As a guy I wanted to know what it was like as a woman...

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  • VioletNightshade
    VioletNightshade Posts: 197
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    Yup, this pretty much sums up my experience on dating sites. There are also a lot of guys who, despite having clearly stated in my profile multiple times that I'm not interested in NSA sex, will flood your inbox with messages asking for it. There are also a lot of guys who get upset if you go to bed (even if you said something along the lines of "Well, I'm turning in. Good night!") before they're ready to not talk. Sorry, I'm a busy lady and I've a lot of things to do, I don't have time to stay up late talking to some guy I've never met when I've not even decided if I'm interested yet.

    There are also a lot of weird guys out there, who get stalkerish if you give them even the slightest indication that you may be interested, and then try to guilt you when you lose interest and call you a "bloodthirsty harpy" (that one, I got within three days of beginning to talk to someone) or something and wonder why you stop responding.

    It'd be nice if we could all stop this gender war bs and realise that it's rough for everyone. Neither guys nor girls have it "worse," just different, and it sucks for everyone.
  • JewelsinBigD
    JewelsinBigD Posts: 661 Member
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    The guy who faked being a chick is worst than the pervs that wrote to him.
    NO! If we women would have told you that was how it was you would have said we were exaggerating or full of it. Experience it for yourself sometime. It is seriously scary.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
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    Never said it was the only option. I of course meet women in public too.

    Telling someone to forget online dating and meet a nice girl in church is from the 1950's Guide To Finding A Wife.

    I go to the church down the street from you.

    Hi.

    But I met you online...

    :wink:

    Oh that's right. I proposed...seems to be working out well.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    I don't understand why bbq's, cookouts, hobby clubs, and continuing education is being lumped in with 'bars and concerts'.

    Because those are places where there are people.

    I can't think of the last time I've been to a "cookout" or "continuing education" anything. And at my age, the friends I hang out with are all married or in LTRs and don't tend to invite a constant stream of single people for me to meet to their houses :laugh:

    I'm not on the market, but there aren't that many places for people well out of college to meet singles their age.
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    I don't understand why bbq's, cookouts, hobby clubs, and continuing education is being lumped in with 'bars and concerts'.

    Because those are places where there are people.

    Yeah, but the difference between the former and the latter is an inherent vetting of whose there.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    I think it is easy to become desensitized to a message when you hear it repeatedly and dismiss it as people in a certain class whining when they have no justification for doing so.

    However, when a person outside of that class experiences first hand what day to day life can be like we prick up our ears and listen. They have no agenda - maybe there is something to the message after all.

    What is interesting to me is how they guy felt as a result of his experience. How he felt down and uncomfortable. The environment he describes is oppressive. He experiences constant harrassment. It does not sound fun to any degree. Now imagine having to deal with that constantly.

    Doesn't it benefit all of us to rectify that?
  • jennyjcss
    jennyjcss Posts: 439 Member
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    I gave up reading this..after page 3..too touche..I bail out
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    I think it is easy to become desensitized to a message when you hear it repeatedly and dismiss it as people in a certain class whining when they have no justification for doing so.

    However, when a person outside of that class experiences first hand what day to day life can be like we prick up our ears and listen. They have no agenda - maybe there is something to the message after all.

    What is interesting to me is how they guy felt as a result of his experience. How he felt down and uncomfortable. The environment he describes is oppressive. He experiences constant harrassment. It does not sound fun to any degree. Now imagine having to deal with that constantly.

    Doesn't it benefit all of us to rectify that?

    This is a great post.
  • howcanthatbetakenalready
    howcanthatbetakenalready Posts: 107 Member
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    Who are these people who never go to each other's houses?



    Me. Suckishness of people has turned me into someone slightly more than a bit anti-social. I'm working on it though.
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    I can't think of the last time I've been to a "cookout" or "continuing education" anything. And at my age, the friends I hang out with are all married or in LTRs and don't tend to invite a constant stream of single people for me to meet to their houses :laugh:

    I'm not on the market, but there aren't that many places for people well out of college to meet singles their age.

    But again, is that the most productive attitude for a single-and-looking person to take? Essentially eliminating all social gatherings with the exception of bars?

    So what happens when a person meets a SO online? THEN they start having hobbies and interest?
  • somefitsomefat
    somefitsomefat Posts: 445 Member
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    Gender role reversal exercise:

    Imagine as a guy that you have an overflowing inbox from the most unattractive women you can imagine. Then imagine that the majority of them have dead-end jobs, emotion problems, physical limitations, lack motivation, live at home with their parents, and are generally not on your level physically, intellectually or emotionally. So you get messages every single day from women you would NEVER consider hitting on.

    The big take away from your rant is that only attention from certain types of guys is welcome. Yeah, I get flat out rudeness and extremes like living with your parents are unattractive but an unwillingness to converse with someone because they're "on you're level" is narrow minded. You see this in real life too. If a hot guy leers at you at a bar it's flirting. If an ugly guy does it he's being creepy. There was even a post about this recently somewhere. It was by a women who lost a lot of weight and suddenly started getting attention. She talked about how great it was that young guys at the gym were looking her over but how uncomfortable she was by the guys that did it at the gas station. Sorry we're not all male models ladies. It happens.
  • tchell99
    tchell99 Posts: 434 Member
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    Past experience with some serious creepers through online dating is the main reason I don't have a profile pic here on MFP. I know this site isn't for dating, but instinct told me to beware. Perhaps at some point I will feel differently, but with ridiculous trolls like Nutellabrah out there (seriously, ladies, just use the "ignore user" button and stop giving him what he wants - if you can't see his taunts you won't be compelled to respond), I am content using MFP with relative anonymity.
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    However, when a person outside of that class experiences first hand what day to day life can be like we prick up our ears and listen. They have no agenda - maybe there is something to the message after all.

    You don't think that a person writing an article would have an agenda?
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    However, when a person outside of that class experiences first hand what day to day life can be like we prick up our ears and listen. They have no agenda - maybe there is something to the message after all.

    You don't think that a person writing an article would have an agenda?

    Well if you don't want to listen to him, listen to all the women who have the same experience.
  • howcanthatbetakenalready
    howcanthatbetakenalready Posts: 107 Member
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    Gender role reversal exercise:

    Imagine as a guy that you have an overflowing inbox from the most unattractive women you can imagine. Then imagine that the majority of them have dead-end jobs, emotion problems, physical limitations, lack motivation, live at home with their parents, and are generally not on your level physically, intellectually or emotionally. So you get messages every single day from women you would NEVER consider hitting on.

    The big take away from your rant is that only attention from certain types of guys is welcome. Yeah, I get flat out rudeness and extremes like living with your parents are unattractive but an unwillingness to converse with someone because they're "on you're level" is narrow minded. You see this in real life too. If a hot guy leers at you at a bar it's flirting. If an ugly guy does it he's being creepy. There was even a post about this recently somewhere. It was by a women who lost a lot of weight and suddenly started getting attention. She talked about how great it was that young guys at the gym were looking her over but how uncomfortable she was by the guys that did it at the gas station. Sorry we're not all male models ladies. It happens.


    You have some confidence issues. Stick around to use the site and get in better shape and things will get better. And until they do you will feel MUCH better.
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    However, when a person outside of that class experiences first hand what day to day life can be like we prick up our ears and listen. They have no agenda - maybe there is something to the message after all.

    You don't think that a person writing an article would have an agenda?

    Well if you don't want to listen to him, listen to all the women who have the same experience.

    I listen to people of both genders and neither tell a pretty story about online dating.

    And I think that what makes people TRULY uncomfortable is that both sides have legit gripes.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    However, when a person outside of that class experiences first hand what day to day life can be like we prick up our ears and listen. They have no agenda - maybe there is something to the message after all.

    You don't think that a person writing an article would have an agenda?

    It depends on the context.

    In this context - no, I don't. In others perhaps.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,650 Member
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    I think it is easy to become desensitized to a message when you hear it repeatedly and dismiss it as people in a certain class whining when they have no justification for doing so.

    However, when a person outside of that class experiences first hand what day to day life can be like we prick up our ears and listen. They have no agenda - maybe there is something to the message after all.

    What is interesting to me is how they guy felt as a result of his experience. How he felt down and uncomfortable. The environment he describes is oppressive. He experiences constant harrassment. It does not sound fun to any degree. Now imagine having to deal with that constantly.

    Doesn't it benefit all of us to rectify that?

    This is a great post.

    I think perhaps part of the problem with this behavior on the internet is the anonymous nature of it. You see this in every aspect of internet interaction. Many people forget that there is an actual person on the other end, and will dehumanize them in their mind, resulting in a complete lack of respect towards them.
    Then you end up with people who will say things and do things that they would never do in real life. Seriously, has anyone ever had a guy pull out a picture of his junk and hand it to you when he walked up to you in a bar?

    I'm thinking no one would consider that a great pickup strategy, yet apparently many men online do! Fortunately I have never had that happen online either.

    ETA Lightbulb moment! This is this generation's version of the flasher standing on the corner.:happy: :noway:
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    However, when a person outside of that class experiences first hand what day to day life can be like we prick up our ears and listen. They have no agenda - maybe there is something to the message after all.

    You don't think that a person writing an article would have an agenda?

    It depends on the context.

    In this context - no, I don't. In others perhaps.

    Unless this was a one time article, I'd say that he has the agenda of building up a following of loyal readers.

    Now, does that mean that I think what he is saying is untrue? No. But instead of making me take up a cause to eliminate a-holes from the world it makes me wonder why anyone continues in that particular medium.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    And I think that what makes people TRULY uncomfortable is that both sides have legit gripes.

    Yes, of course that is true.

    However, in the context of online dating I think that getting rejected isn't quite on the same level as being repeatedly harassed and degraded.

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