Punishment for my son. I need ideas!

I teach 7th grade. My advice would be to, as much as possible, focus on the positive. If he does one assignment, give him 15 minutes of screen time. If he does two, give him 20 minutes. Baby steps...

Why aren't all you nice teacher people in this thread teaching at his school?!

My son's math teacher just laughed when I suggested that he might be bored and in need of more challenging work, and said she would never consider moving him forward with his homework issue. If anything, she would move him BACK. I told her that was a great idea--so he could not turn his homework in for that class too AND not learn anything AND fail AND have to do it again.

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!

If a kid's bored, moving them forward can sometimes help the issue. I would NEVER suggest moving a kid back due to lack of homework completion. As far as moving him ahead, I'd have some reservations. How can I tell what a kid knows if they don't do anything? It's a tricky situation.

I have a 13 year old who won't do homework or chores around the house without my throwing a hisses fit and crying. I have found that at this age he values his privacy very much. The best I can do is threaten him with the removal of his bedroom door. Try that for a week and see if that helps.

I have a teenage daughter that sort of went through this. Never to this extreme though. She never "tried". She did fine on tests and stuff but barely did homework and did the bare minimum when it came to projects. She didn't fail but it did earn her D's and C's.

Same timing though. Some kids just think they know it all for a little while. And then they don't, and then they do again. I hear somewhere in the mid 20's we can expect our kids to start appreciating everything we do.

That being said I didn't hover. I mentioned occasionally and punishments were doled out based on report cards. Each C was a week of cleaning, each D two weeks and each F would have been a month but luckily it never went there.

After the third round of punishments she made some snarky teenage comment about how having to clean clearly wasn't changing anything and I explained to her that one of two things was going to happen:

A) She would eventually get tired of picking up after all of us and get her act together
or
I was preparing her for life because if she wasn't going to try to succeed she had better get used to having to clean up after people.

Then I tipped over the salt shaker and let it spill on the table, smiled and walked out. We still laugh about that. :laugh:

Every kid is different and unfortunately its going to be a lot of trial and error of anything and (almost) everything your MFP pals are suggesting.

Good luck!

I haven't read all the responses, so apologies if this is redundant.
You are describing me, from about the seventh grade through high school. There was nothing my mother could say or do that worked. But then, she never sat down and talked to me about it, nor asked me what or what it would take. Have you considered giving him some control of the situation? There is a couple of excellent books out that I think my help. I think it might have helped in my situation.
How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. (Read this one first)
How to talk so teens will listen and listen so teens will talk.
What have you got to lose?

Get him to clean the toilet and then tell him thats his job for life if he is lucky if he doesn't get a good education!!!!!!

I teach high school. I can tell you with certainty that kids do not have the capacity at this age (7th grade to about 10th grade) to see how not doing their math homework is going to affect their career choice when they are 25. I teach seniors that think once they are accepted to college they can fail the rest of the year as they are already accepted into college. These kids are 18 years old. Some have lost scholarships etc but they just don't believe those that know better when they don't want to. Not all kids/ teens/ students etc are clueless, but it is not uncommon.

I say back off the kid but set a consequence at report card time. Make sure the consequence is reasonable. Do not ask a kid who has never gotten straight A's to get all A's "or else" but set a consequence like that makes sense for that kid. For instance, all grades must be higher than a C and at least as good as reported at the last progress report at year's end or there will be a weekly book report due during the summer to earn the right to play XBox..etc.

Offer whatever assistance he might require to earn high marks, like a tutor if he feels he needs one, an appropriate newly appropriated study area, new highlighters ,etc. Set him up for success and see what he does with it but have some medium term goals/consequences (further than a few weeks away but less than ...he won't get into a good college...ie end of the term) in place so he does not get to high school behind and frustrated.

Have him pick up trash along a two mile length of road.

Then let him know since this is what he is aspiring to, he may as well get used to it now.

From that point on, give him the opportunity to do 2 hours of picking up trash or 2 hours of homework.

As a secondary affect, you get a four mile walk for exercise.

Did this for my son twice when he was 12, it solved the problem.

Just one old man's opinion..............

I like you. You're smart.

Nice set of exercises for chastising a wayward son.
Awesome OP that you are motivated toward your son.
When I think of punishment, I think of something that the governing authorities would do TO your son.
When I think of CHASTISEMENT, I think of something that you, a parent, would to FOR your son.

A few more things to clarify:

1. My kids all do regular chores. They do not get paid for these chores because that's part of being a family. We work together to take care of things around the house. The chores I listed are the things that I will normally pay a small allowance for. These are "extras", so that they have an opportunity to make some money and learn to manage it. But only after regular chores are done. I have 5 children at home. No free rides! I regularly get compliments on how clean my house is though.

2. Several people asked if he may be struggling with the material. I should have included in my OP that, while my son is failing several classes, it is ONLY because of the missing homework. For instance, in Advanced Math, he has a 98% average for tests, quizzes and classwork, but a 45% in homework. So, he's failing. It is the same story with the other classes. He understands. This is strictly a homework driven.

3. I can't try the "take away privacy" thing. He shares a room with his 8 year old step brother. He pretty much has no privacy anyway. Never has. :laugh:

ETA: I can't spell.

I have a 12 year old son...this sounds so much like him. He is in 7th grade but he's taking high school courses....he's at a high school. If he doesn't keep up, he'll have to go back to his old school, otherwise next year, he'll be in 9th grade. He loves it, so I know he would be disappointed if he had to go back to his old school next year. Fortunately he has a 26 year old brother who's constantly on him concerning his grades and why it's important to keep his grades up... (besides his Dad and I). We can all check his status online daily, so if he has any missing homework, we know right away. After struggling with him this last semester, I've decided to take this approach. I check his grades/missing homework before I pick him up from school. If nothing is missing, his computer is on his desk...if not...it's gone. There is no conversation about it. As far as his bedtime, he has to have his homework done by a certain time and if it's done he can stay up another hour. He's constantly telling me that he's older now and I need to give him more freedom. I found that the more I told him to do anything, the less he did.:noway: So, I've decided to take the other approach and back off. It actually has been working. In fact he has been getting ready early in the morning and we've been to school early since coming back from winter break. Last semester, he was late often and our mornings were stressful. So far, mornings have been peaceful! :happy:

Sit at the table with him, giving him nothing to do other than his homework, until it's done - after which, you can reward him with free time.

My 12 year old son has decided that, now that he's in 7th grade, he knows everything and no longer needs to do his homework.

Every male does that. Wave goodbye to him, with any luck he'll be back when he turns 30.

I have taken away everything I can think of. The kid has no life anymore.

And you wonder why he's arching his back? He's showing he has a backbone, this is a positive thing.

This is where you all come in. I need ideas. What sorts of chores can a 12 year old boy do that will make him prefer to do his homework...

:laugh:

None. Such a thing doesn't exist.

There are natural consequences for not doing your homework. If you have really taken everything away, I am pretty sure he's at the point where he doesn't care. What you have been doing hasn't worked, so why continue on the same path?

Since he has nothing, can he earn back his stuff by doing his homework? You have to motivate him with a positive. Cleaning the toilet 10x isn't going to set off a light bulb in his mind that makes him do his homework,.

from experience I was a hell raiser, what needs to happen is give back everything you took away.
show him as much love as you can.
the result is turn around and have the bottom line talk.



" YOU WANT TO BE A F#&% UP then do be it"
I wont be around to see you fail.

then ask,
" DO YOU THINK I WANT SO SEE YOU BECOME A SCUM IN LIFE"
make him realize your serious. when you give him back what he wants he will be thinking things are going back to normal when really they are not.
the hardest thing is as a parent is thinking your doing the right thing.
I came from a family that was not supportive and they did what your doing.
give it all back and BLUNTLY tell him, Here is everyhthing back and you will now BECOME a F*#& up in life, enjoy.
once they realize what is takeing place maybe they will come to terms but in all honesty, its kinda like this ........


take one step, then another, then take one step back, look behind you and see how far you got, in life you will travel many roads and take many paths. people will tell you how to live your life but sometimes, you just need to live it yourself and make your own mistakes, and weather you learn from those mistakes when they happen, then that is the key. as you take every step in life there will either be good or bad, but regardless what happends when you do, that is the learning process of what just took place. Humans make choices, we may not make the right choice every time but that is the point of growing and finding out who you are today.

your welcome..


have a wonderful rest of your week.

Trev Nielsen.

Wow! I just came up for air at work and checked back in here. Thank you so much for all your input!

This is the part where I'm supposed to get really butthurt at the criticism and then not take any advice because I'm already doing everything right...right?! Just kidding! A lot of you have made some really good points. It's going to take me a while to read through all of this. And now I have many more parenting tools at my disposal. So really, thank you!

I would like to address a couple points: SonofaBeach14 - You make and excellent point. I do sit down with all my kids to work on homework most nights. Unfortunately, my son isn't always forthcoming with the assignments, so there is a hurdle there. I'm not sure how to overcome it, but I'll give it some thought.

To all of the suggestions that I take things away, I agree whole-heartedly with this approach. It worked wonders on my daughter who is now in high school. I have already been doing this with my son though, and it's not working. I mentioned in my OP that I have run out of things to take, so that's why I'm trying a new approach. Kids are different and react to different things. I just have to figure out what his is.

Someone suggested tracking his work online--which I do, but should do more.

There is the argument of whether or not I'm a "helicopter parent". I've never considered myself to be hovering and tried to maintain separation to let the teachers do their jobs (education) and me do mine (life skills and discipline). I am a huge believer in letting kids suffer the natural consequences of their actions. I try to mitigate some of the more dramatic consequences though. I will consider the possibility that my son is one of those kids who may need to *really* fail.

I will consider positive reinforcement options, as well.

Anyway, I have lots to think about now. And since I have 3 more kids who will probably go through this same thing, I'll be bookmarking this for future use! :drinker:

Not all kids are the same, my mother never needed to make me study once I got to about 12 or 13, I just did it, but she did have schemes like this for my other siblings which did work.

However, when my parents DID try to make me do something, I just would not do it. In this case I identify a lot with your son.

Everyone wants me to tidy my room? My room stays messy.
Everyone wants me to get my drivers license? I still don't have one.

I am losing weight, my boyfriend starts trying to 'encourage me', I stop losing weight until he becomes my ex, at which point I get back on track.

For me to do something I need to want it. If I don't want it, no matter how much people threaten or conjole me it won't happen.

When I do want something I have been generally successful in achieving it.


My view is that punishment has not worked thus far, hence it will continue to not work.

You need to find out how to make him want to do his homework. The most likely thing to work will be if he starts to enjoy learning.

What interests him? What does he like to do? This might give the key to providing the motivation to get him studying. I admit I have not had children myself, but I do work a lot with teenagers, and it was not that long ago I was one myself. My experience is that once kids know what they 'want to do when they grow up' and they discover the path to get there (with or without adult guidance) they stay reasonable motivated (to at least achieve the requirements for what they want to do). It is the kids with no idea what they want to do with life that can be the hardest to motivate.

One girl really struggled with her last two years of school. She didn't want to go back for the last year of school, and wanted to drop out. I told her that if she was not enjoying school, it might be good for her to do so, but that she needed to find something else to do, work or study, and not just drop out to do nothing. She found a work/study program which involved her working in schools as a teacher aide, and after she started working there she just became a happier person. She's not too sure what she will do into the future, but is looking at early childhood education.


I don't know if I have said anything helpful that hasn't been said before. I hope you gleamed something out of my post.


EDIT: I just read the post about him getting 98% in tests and 45% in homework.
I know what the problem is. Homework bores him and he thinks it is pointless.

Make him listen to Justin Bieber and New Direction on a daily basis..............take away all of HIS music - ONLY Bieber and New DIrection.

Being a 12 year old boy - this might make him snap out of it....................

THIS.