't quite grasp the importance of good grades at this age. I use poker chips with a dollar value. This because she really likes to buy makeup and it makes her want to earn those chips so she can shop more! Added bonus...when out shopping, she is not nagging me to buy her stuff as she knows she has to earn it herself. Rewards don't have to be money. They can be anything that gets his juices flowing.
Just a suggestion. This works for me and for my kid, but may not work as well for others.0 -
I had this problem when I was in school. I had a hard time in school (with the people, not the classes) and my home life was having some problems too. Child of divorce, my parents both went through chemo at separate times.... Anyways, one of my teachers set up a system where I had to have every teacher sign a sheet of paper and list what homework assignments I had, if any, and then I had to have one of my parents sign it to certify that is was done every day and then the teachers would sign again once the homework was turned in. If I went a whole week and got all the signatures, I would get a treat. One week the teacher who put the system in motion took me out for something to eat at a restaurant of my choosing. I could get "anytime" use hall passes, even monetary rewards. It helped me a lot.0
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Maybe it's not my place to judge, but since you've tried punishing him in so many ways, maybe it's time to try a different strategy instead of punishing him even more? Have you tried to get to the root of the problem? I mean, have you tried talking to him about why he's not doing his homework? It sounds to me like something is bothering him. Maybe he's being bullied at school? You've taken like literally everything away from him so what is he even doing now? He's not doing his homework. I think the best thing to do is to force him to sit down with you, take out his homework, and help him with it until he's finished. Make sure he puts his name on it and everything. Tell him you'll give him back a few of his things if he sits down with you and does his homework. It's been proven already that by rewarding people for doing good things will motivate them more than punishing them for not doing what they're supposed to.0
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My 12 year old son has decided that, now that he's in 7th grade, he knows everything and no longer needs to do his homework.
Ok, not really. He's just doing that stupid pre-teen, hormone-driven thing where half the time they don't do their homework and the other half of the time they do it, but forget to turn it in.
I have taken away everything I can think of. The kid has no life anymore. I am out of things to take away unless I'm going to start denying him necessities such as food and shelter--which I haven't ruled out entirely if this continues.
This kid just won't budge. So, I have decided that the next thing to try will be to show him what a lack of basic education will get him in life by forcing him to perform manual labor around the house for free. I am thinking I will assign 1 task per missed homework assignment on top of making up that homework assignment. In addition, 1 task will be assigned per class which has a grade of C or below.
This is where you all come in. I need ideas. What sorts of chores can a 12 year old boy do that will make him prefer to do his homework over performing that task? Here's my list so far:
1. Clean the dog kennel.
2. Clean the bathrooms.
3. Fold laundry (everyone's; not just his own).
4. Do the dishes.
Aaaaaaaaaaand.....GO!
I got straight Ds in 7th grade and was a terrible student. Well, then I went on and graduated from a great university with an incredible GPA and have a career lined up perfectly. Teach the kid about doing the right thing, but don't worry too much about 7th grade. It is a year better for developing social skills than it is doing homework.0 -
Don't be a helicopter parent. There are natural consquences for him not doing his homework. He'll experience them and make changes. It's hard to sit back and let him do that but in the long run, both of your lives will be much better and less stressful.
The all-knowing, all-powerful Max
(pay no attention the man behind the curtain)
I agree, helicopter parents make life difficult for their children. Let him fail. What happens to you when you don't do something you are supposed to do.....there is a consequence. Let him learn about consequences. There is no better teacher than failure.
Exactly. Unless you want to follow him around his whole life "making" him be responsible. If he fails a grade, he repeats. Unfortunately that is where a parent freaks out and starts trying to fix everything instead of letting the kid experience consequences. 7th grade is old enough to learn to take responsibility for their own choices and actions.0 -
My parents had a grade/freedom chart. Down the left side it had all the things I did: watch tv, have tv in room, be out past dark, have car, drive car, play sports, go to friends etc etc etc. Across the top was GPA (from 0.0 – 4.0). Depending on what the freedom was, I had to maintain a certain GPA. I might only have to have a 3.0 to own my car, but I would have to have a 3.7 to actually drive the thing. Every quarter, we’d take my report card, figure the GPA and lay a ruler down the chart to see what I could and couldn’t do, what I was going to get or get taken away, how cool my life was going to be or how bad it was going to suck. I hated that effing chart but looking back I think it was an excellent approach. It gave a clear explanation of consequences vs. expectations. It was way better than having something happen, my parents get pissed and randomly select a punishment. I knew that if I didn’t keep my grades at a certain level, exactly what I was going to lose. It sounds like you’re taking his stuff away when he does badly. This only allows him to react to the sudden change and possible just get pissed at you instead of accept he did this.
I think sounds very interesting...but not sure it would work on all kids. I was a rebel-child and that sort of chart seems it would work for a parent-pleaser. Unless my parents had started it an earlier age....I think I started going down hill around 14.......my grades sucked well before that!0 -
Don't be a helicopter parent. There are natural consquences for him not doing his homework. He'll experience them and make changes. It's hard to sit back and let him do that but in the long run, both of your lives will be much better and less stressful.
The all-knowing, all-powerful Max
(pay no attention the man behind the curtain)
That didnt work for my youngest son. Some kids just dont care, hence, you need parental involvement0 -
burpees.
That will do it!!!! I shudder at the thought of them!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!0 -
You could turn it around. He has $10 cash in a jar at the beginning of each week. Each missed assignment removes a dollar from the jar. The money he earns each week goes into a bigger jar that he cashes out with each report card. An A average earn him 100%. A B average earns 80%. A C average earns 60% Each D removes 10% off the net and a single F wipes out the bank.
He COULD earn $520 this year. Totally up to him. He's got that IN THE BANK if he doesn't mess up. Or...he could give it all away. His choice.
My perspective is that there are natural consequences to his behaviors. But they are too far in the future for him to comprehend at this age. The problem is to incentivize him in a way that makes these consequences real in the near term. The point here isn't to "pay for grades," it's to create an environment that reflects the information he should be getting from the grades.
I really like this. My 4 year old has chores (clear his dishes from the table, feed the dogs, clean up his toys & books, start the dishwasher) and he starts every day with 25 cents. If he does everything he needs to for that day without complaining he gets the money plus a bonus at bed, if he does everything he needs and complains he just gets the .25, if he doesn't do what he's supposed to do he pays me the .25 and to add insult to injury he has to physically go himself to his bank and hand the money to me. He has no real concept of money, but so far this system works well for us.
My step dad paid me for grades on my report card, it was a great incentive ($100 for an A, $50 for a B, nothing for a C, -$50 for a D, and all money lost for an F). He always said the school was work and if people get paid to produce at work kids should get paid to produce at school. Still makes sense to me.
Ahh yes, the money incentive. I actually forgot about that one because my parents still owe me $1600 but I'm not going to ask for it now. They came up with the incentive that if we're on the honor roll, we would get $100. It was made mainly so that my brother would concentrate on homework and his grades more. He made the honor roll once, I made it every time.0 -
My parents had a grade/freedom chart. Down the left side it had all the things I did: watch tv, have tv in room, be out past dark, have car, drive car, play sports, go to friends etc etc etc. Across the top was GPA (from 0.0 – 4.0). Depending on what the freedom was, I had to maintain a certain GPA. I might only have to have a 3.0 to own my car, but I would have to have a 3.7 to actually drive the thing. Every quarter, we’d take my report card, figure the GPA and lay a ruler down the chart to see what I could and couldn’t do, what I was going to get or get taken away, how cool my life was going to be or how bad it was going to suck. I hated that effing chart but looking back I think it was an excellent approach. It gave a clear explanation of consequences vs. expectations. It was way better than having something happen, my parents get pissed and randomly select a punishment. I knew that if I didn’t keep my grades at a certain level, exactly what I was going to lose. It sounds like you’re taking his stuff away when he does badly. This only allows him to react to the sudden change and possible just get pissed at you instead of accept he did this.
I think sounds very interesting...but not sure it would work on all kids. I was a rebel-child and that sort of chart seems it would work for a parent-pleaser. Unless my parents had started it an earlier age....I think I started going down hill around 14.......my grades sucked well before that!
The key to this is making it about what the KID wants. It's their choice what level of reward/consequence they get each report card. The parent in this situation shouldn't be nagging or even closely monitoring, not even a guilt trip if the grades come back poor. The kid made the choice, the parent just follows the plan that has already been agreed upon.0 -
Don't be a helicopter parent. There are natural consquences for him not doing his homework. He'll experience them and make changes. It's hard to sit back and let him do that but in the long run, both of your lives will be much better and less stressful.
The all-knowing, all-powerful Max
(pay no attention the man behind the curtain)
I agree, helicopter parents make life difficult for their children. Let him fail. What happens to you when you don't do something you are supposed to do.....there is a consequence. Let him learn about consequences. There is no better teacher than failure.
Exactly. Unless you want to follow him around his whole life "making" him be responsible. If he fails a grade, he repeats. Unfortunately that is where a parent freaks out and starts trying to fix everything instead of letting the kid experience consequences. 7th grade is old enough to learn to take responsibility for their own choices and actions.
Well I guess somebody has to flip burgers and clean toilets.0 -
Also, as a teacher, can I PLEASE suggest that you check up on your school district's Grade Repair and Credit Recovery programs. Good luck trying to get your kid to do work when the school will just let them retake the class 15 times over on a computer based system until they finally randomly click enough right answers to score a 70.
My brother walked in and scored a 30 on his ACT's but FAILED his senior english and history classes. Why? Because he could just retake them on computer whenever he felt like it.
This is a HUGE problem in several states and teachers are beating their heads against the wall over this.
I'm re-posting this. I would agree with the "let them fail and repeat" comments if that is what actually happened anymore. Parents do not realize how badly off track the school systems have gotten with this crap. ANY student can retake the class for free as many times as they want, retake the exams as many times as they want etc.
As a teacher, I am REQUIRED by my district to allow my students to retake any test, redo any assignment, turn in late work whenever they feel like it and still get a grade, and if after ALL of that, the student still fails, I am REQUIRED to provide a Grade Repair option so that they can retake the entire six weeks, and there is no time limit for them to do this. It can be a week before the end of the year when they turn in their Grade Repair for ALL FIVE previous six weeks, and I still have to grade it and give them credit. Trust me, it is NOT just my school district, it's not even just my State where this happens.0 -
I can explain this best by sharing my story.
I was failing classes my freshman year in high school. My teachers thought I wasn't very bright. My parents lectured me but left it up to me to learn my lesson with having to repeat classes. One day my Social Studies teacher told us we could do any project at the end of any chapter we covered. One was make a chart of the solar system. I get a giant poster board, create a 'to-scale' chart in as close to acturate colors as possible. I took it farther by adding a one page report on each planet and the moon and sun. This lead to a huge meeting of my teachers and the school counselors in which they all ended up discussing and comparing notes on me. This lead to them all having a meeting with my parents.
I was both bored and disliked many teachers. I was bored because the courses and work were not interesting and if I could pass a test why do busy work. The thing I couldn't do much about were tenured teachers with questionable ethics. That Social Studies teacher flat out told the class that he liked Lasagna and if anyone had mothers who made good Lasagna they could raise their grades by bring in pans of Lasagna for him. My science teacher had a bad habit of looking down peoples shirts. My Debate teacher handed the books and materials to the class and said there you go, you are on your own. She was more involved in actual teaching for speach class, but her attitude in Drama colored my opinion of her and I couldn't be bothered since she couldnt' be bothered. Only my English teacher knew I was actually fairly bright.
What my teachers didn't know was that after school I had to wait a couple hours for my ride home. I walked to the public library and read what I was interested in. I read Greek Mythology, I read Homer. I read Archeology and Anthropology. I read what I could of the Astronomy books that were not too heavy into the math and science since math was my weakest area. I read compairitive religion and myths and legends of various Native American tribes as well as histories of various tribes.
Admittedly, many people won't be doing that. But this was the 1980's and we didn't have all these electronic toys available to kill time.
My point is to actually try to find out what it going on and why the homework isn't getting done. There could be a lot of reasons. Punishing the behavior of not doing homework isn't going to ever do any good if the root cause of the behavior is unknown.0 -
Don't be a helicopter parent. There are natural consquences for him not doing his homework. He'll experience them and make changes. It's hard to sit back and let him do that but in the long run, both of your lives will be much better and less stressful.
The all-knowing, all-powerful Max
(pay no attention the man behind the curtain)
I agree, helicopter parents make life difficult for their children. Let him fail. What happens to you when you don't do something you are supposed to do.....there is a consequence. Let him learn about consequences. There is no better teacher than failure.
Exactly. Unless you want to follow him around his whole life "making" him be responsible. If he fails a grade, he repeats. Unfortunately that is where a parent freaks out and starts trying to fix everything instead of letting the kid experience consequences. 7th grade is old enough to learn to take responsibility for their own choices and actions.
Well I guess somebody has to flip burgers and clean toilets.
Yes. And it will be someone who has learned responsibility and showing up on time, and getting the job done. I see no need to insult someone who flips burgers or cleans toilets.0 -
My parents had a grade/freedom chart. Down the left side it had all the things I did: watch tv, have tv in room, be out past dark, have car, drive car, play sports, go to friends etc etc etc. Across the top was GPA (from 0.0 – 4.0). Depending on what the freedom was, I had to maintain a certain GPA. I might only have to have a 3.0 to own my car, but I would have to have a 3.7 to actually drive the thing. Every quarter, we’d take my report card, figure the GPA and lay a ruler down the chart to see what I could and couldn’t do, what I was going to get or get taken away, how cool my life was going to be or how bad it was going to suck. I hated that effing chart but looking back I think it was an excellent approach. It gave a clear explanation of consequences vs. expectations. It was way better than having something happen, my parents get pissed and randomly select a punishment. I knew that if I didn’t keep my grades at a certain level, exactly what I was going to lose. It sounds like you’re taking his stuff away when he does badly. This only allows him to react to the sudden change and possible just get pissed at you instead of accept he did this.
I think sounds very interesting...but not sure it would work on all kids. I was a rebel-child and that sort of chart seems it would work for a parent-pleaser. Unless my parents had started it an earlier age....I think I started going down hill around 14.......my grades sucked well before that!
The key to this is making it about what the KID wants. It's their choice what level of reward/consequence they get each report card. The parent in this situation shouldn't be nagging or even closely monitoring, not even a guilt trip if the grades come back poor. The kid made the choice, the parent just follows the plan that has already been agreed upon.
You know, it's a great method, but honestly, it doesn't work on all kids and it doesn't matter the age. I've tried things like this with my youngest and it just doesn't motivate her. As a matter of fact, she will intentionally do pooly just to show you that it won't motivate her.0 -
Don't be a helicopter parent. There are natural consquences for him not doing his homework. He'll experience them and make changes. It's hard to sit back and let him do that but in the long run, both of your lives will be much better and less stressful.
The all-knowing, all-powerful Max
(pay no attention the man behind the curtain)
I agree, helicopter parents make life difficult for their children. Let him fail. What happens to you when you don't do something you are supposed to do.....there is a consequence. Let him learn about consequences. There is no better teacher than failure.
Exactly. Unless you want to follow him around his whole life "making" him be responsible. If he fails a grade, he repeats. Unfortunately that is where a parent freaks out and starts trying to fix everything instead of letting the kid experience consequences. 7th grade is old enough to learn to take responsibility for their own choices and actions.
Well I guess somebody has to flip burgers and clean toilets.
Yes. And it will be someone who has learned responsibility and showing up on time, and getting the job done. I see no need to insult someone who flips burgers or cleans toilets.
I'm not exactly sure how indicating that someone who fails the 7th grade is likely to be flipping burgers and cleaning toilets for a living is an insult, but if you see something derogatory in that declaration, then perhaps you should encourage your kids to take their education seriously.0 -
The key to this is making it about what the KID wants. It's their choice what level of reward/consequence they get each report card. The parent in this situation shouldn't be nagging or even closely monitoring, not even a guilt trip if the grades come back poor. The kid made the choice, the parent just follows the plan that has already been agreed upon.
You know, it's a great method, but honestly, it doesn't work on all kids and it doesn't matter the age. I've tried things like this with my youngest and it just doesn't motivate her. As a matter of fact, she will intentionally do pooly just to show you that it won't motivate her.
Your kid sounds like me in elementary school. I did grow out of it, but it is true that each kid will be different. BUT, when talking law of averages, this technique seems to be the one that works for the largest number of people.0 -
Wow, I remember going through this with my son. In middle school I just prayed for him to pass. When he was a Freshman, it got a "little" better (Mostly C's, some D's). Junior year A & B's. Senior year, straight A's and he decided he liked school! It will get better!0
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