Needing a man's perspective...

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  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    I wish my wife made enough that I could be a stay at home dad. I'd totally be OK with that.
  • KatrinaWilke
    KatrinaWilke Posts: 372 Member
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    I think this is a stupid question to ask in the first place. What difference does it make which spouse is making more money? I have a vagina and my husband has a penis. Why does that even come into play about who is making more money!?!?! Seriously this pisses me off! It is 2014 people, this kind of sexism is so outdated!
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,324 Member
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    I think this is a stupid question to ask in the first place. What difference does it make which spouse is make more money?

    some dudes are insecure.
    I have a vagina

    giphy.gif
  • tlcarolinagirl
    tlcarolinagirl Posts: 1,700 Member
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    I think this is a stupid question to ask in the first place. What difference does it make which spouse is make more money? I have a vagina and my husband has a penis. Why does that even come into play about who is making more money!?!?! Seriously this pisses me off! It is 2014 people, this kind of sexism is so outdated!

    Thanks. I've always be told there are no stupid questions, but clearly that was wrong. I agree it shouldn't matter. Who cares? But the reality is, it does still bother some men, which baffles me.
  • KatrinaWilke
    KatrinaWilke Posts: 372 Member
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    I think this is a stupid question to ask in the first place. What difference does it make which spouse is make more money?

    some dudes are insecure.
    I have a vagina

    giphy.gif

    HAHA! Way to pick out the important parts!
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
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    My woman will always make more money than me........She smart, I stoopid
  • KatrinaWilke
    KatrinaWilke Posts: 372 Member
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    Thanks. I've always be told there are no stupid questions, but clearly that was wrong. I agree it shouldn't matter. Who cares? But the reality is, it does still bother some men, which baffles me.

    I guess the more PC way to state it is, I think it is stupid to HAVE to ask that question in the first place.
  • gelendestrasse
    gelendestrasse Posts: 204
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    No, not at all.
  • logicman69
    logicman69 Posts: 1,034 Member
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    I would not feel bad at all. There has been times when my wife has made more than me. There are times when I make more than her. The thing is, we don't rub it in each others faces if one makes more than the other.
  • capnrus789
    capnrus789 Posts: 2,736 Member
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    My wife recently receivved her accounting degree. With a little bit of luck, she'll be making substantially more than me in a few years, and I'm totally OK with that. I prefer it. In fact, if it would lead me to be a stay at home dad, I'm all for it!
  • SamanthaD1218
    SamanthaD1218 Posts: 304 Member
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    I make a lot more than my job title might suggest, so I don't think that most guys I've dated were aware that I made more than them. I never brought it up and I think they assumed they were the main "breadwinners." Live and let live!
  • theciscoshow
    theciscoshow Posts: 1
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    Never had a wife or GF who made more than me so I can only say how I think I would react to it. I would have no problem with it, but that might be because I don't use the fact that I make the most money to put myself in a power position over my wife. I would love it if my wife made more than me. Would take some of the pressure off.

    If our man is having this problem it is more likely that his real problem is low self esteem.
  • fishnbrah
    fishnbrah Posts: 550
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    Do you have a problem with your woman making more money than you? Yes, this is a serious question. I know men who have major "power" issues with their woman making more money than they do. They don't mind spending it, but it's clear they feel threatened by it when they bring it up often. What do you think?

    not me, thats my dream. to have a sugar momma.
  • nancybuss
    nancybuss Posts: 1,461 Member
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    I don't think you'll get a lot of "Yes its an issue" answers.

    But once it happens, sometimes its different.

    My EX would Tell you time and time again he didn't mind that I made more (and we're not talking a big difference) but overall I think he had low self-esteem and it did bother him. Not the actual money, but it fed into his "I'm not Good Enough" for her, even though I never felt that way.
  • Modern_Warrior
    Modern_Warrior Posts: 163
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    I do think it has to do with self-esteem, but a good bit may come down to how he was brought up. I know this sounds stupid, but I can see why this could become a stressor in your relationship. I'm secure enough to deal with it, but it would be a bit of a challenge for me. I suspect this is where you will have to go the extra mile to work with him. It will take time and effort for you both. You must both be willing to face this issue as you would any other. Counselling may also be useful, but this may be a more difficult road than you realize. Just my thoughts.
  • trojan_bb
    trojan_bb Posts: 699 Member
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    I think this is a stupid question to ask in the first place. What difference does it make which spouse is making more money? I have a vagina and my husband has a penis. Why does that even come into play about who is making more money!?!?! Seriously this pisses me off! It is 2014 people, this kind of sexism is so outdated!

    It has nothing to do with sexism. Everything to do with male insecurities. I can't relate as I make good money and my girlfriends have always been on the low wage side, but men like to feel like they contribute. If the woman makes the money, and does the chores, and births/raises the children etc etc, it's pretty logical that some men would feel insecure (yes, some men do these homemaking things too, thats not the point). Everyone wants to provide value. It works both ways. Plenty of women feel insecure about their income. I know this firsthand.
  • IPAkiller
    IPAkiller Posts: 711 Member
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    I know you wanted this from a mans perspective, but I thought I'd share anyway :laugh:

    For years I worked while my ex husband stayed at home with the kids (he was only making enough to cover gas and daycare expenses anyway, it was a mutual decision). He didn't care that I made all the money for the household, but it did eventually start to bother me. We agreed that he would stay home as long as it didn't hurt us financially, and it never really did. However, he wouldn't do much around the house while he was home. I was still doing laundry, still doing dishes, still cleaning up the house. It was very frustrating for me. Plenty of other things happened that led to us divorcing, but this was part of it. I began to resent him for not pulling equal weight (not financial weight, but household weight) in our partnership.

    I have been through exactly this. My problem now is I feel like I shouldn't have to do EVERYTHING around the house. I don't bring up the money issue with him bc I don't care about it, but I shouldn't have to bust my butt at work all day, then come home to cook, clean, homework, pets, everything while the man comes home and kicks off his boots and grabs a beer. Venting complete.

    I totally get where you're both coming from, but I also get IPAkiller's point(s).
    I only work part time, but it's 2nd shift as a nurse.
    Some nights I really bust my butt and by the time I get home, I'm dead tired and I don't want to have to worry about school lunches, home work etc. for the next day.
    It's not so easy to see him sitting there with his feet propped up in the recliner, watching a movie with a beer in his hand.
    But I take a swig of his beer and remember what he DOES do.
    (He's cared for our daughter and already put her to bed before I get home.)
    As a paramedic in a violent urban setting, his job is a lot more stressful than mine and he may not sleep at all on his 24 hour shift which just adds to the stress.
    He needs to be able to come home, decompress and get some rest.
    However, he doesn't do any of that until he makes sure he takes cares of all his responsibilities at home.
    He does ALL the "outside" type work at home. I never have shovel, snowblow, cut the grass or do any type of home repair.
    He also does all the maintenance and repair on all our vehicles, appliances etc. Very rarely do we pay someone to do repair work on anything.
    And while we agreed that I would be the primary caregiver to our daughter, he values the relationship he has with her and will offer to drive her to school so I can sleep in after a rough night or make a lunch or help with a book report.
    He just wants me to respect his role as breadwinner and not pressure him with extra expectations when he's already carrying a lot on his shoulders.
    It's the way we do our marriage and it works for us.
    For others, a different agreement works better.
    Just my two cents.
    This is exactly how I see it as well regardless of which gender fall in which role. Is this view more common in us Midwesterners?
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
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    I know you wanted this from a mans perspective, but I thought I'd share anyway :laugh:

    For years I worked while my ex husband stayed at home with the kids (he was only making enough to cover gas and daycare expenses anyway, it was a mutual decision). He didn't care that I made all the money for the household, but it did eventually start to bother me. We agreed that he would stay home as long as it didn't hurt us financially, and it never really did. However, he wouldn't do much around the house while he was home. I was still doing laundry, still doing dishes, still cleaning up the house. It was very frustrating for me. Plenty of other things happened that led to us divorcing, but this was part of it. I began to resent him for not pulling equal weight (not financial weight, but household weight) in our partnership.

    I have been through exactly this. My problem now is I feel like I shouldn't have to do EVERYTHING around the house. I don't bring up the money issue with him bc I don't care about it, but I shouldn't have to bust my butt at work all day, then come home to cook, clean, homework, pets, everything while the man comes home and kicks off his boots and grabs a beer. Venting complete.

    I totally get where you're both coming from, but I also get IPAkiller's point(s).
    I only work part time, but it's 2nd shift as a nurse.
    Some nights I really bust my butt and by the time I get home, I'm dead tired and I don't want to have to worry about school lunches, home work etc. for the next day.
    It's not so easy to see him sitting there with his feet propped up in the recliner, watching a movie with a beer in his hand.
    But I take a swig of his beer and remember what he DOES do.
    (He's cared for our daughter and already put her to bed before I get home.)
    As a paramedic in a violent urban setting, his job is a lot more stressful than mine and he may not sleep at all on his 24 hour shift which just adds to the stress.
    He needs to be able to come home, decompress and get some rest.
    However, he doesn't do any of that until he makes sure he takes cares of all his responsibilities at home.
    He does ALL the "outside" type work at home. I never have shovel, snowblow, cut the grass or do any type of home repair.
    He also does all the maintenance and repair on all our vehicles, appliances etc. Very rarely do we pay someone to do repair work on anything.
    And while we agreed that I would be the primary caregiver to our daughter, he values the relationship he has with her and will offer to drive her to school so I can sleep in after a rough night or make a lunch or help with a book report.
    He just wants me to respect his role as breadwinner and not pressure him with extra expectations when he's already carrying a lot on his shoulders.
    It's the way we do our marriage and it works for us.
    For others, a different agreement works better.
    Just my two cents.
    This is exactly how I see it as well regardless of which gender fall in which role. Is this view more common in us Midwesterners?


    Perhaps.
    I thought maybe it's just because I'm old :wink: and was raised by parents who grew up during the depression...
  • bio_fit
    bio_fit Posts: 307 Member
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    Just had this conversation with my daughter. She is worried that because she makes more money than her fiance, it could be a problem. I told her it's only a problem if she makes it a problem.

    I find it so sad that she even had that worry in the first place :frown: Where do these kind of thoughts come from? So long as the fiance isn't making an issue with it... I'd certainly be warning my daughter off any man who considered it a problem :huh:
  • KatrinaWilke
    KatrinaWilke Posts: 372 Member
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    I think this is a stupid question to ask in the first place. What difference does it make which spouse is making more money? I have a vagina and my husband has a penis. Why does that even come into play about who is making more money!?!?! Seriously this pisses me off! It is 2014 people, this kind of sexism is so outdated!

    It has nothing to do with sexism. Everything to do with male insecurities. I can't relate as I make good money and my girlfriends have always been on the low wage side, but men like to feel like they contribute. If the woman makes the money, and does the chores, and births/raises the children etc etc, it's pretty logical that some men would feel insecure (yes, some men do these homemaking things too, thats not the point). Everyone wants to provide value. It works both ways. Plenty of women feel insecure about their income. I know this firsthand.

    I guess I see the sexism part because how many threads do you see asking how women feel if their husband is making more money.

    ETA: And for the record, I would feel bad if he made more money than me. Only because I have an M.S. and tons of student loans.....and he has neither!

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