Pissed with my husband's negativity

It's alright to just jump on the bash wagon without looking at it from his point of view, i'm not saying there is anything at all wrong with OP but her husband married a more voluptuous woman, so he has a right to object he if thinks she's losing some of her curves but that of course, doesn't mean the OP should not do what makes her happy either. It's all about communication and compromise, only problem here is that your husband could have put his objections across in a more positive way

It's alright to just jump on the bash wagon without looking at it from his point of view, i'm not saying there is anything at all wrong with OP but her husband married a more voluptuous woman, so he has a right to object he if thinks she's losing some of her curves but that of course, doesn't mean the OP should not do what makes her happy either. It's all about communication and compromise, only problem here is that your husband could have put his objections across in a more positive way

First, you're assuming that she was always heavier than she is now and that this is the fittest he has seen her. That's a big assumption.

You are absolutely entitled to your own proclivities as far as phsyical attraction, but if you base a marriage on that, forgetting that the other person is always free to alter something as mealleable as weight, you may not really be understanding the requirements of LTRs.

I'm sorry but your only definition of voluptuous equals heavy? Seems like im not the one supposedly making assumptions. Not just in marriage but people will always have something to say about your weight and the impact of their negativity or positivity all depends on how important that person is to you.

Yes, OP is free to lose weight to be happy, i already established that but then according to everyone on here, her husband is not entitled to an opinion unless it's of a positive note. Did he ask her to sign divorce papers because she has lost too much weight? No! He has only said he thinks she lost too much weight

You forgot to show him the picture of David Duchovny and tell him he should look like that, even though he's better looking than David Duchovny...

And, your feet can't be worse than Shrek's feet... (and I hate feet...)

The big difference in what you posted and the OP's situation is all in the presentation. Her hubby is entitled to like whatever he likes and to express something she might find hurtful, he just should do it in an emotionally healthy way, like you and your man.

I'm wondering if I should leave my man after reading all of this great advice, or at least refuse to cook him dinner for a week, or maybe just give him the silent treatment. There are all these horrible things:

He LOVES a meaty woman. (I haven't always been one.) He told me he thought I was "scrawny" when we met. (I wasn't, I was really fit, like 50 or 60 pounds fitter.) He said he hopes I don't lose that much so I can keep my boobs--they're always one of the first things to shrink and he's a bit bummed. (For some odd reason he likes boobs. Crazy, I know.)

I may or may not have told him I think David Duchovny is insanely sexy, and kissed my computer screen in front of him when I saw a Californication update on Facebook. It's OK for me to do it, not for him like when he goes nuts over that one movie scene where you can see up Mila Jovovich's skirt.

Once I dyed my hair a lighter shade and he said it made me look old. He also told me I have the ugliest feet in the world. (This is actually true.)

Another time I told him his hair looks thinner on top when his hair is too long, and that I love his hair when it's short. He's a rocker, so this was hard for him to take.

This is a tough one, because he is absolutely my best friend and we have tons of fun together, but I'm worried now that we are both just two insecure, jealous jerks.
:brokenheart:

OP, many of the comments in this thread are WAY out of line. This is not that huge of a deal if you love each other. Talk it out, forget the Internet, and keep on loving each other.

It's alright to just jump on the bash wagon without looking at it from his point of view, i'm not saying there is anything at all wrong with OP but her husband married a more voluptuous woman, so he has a right to object he if thinks she's losing some of her curves but that of course, doesn't mean the OP should not do what makes her happy either. It's all about communication and compromise, only problem here is that your husband could have put his objections across in a more positive way

First, you're assuming that she was always heavier than she is now and that this is the fittest he has seen her. That's a big assumption.

You are absolutely entitled to your own proclivities as far as phsyical attraction, but if you base a marriage on that, forgetting that the other person is always free to alter something as mealleable as weight, you may not really be understanding the requirements of LTRs.

I'm sorry but your only definition of voluptuous equals heavy? Seems like im not the one supposedly making assumptions. Not just in marriage but people will always have something to say about your weight and the impact of their negativity or positivity all depends on how important that person is to you.

Yes, OP is free to lose weight to be happy, i already established that but then according to everyone on here, her husband is not entitled to an opinion unless it's of a positive note. Did he ask her to sign divorce papers because she has lost too much weight? No! He has only said he thinks she lost too much weight

There you go again with the assumptions. Next time read what I wrote before you respond.

As a human being, you are entitled to your own feelings, healthy or not. He is entitled to his and she is entitled to hers. If you're in a relationship and would like to remain in a relationship, however, you express feelings, needs, desires, etc. in menatlly healthy ways, not mentally abusive ways - at least if you would like to remain in a healthy relationship. He didn't ask her to sign divorce papers. He just lashed out in a mentally unhealthy way that indicates he either doesn't have or doesn't use healthy coping mechanisms. If he doesn't learn the healthy way to express feelings, he won't have to worry about being the one to serve papers.

And i think that is why the last line from my original response said " It's all about communication and compromise, only problem here is that your husband could have put his objections across in a more positive way", maybe if you had read it all the way, you wouldn't be so confused right now.

I somewhat agree that I shouldn't ask complete strangers for their advice about my marital problems but I pretty much initiated the thread to just blow off some steam.

First off, thank you for all those who took time to reply to this thread I've started. I didn't expect that I will get so many replies. I'm particularly surprised with the number of people who suggested divorce/separation because of this event. I honestly think this is not NEARLY enough reason for separation. Me and husband had a talk about this on the night I made the post. What I've gotten is that he really just prefer me larger and is afraid I will get too skinny. He just said in some stupid and insensitive way which was his fault and he apologized for. Because of this, we have agreed that I will not lose more weight but I won't try to gain weight either. He still finds me attractive but is just not used to me being significantly smaller. I originally planned on losing down to 110 lbs but I'm happy to just maintain at where I'm at 113 lbs which is not that far off anyway. I somewhat agree that I shouldn't ask complete strangers for their advice about my marital problems but I pretty much initiated the thread to just blow off some steam. I will of course not follow all of strangers advice just because they said it. Although I'm glad that there were a few posts that actually gave pretty good advice. My goal in initiating this thread is just to feel better by posting something online that no one knows me in person and maybe get a few helpful advice. As with counseling, most marriages need that. Marriages are better when they improve rather than staying stagnant. We attend counseling already and we understand the value of good communication and compromise in marriage. Again, thank you for all the replies. At this point, I consider this dilemma RESOLVED

And i think that is why the last line from my original response said " It's all about communication and compromise, only problem here is that your husband could have put his objections across in a more positive way", maybe if you had read it all the way, you wouldn't be so confused right now.

I'm not at all confused. It's unheplful for the OP (or anyone else) when you make strawman arguments based on what you baselessly assume she looked like when they first met.